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Post by mellowyellow on Oct 27, 2015 16:22:15 GMT
When I read threads like this and the parent flogging that always follows, I wonder which responders are actually parents. I have a 20 year old and a 14 year old and I never allowed my children to act up or destroy other people's property. If they were having a meltdown then we left.
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Post by GamGam on Oct 27, 2015 16:29:20 GMT
I will let my 2-year-old touch things but only with one finger and generally only those things that aren't fragile. I would let her touch the cards but not bend them! Unless I am checking my shopping list or writing a text to my husband I don't use my phone while in stores either. In our house the rule was: "Look with your eyes." I remember saying "look with your eyes; not with your hands" to my youngest. Over and over.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,398
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Oct 27, 2015 16:40:45 GMT
In our house the rule was: "Look with your eyes." I remember saying "look with your eyes; not with your hands" to my youngest. Over and over. That's always the same thing here. I remember one of my kids looking at a huge bin of yarn at Joann's that someone had pulled all the ends out, leaving several feet of loose yarn on lots and lots of skeins. My daughter went to go do the same, and when I told her no, she pointed out that someone else had already done it. I said something like "Just because another kid was allowed to be a jerk doesn't mean you can!" I heard clapping behind me, and turned to see that there was actually an employee there. I wasn't sure if I was proud or embarrassed, lol. Our other big catchphrase is "Respect the work people do." For example, someone had to spend a long time putting all those items on a shelf and turning them all the right direction, etc. You need to respect their work enough to keep it as nice as you can. That having been said, I know my kids have been "those kids" before, but not right in front of me. I think.
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Post by deekaye on Oct 27, 2015 16:41:21 GMT
We also had the "look with your eyes" rule and the touch-with-one-finger rule. I can't say my daughters were always perfect angels while shopping (I remember a particularly embarrassing melt-down in the toy aisle at K-mart one time!) but for the most part they were good... and if they weren't, we left.
Please don't think it's just parents today that don't mind their children. I lost a friendship when our children were little because she believed in letting her kids express themselves, loudly, in public areas like restaurants. And allowed them to run, jump, and do pretty much whatever they wanted to do in restaurants and stores. They were also sassy to adults.
These "children" are now in their early 20's and I'm happy to say that they are responsible citizens but man, they were terrorists in the making when they were young!
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Oct 27, 2015 16:45:58 GMT
Best to let an assistant know, and let them deal with it ... or not.
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,258
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Oct 27, 2015 16:49:28 GMT
I will let my 2-year-old touch things but only with one finger and generally only those things that aren't fragile. I would let her touch the cards but not bend them! Unless I am checking my shopping list or writing a text to my husband I don't use my phone while in stores either. I had completely forgotten about the one finger rule. We had that one, too. I had that rule with my girls growing up also. My oldest (22yo) and I were talking about it the other day, as a matter of fact.
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Oct 27, 2015 16:51:46 GMT
I work in a grocery store and you would not believe the things people let their kids do. Yesterday I saw a little girl ( probably 4 or so) standing up in the top part of the cart! Those things can tip over easily and they are on wheels, her mom AND grandma were standing right there. I couldn't just go by so I caught the little girls eye and frowned. She sat down but I honestly could not believe these people. There's a boy at my former school who fell out of a cart at WalMart at about the same age. He's in a wheelchair for life. Yes -- but as an attentive and "mean mother", accidents happen. My DS fell out of a grocery cart into a freezer case once. He wasn't permitted to stand in the cart, we were totally stopped looking at the freezer case - up he stood to look and in he fell ---- I generally agree with the overarching opinions about distracted parenting and a seeming disregard for the property of others ... but I don't think we are in a good position to make any sort of judgment about one's parenting from witnessing just one incident. (Tho' I completely agree that one incident can provide a peek into usual parenting.)
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Oct 27, 2015 16:59:24 GMT
My grandmother said that it was the hippies that started the whole thing. So who knows? Maybe those of us who are beyond it have a revisionist view on history. I have a tendency to agree -- and I am one of the hippies that started it!! A lot of us "old hippies" raised children who form the basis of much of the social changes -- for the better -- that we currently see -- children who judge less, believe in greater personal freedoms and expressions. But -- I think the idea of "free range kids" is much more recent than the hippies' children -- but somewhat of a natural outflow and the greater personal freedoms of the people of the 60s!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Oct 27, 2015 17:02:16 GMT
Welcome to the new generation of 'parenting.' True and enough of o scare the deal out of anyone--these kids are the future.
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Post by lancermom on Oct 27, 2015 17:04:05 GMT
I have never said anything to another parent. Looking at her phone, not saying she was ignoring, but could have been more attentive. I was in a store about a month or so ago. There was a 3-4 year old running around hiding from mom. She was carrying a newborn and chasing the boy. I could tell in her voice she was about ready to cry. The boy came running and giggling by me. I looked at him and quietly and a little stern I said, NO, go back to your mom. He did, he ran to her. I saw him about five minutes later walking right next to her. I smiled and said he was such a good boy for being so good. Sometimes it takes a village.
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Post by oliquig on Oct 27, 2015 17:47:51 GMT
I must have said: We look with our eyes, not our hands 9 billionty times. Also: This is a hand in pockets store. Meaning a store WAY too tempting, and with way too many breakable, to allow free access, so her hands had to stay in her pockets.
Just recently we went into a store and she (now 14) repeated the hands in pockets phrase to me.
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Post by Linda on Oct 27, 2015 17:56:42 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. That said - there does seem to be a trend today towards 'keeping kids happy' that I personally dislike. As parents, our job is to raise our children, not to be their best friends; to encourage them to learn and grow, not just reward them for existing. Yes - it's usually easier to say yes than no, to ignore quiet misbehaviour than to correct it and risk loudness, to give out ribbons/trophies/certificates to all than to see a child cry or be disappointed...short term gains that have negative long-term consequences. But today's society tends to the short term in many ways...and of course, when one DOES correct a child and a tantrum ensues...people don't look at you and say "good job mum", they look at you with distaste and mutter loudly about out of control kids and lack of parenting...and disciplining a child can risk a CPS call. Parents just can't win for losing in many ways. And yes Drew - I do have children - three of them...24, 15 and 9
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Post by RiverIsis on Oct 27, 2015 18:11:45 GMT
I work in a grocery store and you would not believe the things people let their kids do. Yesterday I saw a little girl ( probably 4 or so) standing up in the top part of the cart! Those things can tip over easily and they are on wheels, her mom AND grandma were standing right there. I couldn't just go by so I caught the little girls eye and frowned. She sat down but I honestly could not believe these people. I know someone who always let her daughter stand in the cart, they thought she was so cute as they raced along the aisles with her hanging on and one day that cart tipped over, the child spilled out and ended up with a broken leg. Thankfully they did not try to hold the store responsible but a great many would. Sometimes you have to wonder if people are actually looking for a lawsuit, damned the consequences.
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Post by twinks on Oct 27, 2015 18:14:24 GMT
We had the "look with your eyes" rule at our house. I remember many times leaving stores with my DD after she had broken the rule, saying, "Next time you will remember to look with your eyes." Heck, I was the weird Mom who more than once left a grocery cart full of groceries in the middle of the store and exited with a kicking and screaming child in my arms. I would go home and call the store to kindly put away my groceries. I learned the order of shopping that way - aisles first then the sides and back for the fresh stuff.
I was at a store last Saturday and I stopped to look at an item. This Mom turned into the aisle where I was and rammed into me with her stroller, almost knocking me down. She never said, excuse me or anything. She did call out a child's name and said to the person with her, "Did she come this way?" I didn't think anymore of it because I thought she had lost her child (not the one in the stroller). Interesting that we saw her later in the Mall with only the child in the stroller and the other person with her (I assumed her mother). She did the same thing to another person walking in front of her. I was with my DD and remarked about the "sense of entitlement" that person had. Don't worry, just ram people with your stroller to get where you want to go.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,742
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Oct 27, 2015 18:23:41 GMT
Best to let an assistant know, and let them deal with it ... or not. If only it were that simple. I work in a small supermarket and I'm not supposed to get involved with customers' children. I have, and do, but only when safety is an issue. OP I'm glad you said what you said. Thank you.
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Post by mymindseyedpea on Oct 27, 2015 18:24:09 GMT
I work in a grocery store and you would not believe the things people let their kids do. Yesterday I saw a little girl ( probably 4 or so) standing up in the top part of the cart! Those things can tip over easily and they are on wheels, her mom AND grandma were standing right there. I couldn't just go by so I caught the little girls eye and frowned. She sat down but I honestly could not believe these people. This happened to me when I worked at Ross a few times. I'm not comfortable enough to tell the parent to watch their child, especially if they already are... that's territory that I will never entertain. So I will give the kid a look too saying to not do that. Or they will step up on the side of the cart and I will freak out feeling the next moment will be the cart tipping over on them. So I will bring attention to what's happening. I think that happened at the grocery store I worked at but thankfully they were caught before it could happen.
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Post by Belia on Oct 27, 2015 18:46:14 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. This. So much this. I try so hard to be what y'all are describing as a "good parent" but I make mistakes and I have bad days and I am sometimes so tired I can cry and I am often completely, 100% overwhelmed with life. And sometimes, I am already 3 days late with my mother's birthday card and I *NEED* to take a minute to browse the Target card aisle to find one so my dad doesn't go apeshit on me for being a horrible person for being late with my own mother's birthday card and I let my kids look at the cards that sing or light up or whatever. Because that will buy me a solid 4 minutes of peace to take care of my own business because god help me if I have to buckle-and-unbuckle these kids into their car seats one more blessed time today. So, yeah, I suck. I just wonder if some of you remember how flipping hard this parenting gig is.
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Post by twinks on Oct 27, 2015 18:51:49 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. This. So much this. I try so hard to be what y'all are describing as a "good parent" but I make mistakes and I have bad days and I am sometimes so tired I can cry and I am often completely, 100% overwhelmed with life. And sometimes, I am already 3 days late with my mother's birthday card and I *NEED* to take a minute to browse the Target card aisle to find one so my dad doesn't go apeshit on me for being a horrible person for being late with my own mother's birthday card and I let my kids look at the cards that sing or light up or whatever. Because that will buy me a solid 4 minutes of peace to take care of my own business because god help me if I have to buckle-and-unbuckle these kids into their car seats one more blessed time today. So, yeah, I suck. I just wonder if some of you remember how flipping hard this parenting gig is. Hugs! Yes, I do remember how hard this parenting gig is. I have btdt so many times. Hang in there Mom!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 27, 2015 18:56:01 GMT
I will let my 2-year-old touch things but only with one finger and generally only those things that aren't fragile. I would let her touch the cards but not bend them! Unless I am checking my shopping list or writing a text to my husband I don't use my phone while in stores either. In our house the rule was: "Look with your eyes." Us too For us there really is no reason to have to look at everything that isn't yours with your hands and fingers! Glad to see someone else has the same 'look with your eyes' rule
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Post by Linda on Oct 27, 2015 18:59:55 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. This. So much this. I try so hard to be what y'all are describing as a "good parent" but I make mistakes and I have bad days and I am sometimes so tired I can cry and I am often completely, 100% overwhelmed with life. And sometimes, I am already 3 days late with my mother's birthday card and I *NEED* to take a minute to browse the Target card aisle to find one so my dad doesn't go apeshit on me for being a horrible person for being late with my own mother's birthday card and I let my kids look at the cards that sing or light up or whatever. Because that will buy me a solid 4 minutes of peace to take care of my own business because god help me if I have to buckle-and-unbuckle these kids into their car seats one more blessed time today. So, yeah, I suck. I just wonder if some of you remember how flipping hard this parenting gig is. ((((Hugs)))) and prayers. Sometimes life is HARD
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
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Post by perumbula on Oct 27, 2015 19:09:21 GMT
I told my kids "hands behind your back" when they were little. But we also had a tradition that if they were good in the store we could go to the toy section to look. They got to touch and hold the toys and maybe push a button or two. Then the toys went back on the shelf. I would say we had fun and maybe next time we could buy something, but today was just for looking. (And sometimes there was room in the budget for a little matchbox car or a small doll. Not every time though.) I also a child fall out of the cart. He wormed himself out from under the seat belt and went diving over the side. Somehow I had quick enough reflexes I was able to grab his ankle. I caught him with his head two inches from the concrete floor. Scared the crap out of both of us and he never climbed out of the seat again. I will say, though, that I was a stickler for little ones staying in the cart. I kept them in those seats until they were five. My two year old would not have been tearing apart the cards, because she wouldn't have been able to touch them. Belia I really remember how hard this parenting gig is. I'm still in the middle of it and I know how hard and exhausting it was with little ones. Just do your best. No one knows you or your history or what you are as a mother besides yourself. You sound like a great mom.
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Post by anxiousmom on Oct 27, 2015 19:27:47 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. This. So much this. I try so hard to be what y'all are describing as a "good parent" but I make mistakes and I have bad days and I am sometimes so tired I can cry and I am often completely, 100% overwhelmed with life. And sometimes, I am already 3 days late with my mother's birthday card and I *NEED* to take a minute to browse the Target card aisle to find one so my dad doesn't go apeshit on me for being a horrible person for being late with my own mother's birthday card and I let my kids look at the cards that sing or light up or whatever. Because that will buy me a solid 4 minutes of peace to take care of my own business because god help me if I have to buckle-and-unbuckle these kids into their car seats one more blessed time today. So, yeah, I suck. I just wonder if some of you remember how flipping hard this parenting gig is. And this is why I say we should extend a little grace to the parents of we see. I think that sometimes when we get beyond those times we forget how incredibly difficult it can be to be the parents of little ones. My personal opinion is that if someone is trying, really trying to do the right thing then we need to encourage it. A smile, a simple 'hey, I remember those days-they are so hard, aren't they?' a 'you are doing a good job'...whatever it takes to acknowledge how hard it is some days. When mine were little I was single. I had to drag them everywhere with me because if I had to go to the grocery store, the only time I could go is when they were with me. I will never forget the day I was all but crying in the bread aisle because they were whining, I was tired, overwhelmed and the boys were just this side of acting like wolves raised in the wild...and a woman came up to me, put her hand on my arm and said 'these days are short and will pass, don't worry you are doing fine.' That this was more than fifteen years ago should tell you the impact her words had. Some days are better than others.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 27, 2015 19:31:09 GMT
I think I'm hypervigilant with my own kid because I owned a small retail store years ago where people would routinely bring their young kids in holding their hand in the parking lot and immediately letting go of them to wreak havoc the minute they walked through the door of my shop. Some people were repeat offenders, so just seeing their car pull into the lot would make me break out in a sweat wondering how much of my inventory was going to be ruined that day. Inventory that I had to pay for UP FRONT or with a credit card because these days no one will give an independent retailer terms. So yeah, it did scorch my cookies when people would let their kids wreck my stuff so that not only would I lose any potential profit (profit that keeps the doors open and the lights on) but I would also lose 100% of my investment in that item as well. What so many people don't realize is that when 25 birthday cards that cost an average of $4 each get ruined by somebody's kid, the retailer doesn't just eat that loss. It gets passed along back to EVERY customer in the form of higher prices. So it really isn't okay, and I would probably say something to both the kid AND to the mom. On a somewhat related note, I was shopping with DD one day at Target to get a birthday present for her cousin. She was begging for something or another and I told her, "No, we're not here to buy you toys, we're here to find a present for your cousin. The whole world doesn't revolve around you." or something to that effect. A guy walking past us overheard me and said something like, "Thank you! You're doing your kid a big favor!" LOL.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 27, 2015 19:46:14 GMT
The mother was wrong for letting her kid do that but I wouldn't have said anything to her. Not my place.
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Post by bethquiroz on Oct 27, 2015 19:49:20 GMT
There are good parents and poor parents out there. There are also good parents having a bad day and good parents with difficult children/life circumstances who are currently overwhelmed. A single encounter makes it hard to determine which parent you encountered. This. So much this. I try so hard to be what y'all are describing as a "good parent" but I make mistakes and I have bad days and I am sometimes so tired I can cry and I am often completely, 100% overwhelmed with life. And sometimes, I am already 3 days late with my mother's birthday card and I *NEED* to take a minute to browse the Target card aisle to find one so my dad doesn't go apeshit on me for being a horrible person for being late with my own mother's birthday card and I let my kids look at the cards that sing or light up or whatever. Because that will buy me a solid 4 minutes of peace to take care of my own business because god help me if I have to buckle-and-unbuckle these kids into their car seats one more blessed time today. So, yeah, I suck. I just wonder if some of you remember how flipping hard this parenting gig is. No, you don't suck - you're human. There's a difference between having the day from hell and being an ignorant, inconsiderate person who is raising inconsiderate children. Most people will know the difference and won't judge you.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Oct 27, 2015 20:23:35 GMT
When I read threads like this and the parent flogging that always follows, I wonder which responders are actually parents. I am a parent and I trained my kids to behave. I also managed to not allow my kids to run around a store full of breakables and throw merchandise all over the floor or jump onto store furniture and nearly topple over a display of vases... because I was watching them in case the training did not stick. And really, it's pretty easy to tell when a parent or child is having a bad time/day and when a parent just doesn't give a shit about raising their kids properly.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Oct 27, 2015 20:32:59 GMT
I know parenting is hard, I raised 4. Now my dd has an adhd son who has melt downs on occasion.
But there is a difference between difficult parenting and failure to parent. I have nothing but empathy for parents when I see kids acting up, as long as I see the parent trying.
The difference with the scene I encountered yesterday was the mom wasn't stressed or concerned. She was leisurely looking at her phone while her child amused herself.
I applaud all moms and dads who are doing their best to raise considerate children.
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Post by RiverIsis on Oct 27, 2015 20:36:40 GMT
I know parenting is hard, I raised 4. Now my dd has an adhd son who has melt downs on occasion. But there is a difference between difficult parenting and failure to parent. I have nothing but empathy for parents when I see kids acting up, as long as I see the parent trying. The difference with the scene I encountered yesterday was the mom wasn't stressed or concerned. She was leisurely looking at her phone while her child amused herself. I applaud all moms and dads who are doing their best to raise considerate children. Shame there isn't a you damage it you buy it policy. I hate to think of how prices go up for all of us because no one wants to pay full price for damaged merchandise.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,710
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Oct 27, 2015 20:40:24 GMT
See, my idea of an inconsiderate shopper is someone who doesn't drive their cart on the correct side of the aisle. Drive your cart like you would drive your car, people!!!
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Post by penny on Oct 27, 2015 21:14:15 GMT
I feel like some of the 'bad' parents think that the only things that count are what you choose to post, Instagram, blog, tweet, etc, about... A toddler picking out a card for their grandma makes a cute picture, but they forget that people are seeing what happens before and after that picture... The kid can destroy everything in sight, pose sweetly on cue, and then go right back to running wild... I think they forget, and consequently end up teaching the kids, that all that matters is what's in the photo or soundbite... My mother assured me that I was being watched ALL the time... She was, my dad, family, friends, teachers, spy satellites...lol A bit of a tangent but there were two schools in my neighbourhood - one secular(?) and one Catholic... Thought you were old enough to walk to school by yourself? Sure you were - but the moms from the secular school made a deal with the moms from the Catholic school... The Catholic school moms would follow and watch the secular kids walk home and vice versa... The kids didn't recognize the other moms, we just thought there were a lot of walking/jogging groups in our community
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