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May 17, 2024 5:31:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2016 5:10:41 GMT
shevy: You had amazing advice in this very tough situation. Excellent. lesserknownpea: I, too, am in awe of your strength and determination. I understand forgiving someone in your heart so that you don't hold onto any hatred, which is good for you. HOWEVER, I doubt that I could be as supportive or caring towards *anyone* who has physically or mentally hurt me to the point of being jailed. I have been brutally raped and even if that had been my husband, he'd be cut out of my life and probably wouldn't be seeing our daughter in fear that she'd think DV is eventually okay. Maybe it's still my own fears and PTSD (and I have gone to therapy for it), but I wonder if you'd be as willing to see him if it weren't for your daughter. Is this all for her? I do pray that you get the help and support you need, because he is probably getting what he needs there, despite what he tells your daughter. I do hope that he is truly sorry for what he's done to you. I hope that your daughter gets any help that she needs in this scenario too, and that you all figure out the answers to the issues with the ex. I wish you the best and admire your strength. You're very right, a lot of it is/was because of how upset DD is. Frankly, if I could keep her away, I would. Of all my kids, she's the easiest to manipulate, and the one to take it all on herself. I guess shes she's the most like me  i have tried to get to get her into therapy, but she's not willing so far. Im sorry for the rape you also endured. I will say, it's more complicated when it's someone you still had love for, who you spent your whole adult life with, and shared 4 children with. Im very grateful that the counsellors at the Sexual Assault Resource Center were so familiar with domestic violence, and it's many sided fallout. Thanks for for your comment! lesser: Thank YOU for your comment. I truly feel for you. I am sure that having a child and having a relationship with your abuser is something that I can't fathom. I'm so sorry. I do hope that your daughter will some day reach out and get the help and guidance she is deserved. You have enough on your plate to deal with your own end of this + worrying about your daughter. I also have a murder in DH's family (his nephew was murdered by his STB-ex-wife). We have extensive experience of the children dealing with the mother's manipulations, trying to get them to see her. She was also court ordered not to speak to them, so they finally spoke via her therapist and the children's own state mandated therapists and case workers, and even that was limited. The ex-wife STILL tries to call us here (I suppose for support or to unburden herself). It FREAKS me out. If that were me, I'm sorry, but she'd be cut out of my life. She killed him in cold blood with forethought and left their 3 children orphans (she's in jail for life). It's terrible. They don't want to speak to her (their choice, 5 years later). It's sad, all around. |
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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 26, 2016 9:00:37 GMT
You're very right, a lot of it is/was because of how upset DD is. Frankly, if I could keep her away, I would. Of all my kids, she's the easiest to manipulate, and the one to take it all on herself. I guess shes she's the most like me i have tried to get to get her into therapy, but she's not willing so far. Im sorry for the rape you also endured. I will say, it's more complicated when it's someone you still had love for, who you spent your whole adult life with, and shared 4 children with. Im very grateful that the counsellors at the Sexual Assault Resource Center were so familiar with domestic violence, and it's many sided fallout. Thanks for for your comment! lesser: Thank YOU for your comment. I truly feel for you. I am sure that having a child and having a relationship with your abuser is something that I can't fathom. I'm so sorry. I do hope that your daughter will some day reach out and get the help and guidance she is deserved. You have enough on your plate to deal with your own end of this + worrying about your daughter. I also have a murder in DH's family (his nephew was murdered by his STB-ex-wife). We have extensive experience of the children dealing with the mother's manipulations, trying to get them to see her. She was also court ordered not to speak to them, so they finally spoke via her therapist and the children's own state mandated therapists and case workers, and even that was limited. The ex-wife STILL tries to call us here (I suppose for support or to unburden herself). It FREAKS me out. If that were me, I'm sorry, but she'd be cut out of my life. She killed him in cold blood with forethought and left their 3 children orphans (she's in jail for life). It's terrible. They don't want to speak to her (their choice, 5 years later). It's sad, all around. Oh that breaks my heart. It sounds like something like the Ann Rule books I used to read. Some people are so heartless. I'm glad she got life, but those children lost both parents. |
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May 17, 2024 5:31:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 29, 2016 6:58:47 GMT
lesser: She really wasn't "there", mentally or physically, for years. She abused any meds she got and I believe she was on street drugs + booze. She was a terrible person, but seemed to be so pitiful, lonely and unstable. The fact that she was able to have the confidence and physical stamina to pull this murder off still shocks us. I tried to be a female/parental presence in their childrens' lives for a few years, but pulled out when it all became too much. It escalated and that's when he was murdered. I'd never have the strength or will to ever speak to her again. From that day forward the children lost both parents. There is no forgiveness when 1 parent is physically abusive to the other, especially when there are children in the household. I do hope that your DD has the support and guidance she'll need for a while. You too. Things pop up that are PTSD moments, for years. Anyway, good luck to you. You sound like a great mom and a wonderful, forgiving person, but I hope that you truly take care of yourself.
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