|
|
Post by scrapbookdiva on Jan 8, 2016 1:49:28 GMT
It's my 50th Birthday on Friday. I told dh that I didn't want a party. It's not that I'm upset about being 50, it's just that I don't really want to deal with all the people and the money it would cost. I'd like to put that money towards a trip in the spring to New York City.
It was one of my best friend's 50th yesterday. Dh tells me a couple days ago that her dh is planning a sledding birthday party the day after my birthday and do we want to go. Ummmm. Who the hell throws a sledding party for a 50 th birthday? It's not like she's 10. I smell a rat. And when I mentioned that to dh and reminded him that I didn't want a party, he just walked away.
He threw me a surprise party for my 30th and 40th so it's not like he's never done anything for me. I told him that I don't want a party. Why does he do this stuff. I wasn't being polite and modest. I'd rather go for a nice dinner with a few friends rather than show up in my long johns and snow pants where everyone yells surprise.
After 29 years together, he still doesn't "hear" me. Grrrr.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Jan 8, 2016 1:51:51 GMT
Have you told him what you really want for your 50th birthday and that if you have to choose between the two you'd rather have the trip, since you've already had 2 surprise parties? It's thoughtful of your dh to throw you a party, but I can see that you really want the trip.
|
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Jan 8, 2016 1:53:41 GMT
I'm with you! I would rather save the money for a fun trip too.
Happy Birthday!
|
|
|
|
Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 8, 2016 1:56:08 GMT
I think maybe you need to enlist the help of your friend-- call her and tell her you told DH you don't want a party, so you hope he doesn't rope her into anything.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 8, 2016 2:00:14 GMT
I would suddenly be stricken by a massive migraine an hour before the party. Because I hate surprise parties, and because I can be passive aggressive like that at times.  |
|
|
|
Post by bluepoprocks on Jan 8, 2016 2:00:53 GMT
Happy Birthday. I would hate a surprise party. My family knows that so they would never do that to me. Maybe he did listen and your friend wanted to do something to feel young and is really having a sledding party.
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 8, 2016 2:01:38 GMT
Have you told him what you really want for your 50th birthday and that if you have to choose between the two you'd rather have the trip, since you've already had 2 surprise parties? It's thoughtful of your dh to throw you a party, but I can see that you really want the trip.It's *not* thoughtful if she specifically told him NOT to. |
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 8, 2016 2:02:58 GMT
Have you TOLD him all what you said here? That a sledding party sounds horrible. That you don't want this, you want THIS, and yes, I would talk to your best friend, and tell her what you've told us, and have HER tell him also. Maybe if she hears it from you, and tells your dh he will listen?!
|
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jan 8, 2016 2:12:19 GMT
My husband threw me a party for my 25th. I didn't want one, but one of my friends started acting weird and I am suspicious like that . So I wrote people thank you notes for the party before the party. I acted surprised and then I passed them out as people left; I had the last laugh. For my 50th, I told my husband I wanted "an experience." We never did it, so now on Tuesday I am taking my son to HP Universal for four days. Seems fair.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapbookdiva on Jan 8, 2016 2:36:22 GMT
Have you TOLD him all what you said here? That a sledding party sounds horrible. That you don't want this, you want THIS, and yes, I would talk to your best friend, and tell her what you've told us, and have HER tell him also. Maybe if she hears it from you, and tells your dh he will listen?! I told him many times over the last few months. Our other best friend is turning 50 in August and we have made a plan for the two couples to travel together in the spring to New York for a week and then maybe to Florida for another week. Dh was part of that conversation. We all agreed that rather than a party, we wanted to do this. So, he is well aware that I didn't want a party.
He does this kind of stuff all the time. If there's one piece of bacon left and I tell him he can have it, he will ask me three or four more times if I'm sure that I don't want it. Trust me. I am no shrinking violet and if I wanted that piece of bacon, I would tell him. Drives me batty! I know that many women would love to have a man who is so considerate, but sometimes it's annoying because he does what he thinks I want; not what I have told him I want.
Also, I don't want to call my friend because I don't know what she is being told by her dh. If it's a surprise for her too, I don't want to blow it. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a joint celebration. ugh
|
|
|
|
Post by cherrie on Jan 8, 2016 2:45:50 GMT
Many years ago my XDH threw me a surprise party at my home. I was in the downstairs, heard footsteps upstairs, the house was a mess and I looked like something the cat dragged home! It was horrible and I didn't have fun!
I feel for you, some men just won't listen!!
|
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jan 8, 2016 2:53:56 GMT
It's my 50th Birthday on Friday. I told dh that I didn't want a party. It's not that I'm upset about being 50, it's just that I don't really want to deal with all the people and the money it would cost. I'd like to put that money towards a trip in the spring to New York City. It was one of my best friend's 50th yesterday. Dh tells me a couple days ago that her dh is planning a sledding birthday party the day after my birthday and do we want to go. Ummmm. Who the hell throws a sledding party for a 50 th birthday? It's not like she's 10. I smell a rat. And when I mentioned that to dh and reminded him that I didn't want a party, he just walked away. He threw me a surprise party for my 30th and 40th so it's not like he's never done anything for me. I told him that I don't want a party. Why does he do this stuff. I wasn't being polite and modest. I'd rather go for a nice dinner with a few friends rather than show up in my long johns and snow pants where everyone yells surprise. After 29 years together, he still doesn't "hear" me. Grrrr. I think throwing a party for someone really special in your life at a special moment in their life is very important to some people. This may be more about his need to do something for you that really means something to him. There are a lot worse things in life. If he throws you a party, he throws you a party. Try to enjoy yourself. Happy early Birthday |
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jan 8, 2016 3:04:44 GMT
but sometimes it's annoying because he does what he thinks I want; not what I have told him I want That is frustrating, no doubt about it. |
|
joinutah
Junior Member
Posts: 88 
|
Post by joinutah on Jan 8, 2016 3:10:26 GMT
My husband says "we give what we want". Have you ever thrown a party for him? Is he giving what he wants?
|
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 8, 2016 3:11:11 GMT
There are a lot worse things in life. If he throws you a party, he throws you a party. Try to enjoy yourself IDK, to some people that WOULD be the worse thing. He should respect how she feels. After all it's HER bday,not his. OP, can you ask the best friends hubby what is going on? I'm all sneaky like that. |
|
grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,741
|
Post by grammanisi on Jan 8, 2016 3:12:39 GMT
Also, I don't want to call my friend because I don't know what she is being told by her dh. If it's a surprise for her too, I don't want to blow it. Call your friend's husband with a "fake" question about the party. |
|
TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
|
Post by TheOtherMeg on Jan 8, 2016 3:20:27 GMT
I would tell DH that I'm so serious about not wanting a party that I'm going away for the weekend to make sure I'm not forced to "enjoy" one.
It's extreme, but if I truly thought my DH was going to throw me a party I've told him repeatedly I didn't want, it'd be time to get serious about making sure I wasn't going to be there.
Honestly, if my DH was "considerate" like the OP's, I'd go ballistic. It strikes me as being very manipulative
|
|
georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
|
Post by georgiapea on Jan 8, 2016 3:49:08 GMT
Call the friends hubby. Tell him you heard about the sledding party for his wife and let him know you won't be there.
|
|
|
|
Post by lauralaforest on Jan 8, 2016 4:02:55 GMT
I feel your pain. Why don't they actually "hear" what we're saying? My 40th birthday was a nightmare. DH thought he was doing it right. First of all he chooses to take me to a japanese steak house because some woman at his work said it was great. Hello? I LOVE Italian. Then I get there and the only people invited are my daycare clients. No family, no friends just the last people in the world I can be myself with. I sat there trying not to cry. We were seated at this "head" table under hot lights then they come out and put this ridiculous hat on my head and make me stand on my chair while the whole restaurant sang happy birthday. It was horrible! I didn't want to look totally ungrateful and sat there with this fake smile plastered on my face. When we were driving home, I said to my DH, where were my friends and family? He said I didn't invite them because your birthday is in March and the weather is so unreliable. Seriously?!? I couldn't believe that after 20 years of marriage he really thought that I would enjoy that. Needless to say, he's never thrown me a "surprise" party since……thank God!
|
|
|
|
Post by anniefb on Jan 8, 2016 4:06:00 GMT
I'm with you! I would rather save the money for a fun trip too. Happy Birthday!  |
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 8, 2016 4:08:39 GMT
No offense, but what if you're wrong? This could be a party just for your friend.
|
|
CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,829
|
Post by CeeScraps on Jan 8, 2016 14:38:59 GMT
He's trying.....he probably has friends encouraging him and helping him come up with other ideas than just a party.
Me...my siblings made a huge deal about me turning 50. Well, the day came/went NO ONE acknowledged it. NO ONE, including my dh and dd. Everyone forgot it was my birthday.
No one has done anything sense. I figure if I want a party I'll just figure it out.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 20, 2024 23:15:22 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2016 14:44:11 GMT
Many years ago my XDH threw me a surprise party at my home. I was in the downstairs, heard footsteps upstairs, the house was a mess and I looked like something the cat dragged home! It was horrible and I didn't have fun! I feel for you, some men just won't listen!! OMG...I can relate, except my hubby had me wash the floors on my hands and knees while we both cleaned the house...than ran out for a quick fast food lunch...came home to a house full of people nicely dressed and I looked like Cinderella BEFORE she transformed for the ball! |
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 8, 2016 14:54:30 GMT
There are a lot worse things in life. If he throws you a party, he throws you a party. Try to enjoy yourself IDK, to some people that WOULD be the worse thing. He should respect how she feels. After all it's HER bday,not his. OP, can you ask the best friends hubby what is going on? I'm all sneaky like that. I agree with this 100%. I severely dislike being the center of attention, and mine knows this. I don't care what my DH wants to do, when it's MY birthday it should be MY choice. No one should ever be forced to suffer through a party they didn't want, and specifically asked not to have. If he wants to have an all out, invite everybody and their grandma party (which he does like to do from time to time), then by all means do it--FOR HIS OWN BIRTHDAY. And I absolutely would talk to my friend's DH and try to get the lowdown on the sledding party. |
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jan 8, 2016 16:10:50 GMT
DH and I have promised NEVER to throw a surprise party for each other. After 37 years together, we know neither of us would enjoy it.
I don't think it's thoughtful of the OP's DH when she's told him repeatedly she does not want a party.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapbookdiva on Jan 8, 2016 16:31:00 GMT
Thanks everyone. It has crossed my mind that I'm wrong, but I mentioned it again last night that this better not be a cover and he didn't deny it. He just looked the other way. Sigh.
I was invited last night for a girls dinner tonight to celebrate my friends birthday. So hopefully I will find out what's going on. Otherwise I'll just wear my party clothes with my long johns. Lol!
|
|
|
|
Post by malibou on Jan 8, 2016 17:00:31 GMT
Ugh. I am not the surprise party type. I'm not really a fan of birthdays. This would so suck. I'm sorry this is happening to you.
J
|
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Jan 8, 2016 17:45:42 GMT
Happy birthday!!
I would LOVE a sledding party!! I would love SNOW!
But I would not love my DH not listening to me and I would also want the money to go to NYC. Hopefully you are surprised in a good way!
|
|
|
|
Post by melodyesch on Jan 8, 2016 17:54:31 GMT
If after talking to him I still was certain that there would be a party, I would sit my DH down and flat out tell him that since he wouldn't give me a straight out answer that in no uncertain terms if he threw a party after all of that then expect me to be pissed.
I made a cake for a friend's 50th surprise birthday party. She had said my times she didn't want one but her DH insisted to me that once she was there surrounded by friends and family that she would love it. She did not. It was really very uncomfortable for everyone because she plastered a fake smile on her face, but everyone knew she was pissed.
|
|
|
|
Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jan 8, 2016 18:01:09 GMT
If there is a surprise party in the works then you have a choice, you can accept it with grace or you can be pissed. Ultimately it's your choice. You can't make your DH not want to throw you a party, you can't make him choose to save the money for a trip. Unless he's being something else then he's doing this to make you happy. I know it's not what you'd prefer but you still have to look at his intentions behind it. It's a loving gesture and he's doing it for you. I get that you've told him you'd rather take a trip, etc... and I can totally see why you'd be highly irritated by him going against what you said... your behavior is *still* a choice that will either speak love and grace to your husband or anger and irritation. Some men just aren't going to listen and you can't change that. My guess is you've known this about him for a long time. He's probably not going to change.  |
|
