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Post by tallgirl on Feb 29, 2016 18:01:53 GMT
Sorry for the cryptic title - I didn't want to put any major spoilers there in case the wrong eyes were looking...
A couple of weeks ago, DD (8, almost 9) and I had a heart to heart about the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc. She lost a tooth and asked me outright if the Tooth Fairy is real. She had been doing some questioning around Christmas and I said then that I wouldn't lie to her if she asked me outright. So the time felt right to tell her the truth.
The problem now is her older brother, who is 10, going on 11. I know he has questioned (I found a search on his ipad for "is Santa real") and I'm not sure if he's figured it out or if he still believes. But now that the younger one knows, I am wondering if we should tell the older one outright. I was hoping that he would bring it up like his little sister did, but I'm not surprised that he hasn't - his personality is a lot more introverted, like me. I never told my parents when I figured it out (at a younger age) and to this day I haven't talked to them about it.
I'm hoping there will be a 'learning opportunity' in the weeks leading up to Easter, but in case that doesn't happen - what would you do - take the initiative to tell him, or let him go on believing? DH thinks it's going to be awfully awkward on Easter morning if three of us know and he's the only one that doesn't - that he will then be embarrassed for not knowing when he does find out. |
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Post by pierkiss on Feb 29, 2016 18:12:02 GMT
I think you might want to ask him and then tell him. I think 10.5 is kinda old to still be believing. Honestly I would be surprised if he still did (barring any intellectual disabilities). I learned that the big guy wasn't real at 4, thanks to my older friends across the street that I played with. I never told my parents though. They were always so excited about Christmas and the magic, as well as with the other holidays. I remember thinking that I didn't want to make them feel bad that I didn't believe so I just played along. My mom wound up asking me at 11 or 12if I still believed. I told her no. But she still does not know when I quit believing.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 29, 2016 18:16:12 GMT
I would take the initiative.
My DS figured everything out well before his sister (18 months older), so for a year he was in on the secret. DS became concerned that we tell DD the truth the next year (Christmas when she was 10) and we began with general conversation starters instead of direct questions and led DD toward the truth.
DS's biggest concern was that he couldn't back her up if she defended "Santa is real" and he didn't want her laughed at or embarrassed.
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Post by gar on Feb 29, 2016 18:34:00 GMT
Yes, it's probably time:smile:
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Feb 29, 2016 20:24:40 GMT
Is there any possibility that he is playing along for your sake?
When my son figured it out, he just played along. LOL! We went on with that for a number of years.
I don't even remember how we got on the subject when he told me.
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Post by brina on Feb 29, 2016 20:33:03 GMT
if he had googled it he knows. He may not want to know, but he knows
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Post by tallgirl on Feb 29, 2016 20:57:52 GMT
I hope he knows, because it will make the conversation easier, I think. My daughter took it pretty hard and said after that she wished she hadn't asked me.  I just don't know how to broach it with him - I keep hoping there will be a good opportunity I can take advantage of, but it just hasn't happened. If he knows the truth he is probably avoiding saying anything at all costs and that may be why. Ugh. This sucks. I just don't want to break his heart if he truly doesn't already know. |
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 29, 2016 23:22:24 GMT
I think you might want to ask him and then tell him. I think 10.5 is kinda old to still be believing. Honestly I would be surprised if he still did (barring any intellectual disabilities). I learned that the big guy wasn't real at 4, thanks to my older friends across the street that I played with. I never told my parents though. They were always so excited about Christmas and the magic, as well as with the other holidays. I remember thinking that I didn't want to make them feel bad that I didn't believe so I just played along. My mom wound up asking me at 11 or 12if I still believed. I told her no. But she still does not know when I quit believing. I worked in an elementary school and was always surprised at the large number of kids who still believed beyond fifth and sixth grade. I thought it was sweet and loved that kids could still believe. I never gave it away. I think it really depends on your parents and circumstances (other kids). I flat out asked in fourth or fifth grade and was heartbroken with the reply. I loved the magic that came with the believing. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 29, 2016 23:57:15 GMT
I never ever brought it up with my parents. It was simply never discussed. We always got baskets of candy on Easter morning that appeared after we went to bed, even up until I moved out. Maybe even longer than that!
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Post by gmcwife1 on Mar 1, 2016 0:00:39 GMT
Sorry for the cryptic title - I didn't want to put any major spoilers there in case the wrong eyes were looking...
A couple of weeks ago, DD (8, almost 9) and I had a heart to heart about the Tooth Fairy, Santa, etc. She lost a tooth and asked me outright if the Tooth Fairy is real. She had been doing some questioning around Christmas and I said then that I wouldn't lie to her if she asked me outright. So the time felt right to tell her the truth.
The problem now is her older brother, who is 10, going on 11. I know he has questioned (I found a search on his ipad for "is Santa real") and I'm not sure if he's figured it out or if he still believes. But now that the younger one knows, I am wondering if we should tell the older one outright. I was hoping that he would bring it up like his little sister did, but I'm not surprised that he hasn't - his personality is a lot more introverted, like me. I never told my parents when I figured it out (at a younger age) and to this day I haven't talked to them about it.
I'm hoping there will be a 'learning opportunity' in the weeks leading up to Easter, but in case that doesn't happen - what would you do - take the initiative to tell him, or let him go on believing? DH thinks it's going to be awfully awkward on Easter morning if three of us know and he's the only one that doesn't - that he will then be embarrassed for not knowing when he does find out. Does something change in your family once someone knows or stops believing? We are like crazy4scraps, we still do Easter baskets and stuff even if someone is too old to believe. So I guess it depends on what changes and why they might be embarrassed  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 27, 2024 14:14:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2016 0:04:43 GMT
Can you enter the discussion by leading in with finding his search history?
eta: since the question is what would I do, I'd start by saying I noticed his search history about santa claus. Ask if he found what he was looking for, did he have any other questions...... see where that conversation goes.
We got gifts, candy and fun long after we stopped believing. So I would also check to see if he feels he has to keep believing to have the rewards.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,503 
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Mar 1, 2016 0:09:18 GMT
DS became concerned that we tell DD the truth the next year (Christmas when she was 10) and we began with general conversation starters instead of direct questions and led DD toward the truth. DS's biggest concern was that he couldn't back her up if she defended "Santa is real" and he didn't want her laughed at or embarrassed.What a wonderful brother your daughter has!  |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,759
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Post by scrapngranny on Mar 1, 2016 0:24:17 GMT
Not one of my 3 now adult children ever told me when they stopped believing in Santa, etc. They kid now that they didn't want to be the one who told me the truth. LOL I'm no help because we never had that conversation. They must have figured it out and kept it to themselves, I don't even know if they shared what they knew with their siblings.
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Post by mlynn on Mar 1, 2016 0:25:55 GMT
I have a sister who is 14 months younger than me. I was about that age when she and I had a conversation about believing. Neither of us did, but we decided not to tell Mom because we did not want the presents to stop. We never told Mom and she never asked us.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 1, 2016 1:10:26 GMT
My kids are 18 & 16 and I still make up Easter baskets for them. I've never directly said "there is no Santa", but I know they know. And they know that I know that they know. But we all just keep playing the game. They get presents and candy and I get the fun of it all. And time they say something, I'll just reply that Santa only brings gifts to those who believe in him. Then they keep quiet and I keep pretending. We all win!  If your 10 yo Googled it, there's a pretty good chance that he knows. So to me, the question is Do you want to still do Santa/Easter Bunny/Toothfairy gifts or not. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Mar 1, 2016 1:19:51 GMT
I hope he knows, because it will make the conversation easier, I think. My daughter took it pretty hard and said after that she wished she hadn't asked me. I just don't know how to broach it with him - I keep hoping there will be a good opportunity I can take advantage of, but it just hasn't happened. If he knows the truth he is probably avoiding saying anything at all costs and that may be why. Ugh. This sucks. I just don't want to break his heart if he truly doesn't already know. I would take him shopping with me, alone, to Target or wherever there is a big easter display. Spend a lot of time among the baskets, and the filler, the eggs, the candy, the big chocolate rabbits. Then, maybe he will get some ideas and start talking about Easter. If not, ask him if he is excited. Ask him what he is most excited about. Maybe he will say something on his own. If not, use the opportunity to smile lovingly and tell him how much fun it is to play easter bunny. Or, do it on the way home in the car if you think he truly, really, has no idea and you don't want to blindside him in the store. Although, please don't have that conversation actually IN target unless you're sure there aren't any little ears around to overhear it. I know you'd hate to accidentally spoil it for some other family. |
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Mar 1, 2016 1:35:06 GMT
I played along because I was afraid the presents would stop if my parents didn't think I still believed!!
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Post by newfcathy on Mar 1, 2016 5:09:06 GMT
Ds was also late to catch on, his whole fifth grade class was! At Easter, I wasn't at all circumspect about making up little boxes of candy for adults that had the leftovers from the bags that I had used to fill his basket with. He finally told me a little while that he knew about the Easter bunny, and right then, it hit him about Santa. He was so sad. But he couldn't go to middle school still believing ...
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Mar 1, 2016 11:58:10 GMT
what would you do - take the initiative to tell him, or let him go on believing? I would just let it be. If he does still believe, he won't for long. And if he doesn't and just hasn't told you, he probably just wants some little part of the magic to still be there. No big deal either way. |
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Post by tallgirl on Mar 1, 2016 14:00:30 GMT
We will absolutely still do gifts from Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy even when the kids know - that was the very first thing I reassured my daughter with, that nothing would change. When I talked to her about Santa I gave her the whole spiel about Santa does exist but not the way you think he does - he's what's in people's hearts that make them more giving, etc. Our Santa gifts have always been unwrapped presents under the tree, no names or gift tags or anything, just one pile for each kid, and because we have a boy and a girl there has never been confusion over whose is whose. We will continue to do that. It never occurred to me to think he might think he won't get any more if he doesn't actively believe. When we have 'the talk' I will have to ask about that.
Thanks for all the feedback everyone - I know I won't scar him for life, and I think it is time to have the talk - but I am going to give it a bit more time and hope it comes out naturally - at the very least I can use the time to plan for a conversation.
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