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Post by izzyscraps on Mar 22, 2016 1:13:51 GMT
Ha! Thanks Georgiapea! I have school tomorrow and I'm not sure I can make it. :-(
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Post by mlynn on Mar 22, 2016 1:36:59 GMT
I do not see your post, so I do not know what it said. If it did not include a request for help in some way, I wou0ld make nothing of it. If you posted something saying you wished someone would come take the kids, I might be slightly miffed. But she might have had an appointment or something that made her unable to take them. I think you may be reading too much into it.
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Post by jumperhop on Mar 22, 2016 1:47:37 GMT
I have noticed that people "like" the strangest posts. Like when I found out I had a brain tumor had had emergency surgery. I got a bunch of "likes" on Facebook. To me it wasn't an "I am glad you have a brain tumor." It was more I don't know what to say so I will just click "like" to let you know I am thinking about you. Jen
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Post by pjaye on Mar 22, 2016 2:14:25 GMT
I think it's passive aggressive to post the "poor me I'm sick" on FB and expect everyone to come running and ask how you are. If you are that sick and need help, then pick up the phone and ask for it "hi, I'm not feeling great and would love to have a sleep this afternoon, could you please take the kids for a few hours?" Not that hard. Also it depends how old the kids are, if they are young and need constant supervision then ask, if they are older 12yrs + then they can fend for themselves for a few hours watch TV etc while you sleep, no need to have anyone come over.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Mar 22, 2016 2:17:32 GMT
Never expected my MIL to help when I was sick. I have no other family but DH but we just muddled through. SIL who lives with her father would expect her to come and pick up the kids any time she doesn't feel good but not my problem.
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Post by ~Sherri~ on Mar 22, 2016 2:20:16 GMT
I would call and ask if she wanted me to pick up the kids so she could rest. And as a matter of fact, I have my grandkids tonight because their Mommy, my oldest DD, is sick with a horrid migraine. I am going to keep them tomorrow night also to let DD rest. I love spending time with them and miss them when they are not around. And they also live less than 5 miles from us. LOL!! They are the only two we have and they are the light of our lives.
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Post by izzyscraps on Mar 22, 2016 2:22:11 GMT
That is so sweet sherri6474!
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Post by hennybutton on Mar 22, 2016 2:34:09 GMT
I have noticed that people "like" the strangest posts. Like when I found out I had a brain tumor had had emergency surgery. I got a bunch of "likes" on Facebook. To me it wasn't an "I am glad you have a brain tumor." It was more I don't know what to say so I will just click "like" to let you know I am thinking about you. Jen I agree. Until very recently, the only way one could acknowledge a Facebook post was to "like" it, even if that wasn't a really appropriate response. That said, I would probably figure that if you were well enough to post on Facebook, then you weren't on your deathbed and I would let you keep your germs to youself.
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Post by hennybutton on Mar 22, 2016 2:38:50 GMT
Thanks. It was just a post. Everyone posts how they are feeling. When she liked my status o started wondering why she didn't offer. Wasn't passive aggressive. Was just a post. I just need to let it go. I got it. Nobody I know posts how they are feeling.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 3:06:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2016 2:39:01 GMT
That said, I would probably figure that if you were well enough to post on Facebook, then you weren't on your deathbed and I would let you keep your germs to youself. I guess I kind of agree with this. Do you do a lot for your MIL without her asking? Do you know that your MIL didn't have other plans?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 3:06:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2016 2:41:00 GMT
Thanks. It was just a post. Everyone posts how they are feeling. When she liked my status o started wondering why she didn't offer. Wasn't passive aggressive. Was just a post. I just need to let it go. I got it. Nobody I know posts how they are feeling. Really? No one posts "the flu has hit our house" or "I'm extra tired today because I worked late last night" or even "I'm laid up on the sofa today because I twisted my ankle in a fall." That seems strange that absolutely no one in your FB feed posts those types of things.
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Post by izzyscraps on Mar 22, 2016 2:42:47 GMT
Ha. Hennybutton. Everyone I know posts how they are feeling on Facebook.
I do try to do things for my MIL without her asking. The other day it was raining and she needed to go to wal mart. She doesn't like to drive in the rain. I offered to take her. I picked her up some ink in town the other day when she needed it. Their refrigerator went out and I went and got some of her food to put in my fridge so they wouldn't lose it all.
No she wasn't busy.
It's all good. Nobody knows the whole situation so I get people saying I looked passive aggressive. I get it.
Thanks for everyone's point of view!
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Post by hennybutton on Mar 22, 2016 2:51:11 GMT
Nobody I know posts how they are feeling. Really? No one posts "the flu has hit our house" or "I'm extra tired today because I worked late last night" or even "I'm laid up on the sofa today because I twisted my ankle in a fall." That seems strange that absolutely no one in your FB feed posts those types of things. Maybe I have strangely healthy friends. There have been a few posts about surgeries or cancer scares, but not about run-of-mill stuff.
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Post by grammadee on Mar 22, 2016 2:53:02 GMT
If I were in the same community, I would call and ask if she needed help. If she says "No thanks", I would accept that and get on with my day. If I asked, I would expect her to tell me if she DID need the help. And I would hope she knew I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to do this for her. And I would not be keeping score, expecting her to help me with something later.
When I have to pick up kids from playschool or whatever, we just swap vehicles so that the seats go where the kids are going.
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Post by lucyg on Mar 22, 2016 3:25:17 GMT
If you've known for 18 years that she doesn't like you, talks about you behind your back, and never puts herself out to do anything helpful for you, why in the world would you expect her to just offer to come help when you're ill?
If my DIL (actually my son's girlfriend, not DIL) asks for help with the kids, hers or his, I always help out unless I'm not around that day. If she posted on Facebook that she was sick, (1) I probably wouldn't even see it, and (2) if I did see it, it probably wouldn't occur to me to step in if she didn't actually ask for help.
Because I don't handle passive-aggressive very well. And it doesn't get much more passive-aggressive than what you're describing.
I'm going to add that as nice and generous as your own behavior toward her appears from your description, it seems quite odd that you put so much effort into helping a MIL whose own son barely has a relationship with her because reasons and who has also treated you badly for 18 years.
Hope you feel better soon and can start examining your own part in all this.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Mar 22, 2016 11:03:17 GMT
Really? No one posts "the flu has hit our house" or "I'm extra tired today because I worked late last night" or even "I'm laid up on the sofa today because I twisted my ankle in a fall." That seems strange that absolutely no one in your FB feed posts those types of things. Maybe I have strangely healthy friends. There have been a few posts about surgeries or cancer scares, but not about run-of-mill stuff. Pretty true for me as well.but some people do post. I used to post stuff like that but it sounds whiny to me when it pops up in my time hop so I stopped. I only post the big stuff and only the end result/news really. Maybe a surgery starting/ending went well type of posts.
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Post by kelbel827 on Mar 22, 2016 11:25:13 GMT
I didn't read the rest of the comments. I don't get the whole posting on Facebook stuff. If you want help, you are a big girl, pick up the phone and call your MIL. If you want to stir the pot, post to Facebook and then bitch that she doesn't call to check on you. Seems you have chosen the latter. I'm not trying to be bitchy, but I don't see more than half of the things posted on Facebook, so chances are she has no idea.
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Post by christine58 on Mar 22, 2016 11:54:31 GMT
I spent years trying that lostinspace. Didn't work. Thanks though. Then quit your complaining about her. She isn't going to change. Not sure what you expected her to do considering you and your DH don't really have a good relationship with her.
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Post by christine58 on Mar 22, 2016 11:55:57 GMT
Thanks. It was just a post. Everyone posts how they are feeling. When she liked my status o started wondering why she didn't offer. Wasn't passive aggressive. Was just a post. I just need to let it go. I got it. Oh it absolutely was a passive aggressive post. You KNEW she would see it...
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,770
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Mar 22, 2016 12:12:16 GMT
Maybe I have strangely healthy friends. There have been a few posts about surgeries or cancer scares, but not about run-of-mill stuff. Pretty true for me as well.but some people do post. I used to post stuff like that but it sounds whiny to me when it pops up in my time hop so I stopped. I only post the big stuff and only the end result/news really. Maybe a surgery starting/ending went well type of posts. I must be of the same super healthy friends ilk as well. Even when I have known a friend was dealing with something major I've not often seen it posted on FB. Occasionally an update on so-and-so's surgery went well or prayers before surgery but not often.
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Post by jackie on Mar 22, 2016 12:17:35 GMT
Sorry you're not getting the answers you want OP--I gotta say, sick or not, you're taking it like a trooper.
For those who keep posting "maybe she didn't see it" or "not everyone lives on FB", the OP said very early on that her MIL saw it. She knows because she liked her status (and I also agree that it's odd the things people "like"--I think it's just they're way of saying I saw this and I either like it, or I sympathize with it or I'm thinking of you, etc.). So we can put that comment to rest.
Also, the OP said that she didn't write the post with the intention of trying to get her MIL to help her; it was just a status post saying how she was doing today. And yes, I often see people post how they are feeling, myself included. So, although your initial post wasn't written passive aggressively, I still agree with the others that you are being passive aggressive now. Like I said, I know you didn't post on FB with that intent, BUT once your MIL saw the post and you were then unhappy or surprised that she didn't offer help but won't just ask, it does become passive aggressive. Hey, lots of us behave that way from time to time. I know I do. I really don't try to, but I'm not always good about asking for or saying what I want.
I say next time you truly want help, just ask. Personally, I don't know if I would want to ask for help from someone who didn't like me and has talked badly about me for 18 years, but if you're sick enough and it's worth swallowing your pride, just do it. It does stink to be feeling really bad and have to take care of little ones. At first I thought, gosh, I've never asked someone to come get my kids when I was sick; I must have just powered through it. But when I really thought about it, I've always worked full-time while my kids were growing up. If I was really sick, I would stay home from work but my dh would still take them to day care, so I guess I DID get help when I needed it! Once they were old enough to not go to daycare, they were also old enough to take care of themselves for the most part. So I guess I'm not the badass I thought I was!
Hope you feel better soon!
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Post by izzyscraps on Mar 22, 2016 13:47:46 GMT
Thank you! I'm still sick today and while I didn't ask my MIL directly, I asked my husband to. So my kids are at their grandmothers house today.
Thank you all for your opinion/advice. :-)
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Post by giatocj on Mar 22, 2016 13:52:58 GMT
I take any and all opportunities to visit with my little grandson. If my DD stubbed her toe I'd bring an ice pack and tell her to go lay down ! I think you absolutely should go for it. Make the offer, it's a wonderful gesture. ETA: I just saw that the OP is the sick DIL. My answer still pretty much would be the same...I would make the offer to my DD (or DIL if I had one), but if your MIL didn't make the offer, maybe she didn't quite "get" that you might need some downtime. Maybe next time you could call her and ask and give her the opportunity to help or not.
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Post by pjaye on Mar 22, 2016 14:07:17 GMT
Thank you! I'm still sick today and while I didn't ask my MIL directly, I asked my husband to. So my kids are at their grandmothers house today. Good for you. A win/win, you get to stay in bed and rest and not worry about the kids and the kids and grandmother get to spend some time together. Seems like a much better solution to me than hoping she'll get the hint and getting upset when she doesn't. Hope you feel better soon.
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