ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Mar 27, 2016 11:46:39 GMT
I'm really struggling with whether or not I want to go back to my maiden name. I really don't think I do. I am known at school by it and my nickname with the students is a shortened version of it. There is a really sweet story behind it. I always want to keep the same name as my kids, for now, anyway. I have also been married longer than I wasn't.
The only reason I can think to change it is to stop the Mrs. before it. I don't hate STBXH and don't feel this burning desire to part with it so I am not longer identified with him. I imagine that since we definitely move in different circles, that as I meet new people they won't know who he is.
What did you do and why did you make that decision?
Edited to add - wanting to have the same last name as my kids is about me. It's not about anyone else or anything else like school. They are 19 and almost 18 and no one cares about what their Mom's last name is.
Lisa D.
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Post by bigbundt on Mar 27, 2016 12:04:16 GMT
I went back to my maiden name after my divorce but we didn't have any kids. If I divorced DH I would probably keep my married name because I would want the same name as my kids. And it is a PITA to change names! Do you have to change your name at work? On the flip side I've kept my maiden name at work because I had established myself with that name and it is much easier to understand/remember for when I used to be in sales. My tax forms and paychecks are made out to my married name.
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oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Mar 27, 2016 12:47:24 GMT
I did not until my children were out of school. Then went back to my maiden name, not out of hate or anything but because I wanted to be me. And I have stayed me ever since. I have remarried but did not change my name.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 20:21:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 14:36:24 GMT
I'm not divorced but at this point but at this point in my life I've had my married name longer than I had my maiden name so I'd probably keep my married name.
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Post by peasapie on Mar 27, 2016 14:40:54 GMT
I kept my married name so it would match my kids.
When I remarried, I took my new husband's name and used my maiden name as my middle name.
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Post by gypsymama on Mar 27, 2016 14:44:05 GMT
divorced twice and immediately went back to my maiden name. to me that's his name, not mine... and it bugs the hell out of me that dh's ex still uses his last name, that's not her name that's not who she is... and miraculously no school my 4 kids,with 2 different last names, has ever had an issue with me having a different name and the kids don't care.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,294
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Mar 27, 2016 15:01:24 GMT
I kept my married name. I got married young and had started my career with that name. I thought it would be a hassle to change from one hard to pronounce and spell last name back to the original hard to spell last name. It was no big deal to me what my name was.
When I married my now DH I changed my name to his last name.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Mar 27, 2016 15:03:33 GMT
I'm really struggling with whether or not I want to go back to my maiden name. I really don't think I do. I am known at school by it and my nickname with the students is a shortened version of it. There is a really sweet story behind it. I always want to keep the same name as my kids, for now, anyway. I have also been married longer than I wasn't. The only reason I can think to change it is to stop the Mrs. before it. I don't hate STBXH and don't feel this burning desire to part with it so I am not longer identified with him. I imagine that since we definitely move in different circles, that as I meet new people they won't know who he is. What did you do and why did you make that decision? Lisa D. You can correctly be called Mrs. Lisa d. But no longer are Mrs exdh after divorce
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Mar 27, 2016 15:04:37 GMT
divorced twice and immediately went back to my maiden name. to me that's his name, not mine... and it bugs the hell out of me that dh's ex still uses his last name, that's not her name that's not who she is... and miraculously no school my 4 kids,with 2 different last names, has ever had an issue with me having a different name and the kids don't care. It IS her name
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Post by JustKim on Mar 27, 2016 15:15:50 GMT
I kept my married name. I feel it was given to me and I had the choice to keep it. It was easier. I changed it later when I got married to my now dh.
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Post by Zee on Mar 27, 2016 15:17:05 GMT
I never changed mine in the first place and no one has ever had any issue with my last name being different than my kids'.
My grandma changed hers back to her maiden name after her divorce. I liked that. My mom kept my dad's last name, but I often wondered why since they hated each other. When she got remarried it wasn't an issue having a different last name than ours.
If you want to keep the name that's great but I don't get having to have the same last name as the kids.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Mar 27, 2016 16:31:05 GMT
I did go back for about 18 months and then I changed it back to my married name. I had actually been known by my married name far longer than I had my maiden name. It made life very confusing when I returned to my original name so I went back to court and changed it back. I have always gone by Ms. so I never worried about the Mrs. part.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 20:21:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 16:48:00 GMT
I will keep my married name.
My maiden name is difficult to correctly pronounce and spell. My married name is not. If STBXH expressed to me that he'd prefer me to not keep his last name, I'd probably consider changing it to something totally new. (but NOT my maiden name...because the name change would be part of the divorce and would not cost anything additional) But he has not and frankly, it's a PITA to change names and not something I'm chomping at the bit to do.
And honestly, having had the name for nearly 29 yrs, this IS MY identity. This IS MINE. (for the person pissed that her husband's ex kept her married name)
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Post by cindyupnorth on Mar 27, 2016 16:49:17 GMT
I don't understand the reasoning behind it being the same as your kids? Where would this be needed? or even a problem?
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Post by refugeepea on Mar 27, 2016 16:53:42 GMT
I would change back to my maiden name for the simple reason I like it better. My very very common last name would be changed to a common last name.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Mar 27, 2016 16:55:05 GMT
I kept my married name because I wanted to have the same last name as my son. He was 4 at the time of our divorce. If he were closer to 18, I may have changed my name back to my maiden name.
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Post by Yubon Peatlejuice on Mar 27, 2016 16:56:25 GMT
I don't understand the reasoning behind it being the same as your kids? Where would this be needed? or even a problem? try getting out of your Podunk town every once in awhile
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Post by pmm on Mar 27, 2016 16:58:36 GMT
I kept it. At the time the town I lived in was fairly small compared to the area I live in. I thought it would be easier to keep the last name instead of having to correct people all the time. I didn't want to have to change my professional licenses. Also, I spent my entire adult life up to that time with a married name.
I've heard over the years that it pisses him off that I kept the name and that I stayed in the community so that our kids could attend the same school and be close to him. Too bad, so sad!
If I'm ever lucky enough to find another partner I wouldn't hesitate to change my name to his.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 27, 2016 17:03:19 GMT
I know one person with young children who went back to her maiden name. She spends a fair amount of time bitching that people at school and doctors offices keep calling her by the wrong name. (The bitching involves a lot of fake confusion about how they could NOT know her name.)
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Post by grammyj64 on Mar 27, 2016 17:04:25 GMT
Kept my married name after the first divorce so I'd be the same as the kids. Remarried and took #2s name. After divorcing him, I took back my maiden name without hesitation. I have used Ms since the divorce.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 20:21:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 17:11:37 GMT
Kept my married name after the first divorce so I'd be the same as the kids. Remarried and took #2s name. After divorcing him, I took back my maiden name without hesitation. I have used Ms since the divorce. I can be Ms. XHLASTNAME post divorce as well. In fact, STBXH attorney has used Ms. Marriedname from the start in all of his documents and drafts and I'm like DUDE...we are still married. But he's also not very bright, so maybe he truly doesn't understand. I'm glad STBXH chose him for an attorney. LOL
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Post by Zee on Mar 27, 2016 17:14:58 GMT
I don't understand the reasoning behind it being the same as your kids? Where would this be needed? or even a problem? try getting out of your Podunk town every once in awhile Yeah, because big cities all require you to have the same name as your offspring. Duh, Cindy, everyone knows that! If you were well-traveled you'd have a clue.
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Post by Zee on Mar 27, 2016 17:18:54 GMT
Kept my married name after the first divorce so I'd be the same as the kids. Remarried and took #2s name. After divorcing him, I took back my maiden name without hesitation. I have used Ms since the divorce. I can be Ms. XHLASTNAME post divorce as well. In fact, STBXH attorney has used Ms. Marriedname from the start in all of his documents and drafts and I'm like DUDE...we are still married. But he's also not very bright, so maybe he truly doesn't understand. I'm glad STBXH chose him for an attorney. LOL In the "olden" days, you'd still be Mrs, but you'd be Mrs Jane Doe instead of Mrs John Doe. You use your own first name always, instead of his, after a divorce. Of course only southerners and 80 year olds use their husband's first and last names for correspondence anymore, so it's highly unlikely this would ever even be a issue in 2016 anyplace where you can't see a magnolia blossom.
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Post by deputydog on Mar 27, 2016 17:30:54 GMT
I never changed my name when I got married so there wasnt anything to think about, really. My son has a hyphenated last name so that was also not a consideration.
When my parents divorced my mom kept my dad's last name. I could say it didn't matter to me if we had the same last name or not but I don't really know because that's not the way it played out. I could guess how I might have felt, but I don't really know-- how I see it from my adult perspective could be much different than how I would have felt as a kid. Long after my parents divorced kids would call my mom "Mrs. K." We have a long last name so it really was Mrs. K.-- in fact, we're all in our 40s and almost 50s now and mine and my siblings' childhood friends still say Mrs. K. Maybe it was the times (they divorced in the early 80s) but she didn't go by Ms. until some years later.
If you're already known by it professionally, you have an affectionate nickname that you like that's a shortened version of it, you want the same last name as your kids, and there are no horrible memories/feelings associated with, why not keep it? You can always change it later, when your kids are older, but still keep your married name professionally.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Mar 27, 2016 17:37:17 GMT
I don't understand the reasoning behind it being the same as your kids? Where would this be needed? or even a problem? try getting out of your Podunk town every once in awhile Yeah, because big cities all require you to have the same name as your offspring. Duh, Cindy, everyone knows that! If you were well-traveled you'd have a clue. HAAA!! that is just about THEE dumbest snarky comment I've ever gotten! Yubon dear, you know NADDA about me. Go back to scooping kitty litter. Many professionals don't even change their names, Drs, lawyers, etc. Gee, I don't see HOW in the world they get by raising their children. But what would I know....
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on Mar 27, 2016 17:44:34 GMT
divorced twice and immediately went back to my maiden name. to me that's his name, not mine... and it bugs the hell out of me that dh's ex still uses his last name, that's not her name that's not who she is... and miraculously no school my 4 kids,with 2 different last names, has ever had an issue with me having a different name and the kids don't care. It IS her name I agree. I was married 19 years, this is who I am. I wasn't pretending all those years. He didn't "loan" me my name.
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Post by Zee on Mar 27, 2016 17:46:28 GMT
I don't understand the reasoning behind it being the same as your kids? Where would this be needed? or even a problem? try getting out of your Podunk town every once in awhile Yeah, because big cities all require you to have the same name as your offspring. Duh, Cindy, everyone knows that! If you were well-traveled you'd have a clue. HAAA!! that is just about THEE dumbest snarky comment I've ever gotten! Yubon dear, you know NADDA about me. Go back to scooping kitty litter. Many professionals don't even change their names, Drs, lawyers, etc. Gee, I don't see HOW in the world they get by raising their children. But what would I know.... Talk about a swing and a miss...I'm concerned that the ammonia levels in her house are affecting her brain, because that was the lamest "insult" I've ever seen from yubon. I expect more from her! Maybe she really does need travel to live. Probably a break from scooping duty helps bring the toxoplasmosis levels back down.
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Post by k8smom on Mar 27, 2016 17:49:50 GMT
I didn't initially because of the kids but then when he remarried less than a year later it felt weird to keep his name. At that point I had to go back to my attorney and change my name. adding an extra expense and pain in the butt! It isn't as easy to change your name after the fact as it is if you do it at the time of divorce.
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Post by lisae on Mar 27, 2016 17:53:54 GMT
I was only in my 20's when I divorced and I didn't hesitate to take back my maiden name. I only wish I could have done it sooner as it takes a full year to get a divorce in this state so the marriage was over and I'd moved on yet I still had the wrong last name. I also kept my maiden name when I remarried. I have no children and didn't plan to so I saw no reason to adopt someone else's name.
I have an acquaintance that also divorced in her 20's and kept her married name. She has never had children. We are both now in our 50's. I suspect the reason she kept his name was that her family name is so well known here and well-respected but I still think she wanted a little of her own identity. If she had taken back her maiden name, she would have always been so-in-so's daughter or sister. But that is just a guess.
It is really whatever works for you.
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,875
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Mar 27, 2016 18:14:07 GMT
I always want to keep the same name as my kids, for now, anyway.
My mom divorced my dad when I was young and she kept her married name for this reason, so her name would be the same as mine. Even after I was grown and I married and took my husband's last name, she still kept my Dad's last name until she passed away even though she never remarried.
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