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Post by librarylady on Mar 27, 2016 18:14:09 GMT
I went back to maiden name. No children from that union.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 22:57:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 18:20:12 GMT
IMO, I think this is a personal decision that each individual needs to make on their own for their very own reasons. Everyone is different. There is no right vs. wrong.
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Post by anonrefugee on Mar 27, 2016 18:38:57 GMT
IMO, I think this is a personal decision that each individual needs to make on their own for their very own reasons. Everyone is different. There is no right vs. wrong. IMO, I think this is a personal decision that each individual needs to make on their own for their very own reasons. Everyone is different. There is no right vs. wrong. Repeat this as many times needed. |
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Mar 27, 2016 18:51:55 GMT
I'm changing my name but not to my maiden name.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Mar 27, 2016 20:54:53 GMT
I kept his last name to match DD. I might consider changing back if DD changes hers some day.
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
Posts: 2,606
Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Mar 27, 2016 21:30:08 GMT
I took back my maiden name. I thought I might keep the married name because I was concerned about having a different last name than DD. Then one of my sisters pointed out that DD looks so much like me, it's not like anyone would be confused that we were related. That one comment really helped me look at things differently and I made the decision to revert to my maiden name. Of course, Ex commented that I was making that change as some level of retaliation. (Everything was all about him, you know!) Both names are reasonably common and easy to spell, so that was not a factor. Yes, I was well known in my career by my married name, but I found it was not difficult to reestablish my professional reputation with a new last name.
When he remarried quickly after the divorce, I was glad that I was not sharing his name with the new wife. IMHO, we had already shared more than enough. And it never caused any confusion that DD and I have different last names. Every once in a while, someone who knew DD might assume I was Mrs DD's last name, but it seemed simple enough to me to let them know my actual name.
I appreciate the sentiment that any choice is appropriate and there is no right vs wrong.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Mar 27, 2016 21:31:34 GMT
My daughter has always had a different last name then me.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 27, 2016 21:45:49 GMT
I just dropped the hyphenated part of my name and went back to my maiden name. DS dropped that part of his name (he just doesn't use it) and goes by my maiden name as well. I gave him the same hyphenated name that I had. I never stopped being my maiden name and my boss told me to divorce my husband and go on with my life. It was the only good advice he gave me. My maiden name is hard to spell. I don't know why it is, but it is apparently. My Japanese last name was hard to say, hard to spell in English and hard to write in Japanese. I was glad to get rid of it when I did. Not because I hated ex-DH but it was just an inconvenience.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 27, 2016 21:49:31 GMT
A girlfriend of mine in Japan dropped her ex-husband's last name and changed her name to something entirely different. She now goes by the last name Riverstone which is pretty easy to write 石川 which is said Ishikawa. It is very, very easy to write. There is another way to write it in kanji but it is uncommon. It is a super easy name all around. I think that was a good move for her (she is gaijin like me, except she is the child of missionary parents and was born IN Japan which is highly unusual to be born there and spend your whole life there). Anyway when she ditched the ex I like the last name she chose.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 27, 2016 22:17:38 GMT
Of course only southerners and 80 year olds use their husband's first and last names for correspondence anymore, so it's highly unlikely this would ever even be a issue in 2016 anyplace where you can't see a magnolia blossom. You forgot to add, my dear, that using Mrs. husband's-first-name husband's-last-name is primarily for SOCIAL correspondence. We've mostly caught up to the current century for business correspondence. Sincerely, Mrs. his-first-name Scrappants under the magnolia tree   |
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Post by Zee on Mar 27, 2016 22:27:48 GMT
Of course only southerners and 80 year olds use their husband's first and last names for correspondence anymore, so it's highly unlikely this would ever even be a issue in 2016 anyplace where you can't see a magnolia blossom. You forgot to add, my dear, that using Mrs. husband's-first-name husband's-last-name is primarily for SOCIAL correspondence. We've mostly caught up to the current century for business correspondence. Sincerely, Mrs. his-first-name Scrappants under the magnolia tree Bless your heart. . |
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Post by AussieMeg on Mar 27, 2016 22:53:13 GMT
My mum is still using her married name. She and dad separated 31 years ago and divorced 14 years ago. For her it was a case of not wanting to have to change everything (credit cards, licence etc etc.)
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 27, 2016 22:56:50 GMT
See... you could almost be an honorary southerner. I applaud you for proper usage of the "bless your heart" expression. |
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587 
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Post by suzastampin on Mar 27, 2016 23:05:34 GMT
Not divorced here, but have a little funny. My husband's ex-wife remarried and changed her name to the new husband's last name. When she divorced him, she went back to using my husband's last name. Not sure why she didn't go back to her maiden name as it was only 3 letters long and my husband's is five, both easy to pronounce. Guess she liked him better after they weren't married. |
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ddly
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Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Mar 27, 2016 23:06:17 GMT
And honestly, having had the name for nearly 29 yrs, this IS MY identity. This IS MINE. (for the person pissed that her husband's ex kept her married name) This is how I feel. My identity is tied to my name. It is my name and has been for almost 25 years. As far as having the same last name as my children, this is about me having the same last name as my children not about other people being concerned that we don't have the same last name. My kids are 17 and 19 and nobody really cares with their Mom's last name is. Thanks for the responses. I am going to keep my last name. It's mine now and has been for the last 25 years. |
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Mar 27, 2016 23:23:03 GMT
I kept my married name because my dd was 7 when I divorced. I wanted to keep my name the same. I've now had this last name longer than my maiden, and it's who I am. My dad is a loser, so I've never had any sort of connection with my maiden name other than it was my name. I will probably keep my ex's name until I die or remarry...dying is more likely.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 27, 2016 23:36:03 GMT
My feeling has always been that when a man asks you to marry him it is an honor and a privilege to be his wife. Therefore, I think it's nice to take his name. When I divorced I no longer felt honored or privileged to have been his wife so I did not want his name. I changed back to my maiden name. It did not matter to me or my kids that my name did not match theirs. Then when I got remarried I took my current DH's name.
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Post by hollymolly on Mar 27, 2016 23:37:36 GMT
divorced twice and immediately went back to my maiden name. to me that's his name, not mine... and it bugs the hell out of me that dh's ex still uses his last name, that's not her name that's not who she is... and miraculously no school my 4 kids,with 2 different last names, has ever had an issue with me having a different name and the kids don't care. Really? How utterly ridiculous. It IS her name, and it is very much who she is. I kept my married name after the divorce for several reasons. First and foremost, it was my name. My ex-husband's name is not Holly Lastname, it's {XH's first name} Lastname. The last name may have come from his family, but the full name is my name, and no one can take it from me. And that is another big reason. The divorce was not my idea, nor was it anything that I wanted. I felt like he was taking so much from me, my marriage, my home, the future I had expected and planned for. This was one thing that I could choose to keep. Not that I was trying to hang on to him or the marriage, but I just needed to have something of my life that he couldn't force me to give up. Most importantly, when I got married, I said goodbye to my maiden name. I had always known I'd take my husband's name when I got married, so even as a child I thought of my maiden name as my temporary last name. When I thought of going back to that name after the divorce, it just felt wrong. I wasn't that girl anymore. It fit my identity even less than my married name fit. Now, almost 6 years later, I don't regret the decision, but I don't feel a strong connection to my last name. I've thought again about changing it back, but that still doesn't feel right either. I feel like my real name is still out there, I just haven't found it yet. |
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peajammies
New Member
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Post by peajammies on Mar 28, 2016 0:20:53 GMT
I sure did. It had been 23 years since I used my maiden name. Professionally, it would have been easier to keep the married name since I'm known as Mrs. ______ (I'm a teacher). Honestly, I needed to go back to who I was before I was married.... I'm so much more than what that sorry excuse of a husband tried to drag me down to.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Mar 28, 2016 0:25:16 GMT
I will keep my married name. My maiden name is difficult to correctly pronounce and spell. My married name is not. If STBXH expressed to me that he'd prefer me to not keep his last name, I'd probably consider changing it to something totally new. (but NOT my maiden name...because the name change would be part of the divorce and would not cost anything additional) But he has not and frankly, it's a PITA to change names and not something I'm chomping at the bit to do. And honestly, having had the name for nearly 29 yrs, this IS MY identity. This IS MINE. (for the person pissed that her husband's ex kept her married name) I agree. My maiden last name has 9 letters in it and is difficult for people in this part of the country to pronounce. (My maiden last name is Swedish and uncommon in this part of the country. In my hometown it was never mispronounced.) Also, I've built a successful business using my current name. I don't want customers confused my a name change. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 28, 2016 1:40:09 GMT
I feel like my real name is still out there, I just haven't found it yet. I had to go back and re-read that sentence. What an interesting thought! And it sounds so very hopeful about the future. I hope you do find your "real name." |
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Post by Daikon on Mar 28, 2016 1:42:17 GMT
I have the option to go back to my maiden name, I didn't for a few reasons, It would be a pain to change all my accounts to my maiden name, my professional name is my married name and my maiden name is a hinderance in more ways than one, the spelling and pronunciation as well as family history. I have 3 school age sons, no matter if I was Ms Maidenname or not I would always be called Mrs Marriedname anyways. If I remarry I will not keep my married name:
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Post by peace on Mar 28, 2016 1:46:57 GMT
I was married 20 years. Ex was married before me and always complained that she kept his name and how it wasn't hers, etc. I divorced him and dropped his name. I really needed to. My child has his last name but in this day and age it doesn't really matter. You earned both of 'em. Stick with whichever one feels more comfortable to YOU!
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Post by ilikepink on Mar 28, 2016 2:06:11 GMT
The first time I divorced, I kept his name. The boys were young, and rather than the "public" reasons for having the same last name, it was more to reassure them the we were still a family, even if we weren't living together. Even though my first and last names rhymed) When I married the second time five years later, I took his name. When we divorced, I considered my options. I had a designer purse (well several), with my married initials. I don't have a designer anything except for these bags, and as silly a reason as it was, that's why I kept my name. XH was okay with it - I did ask. Friendly divorce.
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Post by bunnyhug on Mar 28, 2016 2:07:19 GMT
'Maiden' name is a term I hate with a passion. I've never been nor will I ever be a maiden.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,969
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Post by Nanner on Mar 28, 2016 3:07:30 GMT
When I divorced my first husband, I did go back to my maiden name. My kids had their father's last name, and I had my maiden name. It never caused any problem. When I married my second husband, I took his last name. My initial has always been the same, though. My maiden name, ex-husband's last name and current husband's last name all start with D.
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Post by Karmady on Mar 28, 2016 3:16:53 GMT
'Maiden' name is a term I hate with a passion. I've never been nor will I ever be a maiden. Oh, I agree. I can barely choke out the words "maiden name". I always say former name. I've also despised Mr and Mrs "man's name" last name. Never understood it at all, even at a young age. |
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Post by jovifan on Mar 28, 2016 4:01:32 GMT
I did go back to my maiden name. Kids have their dads name.
At the time I didn't want to be associated with the jerk, name wise. I felt like I got my identity back, in a way.
People who knew me by my married name had to get acquainted with the new/former name. Sometimes that was akward as they thought i had gotten married, even got 'congrats on your marriage!' Emails. Uhhhhh....
It's kind of a pain in the ass with the kids stuff. Their friends call me 'Mrs Married name' and correspondence from school is mailed to 'The Married Name Family'
And little things like not being able to have accessories around the house with a last initial. Like a wreath hanging on the front door....can't do that with 2 diff last initials. I guess you could but I don't want to.
So there are pros and cons. I'd say do what's right in your gut
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 22:57:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2016 5:53:09 GMT
I took my maiden name back. My ex was extremely abusive and I did not want his name!
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Mar 28, 2016 7:09:51 GMT
I'm not divorced, but I personally never changed my name when I got married as it's how I identify myself (IT'S MINE, IT'S WHO I AM as you stated above...so I guess you could use the same logic in choosing to change your name as well as whether or not to change it back) but my mom has been divorced twice. She kept my dad's name after they split (I was 5 when the divorce was official, I think and my little brother was either 3 or 4, we're 21 months apart) but she changed it back to her maiden name after her second divorce. I just assumed it was because it was messier, but my mom and dad always had a pretty dysfunctional relationship, even after they were divorced. I should ask her why she kept it. I never thought about it being for us as she only had custody for a short while and her second husband (whom we didn't meet until after they got married and he was an awful human being) never liked us anyway, so we didn't see her much during that time.
If it were me, I would probably change my name back simply because my husband's last name is Jones and you can't get more common than that. I like the uniqueness (there's only one famous person I know of with my last name and it's in football) of my last name, so even if I weren't against changing my name because of the history of it (woman goes from being property of her father to property of her husband...I am not anyone's property) I would change it back if we were no longer together. FWIW, my children have both of our last names because they are equally our children (and hell, I did most of the work so my family name SHOULD be attached to theirs, lol).
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