pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Apr 12, 2016 1:29:59 GMT
"Please disregard" reminds me of the old scrapbook brouhaha when somebody wanted to end the argument by saying "so there". How stupid. I admire you taking the high road; I imagine it's hard at times. You can come tell us all the snarky things. Good luck and we're here for you!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Apr 12, 2016 1:42:30 GMT
Thank you for all of the support! Naturally I was up all night after the texts and I had some long conversations with myself. One of the issues I had to face was how to deal with him going forward. Keeping in mind that there are 3 kids in the mix, I came up with this - Is what I'm about to say or text; Snarky? Helpful? Does it matter? My answers to those questions are my criteria if I say or text the words. I'm not gonna be the snarky one, I will try to only say helpful things, and if it doesn't matter, I won't say it or text it. I'm going to keep my side of the street clean. You, my pea friend, are a class act. And obviously WAY more intelligent than he is.
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Post by SallyPA on Apr 12, 2016 1:46:55 GMT
"Please disregard"?
W T actual F?!?! I am not often speechless but I have no words for this!
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Post by alexa11 on Apr 12, 2016 1:47:54 GMT
Wow- what a reaction- complete idiot. Good for you though- at least now you have proof and can move on.
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 12, 2016 1:54:51 GMT
You really are a class act. My jaw dropped at "please disregard" and I know my response wouldn't have been pretty. What a supreme asshole.
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Post by Hayjaker on Apr 12, 2016 2:17:42 GMT
Moron. He doesn't know the treasure he threw away. Today you are feeling strong and determined. On the day the hurt pushes through and the questions invade, remember you are not defined by the way he treats you. You are a woman of value, worth so much more than he sees. You do not deserve what happened. This is about his character flaws, not yours. This is so nicely stated!
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Apr 12, 2016 2:27:36 GMT
I'm sorry he's treating you this way, but glad you know for sure. I would have been tempted to reply to his "please disregard" text with "disregard what?" Make him wonder if you really did see the previous text.
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Post by NanaKate on Apr 12, 2016 2:33:40 GMT
He knows I know. He sent me a subsequent text saying, "Please disregard." I'll bet he did! Idiot. As I told my sister when she finally saw the light regarding her ex: "Better to have loved and lost than to live with an a$$hole the rest of your life!" Wishing you and your children all the best as you go through this transition. Better days are ahead for all of you!
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,739
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Apr 12, 2016 2:35:18 GMT
Thank you for all of the support! Naturally I was up all night after the texts and I had some long conversations with myself. One of the issues I had to face was how to deal with him going forward. Keeping in mind that there are 3 kids in the mix, I came up with this - Is what I'm about to say or text; Snarky? Helpful? Does it matter?
My answers to those questions are my criteria if I say or text the words. I'm not gonna be the snarky one, I will try to only say helpful things, and if it doesn't matter, I won't say it or text it. I'm going to keep my side of the street clean. Amazing that you can think so clearly and rationally so soon. Kudos to you.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,417
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Apr 12, 2016 3:43:13 GMT
I'm childish...I would have sent emojis with the middle finger.
what a jack hole.
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Post by Frazzled Mom on Apr 12, 2016 3:53:17 GMT
I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. As someone who's been there (I got a call from the ex-asshat's secretary looking for him while he was supposedly on a business trip - then found vacation pictures with him and his mistress AND my in-laws, if you can believe that ), but I digress... Two things: 1. As much as you will be better off without him, it's going to be a tough road ahead so be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve/rant/stab him in the balls with a rusty fork. (Okay, maybe not the last part.) 2. Get the best attorney you can afford. Borrow money if you have to, but get a lawyer who will protect you and your children. NICE GUYS FINISH LAST in divorce court - trust me on this one.
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Apr 12, 2016 3:58:48 GMT
holy shit. Be strong. Does he know you know? You know the 2Peas rules: document, and save all important information. He knows I know. He sent me a subsequent text saying, "Please disregard." Uh, yeah. I bet he'd love you to "please disregard." hahaha. What an ass. I'm sorry you've got some crummy times ahead of you, dealing with all this, but am glad you've got verification and are feeling positive about your decision. Go, you!
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Post by mlynn on Apr 12, 2016 4:13:47 GMT
I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. As someone who's been there (I got a call from the ex-asshat's secretary looking for him while he was supposedly on a business trip - then found vacation pictures with him and his mistress AND my in-laws, if you can believe that ), but I digress... OMG! Even if I were able to work things out with my DH, I do not think I could forgive the in-laws. What a double whammy. I guess the acorn does not fall far from the tree. I just cannot imagine No.I can see my first MIL doing something like that.
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Post by Flowergirl on Apr 12, 2016 5:02:48 GMT
"Please disregard" reminds me of courtroom dramas where one lawyer drops a bombshell, the other lawyer yells "Objection!" and the judge says "sustained." Then the original lawyer says "withdrawn,"and from there the jury is supposed to pretend they never heard the bombshell.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but it sounds like you're ready and thinking clearly.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 18:53:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 6:14:21 GMT
Thank you for all of the support! Naturally I was up all night after the texts and I had some long conversations with myself. One of the issues I had to face was how to deal with him going forward. Keeping in mind that there are 3 kids in the mix, I came up with this - Is what I'm about to say or text; Snarky? Helpful? Does it matter? My answers to those questions are my criteria if I say or text the words. I'm not gonna be the snarky one, I will try to only say helpful things, and if it doesn't matter, I won't say it or text it. I'm going to keep my side of the street clean. Something tells me you will fare much better than him!
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Post by penny on Apr 12, 2016 10:47:19 GMT
holy shit. Be strong. Does he know you know? You know the 2Peas rules: document, and save all important information. He knows I know. He sent me a subsequent text saying, "Please disregard." "Please disregard" is such a romantic way of apologizing - how could you not be moved by that Your attitude is kickass... We're here for you and I'm glad you have proof - for legal reasons, but mostly because I can't stand people who gaslight and sounds like he might have tried that...
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Post by woodysbetty on Apr 12, 2016 11:13:40 GMT
I'm so sorry, what a jerk!! I'm glad you are ready to move forward!!
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Post by heather on Apr 12, 2016 12:53:32 GMT
When I stumbled upon proof of an affair, I too felt a sense of peace and relief. My friends thought I was nuts when I tried to explain it. So I get it. And, like you, came to the same conclusion. While I can't control what he does, I can control what I will do. And for the sake of the kids, I will handle it with dignity. And a fair amount of alcohol when they're not around. Lol.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 12, 2016 13:13:19 GMT
holy shit. Be strong. Does he know you know? You know the 2Peas rules: document, and save all important information. He knows I know. He sent me a subsequent text saying, "Please disregard." I know it's not funny, but this made me laugh. Did he really think you were going to disregard that???
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,750
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 12, 2016 13:16:37 GMT
Good for you Drew. I know from a few posts you have had some issues with DH and I understand what the relief part is. I received one of those accidental texts, too. However, mine was after I had moved out. Still, it made me feel relieved!
Good luck to you, we are here for you. Sending hugs your way.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 18:53:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 13:30:55 GMT
Thank you for all of the support! Naturally I was up all night after the texts and I had some long conversations with myself. One of the issues I had to face was how to deal with him going forward. Keeping in mind that there are 3 kids in the mix, I came up with this - Is what I'm about to say or text; Snarky? Helpful? Does it matter? My answers to those questions are my criteria if I say or text the words. I'm not gonna be the snarky one, I will try to only say helpful things, and if it doesn't matter, I won't say it or text it. I'm going to keep my side of the street clean. You are a class act and deserve so much better than him! Mlynn brought up a good point. It may be the ass's gf who sent that text. Not that it makes a difference in anything. But if she did do it, then he may not know that you know, you know? I'm sure you've already spoken to him about it by now, but its something to think about in how you proceed here on out. I wish you the very best. You know the Peas are here for you whenever you need to vent or scream so you can keep being classy in front of him and the kids. Hugs to you.
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Post by shaniam on Apr 12, 2016 13:31:20 GMT
What an a$$hole.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Apr 12, 2016 13:56:56 GMT
I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. As someone who's been there (I got a call from the ex-asshat's secretary looking for him while he was supposedly on a business trip - then found vacation pictures with him and his mistress AND my in-laws, if you can believe that ), but I digress... WOW! just wow...I'm so sorry you had to go through that. To the OP, so sorry but sounds like you will be better off without him!
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Post by Zee on Apr 12, 2016 14:04:40 GMT
Well at least you can move forward knowing you're making the right choice to do so without him, since he so clearly showed you his hand. Let this be a weight off your shoulders and stay strong about taking the high road (something I myself am not really capable of, I'm more the "all's fair in love and war" type).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 18:53:34 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2016 14:09:39 GMT
holy shit. Be strong. Does he know you know? You know the 2Peas rules: document, and save all important information. He knows I know. He sent me a subsequent text saying, "Please disregard." was he on crack? What a moron he is. Good luck to you Drew.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 12, 2016 16:18:18 GMT
Knowing is so much better than being gas lighted! Still sucks though! Hang in there and best wishes to you and your kids as you wade forward!
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Post by anonrefugee on Apr 12, 2016 16:34:15 GMT
"Please disregard" is wonderful advice, isn't it?
That man deserves no further thought or respect!!!!
I am sorry you have to go through this, but surely there is life more worthy on the other side.
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Post by sasha on Apr 12, 2016 16:35:40 GMT
Thanks for the tip!
(and good on you to be over and done with it -- I hope you enjoy your new found freedom!)
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Post by uksue on Apr 12, 2016 16:43:03 GMT
I know you said you want no sympathy, but you still have my positive thoughts and prayers because I know that it hurts- even when you know you are glad it's truly over and you can move forward.
Also the practicalities often don't run to plan! My ex was going to be so fair etc but he refuses to clear debt which would allow our divorce to be finalised and I can't afford to clear it either. He's also been very manipulative woth our special needs son ( telling him for one example, that he had only used prostitiutes during our marriage because he was lonely. Who in their right mind would tell their child that?!) like you I vowed to do my utmost to retain my dignity and not get into a texting war, and for the most part I did manage that. I did however slap my ex across the face on two separate occasions when he was being particularly sarcastic and I am NOT proud of that and feel it lowered me to his level.
I hope you are able to achieve a fuss-free divorce, you certainly deserve better- and so do your children.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,862
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 12, 2016 18:55:44 GMT
What a jackass! Stay strong and take care of you and the kids.
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