Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:16:20 GMT
How is this even a question? Yeah ok ya got me it was a stupid question
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 14:19:01 GMT
How is this even a question? Yeah ok ya got me it was a stupid question lol
|
|
YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,417
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
|
Post by YooHoot on May 1, 2016 14:20:02 GMT
Unless she is throwing her arms over her head multiple times, would anyone even notice? It's one day, a few hours. I wouldn't ask someone to change their appearance for a wedding if that is how they normally look.
|
|
purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,726
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
|
Post by purplebee on May 1, 2016 14:20:57 GMT
Contrary to popular opinion, I have to agree with Cranky Pea on this one.
The bride was stuck and had to include the hippy SIL. So she should ask all of her attendants to wear a style of dress that they may not like/want because of one bridesmaid's "hippy lifestyle?" Not a religious belief, but a lifestyle choice. Would it be traumatic/insulting to request that the SIL trim the hair so it did not show if the girls' arms were not clamped to their sides? I guess it depends on how long and how dark/obvious the pit hair is.
I would be tempted to have each girl pick a different style dress in the same color so SIL could cover the pit hair, but then she may want to flaunt her lifestyle and would end up strapless or. sleeveless anyway.
Everyone is defending the hippy girl and not wanting to offend her, but I can't see how shaving her pits once would be that horrifying for her, and would be a sacrifice she could make for her future sister in law.
If everyone is too scared to say anything, then she would not have the opportunity to accommodate the bride. She may be happy to do so, depending on their relationship.
|
|
SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,599
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
|
Post by SweetieBsMom on May 1, 2016 14:22:09 GMT
It would drive me batty also, but bride knew this going in. She should have found a dress with sleeves or not asked future sil to stand up. This.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:25:50 GMT
It would drive me batty also, but bride knew this going in. She should have found a dress with sleeves or not asked future sil to stand up. This. I truly do not understand the world anymore.
|
|
quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
|
Post by quiltz on May 1, 2016 14:25:56 GMT
Is every bridesmaids dress strapless and/or sleeveless?
Shouldn't all the eyes be on the beautiful bride?
|
|
|
Post by momofkandn on May 1, 2016 14:33:28 GMT
I think this is much ado about nothing. I think it would be fine if the bride or mom politely asked the bridesmaid if she would mind shaving for the day. There's nothing rude or wrong in asking. It's only rude and wrong if the bride demanded she shave. But I don't see a problem with the bride politely expressing her wish and giving the bridesmaid the choice. And if the bridesmaid declines then the bride should accept her decision and say absolutely nothing about it again. I would hope that my family, especially my mother wouldn't walk on eggshells around me so much that she couldn't politely make a suggestion. In return I expect her to graciously accept my choice. You never know, maybe the bridesmaid will happily shave for the day.
|
|
GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,287
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
|
Post by GiantsFan on May 1, 2016 14:33:54 GMT
Personally, for me, I prefer smooth underarms. But I think it's rude to ask someone to alter themselves for a wedding. No one is going to notice the attendants. The focus is the bride.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:38:58 GMT
Things that seem so important to a bride planning a wedding are much less so several years down the road. This girl will still be her sister-in-law for many, many years and it seems silly to risk that relationship over a personal grooming choice that the bride knew about before she asked her to be in the wedding.
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on May 1, 2016 14:40:51 GMT
Pretty much every one I knew/know who chose not to shave did so for philosophical beliefs about the nature of beauty in our society. It was a very sincerely held belief and from what I could tell, not 'just a lifestyle' choice.
I am going to land on the side of the fence that says that for most women who believe this way that asking them to shave for a day is going to be more than a simple request as it would be for me. It would likely be interpreted as an insult as to who they fundamentally are.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on May 1, 2016 14:44:34 GMT
I'm tired of the idea that a wedding day must achieve some manufactured picture-perfect ideal that the bride and/or groom have dreamed up. Your wedding party and guests are real people--people who are likely important to you. They are not models for a wedding magazine photo shoot.
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on May 1, 2016 14:51:06 GMT
Anyone ever requesting a woman shave any hair on any part of her body for YOUR comfort is beyond the bounds of polite behavior as well as insulting. That anyone thinks it's an okay request baffles me. I'm sure if someone is ugly enough they should bag their head for your comfort because they look gross?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:52:48 GMT
Armpit hair ruined my wedding!!!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:54:40 GMT
I'm sure if someone is ugly enough they should bag their head for your comfort because they look gross? Yes. That's EXACTLY the same thing.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on May 1, 2016 14:58:59 GMT
WHY for all that is holy do you care about another person's armpits?! WTF?! I'm not even going to say the "general you." If you are so offended by an armpit, well then I'm talking about you. What does the hairy armpit have to do with you? What does it say about you? Why does it offend you? Seriously...why?
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
|
Post by caro on May 1, 2016 14:59:52 GMT
There is always photoshop for pictures if the bride is truly grossed out.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on May 1, 2016 15:03:55 GMT
I think Abby's right on the money. No one (no one reasonable, anyway) would ask a man to change his facial hair, or insist that attendants whiten their teeth beforehand, or whatever else. I highly doubt it'll be noticed at all. you haven't met some of the people I've known to get married. My sil gave me a two page list of things for me to do and not do. I would personally go up to the hairy armpit girl and say hey, could you shave your armpits for my wedding? I feel it is the brides day and if I was close enough to be in the wedding, I would do what she wanted within reason (I would dye my hair purple, but I would use the washable purple hair stuff if she wanted). All the bridesmaid can do is say yes or no and it doesn't hurt to ask. If it would gross the bride out too much, the get that bridesmaid a shawl or leave her out of the wedding party.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 15:06:27 GMT
WHY for all that is holy do you care about another person's armpits?! WTF?! I'm not even going to say the "general you." If you are so offended by an armpit, well then I'm talking about you. What does the hairy armpit have to do with you? What does it say about you? Why does it offend you? Seriously...why? I assume you are talking to me. Kerri I usually like your posts but I find this one baffling. Since when do we have to have a personal vested interest in every topic? We talk about stuff and chime in with our opinions, isn't that how a message board works? I'm not offended by armpit hair. I think it looks like ass with a strapless dress. What does that say about me? That I have eyes.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 15:10:54 GMT
WHY for all that is holy do you care about another person's armpits?! WTF?! I'm not even going to say the "general you." If you are so offended by an armpit, well then I'm talking about you. What does the hairy armpit have to do with you? What does it say about you? Why does it offend you? Seriously...why? I assume you are talking to me. Kerri I usually like your posts but I find this one baffling. Since when do we have to have a personal vested interest in every topic? We talk about stuff and chime in with our opinions, isn't that how a message board works? I'm not offended by arm hair. I think it looks like ass with a strapless dress. What does that say about me? That I have eyes. But the topic isn't about what we all think of armpit hair, it's about whether or not we think it's OK to request someone else remove their armpit hair to suit us. I don't care for armpit hair, but I wouldn't dream of asking someone else to remove it because I don't like it.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on May 1, 2016 15:13:07 GMT
WHY for all that is holy do you care about another person's armpits?! WTF?! I'm not even going to say the "general you." If you are so offended by an armpit, well then I'm talking about you. What does the hairy armpit have to do with you? What does it say about you? Why does it offend you? Seriously...why? brides have a vision of their day and its pictures For my Sil she wanted everyone's hair down. Whatever, ok. She wanted everyone to wear these ugly earrings she picked out. I wore the ugly earrings. Of your entire self is wrapped up in your armpit hair, then say no to shaving.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on May 1, 2016 15:15:40 GMT
Oh, it will be noticed! But I'm not sure that the people that matter will care too much. The bride is in a tough spot. She HAS to invite her future in-law to be part of the wedding party. But she probably has certain ideas in mind for their look too. I think this is one of those cases that if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to understand you don't get everything you want, when you want it. I disagree. You don't *have* to include your future in-law (or your own family, or anyone really) in your wedding party. I could have, but I didn't. I had one attendant, and I chose one of my sisters. We gave DH's sister and my other sister other roles in the wedding and they were both totally fine with that. And FWIW, neither my DH (her brother) or I were in her wedding party either when she got married several years later. When my BFF got married, I was her MOH. Not her own sister and none of her future SILs. That's one of the perks of being the bride, you get to choose who stands up with you. ETA: If I did somehow feel compelled to include someone I know doesn't conform in a typical particular way, I would try to creatively work around that without asking them to do something for my day that would be out of character for them.
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,973
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
|
Post by Sarah*H on May 1, 2016 15:16:52 GMT
I'm trying to remember a time when it would have been polite or acceptable to tell someone else to change something about themselves because you think it looks like "ass" and I'm coming up blank. Fine, you don't like armpit hair. Shave it. Telling someone else that they should conform to your personal standards of attractiveness is shallow and rude.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on May 1, 2016 15:17:07 GMT
I'm speaking to whomever is offended by armpit hair. It's my opinion that another person's armpits are their business and have nothing to do with me. It baffles *me* that another person cares enough that they would ask somebody close enough that they were asked them to be a bridesmaid to alter their appearance. What about accepting the bridesmaid for who *she* is? I would find the request incredibly rude.
Yes, we discuss things like this on this board. That's what we're all here to do. I happen to disagree that it's a reasonable request and responded as such. It has nothing to do with you.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on May 1, 2016 15:18:08 GMT
Oh, it will be noticed! But I'm not sure that the people that matter will care too much. The bride is in a tough spot. She HAS to invite her future in-law to be part of the wedding party. But she probably has certain ideas in mind for their look too. I think this is one of those cases that if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to understand you don't get everything you want, when you want it. I disagree. You don't *have* to include your future in-law (or your own family, or anyone really) in your wedding party. I could have, but I didn't. I had one attendant, and I chose one of my sisters. We gave DH's sister and my other sister other roles in the wedding and they were both totally fine with that. And FWIW, neither my DH (her brother) or I were in her wedding party either when she got married several years later. When my BFF got married, I was her MOH. Not her own sister and none of her future SILs. That's one of the perks of being the bride, you get to choose who stands up with you. I don't know, in some families it is expected. Having just one attendant makes it easy to exclude siblings, more than that it becomes harder. Or, it was important to me to have my brother up there with me. Dh didn't pick him, I did. Perhaps this is that situation
|
|
|
Post by lisacharlotte on May 1, 2016 15:20:17 GMT
I'm sure if someone is ugly enough they should bag their head for your comfort because they look gross? Yes. That's EXACTLY the same thing. No it's not the same thing. However, once you decide it's okay to ask someone to change their appearance to make you more comfortable it's headed that way. Because you're only thinking about your comfort and not considering that someone else has a different idea. This is how we end up in a world where women are expected to shave all body hair so as to not offend others. And to that I'd say Fuck You.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 15:22:21 GMT
I'm trying to remember a time when it would have been polite or acceptable to tell someone else to change something about themselves because you think it looks like "ass" and I'm coming up blank. Fine, you don't like armpit hair. Shave it. Telling someone else that they should conform to your personal standards of attractiveness is shallow and rude. What I don't understand is when people became so eager to be so offended and insulted by every little thing. I remember a time that most people wouldn't have a brain aneurism over the idea of a bride asking a bridesmaid to shave her pits for the wedding pictures that she was paying a fortune for. I miss that world.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on May 1, 2016 15:24:07 GMT
Yes. That's EXACTLY the same thing. No it's not the same thing. However, once you decide it's okay to ask someone to change their appearance to make you more comfortable it's headed that way. Because you're only thinking about your comfort and not considering that someone else has a different idea. This is how we end up in a world where women are expected to shave all body hair so as to not offend others. And to that I'd say Fuck You. holy shit, that got extremely rude in an otherwise fairly civil discussion
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 9:16:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 15:27:16 GMT
I read this in the paper on Friday: My opinions often seem to diverge from the majority of the Peas, so I am curious to see other reactions to this. My opinion... the ONLY tactful way to approach this is with dresses that have sleeves. She knows this bridesmaid doesn't shave so choose a style that hides what the bride doesn't want to be seen. The bride has a right to choose dress styles. The bride does not have a right to choose a lifestyle choice for someone else. Or not have asked her to be a bridesmaid in the first place. I think if a bride chooses to have someone in her bridal party who only wears pants she needs to take that into consideration too; before she asks them to be a bridesmaid.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,768
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on May 1, 2016 15:27:17 GMT
No it's not the same thing. However, once you decide it's okay to ask someone to change their appearance to make you more comfortable it's headed that way. Because you're only thinking about your comfort and not considering that someone else has a different idea. This is how we end up in a world where women are expected to shave all body hair so as to not offend others. And to that I'd say Fuck You. holy shit, that got extremely rude in an otherwise fairly civil discussion I think lisacharlotte is saying FU to the idea of not taking the other persons ideas into consideration, not saying FU to the OP.
|
|