bklyngal62
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Post by bklyngal62 on Aug 1, 2014 1:03:39 GMT
If we had an extra bedroom we would definitly have no problem sleeping seperate. Not that we have marriage issues but we both have to compromise to make the other happy. I'm always hot, he is always cold..I like tv on, he prefers it quiet, etc. Seperate bedrooms would keep both of us happy  |
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Post by VanC on Aug 1, 2014 1:25:34 GMT
The Frog and I didn't sleep in separate rooms, but we did sleep in separate beds the last 8 years he was alive. The MS would make his legs spasm and he was kicking the crap out of me even in a King bed. I got tired of being black and blue from the hips down.
He had a Craftmatic adjustable bed with heat and massage until he needed to be in a hospital bed. I slept on a Queen sized pillow top. Matching quilts and headboards and they both fit great in the room. We had tried the separate room thing but the other bedrooms are on a different floor and I couldn't hear him in the night if he needed help.
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Post by nesser01 on Aug 1, 2014 1:28:52 GMT
I'm with the majority on this one. I don't think it's a sign of an unhealthy marriage. If it works for you then the more power to you. Just keep doing what you're doing.
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Deleted
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May 6, 2024 16:25:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 1:48:28 GMT
My parents do this. It started about 2 or 3 years ago. Both DH and I think it's strange. My Dad was a firefighter where he worked 24 hours on, 48 off. On his off days, he used to work long days with a few other firemen doing lawn care/snow plowing and then electrical work. My mom was used to him being gone a lot. Then he retired. Suddenly, his snoring became too much. Then Mom got breast cancer and the treatments made for some sleepless nights. At some point, they decided it would be better for him to sleep in the guest room permanently. It made for less hurt feelings when one or the other left the bed in the middle of the night. After a while, Dad moved all of his stuff, clothes, dresser, etc into the guest room. They've been married for 44 years so it's helping, working? Dad spends SO much time out of the house, either working, doing favors for others, or in the garage, I can't help but to think he's sleeping in another room because they're not much more than roommates at this point. My mom is a very difficult person, very negative, very critical, very bitchy. If Dad doesn't do something just right or say something right, she gets nasty. He made a joke and Mom got very defensive and nasty with him to a point where DH was practically begging me to leave. I mean, after 44 years, you'd think she'd know that's how he is, that this is not a new thing with him. Sometimes I think he stays because it's cheaper than a divorce.  This is just my observation and probably doesn't apply to you. If it was just the whole snoring and illness thing, I'd understand and wouldn't think twice about it. But with the way I see how their relationship is, I can't help but to think it's not a sleep/comfort thing but rather a roommate thing. |
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Post by melanell on Aug 1, 2014 2:08:37 GMT
I think it works beautifully for some people. Nothing makes me more cranky than being overtired, so if if we reached a point where we couldn't get proper rest in the same bed, I would guess it might be better for everyone if we had some time together in the evenings, but then went to sleep in our own beds. I remember when I was a kid my grand aunt & uncle had 2 twin beds bumped up together in their room. They were a very happy couple who wanted a bit of their own space to sleep. My in-laws eventually has a room for each of them as well. She liked to read in bed late into the night and he liked to go to sleep early. If it works for a couple, then why not do it? I'm all for doing what makes everyone happier. So as long as both people are happy, all is good in my book. |
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mely
Junior Member
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Post by mely on Aug 1, 2014 2:17:15 GMT
Do what works for you. And I don't understand why everyone talks sleeping arrangements? Unless someone goes to your house how do they know?
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
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Cheesy
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Jun 26, 2014 16:49:38 GMT
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Post by Cheesy on Aug 1, 2014 2:17:20 GMT
My dh is also a firefighter with a 24 on, 48 off schedule and gone other nights with overtime or fishing trips, etc.
I've gotten so I know I sleep better when he's gone. He also admits that he sleeps better at the station.
Don't know what we'll do when he retires. I feel like we might get too distant from each other if we didn't sleep in the same bed at least some nights. Maybe a king size bed might help.
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Aug 1, 2014 2:19:28 GMT
My grandparents were happily married for 65 years. They had separate bedrooms my entire life (My gpa died when I was 26). They both snored. And they were both cranky about it when they had to share a room (like a hotel). I would think they just sleep better separate. If I thought about it at all. |
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Post by jmurray on Aug 1, 2014 2:26:35 GMT
We have been married 8 years and have slept in different rooms for the last 18 months. Same reasons as most of the other posters: snoring, hot vs cold, light vs heavy sleeper.
Our relationship hasn't suffered one bit, and when we started we saw it as an experiment and discussed it every few weeks just to make sure neither of us had any issues. So far so good.
I think the reason some people think it's dangerous for a marriage is they equate sleeping together with having sex. So they assume if you're not in the same bed each night then your sex life is being eroded and then your marriage could be In trouble. I don't automatically think along those lines and for me, sex is a nice to have rather than a deal breaker for my marriage, but regardless I haven't found that our sleeping arrangement has led to less sex than usual.
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Post by winogirl on Aug 1, 2014 2:28:52 GMT
My parents were married for 47 years before my Dad passed. Sometime after us girls moved out, they each kept their own bedroom (albeit it was a small house and their bedrooms were just steps apart). They were both happy so I assume it was differences in sleep preferences.
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Post by chlerbie on Aug 1, 2014 2:47:45 GMT
I'm another one who thinks it should be up to each individual couple, and I know that everyone has different sleeping patterns/habits. I actually feel very fortunate that we sleep so well together. We just have a full bed and pretty much sleep on top of each other and somehow manage to get a good night's sleep. I like having him there and never sleep as well when he's not home.
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msliz
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Post by msliz on Aug 1, 2014 2:58:35 GMT
I have friends who have separate rooms. They have a very strong marriage, but erratic schedules. She's a nurse and her shifts vary. He has a 9-5, but he often volunteers as a firefighter/EMT.
How can getting better sleep be bad for your marriage?
And who are these busybodies that are commenting on your bedroom habits?
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moodyblue
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 1, 2014 3:13:05 GMT
I had kind of forgotten until reading this that both sets of my grandparents had separate bedrooms for many years. I think one was because of snoring.
My parents, for many years, had two double beds in the same room, and then when they moved to a smaller place they went to having separate rooms.
I think each couple should do what works for them, and as long as the two of them are happy with the plan, it doesn't matter what others do or think. I suspect it's a lot more common than many people think.
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Nink
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Post by Nink on Aug 1, 2014 3:22:46 GMT
DH snores and has to have the tv and a fan on while he sleeps. Not to mention he flops around like a fish when he sleeps.
I have to have complete quiet. We've slept in separate rooms for many years and just celebrated our 20th anniversary yesterday. Works for us.
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Grom Pea
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Post by Grom Pea on Aug 1, 2014 3:36:10 GMT
Dh and I have been together for 9 years, married for 4. After we got married we got a house and finally had space for multiple bedrooms. When dh needed a firm mattress we got one but the smell nauseated me so I moved back to my old bed and we've slept better ever since. We've also had one son and have one on the way so it hasn't hindered us from being able to start a family. Interestingly the couple we bought this house from slept in separate rooms on different floors. Dh has a bad back so we'd probably sleep together if it weren't for that but I do think we get better rest alone since he's a light sleeper, I mean he wakes up when I make several trips to the bathroom in the night and he's in a different room with the door closed!. I think your friends should myob.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 1, 2014 3:44:41 GMT
I don't see any problem with couples having separate bedrooms, and it wouldn't automatically assume that there are problems in the relationship. I know lots of (mainly older) couples who don't share a bedroom.
I posted on a recent thread here that DSO and I can't wait until the kids leave home so we can have our own separate bedrooms.But then we have to decide who gets the room with the en suite and who gets the awesome king size bed! Often when one of the kids is away one of us will sleep in that bed, and enjoy a full night of undisturbed sleep. Love it!
PS. We're not snugglers or spooners but I know lot of people here are, and they would never dream of sleeping apart.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 3:57:09 GMT
Been married 31 years. Our marriage is rock solid. We've slept separately for at least 25 years of that. We keep different schedules. He snores. I like covers and a higher temperature (he'd like to sleep in the refrigerator if it were possible). He prefers to sleep to music or the television, which keeps me awake.
It doesn't mean we don't cuddle, talk, make decisions together, support each other, share hobbies and have sex. It means I don't spend the night kicking him in the liver and wishing like heck he'd stop snoring.
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mountaingirl
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Post by mountaingirl on Aug 1, 2014 4:33:20 GMT
Funny...I know no one who has seperate rooms, of any age. I know it works for many, but I find it incredibly sad. But that's coming from someone who only gets to sleep with her hubby about 1/4 of the time due to night shifts for both of us. But we both thrive on cuddling too. We both sleep better together and sleep completely entwined most of the night.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Aug 1, 2014 4:51:21 GMT
We were recently looking at new builds (patio homes-single level homes for mostly retirees--for my parents.) We walked through two different homes being custom built that had two master bedrooms. (Each had master bath, walk in shower, fireplace ---in the one house). I thought it seemed like a waste of money and space, but I can get why someone might do that so one isn't regulated to the guest room.
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Post by needtime2scrap on Aug 1, 2014 4:53:07 GMT
My parents do this. It started about 2 or 3 years ago. Both DH and I think it's strange. My Dad was a firefighter where he worked 24 hours on, 48 off. On his off days, he used to work long days with a few other firemen doing lawn care/snow plowing and then electrical work. My mom was used to him being gone a lot. Then he retired. Suddenly, his snoring became too much. Then Mom got breast cancer and the treatments made for some sleepless nights. At some point, they decided it would be better for him to sleep in the guest room permanently. It made for less hurt feelings when one or the other left the bed in the middle of the night. After a while, Dad moved all of his stuff, clothes, dresser, etc into the guest room. They've been married for 44 years so it's helping, working? Dad spends SO much time out of the house, either working, doing favors for others, or in the garage, I can't help but to think he's sleeping in another room because they're not much more than roommates at this point. My mom is a very difficult person, very negative, very critical, very bitchy. If Dad doesn't do something just right or say something right, she gets nasty. He made a joke and Mom got very defensive and nasty with him to a point where DH was practically begging me to leave. I mean, after 44 years, you'd think she'd know that's how he is, that this is not a new thing with him. Sometimes I think he stays because it's cheaper than a divorce. This is just my observation and probably doesn't apply to you. If it was just the whole snoring and illness thing, I'd understand and wouldn't think twice about it. But with the way I see how their relationship is, I can't help but to think it's not a sleep/comfort thing but rather a roommate thing. Very similar to my parents but it wasn't cancer but fibro for my mom. So far they are still in the same room but with a king size bed and separate blankets. |
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Post by myshelly on Aug 1, 2014 4:54:50 GMT
My DH and I have separate bedrooms. We're not having any marital problems  He snores. I'm a ridiculously light, bad sleeper under perfect conditions. If you add in his snoring I don't sleep at all. Neither one of us likes to cuddle. We both get hot when we sleep and don't want anyone or anything touching us. Plus it made so much sense when the kids were littler. Separate rooms - one person could sleep soundly and not be disturbed at all, the other person could deal with the kids. We took turns and never got nearly as burned out as other couples did. |
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Post by chirpingcricket on Aug 1, 2014 5:02:45 GMT
My parents slept in separate beds and were married for 27 years until my father died of a heart attack. My mother never dated or remarried, and she lived for 18 years after his death.
My husband and I sleep in separate beds, and have done so for about 8 years. We're still very solid. Geography is fluid. Y'know?
--Cricket
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 1, 2014 5:48:44 GMT
What business is it of anyone else's?
For what it is worth, I would love to sleep in a separate room. His snoring is so loud that I can't hear myself think at times.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 6:18:17 GMT
I guess it could be bad for your marriage. That is, if sleeping in the same bed is the only thing you have in common.
I don't know where people get off commenting on the health of other peoples' marriages based on something as insignificant as sleeping arrangements.
My husband is the world's loudest snorer. He's lucky I'm a very sound sleeper. I like to have the TV on at night because I sleep better with sound. I'm lucky he doesn't mind wearing earplugs and an eye cover.
Realistically, we have very different sleeping habits, but we've found a way that works for us, but I certainly understand when couples can't make it work.
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Post by jmd74 on Aug 1, 2014 6:32:09 GMT
My parents don't sleep in the same room and haven't for about 10 years. They have been married 46 years. My dad goes to sleep early and due to some medication my mom has trouble sleeping so she likes to read late into the night. They are still very happily married. |
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cycworker
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Post by cycworker on Aug 1, 2014 6:39:06 GMT
Agree with everyone else. I know a lot of couples who sleep in separate bedrooms who have perfectly solid marriages. And solid can look different for each couple. I know couples in their late 60s who haven't had sex in years, and they're both fine with that. They just don't have any interest in it anymore, and not in the sense of just losing interest in each other... they've simply reached an age where they just no longer have an interest in sex. Certainly some can be sexually active and interested right up to old age and near to the end, and that's great. But for those who they're over it and don't feel a need to keep that aspect of their relationship, as long as both partners are truly on the same page, that's fine, too. The idea we have in this culture that everyone must want sex or something's wrong with them is unfair.
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Post by pmk on Aug 1, 2014 7:08:07 GMT
What business is it of anyone else's? For what it is worth, I would love to sleep in a separate room. His snoring is so loud that I can't hear myself think at times.  I am married to a snorer too and it can be miserable! The one observation I have about this topic is that I've never had a conversation about this topic with any friends! I wouldn't have a clue if they are sharing a bed or not and I don't feel the need to know! |
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 1, 2014 8:07:15 GMT
DH and I have had separate rooms for awhile as did my parents (they were married long-term until my dad passed away). It works for us. I like it cold/dark/quiet for sleeping while he likes the TV or Podcast on, lights can be on and it can be hot. He also wakes up early even on weekends while I tend to sleep in and stay up late. He also snores terribly and I'm an insomniac.
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Aug 1, 2014 11:38:34 GMT
I was at a Parade of Homes a few years back in a house with two master bedrooms and the realtor told me that is the [HASH]1 request in new-built homes above a certain price point. She told me it was due to the men snoring.
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Post by phoenixcov on Aug 1, 2014 11:44:14 GMT
I wish we had the option of a bedroom each. We have very different sleep patterns and it seems we disturb each other most nights.
Insomniac and a snorer, not a great combination.
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I am married to a snorer too and it can be miserable! 
