suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by suzastampin on Jul 8, 2016 22:31:59 GMT
I am the only one who think that guy is on the spectrum? I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone. |
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Post by secondlife on Jul 8, 2016 22:39:25 GMT
Not refilling my drink is an annoyance but I'm not going to yell at the manager over it. Sometimes they are super busy and patience helps. Refilling it wrong, not fixing it, bringing the appetizer after the meal was over, and the totally inappropriate conversation would be enough for me to have a conversation with the manager. No one has said anything about yelling at a manager. Right, which is why I didn't quote anybody and say I wouldn't do that. I just said what I would and wouldn't do. |
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Jul 8, 2016 22:47:02 GMT
Based on your story, I actually wouldn't have left any tip at all. And I would have left a note explaining why.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 8, 2016 23:13:06 GMT
I'd remember it when it was time to tip, but probably not in the way he meant. I agree with those who say to cut and paste what you wrote in your OP, and contact the manager with it. They have a lot they need to address--from basic waitstaff skills (the drinks, the appetizer, the to-go box) to some serious work on social skills and boundaries. That was my thought too, yes, I'd remember it when it was time to tip, but not the way he wanted. I tend to tip 20% just because it's quick and easy. Those still tipping 15% are still being more generous then I would be for this waiter! |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 9, 2016 0:36:11 GMT
I would not have tipped him and I would have contacted the manager. He should not be working w/the public. Making rude and obscene comments to guests is just plain gross.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 9, 2016 0:55:26 GMT
I'd be most upset about the fact that he invited your sister into bed with him. Completely unprofessional and creepy. I'm usually not one to ask to talk to a manager, but I would have, in that case.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
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Post by caro on Jul 9, 2016 1:26:44 GMT
I'd be most upset about the fact that he invited your sister into bed with him. Completely unprofessional. I'm usually not one to ask to talk to a manager, but I would have, in that case. This is how I feel. |
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Grom Pea on Jul 9, 2016 2:17:48 GMT
I am the only one who think that guy is on the spectrum? I was thinking this plus the manager or someone told him that people who sit next to their patrons and flirt typically make higher tips, that with being too literal and not understanding social cues might make sense. |
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 9, 2016 2:23:15 GMT
At "We should do it together", I'd be looking for the manager!
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Post by alexa11 on Jul 9, 2016 2:24:32 GMT
That's absurd! Why can't people follow simple directions?
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 9, 2016 2:26:44 GMT
I am the only one who think that guy is on the spectrum? I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone. Really? The waiter was sexually inappropriate with a customer and the onus is on the customer to see if the guy is "on the spectrum?" What a joke. If someone is so autistic that they can't help but sexually harass the public, then they need to find a job that keeps them away from said public. |
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Post by mama2three on Jul 9, 2016 2:54:08 GMT
I am the only one who think that guy is on the spectrum? That was my first thought too. |
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Post by mom on Jul 9, 2016 3:13:21 GMT
Wow. I get waiters have bad days....but the sexual references are not ok. Ever.
I would be contacting the manager immediately.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Jul 9, 2016 3:42:15 GMT
I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone. Really? The waiter was sexually inappropriate with a customer and the onus is on the customer to see if the guy is "on the spectrum?" What a joke. If someone is so autistic that they can't help but sexually harass the public, then they need to find a job that keeps them away from said public. Yes, dead serious as a matter of fact. It never hurts to be kind. |
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 9, 2016 3:47:00 GMT
Really? The waiter was sexually inappropriate with a customer and the onus is on the customer to see if the guy is "on the spectrum?" What a joke. If someone is so autistic that they can't help but sexually harass the public, then they need to find a job that keeps them away from said public. Yes, dead serious as a matter of fact. It never hurts to be kind. Women have the right to not be sexually harassed by waitstaff, regardless of where said waitstaff may ffall on the autism spectrum. This is about propriety and professionalism, not kindness. Autism is not an excuse for his behavior. It is not unkind to complain about this regardless of the reason behind it. I feel it is unkind of you to expect someone who was inappropriately propositioned to consider the feelings of the man who propositioned her. |
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 9, 2016 5:41:22 GMT
We probably would have left. You are way nicer than we are.
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Deleted
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May 10, 2024 7:35:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2016 5:59:52 GMT
Wow, that is just plain creepy! He should be reported to the manager for sure. He was wrong on so many levels and will continue his inappropriate behavior unless confronted on it. And I would not have left him a tip. Not one penny.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 9, 2016 6:28:09 GMT
You should have asked for the manager when he made his massively inappropriate comment about sleeping with your sister.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
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Post by Peamac on Jul 9, 2016 11:33:24 GMT
I am the only one who think that guy is on the spectrum? I thought of that too, but he really does need to learn some boundaries. I'm thinking the "go to bed with you comment" would be considered sexual harassment by a lot of people, whether he's on the spectrum or not. He can't say it to a co-worker without getting in trouble, so he shouldn't be saying it to a customer. He needs to know it's not okay to talk like that, spectrum or not. OP- you really do need to let the manager know all this. You paid for a drink that you didn't get to enjoy b/c he watered it down, and he wouldn't bring you another (ie, you were cheated out of your money- yes, I know it wasn't much, but it's a business that should have given you what you paid for). You couldn't enjoy the guacamole b/c he didn't bring it (and now it will turn brown at home, plus you have no chips). He intruded into your conversation with your sister, and the list goes on. All of these are things that could easily cause other patrons to avoid the restaurant in the future, causing the business to decline. If you do contact the management, I'd also let him know why you chose that restaurant and why people like to eat there, so he understands that this one employee could be chasing away a lot of customers. ETA- Really? The waiter was sexually inappropriate with a customer and the onus is on the customer to see if the guy is "on the spectrum?" What a joke. If someone is so autistic that they can't help but sexually harass the public, then they need to find a job that keeps them away from said public. I was thinking spectrum b/c of the water/drink issue, forgetting the appetizer, not thinking about a to go box and chips for the guacamole, mention of a tip, etc. NOT b/c of the sexual remark. |
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
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Post by Peamac on Jul 9, 2016 11:36:34 GMT
I'd remember it when it was time to tip, but probably not in the way he meant. I agree with those who say to cut and paste what you wrote in your OP, and contact the manager with it. They have a lot they need to address--from basic waitstaff skills (the drinks, the appetizer, the to-go box) to some serious work on social skills and boundaries. That was my thought too, yes, I'd remember it when it was time to tip, but not the way he wanted. I tend to tip 20% just because it's quick and easy. Those still tipping 15% are still being more generous then I would be for this waiter! Normal tip minus cost of drink watered down/not replaced minus nuisance fee equals very low tip! |
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Post by miominmio on Jul 9, 2016 11:41:28 GMT
Really? The waiter was sexually inappropriate with a customer and the onus is on the customer to see if the guy is "on the spectrum?" What a joke. If someone is so autistic that they can't help but sexually harass the public, then they need to find a job that keeps them away from said public. Yes, dead serious as a matter of fact. It never hurts to be kind. So you believe that men who is on the spectrum have a right to sexually harass women? Because that is how I read your comment. |
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Post by Really Red on Jul 9, 2016 12:25:38 GMT
I think you were VERY patient. After the first bed remark, I would have asked to see the manager. It's creepy and scary and regardless of any disability, a waiter should NOT be doing something like that.
No one has to yell or scream or be rude to the manager. Just tell him/her the facts and leave it up to the manager. But that would have ended that waiter working with me.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Jul 9, 2016 12:43:08 GMT
Yes, dead serious as a matter of fact. It never hurts to be kind. So you believe that men who is on the spectrum have a right to sexually harass women? Because that is how I read your comment. Absolutely not! Did you read my original post? No where did I say that anybody on the spectrum should have the right to sexually harass anybody. My original post said the following "I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone". My post was about the way the OP would/should handle a call to the manager. The manager does need to be contacted to let him/her know of the incidents. Who knows, this man may be the child of the restaurant owner or the manager. As I said, it never hurts to be kind. |
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Jul 9, 2016 13:06:31 GMT
Wow! Contact the manager and I would not have tipped at all.
One time my DH and I went to a restaurant and our waitress set one plate of our food on someone elses table. They told her they didn't order that, so she took it off their table and put it on ours!!! really! like we are going to eat that now. She never filled our drinks, I had to take them and fill them myself. She didn't get one penny tip from me. My DH said we're not leaving a tip? (god bless him.)I said, "Nope." I would have if she just did her job.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 9, 2016 13:07:35 GMT
So you believe that men who is on the spectrum have a right to sexually harass women? Because that is how I read your comment. Absolutely not! Did you read my original post? No where did I say that anybody on the spectrum should have the right to sexually harass anybody. My original post said the following "I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone". My post was about the way the OP would/should handle a call to the manager. The manager does need to be contacted to let him/her know of the incidents. Who knows, this man may be the child of the restaurant owner or the manager. As I said, it never hurts to be kind. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't react any differently if the person was on the spectrum or not. (Admittedly, if it was my sister and I, I would have let her handle it, she can be really scary so my intervention wouldn't be necessary). But I see no reason to be kind to a man who sexually harasses a girl or a woman, the fact that he may be on the spectrum is irrelevant to the right any female has to NOT be sexually harassed. I wouldn't yell (unless my daughter was involved), but I would very firmly make it understood that his actions were unacceptable. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 9, 2016 13:11:37 GMT
Yes, dead serious as a matter of fact. It never hurts to be kind. Women have the right to not be sexually harassed by waitstaff, regardless of where said waitstaff may ffall on the autism spectrum. This is about propriety and professionalism, not kindness. Autism is not an excuse for his behavior. It is not unkind to complain about this regardless of the reason behind it. I feel it is unkind of you to expect someone who was inappropriately propositioned to consider the feelings of the man who propositioned her.  I totally agree. It isn't my problem if a waiter has issues. They are there to provide a service, and how they do so reflects directly on the establishment they work for. It becomes my problem if/when they act inappropriately, and in that case I'm going to say something so it hopefully doesn't happen to someone else. If someone doesn't know how to conduct themselves appropriately in a non-skeevy manner while working with the general public, perhaps that's not the best line of work for that person. It is a kindness to the business to discuss it with the manager so the problem can be immediately addressed, considering the other option is to say nothing and go on the Internet and post a bunch of negative reviews which could create a much larger financial impact than comping the meals for one table. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 9, 2016 13:11:47 GMT
So you believe that men who is on the spectrum have a right to sexually harass women? Because that is how I read your comment. Absolutely not! Did you read my original post? No where did I say that anybody on the spectrum should have the right to sexually harass anybody. My original post said the following "I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone". My post was about the way the OP would/should handle a call to the manager. The manager does need to be contacted to let him/her know of the incidents. Who knows, this man may be the child of the restaurant owner or the manager. As I said, it never hurts to be kind. First of all, if you're a grown ass person you don't call and put anybody on blast, because that's not productive. That is not how adults handle complaints or disputes. You call and explain to a manager what happened and give them the facts. If this person happens to be "on the spectrum," it would be NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and maybe not even the manager's business, so they may not even know. The bottom line is that, spectrum or not, no woman should be subject to that kind of comment from waitstaff when she is eating in a restaurant. It is up to the manager to deal with the situation, not up to the customer to diagnose the waitstaff. Giving facts is not being unkind, and hopefully if you're calling a place of business about something like this, while you may be upset, you're not rage-calling. Because that would be psycho. SaveSave |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 9, 2016 14:18:37 GMT
I'd still be inclined to speak to a manager about the inappropriate behavior and comments made to your sister. The "we should go to bed together" comment is more than a little creepy. At the point where he made the inappropriate comment to your sister is exactly when I would ask to speak to a manager immediately. You report what he said (which was pretty much sexual harassment), and you request a different waiter/waitress to be assigned to your table immediately. |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Post by scrappyesq on Jul 9, 2016 17:47:46 GMT
On the spectrum: kindness and a tip.
Not on the spectrum: amnesia.
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Post by BeckyTech on Jul 9, 2016 18:07:47 GMT
If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone". My post was about the way the OP would/should handle a call to the manager. The manager does need to be contacted to let him/her know of the incidents. Who knows, this man may be the child of the restaurant owner or the manager. As I said, it never hurts to be kind. Reading ahead I see that SockMonkey addressed this point. I completely agree with her. "Blasting" anyone is going to turn them deaf to anything you have to say and is not the adult way to deal with any situation. And there is no excuse for propositioning like that. |
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I totally agree. It isn't my problem if a waiter has issues. They are there to provide a service, and how they do so reflects directly on the establishment they work for. It becomes my problem if/when they act inappropriately, and in that case I'm going to say something so it hopefully doesn't happen to someone else. If someone doesn't know how to conduct themselves appropriately in a non-skeevy manner while working with the general public, perhaps that's not the best line of work for that person. 
