M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Jul 9, 2016 18:08:23 GMT
I wouldn't have made a big deal about not getting my food or my drink refilled--although I would have insisted that he take my former Sprite "now it's water" away and get me a new one.
Too many times women put up with obnoxious behaviour from men because they don't want to seem rude, but this type of sexual harassment behaviour must be reported and stopped.
I feel bad for people who have mental disabilities and are socially awkward, but that's no excuse to let sexual harassment behaviour slide. My grandmother used to hire a guy in her church that had Down's Syndrome to do yard work. He was really creepy and said a lot of nasty things. He got away with it because people didn't want to be rude.
At my grandmother's wake, he grabbed me and tried to stick his tongue down my throat. My dad had to drag him out of the room. Not cool. (I was 17)
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Post by Native New Yorker on Jul 9, 2016 18:20:31 GMT
He sounds like someone I know. He's very sweet and well meaning. However he is on the spectrum and has little perception about boundaries and what is appropriate to say. ETA: I answered without reading the responses.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Jul 9, 2016 18:39:41 GMT
Absolutely not! Did you read my original post? No where did I say that anybody on the spectrum should have the right to sexually harass anybody. My original post said the following "I was thinking the same thing. As the mom of a son with autism, I was going to suggest contacting the manager and ask first if the waiter might be on the spectrum. If he said no, then you can blast the manager. If the manager said yes, then be understanding and tell the manager in a more sympathetic tone". My post was about the way the OP would/should handle a call to the manager. The manager does need to be contacted to let him/her know of the incidents. Who knows, this man may be the child of the restaurant owner or the manager. As I said, it never hurts to be kind. First of all, if you're a grown ass person you don't call and put anybody on blast, because that's not productive. That is not how adults handle complaints or disputes. You call and explain to a manager what happened and give them the facts. If this person happens to be "on the spectrum," it would be NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and maybe not even the manager's business, so they may not even know. The bottom line is that, spectrum or not, no woman should be subject to that kind of comment from waitstaff when she is eating in a restaurant. It is up to the manager to deal with the situation, not up to the customer to diagnose the waitstaff. Giving facts is not being unkind, and hopefully if you're calling a place of business about something like this, while you may be upset, you're not rage-calling. Because that would be psycho. SaveSaveYes to all of this! Who said anything about "blasting" anyone? It is possible to bring an issue to someone's attention without losing your mind and ranting and raving. I have the right to feel comfortable in the spaces I occupy, whether those spaces are shared with someone "on the spectrum" or not. I hear an awful lot of bad behavior excused because someone is somewhere "on the spectrum," but I think this takes the cake. You need to think long and hard about what kind of man you want your son to be. Excusing whatever he does because of his diagnosis isn't doing anyone favors.
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Post by scrappysurfer on Jul 9, 2016 20:29:33 GMT
I realize you were probably stunned when he made the comment, but a direct reply "That is a very inappropriate comment and I don't appreciate it or find it funny" could have saved you and your sister some grief. I almost guarantee that at that point he would have straightened up his act and been on point with good service to ensure his tip. Knowing a patron is angry tends to get a server to step up when he thinks his money is on the line. Not everything needs to brought to the manager and put his job at risk. It's possible he misread the situation thinking you thought he was funny and so he went with it.
When I was a server, it drove me crazy when a patron would not say anything to me, but then give me a crappy tip then complain to my manager, especially when it was something out of my control like a long wait for food to come because the kitchen is slammed (I realize this is not the case in your situation, I'm just giving an example from my own experience as a server). If they had just told me something was wrong at that time, I could have fixed it, redeemed myself and earned a better tip.
As for thinking he's on the spectrum, I think it's more likely he was high lol. Still no excuse for shitty service though.
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Post by anniefb on Jul 9, 2016 23:31:40 GMT
I would copy and paste what you wrote up above and email to the restaurant manager. Totally inappropriate for him to speak to you guys like he did, he ruined your drink and didn't replace it, not sure what to say about the guac that wasn't boxed up to go???
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