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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 22, 2016 11:23:53 GMT
While I am sorry to hear that she's having those feelings, I am glad she came to you and that you responded with love and help. The "plan" they sent you home with is insufficient. Definitely follow-up with your pediatrician to develop some counseling services for your daughter. I wish the best for her.
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Post by scrappintoee on Aug 22, 2016 11:28:47 GMT
I've been praying for both of you. Since you said that she told you she actually wanted to die, (So sorry she feels that way!!!)-----did they not want to admit her to into the hospital to start some type of treatment / keep her safe from further self-harm? I hope you're both sound asleep by now, and that things will get better......(( hugs )))
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Post by Patter on Aug 22, 2016 11:58:37 GMT
Heading home with a plan. She should google alternatives to cutting to come up with some alternate outlets, like a rubber band on her arm (I will call our pediatrician tomorrow and come up with a better plan) Thanks everyone for listening!! It really does help to breathe. Oh dear, somehow I missed this update. I am so sorry they sent y'all home like that. I do not think that was wise at all. Glad you are calling your pediatrician today. If it were me, I would request that he see both of you today or at least you to discuss what needs to be done now. Just giving her a rubberband and saying "do this instead" is not right at all. This just grieves me for both you and your daughter. She is reaching out, and they gave her a rubberband. Praying for wisdom as you move forward!!!!
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Post by Patter on Aug 22, 2016 11:59:29 GMT
I've been praying for both of you. Since you said that she told you she actually wanted to die, (So sorry she feels that way!!!)-----did they not want to admit her to into the hospital to start some type of treatment / keep her safe from further self-harm? I hope you're both sound asleep by now, and that things will get better......(( hugs ))) That is what I thought too. I can't believe they didn't admit her because she stated she wanted to die. I am aching for the entire family!
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 22, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
I'm so sorry. Why do we always blame ourselves? It's obvious you are a loving mother. She felt she could come to you.
Hugs to you both. I'm glad you are taking her to the doctor to come up with a plan.
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619
Jul 4, 2014 16:53:27 GMT
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Post by maurchclt on Aug 22, 2016 12:49:22 GMT
Hugs, how scary, she trusted you, she reached out to you. Hoping she gets the help she needs
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 22, 2016 12:59:24 GMT
I'm sorry you and your daughter are going through this and I don't think it's anymore your fault that she is depressed than if she had cancer.
I'm not an expert by any means, but I think you will need to be very proactive to make sure your daughter gets the help she needs. I would talk to the pediatrician and listen to everything he/she has to say, but I would also read everything I could get my hands on about teenage depression and cutting. I would find a professional in the area who has experience treating teenagers who cut. I would expect the healing process to be a long journey.
I will say prayers for you and your daughter.
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Post by threecs on Aug 22, 2016 13:13:02 GMT
That is wonderful she trusted you!
I have been in a similar situation with my DD. if you can find a therapist or a support group that covers dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) sign up. It is an excellent therapy for those with self harm urges. My DD and I are in a DBT group now and it is helpful.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,984
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Aug 22, 2016 13:18:47 GMT
this is not your fault, and especially not your fault for not knowing how bad it was. my parents never knew my struggles either, and it wasn't because they were too busy or not caring or stupid or failures. it was because I hid it so they couldn't make me stop. it sounds like she's ready to stop and the fact that she came to you for help speaks volumes, that she knows you will help her.
I hope the rubber band thing wasn't their entire plan, just a small part of it. but if not, that hospital is appallingly ignorant on this issue! you are doing the right thing getting her someone to talk to and going from there.
big hugs to you and your daughter!
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,592
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Aug 22, 2016 13:19:48 GMT
I can imagine how scary that was for you. However grateful though that she came to you. Praying you are able to get her the help she needs for this.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,029
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 22, 2016 13:21:48 GMT
I am so sorry. You are not a bad mom, the worst thing you can do is blame yourself.
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Peamac
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea # 418
Posts: 4,218
Jun 26, 2014 0:09:18 GMT
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Post by Peamac on Aug 22, 2016 13:29:23 GMT
(((Hugs))) and prayers for you both!
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,177
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Aug 22, 2016 13:44:14 GMT
Don't beat yourself up. Your daughter didn't want you to know that she was cutting - until she did. And then you handled it well. The amount of teenagers who cut is huge. It gives them relief from emotions and feelings they don't know how to deal with. If anyone ever says to you that your daughter was doing it for attention, you have my permission to slap that person. If it was for attention, she wouldn't have kept it a secret.
It is vital that you keep tabs on your DD now. Don't let her sit on her own in her room, monitor her internet usage, (not in a punishing way) keep listening to her. Counselling is important, helping her to work out why she feels the way she does, and looking at healthier ways to deal with her feelings. Rubber bands, drawing on herself with markers, and holding ice cubes can all help to prevent the act of cutting, but they don't address the need to do it.
I send you hugs, support and my shoulder to lean on. I had five horrendous years of my DD self-harming, including an astonishing amount of suicide attempts. We came out the other side just a year ago, but I will never forget how hard it was to keep going, to stay positive and believe that we would get through it. If you want to chat anytime, please PM me.
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Post by blarneygirl on Aug 22, 2016 14:08:08 GMT
It sounds like you are a great mom to me. Your daughter reached out to you, knowing you would be there for her. Sending you strength and my prayers that your daughter is able to use the tools she is learning to help manage her emotions. Wishing you both well!
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Post by jinxmom2003 on Aug 22, 2016 14:13:21 GMT
So sorry for both of you. Hoping she gets the help she needs to feel better.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Aug 22, 2016 14:17:21 GMT
Thank god she felt safe enough to tell you...that's a good thing. Now you can help her get the help she needs. ((hugs))
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Post by mom on Aug 22, 2016 14:20:50 GMT
Hugs. I am so sorry. I will say a prayer for you and your daughter.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,019
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Aug 22, 2016 14:39:58 GMT
Oh, I'm so sorry. Huge mom hugs
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Aug 22, 2016 14:42:00 GMT
Please don't blame yourself. The teen years are so dang hard! It's a scary time of getting to know ourselves, finding our way in this world, hormones, emotions and realizing that life is problematic, not the carefree blissful unawareness we have as children. No wonder teens struggle!
As many before me have pointed out, she came to YOU, she knows your bond and that you will take care of her. That's something to be proud of, seriously,my high I know it's hard to look at that aspect of it through the fear you're feeling.
Sadly, I can see my local hospital giving the same inadequate treatment. But I feel confident that you're a great mom who will insist on a better plan and take each step with her. Now that your sweet daughter has broken out of her isolation in regards to the feelings she's having, I'll bet she feels such relief that she can seek and accept help.
Praying for your family on this road to healing.
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Post by leannec on Aug 22, 2016 15:08:14 GMT
The best thing is that she came to you ... my dd did the same thing a couple of years ago and I'm so thankful Get some good counseling and love her hard
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 22, 2016 15:19:27 GMT
That your dd trusts you enough to share with you is a very good thing and says a lot about your relationship. Another vote for getting her into the pediatrician and counseling today. She needs immediate support. She's young and came to you. She cried for help and you responded. You'll both get through this and she'll find happiness and stability.
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Post by Menjiness on Aug 22, 2016 16:07:40 GMT
I have been here and done this. It is not a fun place, but you will get through it and that she told you is a good thing.
Hugs, Mama! This is NOT your fault.
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Post by destined2bmom on Aug 22, 2016 16:12:04 GMT
Hugs! It's not your fault and I saw your update. I am so glad you brought her to the hospital and I am glad that you are home with a plan. Praying that it gets better for you and your daughter.
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Post by elaine on Aug 22, 2016 16:16:17 GMT
((((Hugs)))))
I think that counseling for each of you would be a good thing to add to your plan.
I'm so glad your daughter felt safe enough to come to you.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,631
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Aug 22, 2016 16:18:41 GMT
Big hugs. I hope today is a better day for you both. Take care.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,996
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Aug 22, 2016 16:18:56 GMT
oh gosh, sending love and hugs to you..and all you moms who have been through this. Poor sweet girls, I can only imagine how painful this must be for you!
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Post by Delta Dawn on Aug 22, 2016 16:24:29 GMT
Cutters don't cut for fun, it's to deal with the pain that's going through their heads. She needs counselling right away. Please get her into therapy asap. I only speak on personal experience. You don't want to see her hurting but she is in a lot of pain and needs help.
You did the right thing taking her in to get her seen. I am giving you and her sincere hugs.
-a former cutter
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 22, 2016 16:25:39 GMT
I am so very sorry! Hang in there and praying for you both now.
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Post by shanni on Aug 22, 2016 17:05:46 GMT
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's so hard to see our babies in such pain. It's such a helpless feeling. Here are a few things I have learned from my all-too-recent experience with my daughter.
1- They can get better!! It won't be easy, but we are only 6 months out and my dd is doing SO much better than she was when she first came to us. There will be setbacks. That's okay. Sometimes you will feel like you are taking 10 steps backward and only 2 forward. Focus on the 2 forward steps.
2- If you haven't done so already, get her into counseling ASAP. The mental health system can be hard to navigate, but hopefully the hospital sent you home with some ideas for therapists she can see? If not, your pediatrician should be able to. Depending on where you live, there may be waiting lists to get into a therapist. Get on every waiting list you can. I made that mistake when I called every therapist in a 2-hour radius. They all had waiting lists. I told them I would try someone else. I ended up spending a second day calling them all again getting on those lists. Once I had my daughter on the lists, it didn't take as long as they had initially told me to actually get in.
3- As strange as it sounds, googling alternates to cutting isn't horrible advice. (With the caveat that she also gets into a good therapist too.) My daughter now has a list that she keeps with her of several different things to try when she begins to feel the urge to cut. Drawing on herself is a good one for her. Holding an ice cube in her hand works sometimes too. She has actually really gotten into the coloring craze and that has helped a ton. Make sure your daughter has a good list of things to try. She will find what works for her. It's vital though that she get into a therapist because while these techniques help curb the cutting, they do not get to the root of why they are cutting. Also- even with these, there will most likely be times she cuts again. She needs to know that she can keep talking to you and that you won't make her feel bad for relapsing. Let her know that she can start fresh tomorrow. Whenever my daughter relapses, it greatly increases the chances of it spiraling out of control. She feels bad about herself, cuts, then feels worse for not being able to "handle it", and cuts again. It's a cycle. Let her know she can always tell you, and just because she cut today, doesn't mean she is a bad or weak person. And it doesn't mean she will cut again tomorrow.
4- I'm sure you've already done this, but I mention it just in case. Make sure you remove any temptations from her room and bathroom. Razors, pencil sharpeners, scissors, fingernail clippers, etc. Also, try to identify triggers and do what you can to reduce those. For my daughter, she started to associate her shower with cutting. We ended up totally redecorating her bathroom to help reduce that trigger. She got to pick things out and make it a more cheery room. I know it sounds weird, but it helped her to stop associating her bathroom with cutting. I also put dry-erase markers where the razor was so she can draw or write on the shower wall.
5- I know how isolating this can feel. When our toddler won't poop on the potty we can go talk to the playgroup moms at the park and get advice. In protecting our teen's privacy, this isn't something we can just go talk to other moms about. But believe me when I say that there are more of us going through it than you would imagine. The fact that she came to you is HUGE. That means that you have kept the lines of communication open and made her feel comfortable enough to trust you with this. You are doing a good job, mom. Keep it up. Come here to confide, dump, whine about how hard this is. We are always here to listen. Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.
(((HUGS)))
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 4:08:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2016 17:30:10 GMT
Your post made me cry. I can imagine how helpless you must feel. Your daughter is lucky she has you for her mom and that you weren't going to ignore and cover up. As a teen, I often felt like that, but I had no-one to confide in. I never harmed myself like that, but I made some very bad decisions because I didn't care what happened. Luckily, I made it through those bad years. I wish I had someone to talk to back then. My life may be very different now. Yes, your daughter is very lucky! Hugs to you, Mama. Feel free to talk to the Peas anytime. You know, we have your back.
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