Advice for a new widow?

I don't have any advice, but I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

I'm so very sorry. Maybe check with the hospital where your husband was being treated? My friend who was widowed young found support groups for herself and for her son through the hospital.

No advice, but I'm very sorry. I hope you are able to find a good support system for you and your son.

I'm so sorry!  Please know I'm praying for you and your little one! (((Hugs)))   jenjie has shared some really good thoughts over the past year- I'm sure she could be of help to you.

Oh honey!! Big Big Big hugs. Im so sorry you have joined the group Biggest thing that helped in the first few months was to breathe and drink my water. Seriously. Many things cannot be done until you have the death certificate in hand so just breathe and drink your water. Eating isn't as important, but I would make sure that you or someone (lean heavily on the someone) has left out easy snack types. Things that don't require you to fix anything. Grazing is the easier way to get food in. I couldn't handle big meals or lange portions for about 3-4 months, but if people left little things out, I would nibble throughout the day. Water is a big deal though.

There is a forum at widda.org it used to be the young widows forum but that forum was shut down a while ago. Word of warning...it is NOT like two peas. It is much slower traffic wise and response wise, but the people there are good people. There is a chat room as well. Its slow too but I hang there during the day. If you are interested PM me and I can get you in.

There is a lot you will have to focus on eventually. Until those certificates show up though, not much can be done right now. I was told that the preliminary ones would be accepted but they weren't. I had to wait for originals. SS is actually fairly easy. Just call them and make an appointment. Take someone with you as it will be very overwhelming but they are used to it. The SS people I dealt with have all been very kind and patient. They walked me through everything and kept it as simple as they could.

My MIL suggested that I put everything in my name only early on for credit reasons. I followed her advice. I don' know if its solid advice or not but I did it

Understand one thing: Your grief is on YOUR Timeline and YOUR timeline only. Nobody else's. People may push you to do things you are not ready to do....hard as it may be, don't let them. You and your son are th only ones who make those decisions.

BIG BIG HUGS again and Im here if you need an ear etc.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

No advice really but I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope and pray that time will lessen your pain and that you and your son are able to find a bit of peace in the days and weeks ahead. 

I'm very sorry for you and your son. I hope you get the information you need.

I am so sorry.  I second the idea of looking up some of jenjie's past threads.  She' been very open about sharing her experience with losing her husband.

Oh, oh, oh. I'm so very sorry. My love and prayers. Huge hugs

I am so sorry for you. I suggest contacting a local hospice group, as I'm sure they have groups for both you and your son. While your husband didn't travel the tradition hospice path (I'm guessing) I don't imagine that would preclude you from participating. I attend a benefit year to support a local hospice organization, and there is a speaker each time--someone who partook of the group's services. We've heard from widows due to both suicide and overdose. Again, not that that is your situation, but only to say that not all paths travel through hospice care prior to death.

Praying for you -- I am so sorry for your loss.

I wish I could advise you, but I can't.  

I didn't want to read and run.  I am so sorry for your loss.

{{{Hugs}}}

Your grief is personally your own. Your feelings are your own. How you adjust and the time it takes you to adapt are yours as well.

I was told by a family member that going down to the Social Security department was the hardest challenge she faced, yet it turned out to be one of my easier hurdles as I had some very complicated things that had to be dealt with.



My challenges have not been scrappinspidey2 's, nor have they been jenjie 's nor DEX 's. Every situation is unique.

That's a reality that may be very difficult for family and friends to understand. They may try to put themselves in your shoes and what they think they would do in your situation may not be helpful to you at all. As long as they are coming from a good place and don't hound you, just a simple nod and thanking them for their concern goes a long way to keeping the peace.

My MIL gave me some of the best advice. "If you don't know what to do, don't do anything." This is not the time to make big decisions. Believe me, you will be making plenty of big decisions along the way; give yourself time off now.

Two weeks means that people who have come from out of town, if any did, have probably all gone. Whatever food was brought is gone or almost gone. Other people are getting back to their own lives and you are left with a strange hole in your home, in your time, in your life. {{{more hugs}}}

This might be a good time to make a very short list of things you would love some help with. Could you use help with your yard? With a vehicle? Could someone go to the market or drug store for you? Write it down and stick it in your purse. Next time someone asks you what they can do, pull out your list and see if anything on it appeals to them.

The holidays will be here all too soon. They will not feel the same to you. You may not be up to decorating or any of your usual activities, yet your child is so young, you're going to need to do something. These are things you could add to your list now.

Examples: Help me put up the Christmas tree and decorate it. Help me get out Christmas cards. Go to the store with me and help me pick out a Halloween costume for my boy. 

This is your list. Nothing is too trivial for it. The devil is in the details and the small things are sometimes the hardest.


I found it very useful to keep simple foods on hand that don't go bad quickly. Things like peanut butter, crackers, etc. Individual servings of foods like apple sauce, yogurt, cheese sticks. Large bags of frozen fruits and vegetables that you can dig into as you need. Cans of soup. Frozen dinners that are well balanced and ready made. Cases of water - because a bottle of water or water in a spill-proof cup - can travel around with you throughout the day making you much more likely to drink enough.


The number one thing that I have found for myself that helps me to sleep is YouTube. I have headphones for times I'm around family that are already sleeping. I find videos of things that I am interested in but are a little too long and snuggle up watching them on my Kindle in bed with the brightness dimmed and the volume set at the lowest I can make out what they are saying. Really does put me out. Think of reading to your child at bedtime and how that can make them very sleepy and you'll get the picture. 


Again, you will have challenges that are big but seem like they should be trivial. There's no such thing as too trivial right now. 

{{{more hugs}}}