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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 25, 2016 2:19:09 GMT
If she had been with me a few years yes I would have.
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Post by annabella on Oct 25, 2016 2:21:31 GMT
My initial response was no, but then I read the responses. I think saying no would change your relationship with her. She would then be embarrassed and be angry at you and then you have a disgruntled employee. She views you as someone with disposable income who can hire a luxury service, so you're not living paycheck to paycheck, so you have $100 sitting around. I think to keep a good relationship with someone who is in my home and taking care of my things, I don't want her to be resentful of me, so I would front one paycheck.
A car repair is an urgent need. So where else would she get the money? You know so I would keep that in mind. I remember my previous small employer had the option to advance a paycheck so there's people out there that do that. I don't know if she could get a bank loan without a steady job? I wouldn't expect a house cleaner to have a savings account.
I also think that non-office workers are unprofessional when it comes to keeping a schedule, etc. I see that with my friends who get minor construction inside their home. That's why she thinks nothing of switching days with you. And if you're always easy going about it, she thinks nothing of doing it again. You have to let her know this bothers you and that you don't like switching your schedule to accommodate her.
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Post by txdancermom on Oct 25, 2016 2:27:47 GMT
Been in that situation,and I have given the advance. Usually happens about once a year, and usually the end of the week before she comes. She has always come and usually does a little more on those weeks as a thanks it seems.
A couple times I have refused (usually when I don't have the money myself).
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Post by chaosisapony on Oct 25, 2016 3:07:35 GMT
How awkward.
It seems that every time in my life I have been asked for money and given it people just ask for more and more and more. So now I just have a blanket rule of saying no. This situation is a little different though as she is your employee. I think I would have replied offering her extra work but I wouldn't offer an advance on the regular services.
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 25, 2016 3:09:31 GMT
How often does she come, and for how long? That would affect my answer.
I have a cleaning person, and she comes every other week for three hours. She has a bunch of other people whose homes she cleans, including one where she cleans two or three times a week; I don't know that I'd feel like her "employer", if that makes sense. My nanny, on the other hand, where I am her main employer -- I'd have no problem doing something like this as a one-off.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Oct 25, 2016 3:16:03 GMT
This makes my heart hurt... For her to ask for an advance makes me believe she had no other options.
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Post by ceepea on Oct 25, 2016 3:24:07 GMT
No, I would not have given the money. I try to keep my "business" stuff separate.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 25, 2016 3:35:17 GMT
This is an interesting dilemma. My first response would have been yes, if I could have afforded to lose the money. Upon reflection, I do not think you were wrong.
I think you have to go by your instincts. If this is a person you trust and feel she tries her hardest, then yes, I would give the advance (still with the expectation in my head that it is not coming back). If she is someone you are still wary of, then no, I would not.
If I were in desperate need of an advance, I would phrase it differently and explain how I'd pay it back. I'd also first ask for extra jobs. Both of those things show a willingness it does not APPEAR that this person showed.
I certainly wouldn't say OP was heartless!!! I think you have to walk in both their shoes. Some people will ask for anything!!
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Oct 25, 2016 3:35:41 GMT
I would have. She's been with you for years, does a good job so if it was in my budget to hand over that amount then yes, I would.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Oct 25, 2016 3:41:25 GMT
My housekeeper has been with me for 17+ years, so yes, I would. She never has, and I would be very surprised if she did, because she's had deaths in the family, emergency returns to Mexico, and she's never asked.
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Post by anniefb on Oct 25, 2016 4:18:49 GMT
No I wouldn't have paid an advance. If it was in the budget, I might have given a small financial gift but I think it would be too hard to keep track of things if you've already paid for work that hasn't been done yet.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 12:15:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 4:29:36 GMT
For a 2 year relationship, yes, I probably would do it. I'd be mildly anxious waiting to see if it changed anything with her or if she made up the advance on schedule.
Not sure if I missed what it was for - a broken car would really pull my heartstrings. BTDT, and ugh.
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Post by papersilly on Oct 25, 2016 4:47:50 GMT
We would. We've had our cleaning lady for 31 years (I'm not even 50 yet so a better part of my life). I would do it because she's earned it.
now, if we only had her for a couple of years like you, probably not. If she didn't like it, oh well. We could find a new person.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Oct 25, 2016 4:49:34 GMT
I don't think I would. It makes things awkward.
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Post by mommastruedel on Oct 25, 2016 5:22:52 GMT
I have done it in your situation. I had the same lady for a few years before she asked. Like you, I felt if it wasn't a dire need , she wouldn't have asked. She borrowed and then worked the loan off. And then she asked for more and didn't work it off. And now I haven't seen her in a while. Lesson learned.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Oct 25, 2016 5:41:13 GMT
Nope.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Oct 25, 2016 6:54:20 GMT
This was me. I cleaned homes and offices around the time I got married. I was pretty naive about weddings, and the need to buy him a wedding band caught me by surprise.
One of my clients was a sweet older couple who I had worked for about 3 years. They took an interest in me, and when I asked for an advance, they did.
They also were invited to my wedding, and came.
I gradually dropped my cleaning jobs, switching to childcare as baby after baby came, but I continued working for this couple until after I'd had my 4th. I hated to let them go.
OP, you are the one who knows what you're comfortable with. I hope this won't change or ruin your business relationship with your cleaner. It doesn't have to.
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ingrid
Full Member
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Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Oct 25, 2016 7:18:25 GMT
I would have advanced her holiday bonus.
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joelise
Drama Llama
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Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on Oct 25, 2016 8:22:11 GMT
I would have given her the advance. I would assume that since she asked she must be desperate with no other options. You trust her in your house so I would trust her to return and do the job that you had paid her in advance for.
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ingrid
Full Member
Posts: 490
Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Oct 25, 2016 9:03:16 GMT
I would not have. To be honest, the request would hAve made me extremely uncomfortable, especially given that this person has access to my house and valuables. In light of her diminishing value in combined with the pretty obnoxious request, I would probably be thinking about replacing her. That's the thing - now I feel like I gotta cut her loose. And start all over again with yet another cleaning person and begin that whole process over again. Dammit. SaveSaveI kept thinking about this whole thing after I replied because I started to remember the times my dad bailed-out his employees for one thing or another. And I'm not talking about something as tame as car problems. He actually posted bail for one guy. They were computer technicians and this was before Geek Squad or similar companies existed, so it wasn't hard for my father to find qualified candidates if he wanted to replace an employee who was struggling. But while they may have cause him more than a few headaches (not to mention the fact that money was always tight in my family, so helping out with bail, marriage counseling, or getting electricity turned back on because the account was delinquent had an immediate impact on our household) they were incredibly loyal to him, and he was not an easy person to work for, trust me. 20 years later, they still keep in touch and make time to visit him. This woman has worked for you for a couple of years and hasn't asked you for an advance or loan before now, which makes me feel like she's probably up against a wall and left with no other option. People are commenting about how wrong of her it was to ask for help and make you feel uncomfortable. I'm willing to bet that your discomfort pales in comparison to what she felt when she asked you about an advance. Maybe I'm wrong and she's been playing the super long con, cleaning your toilets for years only to trick you into giving her several hundred dollars. She didn't make an issue of you refusing to advance her the money. You said she reacted as though it were no big deal. This just happened, so you don't even know if any of this will impact her attitude or work performance, but you're already thinking you've "gotta cut her loose" after at least two years of service, and right before the holidays, because she asked you a question that makes you feel super gross. I hope you at least reconsider firing her. I would also start doing performance evaluations if you feel she needs to step it up.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 25, 2016 10:07:54 GMT
Seriously? She has been with you for a few years and has done a good job. A few times has had to change the schedule days but always comes. Right? How much do you pay her? Less than a hundred a week? You've known her for years and trusted her to come into your home and do a god job for you. She has probably humbled herself to ask this of you and used all her other resources. You can't take a chance on her??? You would rather let her go because she asked and have to relearn and reteach someone knew and build trust with someone new? Wow, just wow. I would have gladly "lent" it to her. and let her pay me back a little over time, maybe deducting a bit out the next few weeks cleanings. Learn some humanity and humility. Well, you've stated this a bit harshly, but you've also voiced some of my own feelings about my decision. She's been with me for 2 years, and I've only known her two years. Dial back the hyperbole a bit. I don't know her other resources, nor do I want to. I don't think that I'm wrong to want a professional relationship with someone who cleans for me 2x per month. She has many other clients, she is not my employee. I'm also not very interested in becoming someone who has to ask for my money "back". I'd give it without strings. But, yeah. I am kind of on the fence about this one. SaveSave
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 25, 2016 10:11:10 GMT
How often does she come, and for how long? That would affect my answer. I have a cleaning person, and she comes every other week for three hours. She has a bunch of other people whose homes she cleans, including one where she cleans two or three times a week; I don't know that I'd feel like her "employer", if that makes sense. My nanny, on the other hand, where I am her main employer -- I'd have no problem doing something like this as a one-off. 2x a month, and as far as I know, she has several other clients. SaveSave
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 25, 2016 10:13:06 GMT
My initial response was no, but then I read the responses. I think saying no would change your relationship with her. I think so, too. I also think that saying "yes" would change the relationship as well. If you know what I mean. SaveSave
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Oct 25, 2016 11:05:57 GMT
Wow, just wow. I would have gladly "lent" it to her. and let her pay me back a little over time, maybe deducting a bit out the next few weeks cleanings. Learn some humanity and humility. OP, it comes down to your read of the situation and the person making the request. And of course, we here know absolutely nothing about your overall capacity for humanity and humility. Wow-just-wow, indeed. If you say no, you might reconsider letting this woman go, though. In addition to affecting her financially when she's already hurting, it might prevent her from asking anybody for help in the future. On the other hand, maybe she makes a habit of asking help from clients. So again, this comes down to a personal "read," but it's a tough one. Good luck.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,418
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
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Post by YooHoot on Oct 25, 2016 11:16:47 GMT
I probably would have done one week and then offered a few extra jobs or asked a few friends if there was any extra work for my housekeeper. She's been with you a few years, I'm assuming you trust her and nothing has ever gone missing etc. But ultimately it's your decision.
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Post by llinin on Oct 25, 2016 11:17:43 GMT
I would not have loaned it. My BIL had a guy who shoveled the driveway every snow for years. Asked for an advance once, worked it off next snow. Asked for another advance, got it, then asked for a third before he could work off the 2nd (no snow) and when turned down never came back. BIL was bummed, he had done a good job.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Oct 25, 2016 11:36:38 GMT
I think that if I were planning on giving her a holiday cash bonus I would give it to her now. Otherwise, I think my answer is no. It's definitely an uncomfortable situation for both of you.
Edited to add: I would think if there were any other things that I needed to have done that I could pay her for.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 25, 2016 11:37:17 GMT
If she had been with me a couple of years and I liked her work, to be honest, I would have just given her the money as a bonus, no repayment needed. If one can afford a cleaning lady, that bonus should not be a hardship.
There was a time in my life I needed help and I was ashamed to ask for it. These days, I help when and where I can.
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Oct 25, 2016 11:53:25 GMT
This is such a personal decision that only you know what you are comfortable with.
Would I do it? I would like to think yes. She has worked for you for two years and clearly you trust her and she does a decent job. I am in the school of thought that this was probably just as hard on her to need to ask for help. She must feels that she can trust you enough to ask and her response to the no seems to have been taken just fine too. You mentioned that she has car trouble and that would be a huge concern for osmeone who uses their vehicle to get to her cleaning duties. Someone mentioned putting it on a credit card but not everyone has a card. Trying to get extra work to earn th eneeded money may have been impossible also, without a running car. I also read that others say you need to consider letting her go because she has access to to your home and valuables - she has had access for 2 years and isn't stealing from you, she asked for an advance, if she were that desparate and lacked morals, she could have taken things before. I am not sure why everyone expects the worst from people. Has no one on here ever had financial difficulties/emergencies.
I definitely won't judge you but if it were me and I could have done it, i would have helped a fellow human out. A little kindness goes a long way.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
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Post by schizo319 on Oct 25, 2016 12:32:11 GMT
Nope. I would however have offered to pay her for some extra work around the house that's outside her normal scope of work - "spring cleaning" type of things that only get done once or twice a year.
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