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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 14:18:37 GMT
Cold hearted bitch here...no loans. I work at a national personal injury firm and am shocked by the amount of staff who thinks it's appropriate to ask the owners for a loan "because they can spare it".
I may give her her Christmas bonus early, but if that's a tradition it may have already been mentally "spent" for Christmas, so there will likely be another cash crunch then.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 25, 2016 14:50:00 GMT
Cold hearted bitch here...no loans. I work at a national personal injury firm and am shocked by the amount of staff who thinks it's appropriate to ask the owners for a loan "because they can spare it". I may give her her Christmas bonus early, but if that's a tradition it may have already been mentally "spent" for Christmas, so there will likely be another cash crunch then. I don't lend money, either. I will give $10 or $20 here or there if we can spare it, but I have watched my sister be bled dry by people asking for money and then never bothering to pay her back (and then having to hear about how much she trusted them) over and over and over again and she continues to do it, too...it's usually not money she can afford to loan, either, which means she ends up suffering because of someone else's sob story. Watching this virtually my entire life makes me dislike the idea of loaning money to anyone...including family. If someone is upset about a financial situation, I might take them out to lunch or something so they can vent their problems and be an ear to listen to over the phone or during a visit at either or our homes, but I draw a line at lending money. My sister (same sister as above) once asked to borrow my car for an afternoon. Said she pay for it's use (hers was in the shop) and we agreed. After she returned the car and paid us, she complained to ALL of her friends how horrible we were for forcing her to pay us to use a car we weren't using (meaning, we removed the car seats from that car and used the other one that day because my husband wasn't comfortable with her driving his car...but it was a car we used daily at that time) for a few hours because 'how could you do that to family?'...I'm a firm believe if you offer to pay someone you're close to for something, if they choose to do it for free or keep you to the offer, that's up to them, you shouldn't offer expecting them to decline payment 'because family'...if you want it for free, then say so and they can make a decision based on honest information. Mind you, this was the same sister who complained that I wasn't paying her, my father or my boyfriend (husband now) gas money for taking me to school while I was in college and when I gave each person a $20-$40 (depending on how frequently that person drove me to school) check for gas, she was the only one to cash it. That type of behavior has made me all that more unwilling to lend to anyone. I took from that that it didn't matter what I chose to do, if it could be taken as an affront to her and leaves me over analyzing the situation...if I'm going to end up gossiped about to people I hardly know even if I agree to their terms, I might as well not put myself out and just decline.
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Post by Prenticekid on Oct 25, 2016 15:02:00 GMT
A woman had some financial difficulty and she was looking for resources. She did not ask for a handout. She asked for an advance. You know, even in "business" situations, we can be compassionate. For everyone trying to draw a line between business and personal, don't kid yourselves, if you are cannot be compassionate with someone who has worked for you for a few years, then you probably aren't as compassionate in your personal relationships as you think you are.
It is horrible that the OP now thinks the woman is going to steal off of her. Making that leap is like saying every time one of us has a problem, we are going to commit a criminal act. OP even wants to terminate her for making things "awkward." That is just bewildering to me.
I guess you can tell my answer to the question: I would "loan" the money in the situation described. I would not let it become a habit or let myself be taken advantage of, but there is just no way I would not help someone I've known for years who is in a tight situation. In fact, if possible, depending on my cash flow, I would most likely make it a gift or a bonus. Saying no for the sake of saying no would cost me more emotionally and spiritually than the $ I gave.
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IAmUnoriginal
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Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Oct 25, 2016 15:19:24 GMT
If you like her, and she does a good job for you, I would give her her holiday bonus early. There is nothing to keep track of on weeks owed. She's taken care of and has reliable, safe transportation to get from client to client. You feel a little good for helping out someone who comes into your home and helps care for your family. I'd also consider offering her a flat dollar amount to come in and do a pre-holiday deep clean. Make a list of what you want done that she doesn't normally handle and see if she wants to do it. If she's hurting for the money, she might be very thankful for the opportunity to get what amounts to overtime.
I'd approach it with "I've been thinking about you and your need for extra funds. I think I've found a way that you can earn some extra cash and we don't have to muddle our business relationship."
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 25, 2016 15:21:51 GMT
A woman had some financial difficulty and she was looking for resources. She did not ask for a handout. She asked for an advance. You know, even in "business" situations, we can be compassionate. For everyone trying to draw a line between business and personal, don't kid yourselves, if you are cannot be compassionate with someone who has worked for you for a few years, then you probably aren't as compassionate in your personal relationships as you think you are. It is horrible that the OP now thinks the woman is going to steal off of her. Making that leap is like saying every time one of us has a problem, we are going to commit a criminal act. OP even wants to terminate her for making things "awkward." That is just bewildering to me. I guess you can tell my answer to the question: I would "loan" the money in the situation described. I would not let it become a habit or let myself be taken advantage of, but there is just no way I would not help someone I've known for years who is in a tight situation. In fact, if possible, depending on my cash flow, I would most likely make it a gift or a bonus. Saying no for the sake of saying no would cost me more emotionally and spiritually than the $ I gave. If paying people back or actually working off the debt was common and bailing out on the debt owed was a rarity, I'm certain that more people would say 'I absolutely would' but the truth is that when you loan money, unless you're a bank with recourse, it's a crap shoot to know if the person is actually going to hold up their end of the bargain.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 15:24:30 GMT
I am definitely not compassionate with coworkers. You have no idea what goes on at home - they can (and will) present one persona and have a vastly different one after hours. Ditto with tenants. I have heard too many repeated sad sob stories and will not enable. If I have cash on me (rare) I will give it. But we are talking $5.00 to get coffee or a sandwich or a bus ride.
I had a past employee contact me repeatedly for a $500.00 loan. For her horse boarding fees. This was years after we worked together. Because I "looked" like I could afford it. Subsequently I learned of her opiod addiction. Perhaps unrelated, but I am glad I did not take the chance. I just take care of my own.
OP - is public transportation a viable option for her?
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Post by scrapsotime on Oct 25, 2016 15:29:04 GMT
I would not advance money in that situation. I'm assuming that this is not a regular in home domestic employee that you pay payroll taxes on and that you are just one client of this woman, which makes her a business owner (unless she works for a service). IMO, it's not good business to ever ask a client for a loan.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
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Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Oct 25, 2016 15:30:42 GMT
I did not finish reading the responses, just halfway through the first page so forgive me if this was stated.
She asked you this in a text? If I had the nerve to ask for money up front, a phone call or face to face conversation is the best. Not a text.
Like others, I would have said no, too. She is not reliable (sticking to set schedule). And the text would have really thrown me.
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Post by seikashaven on Oct 25, 2016 15:40:48 GMT
I don't loan money so I would have declined. My employer would never advance me funds and I think that's normal and appropriate. That doesn't mean I'm not compassionate or wouldn't try to connect her with other resources - public transportation information , holiday bonus paid early or recommendation for a reasonable car repair place.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Oct 25, 2016 16:08:15 GMT
Nope, nope, nope. I give to the charities of my choosing. I don't want to be put in the position of being made to refuse a request for a loan. I might feel differently if she worked for me for a lot of years, but even two years for someone who cleans your house a few hours a month is not there for me. It's even more galling for people to assume "I can afford it". I can afford what i'm willing to spend and unless i'm discussing my family finances in depth with you, you have no idea what i can afford and what i can't.
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Post by ilikepink on Oct 25, 2016 16:37:34 GMT
It's awkward all the way around. I'd like to think I'd give her the money (assuming I had it) with no expectations of repayment, or find extra cleaning to be done to increase her pay. Unfortunately, a lot of people get stuck in that "need and advance" cycle and can't break free.
This past spring, the service I used for my lawn didn't come back (guess I wasn't a big enough job for them). A kid from the neighborhood walked by one day and offered to do my lawn. We settled on the same price I had paid the service; I'd leave an envelope outside in a designated spot when I knew he was coming. One time, he took the envelope (on a Thursday), texted me to say he took it, and would do the lawn on Friday. Well Friday, Saturday and Sunday came and went with no sign of him. I texted him each day with some version of "Hey are you coming?" with no response. Finally on Monday I sent a lengthy text stating how disappointed I was, thought he was a stand up guy, etc. He responded with apologies - got stuck at his regular job and he couldn't get there. Wanted to come and do the lawn, wanted to make it right. I had him come do the lawn, and we agreed that going forward he would have to come back to my house after I came home from work to get paid. It put a bad taste in my mouth, but I think he learned a life lesson (or I'd like to think he did.
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freebird
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Oct 25, 2016 17:18:09 GMT
The more I thnk about this, the more I think that the best answer is "here, let me give you your Christmas bonus right now. I'll see you on Tuesday." I think it's hard not to assume that they'll be back begging for more money later (and some will). At THAT point is when you can decide if you'll keep this relationship up or not.
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scrappinghappy
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Post by scrappinghappy on Oct 25, 2016 17:32:33 GMT
I wouldn't loan her the money and I don't think I'd just give it to her either but I would offer her the opportunity to earn it. There is always stuff that can be done around my house and if she wanted to tack on a few hours more to her weekly cleanings or come an extra day for a couple of weeks I'm sure I could make that work
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 18:56:27 GMT
I'm too cynical and would have said no in your situation where this is someone who works for you a few hours every two weekd and probably would look into replacing her because she has crossed a line that will be hard to forget. Had she asked while cleaning for extra work or references/asking if you knew of anyone else, etc, that is one thing.
I have to agree that we have found housecleaners (and landscaping/mowers) to diminish the quality of work over time. They just get comfortable. And for now, we have chosen not to keep that cost in our budget because of issues like yours.
Plus just because you can afford a housecleaner (which for us means that money comes from something else, not necessarily an "extra"), doesn't mean you have extra money to loan. I hate when others have expectations on how much I have and where I should spend it honestly. I do give out of charity and compassion but NOT because someone else decides how and where. I don't donate "through" stores, orthodontist offices, etc. I donate directly.... That doesn't make me uncharitable or heartless..
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
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Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 25, 2016 19:44:43 GMT
A It is horrible that the OP now thinks the woman is going to steal off of her. Making that leap is like saying every time one of us has a problem, we are going to commit a criminal act. OP even wants to terminate her for making things "awkward." That is just bewildering to me. No one said anything about stealing. ?? Please don't put words in my mouth. SaveSave
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kibblesandbits
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Aug 13, 2016 13:47:39 GMT
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Post by kibblesandbits on Oct 25, 2016 19:48:28 GMT
Okay - here's what I ended up doing today. After reading all input and turning the situation over in my head all night, I realized that what I wasn't comfortable with was the presumed "work" that would go along with fronting money, as well las the position of being "owed". So - I texted her this morning and said that "check for x$ on door for you. No strings. Get your car fixed."
I think this the best end to the situation. If there is another request for money, then I'm going to have to part ways with her. I'm not a bank.
I feel better. Well, at least okay about the whole thing.
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Post by pierkiss on Oct 25, 2016 19:51:21 GMT
I think that is incredibly generous of you.
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caro
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Post by caro on Oct 25, 2016 20:00:13 GMT
I love what you did for her right now. If she asks again then she has more problems than you can solve. Kindness goes a long way in life.
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Oct 25, 2016 20:04:55 GMT
Oh my. You went above and beyond. What a sweet person you are .
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 25, 2016 20:07:16 GMT
That was a very nice thing to do. I probably would have offered her more work if I could afford it.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 10:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2016 20:09:52 GMT
You are definitely a better person than I would be in the same situation... I hope in the end it works out well for you and that she truly does appreciate it.
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marimoose
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Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Oct 25, 2016 20:22:26 GMT
Now that is some good karma you have created for yourself. I feel tears creeping up into my eyes, giving me the belief that there are good people out there. Thank you for making my day and likely hers. I am happy that you feel better too. BRAVO! ::
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cycworker
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Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Oct 25, 2016 20:29:46 GMT
Seriously? She has been with you for a few years and has done a good job. A few times has had to change the schedule days but always comes. Right? How much do you pay her? Less than a hundred a week? You've known her for years and trusted her to come into your home and do a god job for you. She has probably humbled herself to ask this of you and used all her other resources. You can't take a chance on her??? You would rather let her go because she asked and have to relearn and reteach someone knew and build trust with someone new? Wow, just wow. I would have gladly "lent" it to her. and let her pay me back a little over time, maybe deducting a bit out the next few weeks cleanings. Learn some humanity and humility. I will sit next to you on this bench. It isn't as if she was newly hired or has asked previously. Obviously something came up and she needed extra cash. I would have loaned it to her and perhaps offered her extra work to work it off instead of paying me back. There are always walls to scrub or closets that need cleaning. SaveMake space for me, too. Heck, if I could afford it I'd call it an early Christmas present & not expect to be paid back.
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ingrid
Full Member
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Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Oct 25, 2016 20:33:10 GMT
What an incredibly kind thing you've done. I have the goofiest smile plastered on my face after reading your update.
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Post by jemali on Oct 25, 2016 20:34:33 GMT
That was a very generous thing for you to do.
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ingrid
Full Member
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Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Oct 25, 2016 20:39:27 GMT
Now that is some good karma you have created for yourself. I feel tears creeping up into my eyes, giving me the belief that there are good people out there. Thank you for making my day and likely hers. I am happy that you feel better too. BRAVO! :: This is EXACTLY what I wanted to convey but I was so surprised and happy that I couldn't find the words. Well said!
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Oct 25, 2016 20:40:27 GMT
Okay - here's what I ended up doing today. After reading all input and turning the situation over in my head all night, I realized that what I wasn't comfortable with was the presumed "work" that would go along with fronting money, as well las the position of being "owed". So - I texted her this morning and said that "check for x$ on door for you. No strings. Get your car fixed." I think this the best end to the situation. If there is another request for money, then I'm going to have to part ways with her. I'm not a bank. I feel better. Well, at least okay about the whole thing. That is good to hear. You did the right thing.
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Post by utpea on Oct 25, 2016 20:42:07 GMT
You did such a nice thing by giving the $$ to your cleaning lady. My cleaning lady works very hard and I know it's not an easy job. If my child was in a situation where they reached out to someone they knew for help, I hope the person would be as kind and giving as you. I hope you feel good about your decision. Even though I don't know you personally, reading about your good deed made me smile. People like you make the world a better place.
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Post by scrapaddict702 on Oct 25, 2016 20:45:53 GMT
What a nice thing to do. I often wish we had the resources to make someone's day like that, but we simply don't have the means (and if we did, my husband wouldn't be working 2 jobs). Good for you for making such a kindhearted decision!!
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Rhondito
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Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Oct 25, 2016 20:51:23 GMT
I love what you did for her right now. If she asks again then she has more problems than you can solve. Kindness goes a long way in life. Couldn't have said it any better. You did a good thing! Save
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