freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Post by freebird on Nov 23, 2016 1:01:24 GMT
Husband and I are going to be in the area of one of his good high school friends (Joe) in a few days. He msgs friend's wife and she kind of gives him the brush off. They are going to be visiting family on Thanksgiving - which is about 4 blocks - literally - from my IL's house. We'll be there on Thanksgiving too.
So tonight he gets a text from one of his other HS friends and it says "Hi buddy Joe and "James" (other high school friend) are going to be at my house on Thanksgiving evening. We talked it over and would like to invite you and freebird."
Is it just me, or did he just say that they had to decide together that we'd be invited? Clearly they'd already made plans together and decided to add us at the last min. Uhh.. thanks? I haven't said a word to my husband but I am a little offended honestly. Especially after Joe's wife was basically like "yeah, we're going to be visiting *family*, sorry."
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Post by littlemama on Nov 23, 2016 1:05:20 GMT
They "talked it over"? WTF? All they had to say was Hey, Thing 1 and Thing 2 are stopping by after the family shenanigans. Why don't you and freebird stop by after your family crap is done"
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 23, 2016 1:07:18 GMT
I would chalk it up to awkward texting and not being able to read tone and try to not be offended. Go see the friends and have a good time.
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on Nov 23, 2016 1:08:04 GMT
I would chalk it up to awkward texting and not being able to read tone and try to not be offended. Go see the friends and have a good time. I agree with this, plus they may not have known that you were going to be in the area when they originally made the plans. Go and have a good time! |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 23, 2016 1:10:15 GMT
Yea, it sort of sounds like they are "ok, lets just invite them" Esp after you had already texted the one wife. Maybe it's because they are bit closer? Do the rest of them live closer together?
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Nov 23, 2016 1:10:23 GMT
I would chalk it up to awkward texting and not being able to read tone and try to not be offended. Go see the friends and have a good time. I agree with this, plus they may not have known that you were going to be in the area when they originally made the plans. Go and have a good time! The host? Probably didn't know. But Joe's wife did. Seems just weird. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Nov 23, 2016 1:11:00 GMT
Also, if one of my husband's friends asked me about getting together I would defer to my husband, they are his friends so it's up to him if he wants to see them. I am not going to say anything one way or the other and then get grief for not answering the way he would have wanted to  |
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Why
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Post by Why on Nov 23, 2016 1:11:20 GMT
I don't know how I would feel. I think I would take into consideration that a guy wrote it and in my experience they can really 'step in in' when it comes to social things sometimes. Yes I know that is not ALL guys but the ones I know wouldn't even see the problem with how it is written so would probably write that themselves.
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Nov 23, 2016 1:13:53 GMT
Yea, it sort of sounds like they are "ok, lets just invite them" Esp after you had already texted the one wife. Maybe it's because they are bit closer? Do the rest of them live closer together? Hometown is where Host lives. We live about 2 hours north. James and his wife (which have stayed at our home before) are about an hour south-ish. Joe and his wife are about 600 miles away. Everyone graduated together in hometown. My husband asked Joe's wife about this around 3-4 days ago. Sounds like there's been a big conversation/discussion about us. Hubs just said to me "did you notice that they make time for host but not us?" Oh well, if husband wants to go, I'll go. I know all of them so at least there'll be someone to talk to. I just thought it was kind of awkward. |
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 13:50:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 1:25:20 GMT
Why didn't your DH ask Host or Joe or James rather than the wife? Why didn't DH check to see what James or Host was doing also? Sounds like Joe and James already had plans with the Host and Joe and/or James had to check with the host before inviting you. Did you not want to see Host also? Joe's wife probably didn't feel like she had the right to invite you to Host's home which is not hers and didn't want to tell you in case Host didn't want to invite you. In my mind she did the polite thing for the Host and mentioned to Joe and/or to James and they mentioned you to Host who then invited you both.
I wouldn't be offended at all. They could have just totally ignored you and not invited you.
eta: realize that your DH made time for Joe, but not James or the host? |
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Nov 23, 2016 1:28:30 GMT
Why didn't your DH ask Joe or James rather than the wife? Why didn't DH check to see what James was doing? Sounds like Joe and James (host) already had plans and Joe had to check with James (host) before inviting you. Did you not want to see Host also? Joe's wife probably didn't feel like she had the right to invite you to Host's home which is not hers and didn't want to tell you in case Host didn't want to invite you. In my mind she did the polite thing for the Host and mentioned to Joe and/or to James and they invited you both. I wouldn't be offended at all. We're talking 3 guys here Host Joe - the friend from out of state James - the guy about an hour away. My husband asked Joe's wife because he also went to HS with her and joe doesn't get on FB much. I think you missed the part where we're going to be near where Joe lives, so we were going to visit with them there (hours away), but she said "sorry, we're going to be busy in hometown with family." |
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 13:50:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 1:30:37 GMT
I think you're overthinking it. I'd chalk it up to awkward texting and give it zero more thoughts other than go if you want, or decline if that's your preference.
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 13:50:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2016 1:46:19 GMT
Could the "we" mean the host and wife talked it over?
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Post by winogirl on Nov 23, 2016 1:49:03 GMT
I'd give them the benefit of the doubt this time, but little things like that I keep in file in my brain to weigh in future words and actions from people.
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eastcoastpea
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Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Nov 23, 2016 2:09:14 GMT
I can see how "We talked it over" might seem weird.
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Post by anonrefugee on Nov 23, 2016 2:19:21 GMT
I don't make commitments for my DH without reviewing with him first. Maybe she doesn't either. If she was also busy when she got your DH message she might have responded abruptly.
Of course everyone is talking about you if they are ttying to make plans. That doesn't mean the talk is negative. Unless you have a reason to believe there's a problem you should go and have fun.
Don't let a few sentences interfere with decades of friendship.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Nov 23, 2016 2:23:18 GMT
Another vote for awkward texting. It could mean something then again it could not. It could just mean that talking it over was something like, duh they're in town, we should invite them.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Nov 23, 2016 2:24:12 GMT
I think you are both reading WAY too much into this. I also think that you already have a bad attitude about it, so why not just skip it?
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blue tulip
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Post by blue tulip on Nov 23, 2016 2:28:51 GMT
Why didn't your DH ask Host or Joe or James rather than the wife? Why didn't DH check to see what James or Host was doing also? Sounds like Joe and James already had plans with the Host and Joe and/or James had to check with the host before inviting you. Did you not want to see Host also? Joe's wife probably didn't feel like she had the right to invite you to Host's home which is not hers and didn't want to tell you in case Host didn't want to invite you. In my mind she did the polite thing for the Host and mentioned to Joe and/or to James and they mentioned you to Host who then invited you both.
I wouldn't be offended at all. They could have just totally ignored you and not invited you.
eta: realize that your DH made time for Joe, but not James or the host? i agree with this. your DH waited until there was a week before a major holiday to ask his friend what he was doing, and his friend had already made plans with other friends. wife can't say yes, because they aren't hosting, and she probably felt put on the spot and didn't want to say "we're hanging out with these other friends you know" and make you feel left out. so instead she just said "family", and passed it on to her DH. who then talked with their friends and invited you.
it seems like you're being overly sensitive about this, to me.
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blue tulip
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Post by blue tulip on Nov 23, 2016 2:31:46 GMT
Yea, it sort of sounds like they are "ok, lets just invite them" Esp after you had already texted the one wife. Maybe it's because they are bit closer? Do the rest of them live closer together? Hometown is where Host lives. We live about 2 hours north. James and his wife (which have stayed at our home before) are about an hour south-ish. Joe and his wife are about 600 miles away. Everyone graduated together in hometown. My husband asked Joe's wife about this around 3-4 days ago. Sounds like there's been a big conversation/discussion about us. Hubs just said to me "did you notice that they make time for host but not us?"Oh well, if husband wants to go, I'll go. I know all of them so at least there'll be someone to talk to. I just thought it was kind of awkward. but if host invite them before you did.. what did you want them to do, wait and see if an invite would be coming from you guys? IMO that invite should've come weeks ago, people need time to plan. |
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peagia13
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Sept 2, 2016 19:52:32 GMT
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Post by peagia13 on Nov 23, 2016 2:50:28 GMT
Does your husband want to catch up w his friends? If yes, then accept the invitation and let the other extemporaneous situations go.
If no, then politely decline.
It serves no one to give merit to all the potential surrounding drama. So they didn't communicate well and may have changed their minds or whatever. Don't sweat it.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 23, 2016 3:24:20 GMT
I think you guys are all missing the details?!! There are 4 guys who go to school together. 3 of them are getting together over Tday. The other lives further away, but tells wife that Hey! we are going to be in town that same time, do you want to get together? wife says. nah. we're good. When ALL the guys were friends. Someone doesn't like someone here. I'm wondering if it isn't the wife? You went to HS with them all. did she?
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freebird
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Post by freebird on Nov 23, 2016 3:29:36 GMT
I think you guys are all missing the details?!! There are 4 guys who go to school together. 3 of them are getting together over Tday. The other lives further away, but tells wife that Hey! we are going to be in town that same time, do you want to get together? wife says. nah. we're good. When ALL the guys were friends. Someone doesn't like someone here. I'm wondering if it isn't the wife? You went to HS with them all. did she? She went with the 4 guys. I didn't go to hs with them (I was in elem school then lol). The wife in question is kind of odd. They have a strange relationship but we all are odd in our own ways I guess. I'm going to chalk it up to leaving it up to men to communicate. I'll go if my husband wants to, I won't be miserable. If he doesn't, then that's fine too. |
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tduby1
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Post by tduby1 on Nov 23, 2016 3:36:00 GMT
I agree with this, plus they may not have known that you were going to be in the area when they originally made the plans. Go and have a good time! The host? Probably didn't know. But Joe's wife did. Seems just weird. To me it sounds as if they did have plans, Joe's wife didn't feel comfortable extending an invite that wasn't hers to extend- and didn't want to mention their plans in case the host wasn't inclined to invite, which might be why she was stand offish. She probably mentioned it to her DH, who mentioned it to the host, who was like, "yeah, that would be fun. I'll invite team, too". |
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tduby1
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Post by tduby1 on Nov 23, 2016 3:37:34 GMT
I think you guys are all missing the details?!! There are 4 guys who go to school together. 3 of them are getting together over Tday. The other lives further away, but tells wife that Hey! we are going to be in town that same time, do you want to get together? wife says. nah. we're good. When ALL the guys were friends. Someone doesn't like someone here. I'm wondering if it isn't the wife? You went to HS with them all. did she? In think it's very likely the wife didn't feel comfortable extending an invite to someone else's home. Nor should she. |
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Post by Tamhugh on Nov 23, 2016 3:42:01 GMT
I'm with those who think they already had the plans together before they knew you were coming. Since it was not at the first wive's house, she couldn't invite you and made an excuse. After mentioning it to the host, you and DH were included.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 23, 2016 4:11:59 GMT
I think you guys are all missing the details?!! There are 4 guys who go to school together. 3 of them are getting together over Tday. The other lives further away, but tells wife that Hey! we are going to be in town that same time, do you want to get together? wife says. nah. we're good. When ALL the guys were friends. Someone doesn't like someone here. I'm wondering if it isn't the wife? You went to HS with them all. did she? In think it's very likely the wife didn't feel comfortable extending an invite to someone else's home. Nor should she.  Why couldn't DH just call and talk to his friend directly? Any time my DH wants to do something as a couple with one of his friends, he calls. If it's my friend, I call. And FWIW, he's learned over time not to accept or extend any invite for anything involving me without running it past me first, probably because he doesn't remember half of what I tell him when it comes to stuff that might already be on the schedule.  |
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Peamac
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Post by Peamac on Nov 23, 2016 4:21:45 GMT
I'd read it as Joe's wife didn't know what their schedule would be on T-day with family. She may or may not have even told Joe about the text.
Go and have fun with them!
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Nov 23, 2016 6:45:54 GMT
The 'we talked it over' bit tells me that you will have a prior engagement after all.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 23, 2016 7:51:15 GMT
I think you guys are all missing the details?!! There are 4 guys who go to school together. 3 of them are getting together over Tday. The other lives further away, but tells wife that Hey! we are going to be in town that same time, do you want to get together? wife says. nah. we're good. When ALL the guys were friends. Someone doesn't like someone here. I'm wondering if it isn't the wife? You went to HS with them all. did she? She went with the 4 guys. I didn't go to hs with them (I was in elem school then lol). The wife in question is kind of odd. They have a strange relationship but we all are odd in our own ways I guess. I'm going to chalk it up to leaving it up to men to communicate. I'll go if my husband wants to, I won't be miserable. If he doesn't, then that's fine too. That's what I would do, too. |
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Why couldn't DH just call and talk to his friend directly? Any time my DH wants to do something as a couple with one of his friends, he calls. If it's my friend, I call. And FWIW, he's learned over time not to accept or extend any invite for anything involving me without running it past me first, probably because he doesn't remember half of what I tell him when it comes to stuff that might already be on the schedule. 
