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Post by LiLi on Dec 22, 2016 17:37:27 GMT
Agree with most others. Six kids, down to 2 believers. They all figured it out when they were ready. No teasing or harm ever occurred and now we still "believe." Santa even brings adults presents in our extended family. Let it be
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 22, 2016 17:37:56 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. That kid's a pea, isn't he.
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Post by myshelly on Dec 22, 2016 17:39:14 GMT
Whenever they stop believing. Seriously, there is no need to burst a bubble of a kid. Absolutely! Im just really struggling with the idea of why any adult would feel the need to sit a kid down and say "hey, you know that thing I've wanted you to believe all your life, well now you're too old and it's silly you still believe it." Why?
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Post by LiLi on Dec 22, 2016 17:40:13 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. Or just tell the stinker, that behavior is unacceptable...
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 22, 2016 17:41:21 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. That kid would be getting coal. Problem solved.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Dec 22, 2016 17:46:34 GMT
Our oldest son is 12 and still believes or so he says. He still wants to do all things Santa related, mall visits, pictures, letters, elf on the shelf. We have a younger son who is still of age to believe and so do most of his friends. I would love for him to know the truth only because I think he would enjoy playing Santa for his little brother, but until then I let him believe what he wants. We've talked about the spirit of Christmas is what Santa is all about and he's in our hearts. We can be Santa by giving something to our neighbors, friends, relatives or anyone who needs it all year round, not just at Christmas. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and not just bend for the crowd who might make fun of him. Because honestly, if they are not made fun of for believing in Santa, they will be made fun of for something lese. I see nothing wrong with extending the innocence a little longer.
Honestly, it's T daughter and she needs to do what she thinks is right, now what others think is. I babysit for a family who is not letting their child believe in Santa at all and there is nothing wrong with that either. To each their own.
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Post by Merge on Dec 22, 2016 17:48:43 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. That kid's a pea, isn't he. Hahahahaha! I see what you did there.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 22, 2016 17:55:02 GMT
Everyone who is saying you are an adult who believes or are believing until you die of course you can still believe in the magic of Santa and the joy Christmas and all that. But you know he's not actually real, as in he flies around the whole world in one night and comes down your chimney to bring your presents and he knows if you're good or bad. So when did you stop believing in that? Most kids fake it for a few years and it's hard as a parent because you aren't quite sure if they don't come out and say he's not real. Especially if it's the oldest sibling they seem to know to keep their mouth shut and keep the presents coming. Usually kids at school will open their mouths and say Santa isn't real. Plus it seems most Christmas movies have some sort of fake element to them that arise suspicion and then the doubt is cast aside and the magic happens. I always think is it really erased in the eyes of the kids that are on the edge of doubt? I'd say believing over 9 is amazing. I was still in elementary school. ETA - Still haven't told Mom yet.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2016 17:55:34 GMT
Our oldest son is 12 and still believes or so he says. He still wants to do all things Santa related, mall visits, pictures, letters, elf on the shelf. We have a younger son who is still of age to believe and so do most of his friends. I would love for him to know the truth only because I think he would enjoy playing Santa for his little brother, but until then I let him believe what he wants. We've talked about the spirit of Christmas is what Santa is all about and he's in our hearts. We can be Santa by giving something to our neighbors, friends, relatives or anyone who needs it all year round, not just at Christmas. I want him to stand up for what he believes in and not just bend for the crowd who might make fun of him. Because honestly, if they are not made fun of for believing in Santa, they will be made fun of for something lese. I see nothing wrong with extending the innocence a little longer. Honestly, it's T daughter and she needs to do what she thinks is right, now what others think is. I babysit for a family who is not letting their child believe in Santa at all and there is nothing wrong with that either. To each their own. T decided that she didn't want to tell. And as her friend, I supported her decision even though my opinion differed from hers.
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Post by Linda on Dec 22, 2016 17:59:14 GMT
I'm not sure how old my oldest was when he figured it out - probably the tween years though. I know my middle was in middle school because she's mentioned that since. My youngest, I think, still believes - she said that some of her classmates don't but she knows that different families have different beliefs and it's okay that they don't believe (she obviously was listening when I talked to her about religious differences). She's 10 (4th grade). She was pretty excited to see him walk in at our parish Christmas party (and she was one of the only kids there and the youngest so no peer pressure either way) - she just lit up with joy.
We're not a family that makes a HUGE big deal over Santa - he brings (unwrapped) gifts to under 18s and fills stockings for under 18s (and St Nicholas fills under 18s' shoes on Dec 6th) and we leave out milk and cookies but that's about it. My standard response when they start asking questions is to turn it around and ask them "what do you think?" - when they WANT to still believe, they'll talk themselves into it and when they are ready to give it up, then they do.
I've always considered it similar to other storybook characters - we don't (at least I don't) go around telling my kids that Winnie the Pooh and Mickey Mouse and Darth Vader etc... aren't real but I also don't tell them they aren't real. When they are small, Winnie the Pooh is as real to them as Santa Claus is - and as they get older, they learn about fact and fiction and outgrow believing in Winnie the Pooh...and Santa Claus. I think they hold onto Santa Claus longer because society makes such a big deal out of it.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 22, 2016 18:00:02 GMT
I still kind of believed at 13 and I didn't get made fun of or have any residual affects from it.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,003
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Dec 22, 2016 18:03:50 GMT
Two years ago we attended a Korean Christian church with some friends of mine. Dahlia (who was 8 at the time) went with her friends to the Sunday School class. This was for a Christmas event so that's why we were there. It was beautiful and I enjoyed it. However, after Sunday School was dismissed Dahlia came out and told me that the SS teacher announced to her and that the class that there was no Santa. Dahlia relayed that to me shocked and then the SS teacher came out to me and said that Santa had come up and she believes in being truthful with children. I didn't react, and I went home a little upset. D and I had the convo on the way home that Santa is in our hearts and I decided to let it go. If D brought up Santa in their church setting, and that was not their belief (not unusual at all) then I had to respect that we were in their house of worship, so their rules. I still feel a little stung by it still though, I admit it. I felt she should have handled it differently, but well, stuff happens. We still believe in Santa and all is well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 5:56:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2016 18:13:24 GMT
When you're dead? I'm saying this from a place of love but that's not your business, most people come to the realisation on their own and if they still want to believe in the magic of Santa even though they know that he doesn't exist as an actual person what exactly is the problem with that? I would not have given my opinion at all had she not asked for it. I'm not a nosy, smug, or judgmental person. I certainly hope I haven't come across that way on this board. My co-workers and I are very close. They have seen my own parenting struggles over the past four years I have known them. They watched while my DD struggled through rough middle school years. My opinion came from a place of concern because I want good things for their children. My opinion was outnumbered by all three of them so I fully expected there to be disagreement here. I thought it made for an interesting discussion and that's why I brought it here. Oh gosh no, I didn't mean to infer that I thought you were nosy or smug. I'm so sorry it came across that way. I just meant I see no reason for a 'truth telling' moment.
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Post by melanell on Dec 22, 2016 18:22:43 GMT
I still kind of believed at 13 and I didn't get made fun of or have any residual affects from it. I can't recall the exact age, but I know for a fact that one of my friends still believed in middle school, and she was fine as well. Save
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,437
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Dec 22, 2016 18:31:13 GMT
Everyone who is saying you are an adult who believes or are believing until you die of course you can still believe in the magic of Santa and the joy Christmas and all that. But you know he's not actually real, as in he flies around the whole world in one night and comes down your chimney to bring your presents and he knows if you're good or bad. So when did you stop believing in that? Most kids fake it for a few years and it's hard as a parent because you aren't quite sure if they don't come out and say he's not real. Especially if it's the oldest sibling they seem to know to keep their mouth shut and keep the presents coming. Usually kids at school will open their mouths and say Santa isn't real. Plus it seems most Christmas movies have some sort of fake element to them that arise suspicion and then the doubt is cast aside and the magic happens. I always think is it really erased in the eyes of the kids that are on the edge of doubt? I'd say believing over 9 is amazing. I'm not sure when I stopped believing in that. And that's my whole point. I think a lot of people just gradually, healthily transition from one form of the belief to another. So why would there ever be a need to sit a child down and ruin that natural progression by having some big "tell the truth" moment? That's what I don't like and find unnecessary. If if a child still believes in the literal why is there an issue? Just let them transform in their own time. Is there really a rush to shorten their childhood? Agree. No point in sitting a child down and saying today is the day I tell you Santa isn't real. They should just gradually clue into it on their own. If they asked me point blank I would have told them the truth.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Dec 22, 2016 18:32:49 GMT
I was never officially 'TOLD' by my parents. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be told that something you've always believed in was a lie.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 5:56:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2016 18:38:53 GMT
I know that DD1 doesn't believe, she's 15 but she still hangs her stocking out on Christmas Eve. She's never ever mentioned it, she's never questioned whether he's real or not but the mother in me knows that she doesn't. DD2 is 12 nearly 13 and I don't think she believes this year. I asked when she would like to go and visit and she said she wasn't going to go this year but she said it with this half smile on her face as if it was some secret code and that " Oh mother" look She went quite happily last year!! I don't think it's necessary to burst their bubble about the magic just becasue they are a certain age, they find out eventually all by themselves. I can't remember when I stopped as a child but I can't ever recall anyone actually telling me there wasn't one. It's just one of those things you learn as you grow.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2016 18:52:19 GMT
I was never officially 'TOLD' by my parents. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be told that something you've always believed in was a lie. If this is such a horrible thing, don't you think it might be traumatic no matter how you find out? My kids were 6 & 7 years old and I was terribly disappointed it happened so soon. But my son who was the 6 year old was always a very logical, linear kid. I swear he was born with the soul of a 40 year old man! He never had any imagination. We were sitting at Thanksgiving dinner and my dad asked him what he wanted from Santa for Christmas and serious as a heart attack he looked my dad in the eye and said Santa's not real. I knew with this kid's personality I was never going to convince him otherwise. So I chose to tell the truth. My 7 year old DD burst out into tears when he said it. It was so hard for her to accept. But I hugged them both, told them I loved them, shared the spirit of the season with them and both of them turned out OK. And you know I have often wondered if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have tried telling them the believe to receive line. Maybe we should never have done Santa in the first place. I just don't know. I don't have all the answers. I wish they had believed a little longer because as a parent I think the Santa myth is fun. But I also try to put myself in my kids shoes. And I think you may make a very valid point. Are some kids bothered by it when they learn the truth? Is is harder learning it from a parent or a peer? Do kids who just simply keep it to themselves and slowly come to terms with their doubts handle it better? All worth discussing and considering.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 22, 2016 18:57:22 GMT
I was never officially 'TOLD' by my parents. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be told that something you've always believed in was a lie. If this is such a horrible thing, don't you think it might be traumatic no matter how you find out? My kids were 6 & 7 years old and I was terribly disappointed it happened so soon. But my son who was the 6 year old was always a very logical, linear kid. I swear he was born with the soul of a 40 year old man! He never had any imagination. We were sitting at Thanksgiving dinner and my dad asked him what he wanted from Santa for Christmas and serious as a heart attack he looked my dad in the eye and said Santa's not real. I knew with this kid's personality I was never going to convince him otherwise. So I chose to tell the truth. My 7 year old DD burst out into tears when he said it. It was so hard for her to accept. But I hugged them both, told them I loved them, shared the spirit of the season with them and both of them turned out OK. And you know I have often wondered if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have tried telling them the believe to receive line. Maybe we should never have done Santa in the first place. I just don't know. I don't have all the answers. I wish they had believed a little longer because as a parent I think the Santa myth is fun. But I also try to put myself in my kids shoes. And I think you may make a very valid point. Are some kids bothered by it when they learn the truth? Is is harder learning it from a parent or a peer? Do kids who just simply keep it to themselves and slowly come to terms with their doubts handle it better? All worth discussing and considering. I don't think it is always traumatic for kids. It certainly wasn't for me and I had a girl tell me in 2nd grade he wasn't really. I blew her off and kept right on believing. I may have asked my mom, but if I did, whatever she said appeased me. Ds (15) didn't have a fit. Just didn't believe one fmday, I think Ds (12) may or may not believe. I also think it is probably easier the older you are as you can think more logically. Whatever the issue, I don't hinkle it is anybody but the family's place to discuss it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 22, 2016 19:19:28 GMT
I found DD and her friends were very understanding of kids who believed a little longer. That said, I still haven't told my parents I figured it out... We never had that conversation growing up. I still believe in the magic of Christmas because I've seen it with my own two eyes.
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librarygirl
Shy Member
Posts: 41
Sept 2, 2014 19:19:49 GMT
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Post by librarygirl on Dec 22, 2016 19:20:09 GMT
Chances are she knows the truth. My kids had me believing that they still believed well into middle school, early high school. I think I had more fun thinking they believed for so much longer than what I did growing up. I have such great memories of my husband and I working so hard to try and keep the fantasy alive. The kids are in college now and the stories aren't about how long they believed in Santa but how long I believed that they believed. Good times!!
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Post by peasapie on Dec 22, 2016 19:31:42 GMT
By 12, I would imagine this child knows her peers don't believe, so I don't think there is any danger of her accidentally sharing her belief with friends she doesn't trust.
There is a part of me that still believes...
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 22, 2016 19:31:47 GMT
Everyone who is saying you are an adult who believes or are believing until you die of course you can still believe in the magic of Santa and the joy Christmas and all that. But you know he's not actually real, as in he flies around the whole world in one night and comes down your chimney to bring your presents and he knows if you're good or bad. So when did you stop believing in that? Most kids fake it for a few years and it's hard as a parent because you aren't quite sure if they don't come out and say he's not real. Especially if it's the oldest sibling they seem to know to keep their mouth shut and keep the presents coming. Usually kids at school will open their mouths and say Santa isn't real. Plus it seems most Christmas movies have some sort of fake element to them that arise suspicion and then the doubt is cast aside and the magic happens. I always think is it really erased in the eyes of the kids that are on the edge of doubt? I'd say believing over 9 is amazing. Wait, what?
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Dec 22, 2016 19:32:40 GMT
I really don't think most kids need to be "sat down." But, when kids start asking point-blank and/or you are going to great lengths to continue to deceive by the end of elementary school. I think you need to evaluate your own motives and desires. We don't need to force kids to grow up, but we also help them navigate the world and sometimes it requires bubble bursting. It would concern ME, personally, if my kids were 100% believing in a literal Santa at 11/12 years old. I would find it sweet, but I would not find it comforting because I would be concerned about their ability to critically think. Again, I am not talking about believing in the "magic" of Christmas, but the literal incarnation of Santa.
I am thinking of having "the talk" because I know my kids are transitioning and are asking questions and it feels right "to me" to have a healthy and honest conversation, and I feel the older they get, the more chances they will feel deceived vs. feel like I am letting them in on the secret. I also realize that every kid is different, and what works for me might not work for anyone else.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2016 19:40:11 GMT
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Post by peasapie on Dec 22, 2016 19:42:57 GMT
I was never officially 'TOLD' by my parents. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to be told that something you've always believed in was a lie. If this is such a horrible thing, don't you think it might be traumatic no matter how you find out? My kids were 6 & 7 years old and I was terribly disappointed it happened so soon. But my son who was the 6 year old was always a very logical, linear kid. I swear he was born with the soul of a 40 year old man! He never had any imagination. We were sitting at Thanksgiving dinner and my dad asked him what he wanted from Santa for Christmas and serious as a heart attack he looked my dad in the eye and said Santa's not real. I knew with this kid's personality I was never going to convince him otherwise. So I chose to tell the truth. My 7 year old DD burst out into tears when he said it. It was so hard for her to accept. But I hugged them both, told them I loved them, shared the spirit of the season with them and both of them turned out OK. And you know I have often wondered if I did the right thing. Maybe I should have tried telling them the believe to receive line. Maybe we should never have done Santa in the first place. I just don't know. I don't have all the answers. I wish they had believed a little longer because as a parent I think the Santa myth is fun. But I also try to put myself in my kids shoes. And I think you may make a very valid point. Are some kids bothered by it when they learn the truth? Is is harder learning it from a parent or a peer? Do kids who just simply keep it to themselves and slowly come to terms with their doubts handle it better? All worth discussing and considering. The suggestion that Santa may not be real is always out there, from the time kids are very young. The Polar Express, for example, begins with whether one believes. Commercials and tv shows often feature that theme. I think it is more about when a person is ready to give up the magical belief, as opposed to when someone will tell them something that will be a surprise. I honestly don't think this is something you need to be concerned about. My answer to the question, when pressed, was, "Well I still believe. What do you believe?" That seemed to strike the right chord. SaveSave
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Post by refugeepea on Dec 22, 2016 19:52:37 GMT
I had a rule if my kids still believed by 6th grade, I'd tell them the truth so they wouldn't be teased in Middle School. That's when we stop gifts from Santa anyway or sooner if they stop believing. The gifts come from Mom and Dad after that point.
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Post by brina on Dec 22, 2016 19:52:38 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. IMHO, in this case the kid doesn't actually believe but has figured out that it is important to his parents and therefore is playing them. Once a kid can say, "my friends don't believe, but I do," they do not really believe, they are choosing to believe, which is not the same thing. Again, my opinion, but I child without special needs should know enough about science and logic by the age of 10 to know that the Santa legend cannot truly be real. SaveSave
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 22, 2016 20:00:15 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing. For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents. I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth. IMHO, in this case the kid doesn't actually believe but has figured out that it is important to his parents and therefore is playing them. Once a kid can say, "my friends don't believe, but I do," they do not really believe, they are choosing to believe, which is not the same thing. Again, my opinion, but I child without special needs should know enough about science and logic by the age of 10 to know that the Santa legend cannot truly be real. SaveSaveOn the flip side, there are lots of adults that believe in things that defy science and logic. Why should a 10-year-old be any different.
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Post by Zee on Dec 22, 2016 20:50:03 GMT
Maybe it's just fun for her, or she's worried that if she lets on that she knows, she won't get those Santa gifts.
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