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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2016 15:57:51 GMT
I thought this might make for an interesting discussion. My coworkers and I discussed this last week. One of my coworkers, T, has a 12 year old, 7th grader who still believes in Santa. I really believe that she doesn't really believe in Santa but is simply playing along. I voiced this opinion. T shared that her daughter still wanted to write a letter to Santa this year, visit him at the mall, and she is still doing elf on the shelf, as well. So T honestly believes that her daughter still does believe. I stated that I would be concerned at this point if her DD shares this belief in Santa with her friends, she may be made fun of. I have high school kids so I have been through the middle school years and I know just how bitchy middle school girls can be. I stated that I think it's time to tell the truth. My other two coworkers thought that T should just let it play out and let her DD find out on her own. But, other two coworkers have very young children and have not had experience raising middle schoolers or high schoolers. Any thoughts on this?
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Post by myboysnme on Dec 22, 2016 16:02:06 GMT
12 is old but at this point the girl has to have heard from many others that he's not real, so she is hanging on to this for another reason. If it was my child I would ask her why does she still believe, has anyone told her he's not real, what does she think about that and how would she feel if she found out he wasn't real.
This would hopefully lead to daughter saying she believes because it's fun or something like that. I don't know any reason to tell the truth at this point other than to find out what is going on with DD because 12 is pretty old for that in most families.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Dec 22, 2016 16:06:25 GMT
I found DD and her friends were very understanding of kids who believed a little longer. That said, I still haven't told my parents I figured it out...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2016 16:09:41 GMT
My kids still pretend. They are afraid they won't get their santa gifts.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Dec 22, 2016 16:11:37 GMT
Late 40s and counting. . .
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Post by myshelly on Dec 22, 2016 16:14:10 GMT
I don't think there's any such thing as too old to believe in Santa.
I have an almost 10 yr old who still believes in Santa and Elf on the shelf.
I also don't really understand the focus on the moment you stop believing. Growing up I don't remember a particular age when I stopped believing. I never had a big discussion with my parents or anything like that. I got Santa gifts until I moved out when I got married.
I don't understand "time to tell the truth". I will never tell my kids anything about Santa.nmy parents never said anything to me.
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Post by Skellinton on Dec 22, 2016 16:14:14 GMT
I'm with her^^^^^^.
Both ladies above me! Originally it was for Dalai Mama, but I completely agree with both ladies directly above me.
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scorpeao
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 22, 2016 16:14:32 GMT
I found DD and her friends were very understanding of kids who believed a little longer. That said, I still haven't told my parents I figured it out... My dd has never told me she figured it out, and I never said he wasn't real. All I ever said was if you don't believe you don't get gifts from Santa. As for the OP 12 is pretty old to still believe, but not unusual. I remember a friend in 7th grade still believed and we all tried to tell her he wasn't real, but she refused to believe us. Nobody made fun of her for it. Last year another friend posted a picture of his 12 year old dd crying because she heard him calling AT&T about an iPhone that he bought, but Santa brought. That's how she found out that Santa wasn't real. |
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Post by Merge on Dec 22, 2016 16:20:47 GMT
I don't think there's any time limit on it, but I have a friend whose two sons (ages 10 and 12) have become incredibly obnoxious about demanding "proof" of Santa's existence, and she finds herself jumping through some pretty ridiculous hoops to keep them believing.
For example, the ten year old announced yesterday that he wanted to add virtual reality goggles to his Christmas list, and that this should be no problem for Santa - if Santa is real, the VR goggles will appear on Christmas. This is the proof he requires. So now mom is scrambling around returning some other presents to make room in the budget for VR goggles and trying to find those. For a 10 year old who imperiously announces what proof he will accept that a fat man in a red suit flies around the world in one night delivering presents.
I think if you're old enough to be obnoxious like that, you're old enough to know the truth.
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katybee
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Post by katybee on Dec 22, 2016 16:23:21 GMT
Wait...he's not real?
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katybee
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Post by katybee on Dec 22, 2016 16:25:45 GMT
Ok...maybe this old...
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johnnysmom
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Post by johnnysmom on Dec 22, 2016 16:27:03 GMT
I would have the same concerns as you. I think beyond 10 is pushing it for typical kids.
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Post by lbp on Dec 22, 2016 16:28:55 GMT
I don't think there is an age limit. I played along for my parents for a couple of years after I found out. Mostly for my little sister. And I never was upset with my parents for doing the Santa thing. It wasn't a huge letdown, I didn't question if they lied about anything else. I had the sense to know it was something they did to make my childhood more magical. I can't even remember how or when my son found out about Santa, but he said he wasn't upset either.
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Post by hop2 on Dec 22, 2016 16:33:40 GMT
When your deceased?
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Post by epeanymous on Dec 22, 2016 16:34:07 GMT
I have kids in first and fifth grade, and they are Jews, so no Santa; the fifth-grader says he doesn't know kids who still believe, and the first-graders report that a lot of their friends don't believe, so that seems a little old I suppose, but I guess I don't really see the big deal, if the kid wants to believe. I am not raising my kids to make decisions based on whether or not other people will make fun of them, personally.
I do think it is a little weird when parents get into some sort of "my kid is more perfect and childlike and innocent because they believe in Santa still and your kid doesn't" Olympics, but that's about it. Otherwise, I just tell my own kids to keep their mouths shut about Santa and I don't otherwise pay attention.
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Post by peace on Dec 22, 2016 16:37:02 GMT
i think my child was 11 and point blank asked me. She really already knew but wanted to believe it so badly. Finally she needed to move on and have me actually say the words. Painful indeed.
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Post by littlemama on Dec 22, 2016 16:45:15 GMT
We told DS before he got to middle school.
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Post by disneypal on Dec 22, 2016 16:49:11 GMT
I think all kids mature differently-if she truly still believes, I see no harm in that
As you said, she probably knows the truth, but perhaps enjoys the traditions and magic of Christmas
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2016 16:51:00 GMT
When you're dead?
I'm saying this from a place of love but that's not your business, most people come to the realisation on their own and if they still want to believe in the magic of Santa even though they know that he doesn't exist as an actual person what exactly is the problem with that?
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Post by hennybutton on Dec 22, 2016 16:59:47 GMT
My grandma always believed in Santy Claus. She died last year at 100 years old. There is no age limit.
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on Dec 22, 2016 17:03:01 GMT
I don't think there's any such thing as too old to believe in Santa. I have an almost 10 yr old who still believes in Santa and Elf on the shelf. I also don't really understand the focus on the moment you stop believing. Growing up I don't remember a particular age when I stopped believing. I never had a big discussion with my parents or anything like that. I got Santa gifts until I moved out when I got married. I don't understand "time to tell the truth". I will never tell my kids anything about Santa.nmy parents never said anything to me. I agree with this. My oldest is 12, and I know he has it figured out, but he still believes. When he started asking questions, I just talked to him about the magic of Christmas, and the spirit of the season. I still received presents from Santa and a full stocking until my mom passed away, but I have carried on the tradition and so my husband and I as well as the kids still get presents from stocking from Santa and a full stocking. With my oldest, we have also talked about being Santa for other people. For example, this year I found out about a single mom who is in a really tough spot right now, she was selling plasma to be able to pay for groceries! We put together a basket of practical and fun things for her and her kids, as well as grocery store and Walmart gift cards. We talked about the spirit of the season and giving to others. |
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Dec 22, 2016 17:10:14 GMT
Let's be honest. There are two different types of "believing" we are talking about.
A literal belief in Santa---I think once they are entering middle school, they need to be told. It is very sweet that a few kids still believe, but barring developmental disabilities, I think it is time to be straight forward if a tween is still 100% or even "pretty sure"he physically exists, it's time to sit down and have the talk about how the magic of Christmas exists in our hearts, etc...
A figurative belief in Santa---I think this is fine at any age and isn't what the OP is really talking about but people always answer to on these threads.
I think there might even be s third category: an "in between" Santa. The "magical thinking" Santa of the kids who are logical enough to know the logistics don't work out, but still believe that magic can literally exist in this world and can trump logic. That is where my boys are.
My boys just (this month) turned nine. They are in the "not quite sure" stage. They have been there for a couple years, but this year I think they have moved from the "not 100% but I think he is still real" toward the "There is a really good chance he isn't real, but I am siding on real because I like the idea of the magical Santa." Lots of questions a couple months ago, but not any lately; however, there is some "testing" going on. If they come out and ask me directly, I will tell them, but they won't for now. This is likely our last year with "magical thinking" Santa. Next year it will probably be just the figurative spirit of Santa. I would say around 5/6 they started questioning a little and we moved more towards "magical vs. literal" Santa. I am thinking of having the conversation during the summer if it doesn't come up before that. A lot of the kids in their classes don't believe. Some still do tough.
I think around 5/6 most kids start questioning.
I think 6 to 8 most kids quit believing in the literal
I think by 10, the vast majority have moved to 100% knowing that it is completely figurative
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Dec 22, 2016 17:17:30 GMT
Everyone who is saying you are an adult who believes or are believing until you die of course you can still believe in the magic of Santa and the joy Christmas and all that. But you know he's not actually real, as in he flies around the whole world in one night and comes down your chimney to bring your presents and he knows if you're good or bad. So when did you stop believing in that?
Most kids fake it for a few years and it's hard as a parent because you aren't quite sure if they don't come out and say he's not real. Especially if it's the oldest sibling they seem to know to keep their mouth shut and keep the presents coming. Usually kids at school will open their mouths and say Santa isn't real. Plus it seems most Christmas movies have some sort of fake element to them that arise suspicion and then the doubt is cast aside and the magic happens. I always think is it really erased in the eyes of the kids that are on the edge of doubt? I'd say believing over 9 is amazing.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 22, 2016 17:21:07 GMT
When you're dead? I'm saying this from a place of love but that's not your business, most people come to the realisation on their own and if they still want to believe in the magic of Santa even though they know that he doesn't exist as an actual person what exactly is the problem with that? I would not have given my opinion at all had she not asked for it. I'm not a nosy, smug, or judgmental person. I certainly hope I haven't come across that way on this board. My co-workers and I are very close. They have seen my own parenting struggles over the past four years I have known them. They watched while my DD struggled through rough middle school years. My opinion came from a place of concern because I want good things for their children. My opinion was outnumbered by all three of them so I fully expected there to be disagreement here. I thought it made for an interesting discussion and that's why I brought it here. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Dec 22, 2016 17:25:51 GMT
You're never too old to believe in Santa. I still believe in the magic of Christmas and Santa, obviously not literally, but there is something very special about this time of year. I also wouldn't assume she still literally believes, she could be keeping up appearances to keep mom happy.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2016 17:29:56 GMT
I am 39 and believe in Santa. Well St. Nicholas to be exact. I believe in what Santa represents. Do I believe in the man in the red suit? No. But who he comes from? Yes.
My dd is 13 and has Aspergers and while she knows Santa is not real, she too believes in who he is and what he represents. She still says Santa. And I see nothing wrong with that. She will still get a gift from him.
Ds is 10 with Autism and is cognitively a 6 yr old. S he will believe much longer and again that is okay.
I have a friend whose 13 yr old believe and doesnt know the truth. Again why is that such a bad thing?
It seems like people are so quick to have kids mature and grow up now a days.
So many say by 9 they should know. Why?
I was never teased. My daughter wasnt. He friend hasnt.
I see nothing wrong in believing in such a wonder person.
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Post by myshelly on Dec 22, 2016 17:30:04 GMT
Everyone who is saying you are an adult who believes or are believing until you die of course you can still believe in the magic of Santa and the joy Christmas and all that. But you know he's not actually real, as in he flies around the whole world in one night and comes down your chimney to bring your presents and he knows if you're good or bad. So when did you stop believing in that? Most kids fake it for a few years and it's hard as a parent because you aren't quite sure if they don't come out and say he's not real. Especially if it's the oldest sibling they seem to know to keep their mouth shut and keep the presents coming. Usually kids at school will open their mouths and say Santa isn't real. Plus it seems most Christmas movies have some sort of fake element to them that arise suspicion and then the doubt is cast aside and the magic happens. I always think is it really erased in the eyes of the kids that are on the edge of doubt? I'd say believing over 9 is amazing. I'm not sure when I stopped believing in that. And that's my whole point. I think a lot of people just gradually, healthily transition from one form of the belief to another. So why would there ever be a need to sit a child down and ruin that natural progression by having some big "tell the truth" moment? That's what I don't like and find unnecessary. If if a child still believes in the literal why is there an issue? Just let them transform in their own time. Is there really a rush to shorten their childhood? |
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 22, 2016 17:33:15 GMT
Whenever they stop believing. Seriously, there is no need to burst a bubble of a kid.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 22, 2016 17:34:01 GMT
I'll let you know when I do.
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Post by melodyesch on Dec 22, 2016 17:34:39 GMT
DH and I don't have children, but Santa comes here for my niece every other year when DH's family comes for Christmas. Last year niece had just turned 11 and I thought that was kind of old for believing in Santa. SIL said she hadn't really asked questions and truly seemed to believe, but of course just might not want to let on. I thought after that Christmas it would a kindness to sit her down and tell her the truth. I just thought that it would be better coming from her parents then potentially hearing it from the kids at school and potentially being made fun of for still believing.
But it's not my child so I kept my thoughts to myself. They will be here for New Year's this year and this thread reminds me to ask SIL what is the status on Santa and niece. I'd hate for us to inadvertently make a comment assuming that it's out in the open when it isn't.
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