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Post by justkat on Jan 15, 2017 13:14:15 GMT
I'm posting not because I think there's a right or wrong answer. I'm posting because I'm curious what others think..... I've had numerous surgeries to combat my cancer. As a result I have many and varied scars. Most aren't readily noticable as they're easily covered by my clothing. However there are times where they're visible. Friday was one of those times. I had lunch with several friends. The shirt I wore allowed others to see my port scar. One of the girls commented on it and a discussion was started. A discussion about scars in general and mine in particular. I was surprised by the attitude many of them expressed. Almost half of them said they'd be embarassed. Said they'd do their best to hide the scars and if not possible they'd even have surgery to "fix" them. !?! My scars aren't pretty. However I've never thought to think them ugly or to hate them. I've certainly never thought to have them surgically "fixed". To me they're badges of honour. They are symbols of a battle hard fought. A symbol of what I've overcome (so far). I admit they're not disfiguring. They're not normally visible. People don't point and look away in horror and disgust. Maybe that makes a difference. I mean, I'm human, so of course I'd prefer to walk down the street and have women want to be me and men want to be with me because I look so damn fabulous. As opposed to having villagers chase me with torches and pitchforks due to my hideousness. lol So ok that was meant to be funny. I'm not that vain.  I'd like to look my best as often as possible. But to have surgery to "fix" a scar? No way, every wrinkle and line and scar etc are the story of me. It shows the life I've led, where I've been and what I've overcome. But I admit, if the scar was disfiguring or extremely painful, surgery might be an option. I just can't see it though for vanity. So I'm curious, what say the peas? Do you think scars are awful, plastic surgery here I come. Or,who cares it's just a scar. Or, what a weird topic. lol Like I said, I don't think there's a right/wrong answer. I'm simply curious as I was surprised how many of my friends said they'd have surgery to "fix" them. So what's your "attitude" regarding scars? Thanks for any responses. I have a bunch of crap to do today but I'll check back later. Kat |
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 15, 2017 13:23:09 GMT
In my opinion, half of your friends are shallow and have probably never experienced life threatening illness or injury to themselves or anyone close to them.
My DH's scars are a badge of honor, in my eyes. So are yours. You have fought through some terrible times and keep on going, as you said.
Please do not feel shame or worry about others will think. Anyone who thinks you should cover them up can go to HELL.
A funny story - one of the staff oncologists at the hospital told DH another patient with similar scars (large and multiple) told DH another patient tells people they are from a shark bite, lol. I tried to get DH to do that at a pool once when we could tell 2 little boys were checking out his scars. They would have been so impressed!
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Post by gar on Jan 15, 2017 13:27:32 GMT
I would think there would be a huge variety of answers and they would most likely largely be based on the reason for the scar. Yours are a visual reminder of how far you've come but someone else's scar may be a reminder of an accident that killed someone they loved.
Also I would like to think that I would feel like you but if it was a large, angry scar on my face I might not feel so brave possibly. I don't know...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 13:29:52 GMT
Those are your battle scars, girl. You earned them!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 13:33:49 GMT
I think this comes down to the way we are bombarded with images of 'perfect' bodies. Anything other than tight flawless skin is deemed to be ugly. I have stretch marks from losing and gaining weight due to an issue I have with swallowing, after years of covering them up and avoiding having to wear certain items of clothing (I'm looking at you swimming costumes!) I've reached a no fucks given point.
Scars are not something to be ashamed of but I think it's very insensitive of your friends to comment on yours. If you wish to comment on them and invite discussion that's another matter.
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Post by Linda on Jan 15, 2017 13:39:08 GMT
my scars are only on my knee but I don't feel that I should hide them or cover them up - they are what they are and they are part of my journey.
However I don't fault those who choose to get plastic surgery or other wise cover-up or hide their scars...everyone is different and not everyone is comfortable explaining why they have scars etc...to all and sundry.
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Post by justkat on Jan 15, 2017 13:41:00 GMT
No,no,no....I think I gave the wrong impression. My friends weren't telling me to be embarassed/ashamed etc. They were more saying that if it was them they wouldn't be able to handle having the scars. It was more how they thought they'd feel if they were in my situation. I'm not ashamed,embarassed etc of my scars. I earned every one of them. Each one is a perfectly beautiful FU cancer. I agree that if they were disfiguring I'd consider having them "fixed". I was curious as to how people felt about having scars in general. As I said, I was just surprised at how many people said they'd hate having a scar and would get it surgically "fixed". |
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Post by mimi3566 on Jan 15, 2017 13:42:59 GMT
In the words of Dr. Suess..."Those that mind, don't matter....those that matter, don't mind." That's my own personal opinion about scars.
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Post by christine58 on Jan 15, 2017 13:46:41 GMT
In my opinion, half of your friends are shallow and have probably never experienced life threatening illness or injury to themselves or anyone close to them. I agree. My mom had to have her port removed and replaced (it flipped) then they went to the other side and put it in there...it was a nightmare and the worst part of her chemo for colon cancer. She laughs about how she has two holes in her chest (not really) |
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Post by brina on Jan 15, 2017 13:46:44 GMT
My attitude is wear them proud. I have one on my collarbone from getting it pinned back together and one on my elbow from reconstructive surgery that show with most clothing. I did wear long sleeves to my wedding rather than have the one on my elbow show - it was still rather red and angry looking and I just didn't feel like explaining it over and over at my wedding. But since then I have refused to have my scars dictate my clothing choices.
I recently learned that my 14 year old doesn't want her heart surgery scar to show. Previously she never seemed to mind. We are currently shopping for a formal dress and covering her scar has been a priority. Working on dealing with this.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 15, 2017 13:47:05 GMT
I would think there would be a huge variety of answers and they would most likely largely be based on the reason for the scar. Yours are a visual reminder of how far you've come but someone else's scar may be a reminder of an accident that killed someone they loved. That's a good point. In your case justkat, if your scars don't bother you, don't let other people's comments bother you either. Wear your scars proudly as a symbol of the battle you have fought. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 13:48:34 GMT
I don't think anything of them, really. Not ashamed of scars and needing to have them fixed, not proud or sentimental about them in any way. I was taught, and still believe, that you don't comment on someone's physical anomalies they way your friend did in public. I think it was probably an interesting discussion, but the way it started was rude.
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Post by terri on Jan 15, 2017 13:49:28 GMT
I think your friends were incredibly rude and insensitive. As for the scars, all that matters is that you think of them as badges of honor. Doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
I've thought about scars a lot. I need to have a major surgery that will leave me with scars from the top of my chest to my belly. I have no idea if I will get plastic surgery to remove them. I'm open to the possibility because of the size and length but I will only have them "fixed" if they affect my self confidence.
ETA: I have a scar on my wrist from a surgery and a small scar above my lip from a kid hitting me with a shovel in kindergarten. Both are visible and don't bother me at all.
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Post by KelleeM on Jan 15, 2017 13:53:36 GMT
I find my scars more difficult to accept than others do. My port scar isn't terribly noticeable but I find myself touching it when I'm nervous...it has an indentation. The scar on my breast is only seen by dh. He has no issue with it. The thing that bothers me every time I see a photo of myself is my bad eye. I had a traumatic injury over 6 years ago and there's no vision in the eye. It tracks some but has changed in appearance and looks worse in photos. It always catches me by surprise when I see a picture of myself.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 15, 2017 13:56:01 GMT
I would think there would be a huge variety of answers and they would most likely largely be based on the reason for the scar. Yours are a visual reminder of how far you've come but someone else's scar may be a reminder of an accident that killed someone they loved. Also I would like to think that I would feel like you but if it was a large, angry scar on my face I might not feel so brave possibly. I don't know... Oh, I completely agree with you on both points, despite my previous post. I had skin cancer removed from my face by a plastic surgeon. He managed to get the scar along my hair line and I was thrilled. My point is, everyone should do what they feel is right for themselves. No one should judge. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jan 15, 2017 14:06:20 GMT
No,no,no....I think I gave the wrong impression. My friends weren't telling me to be embarassed/ashamed etc. They were more saying that if it was them they wouldn't be able to handle having the scars. It was more how they thought they'd feel if they were in my situation. I'm not ashamed,embarassed etc of my scars. I earned every one of them. Each one is a perfectly beautiful FU cancer. I agree that if they were disfiguring I'd consider having them "fixed". I was curious as to how people felt about having scars in general. As I said, I was just surprised at how many people said they'd hate having a scar and would get it surgically "fixed". I think that is an odd reaction. Especially the embarrassed part. I can't imagine why anyone would be embarrassed about a scar they got unless they got it whilst doing something really stupid. Then the scar wouldn't be really what they were embarrassed about, it would be the stupid thing. If a scar was from drunk driving, then I would be embarrassed. Not because I had a scar but because I was so f'ing stupid. I can see if a scar was very visible and would call a lot of attention to it, I might have it surgically fixed. As for your friends, how did you feel during the conversation? I have a hard time imagining sitting around talking like that with you there. Reading this it feels like they were sort of telling you, that they would be ashamed. Shame is such an ugly emotion, I think I would be hurt by what they said. Maybe I am imagining it wrong, but if a group of people said, Not you, but I would be ashamed if I had a scar. I would be thinking WTH? Should I be embarrassed? Good for you for wearing your scars like badges of courage. |
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Post by hop2 on Jan 15, 2017 14:12:55 GMT
I do not find scars hideous. But sometimes, I hate to admit, I'm distracted by them. Not because I don't want to see them, but because if I don't know the person well I start to wonder why they have it and what they went thru. I know it's impolite to ask so like a dog with a squirrel I distract myself.
This is my problem. I know it and I try very hard Not to let it show.
If I know the person and I know what happened then it's like it's not eveny there. Just a part of them and who they are and their life story. Your scar I wouldn't be distracted by because I know what a port scar looks like and what it's for. I'd know your a fighter, and it is just part of who you are.
I hope your friends didn't bother you. They are badges of honor, for you they are signs that your still here.
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Post by katiejane on Jan 15, 2017 14:22:18 GMT
Your friends were rude and come across as shallow and ignorant. Shake it off, it's their problem.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Jan 15, 2017 15:08:40 GMT
I have various scars that have resulted from being treated for melanoma several years ago. Any time I have atypical cells in a mole it results in stitches. Most of them are on my back and they aren't that big, so I don't worry too much at all about them because they're only seen if I have a swim suit on. Well this fall I had a mole that had severe atypical cells and it meant that they had to take a lot more skin and it is on my upper arm. It's over two inches long and it's located right around where most short sleeve shirts end. At first it was a dark purple line and it looked awful. I knew if it stayed that way I would be explaining how I got that scar - maybe a tattoo would be in my future? I decided that I'd give it a year and see how it looks since I know most of my scars have faded considerably. It looks a lot better although it is still very noticeable. I think I'll be keeping my scar rather than covering it up. The only tattoo I have seen that I like is one where someone made their scar look like a light saber and that's a good sign that I'm just not a tattoo person.
If I see a scar on someone else I don't think it's ugly, so I'll use the same judgment on my own scar.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 15:09:08 GMT
99% of my scars are visable as they are on my face and neck. One is on my arm and only seen when I have a short sleeve shirt on.
It took me awhile to love my scars. I faught damn hard to survive the DUI accident and they are a badge I proudly wear. Sure they are ugly but to see them, tough them, have others see them means I am alive.
I remember when dd was about 2 and commented on my scars. Made me cry but she was a 2 year old. She knows some of the story behind them but one day will hear it all and see the pics. I feel it is important for her to see tye results when someone drinks and drives.
They itch, they peel, the hurt (some are keloid) but they are MY scars from something I went through and won.
I actually got upset at the wedding photographer when he photoshoped my scars out on our engagement photo that people signed. He didnt understand why and my.mom.explained she went through a lot to get those and they are now a part of her. I said to me it means I am not pretty with them.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2017 15:13:02 GMT
Forgot to mention, my facial scars were "fixed" by steroid injections to lesson the keloid scars and one round of dermabrasion to lesson the redness of them and smooth them.some as they were rough scars. That came at the advice of.my surgeon. They are still there, but smoother.
Also my son has CVL Broviac scars and a huge scar across his tummy where he had most of his color removed. He has autism but he knows what they mean. He won and is alive!
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Post by annabella on Jan 15, 2017 15:19:13 GMT
Almost half of them said they'd be embarassed. Said they'd do their best to hide the scars and if not possible they'd even have surgery to "fix" them. !?! I feel the same way but never say to that to a friend who has scars. Didn't know you could get surgery to fix a scar. |
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 15, 2017 15:21:39 GMT
My opinion is there is nothing to 'fix'.
I have a dinner-plate sized birthmark on my back. I have had people ask if I ever thought of having it removed. My honest answer is that I don't think about my birthmark at all. Same goes for my scars. They're just a part of me that I really don't even see when I look in the mirror.
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Post by Zee on Jan 15, 2017 15:22:47 GMT
I still have my port, which ended up being unnecessary, and I'm hoping to get everything coordinated so it can be removed when my final implants are placed.
The scar from my port doesn't bother me a bit. Even the scars on my breasts don't bother me overly much, though I can see how they would bother most women. I'd probably worry about them a lot more if I was single and dating.
I think the location and degree of scarring and the story behind it would all make a huge difference in the answers you get.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 15, 2017 15:44:31 GMT
I have this stamp from Unity that I really like:  |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jan 15, 2017 16:20:57 GMT
My father went through a windshield in the days before safety glass. He has a scar from his mouth curving up his cheek to his hairline. I guess growing up seeing that made visible scars normal.
I have a port scar. It's not very noticeable and hidden by most clothes. More noticeable to me is the divot under the scar. I had my port for two years before removal. It developed a lot of scar tissue that had to be cut out to remove.
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grammanisi
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Post by grammanisi on Jan 15, 2017 18:11:28 GMT
My nephew is very disfigured do to an intentionally set fire in 1997, when he was 6. This kid has been thru hell and back with his scars. He has been braver than I could ever even imagine myself being. We, as people that love him, don't even see the scars any more, but I cannot imagine how he feels every time he looks in the mirror.
He acts like they don't bother him, but as he gets older he is having more self esteem issues and is not making very good choices right now.
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Post by Patter on Jan 15, 2017 18:41:22 GMT
Those are your battle scars, girl. You earned them! Absolutely!!! I find it so sad when people stare or make insensitive comments. My daughter has had three heart surgeries (two in 2016). She is covered in scars and I mean covered. One completely down her sternum, one from under her arm to all the way around her middle back, and many huge chest tube scars. Most of them you do not see but of course the sternum one you do. It bothers her most when people stare. I encourage her to educate. It's her opportunity to educate others about CHDs. Maybe you have an opportunity to share about your walk about cancer (if you feel it would help). I don't know but I encourage her to never, ever be ashamed or embarrassed, and you shouldn't either. Makes me sad that people are so shallow. Hugs to you! |
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Post by melanell on Jan 15, 2017 18:58:06 GMT
I have no issues with scars...mine or anyone else's. My mother, though, has spent my entire lifetime and before covering a scar from an accident she had as a teen, so I do know that some people are very sensitive/embarrassed/bothered by their scar(s).
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Post by phoenixcov on Jan 15, 2017 19:13:46 GMT
I have 13 scars from experimental radical surgeries mostly on left leg.
If I didn`t have the scars I wouldn`t have a leg or a reasonably mobile spine. A young Doctor once asked if I wanted to have a silicon
replacement for a removed calf muscle. He said it would look better to other people. You really don`t want to know
the reply to that little gem.
If I had a scar that bothered me then I would get it fixed, it`s all up to the individual concerned.
I don`t mind if people look or even ask questions, but stop and stare and I will stare right back with attitude until they get the message.
Put it this way, I am 62 and disabled from birth so I have had plenty of practice in dealing with the rude and ignorant.
Very different when I was young though.
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I'd like to look my best as often as possible. But to have surgery to "fix" a scar? No way, every wrinkle and line and scar etc are the story of me. It shows the life I've led, where I've been and what I've overcome. But I admit, if the scar was disfiguring or extremely painful, surgery might be an option. I just can't see it though for vanity.
