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May 5, 2024 13:51:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 19:57:59 GMT
At 15 I think you need to start examining why you are micromanaging this so much. It is the fact that she is disobeying and being disrespectful to her mother. That would piss me off! Cell phone use is a privilege earned. Yes, this is exactly why I am so angry.
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:51:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 20:00:10 GMT
It is the fact that she is disobeying and being disrespectful to her mother. That would piss me off! Cell phone use is a privilege earned. Exactly. And the DD is 14, almost 15. To me, that is different than if she were 15, going on 16. She has YEARS to figure out how to manage her device use before she goes off to college/life. And if a friend needs her at 4am, I would say that problem is bigger than another 14 year old should be handling. I agree that teens' bodies are often suited to late nights/late mornings. But the reality of life is that school often begins early and so therefore we need to get up early. Jobs are like that, too. I would be tempted to let the sleeping go, as it's the first week off of Bball and my kids always sort of collapse the week after a big activity/season ends. But the sneaking around and lying would never fly in our house. And that is what I would address the most. Add in the history of depression and cutting and I'd be worried, not just let it go as normal teen behavior. OP, I would probably schedule a visit with your DD's counselor and talk about consequences and a path forward as a family. If you can't get an appt in the next day or two, I would come up with a plan with more monitoring and removal of online and phone access. Probably for a week as a punishment, then decide on a path forward after that. I would focus on the lying and the sneakiness, because to me that is a much bigger issue than simply being online at 4 am. I wish I could get her in to see her therapist but she consistently has a 4 week wait time. So I will take your wonderful advice. Thank you!!
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Deleted
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May 5, 2024 13:51:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 20:01:58 GMT
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 15, 2017 21:49:49 GMT
Exactly. And the DD is 14, almost 15. To me, that is different than if she were 15, going on 16. She has YEARS to figure out how to manage her device use before she goes off to college/life. And if a friend needs her at 4am, I would say that problem is bigger than another 14 year old should be handling. I agree that teens' bodies are often suited to late nights/late mornings. But the reality of life is that school often begins early and so therefore we need to get up early. Jobs are like that, too. I would be tempted to let the sleeping go, as it's the first week off of Bball and my kids always sort of collapse the week after a big activity/season ends. But the sneaking around and lying would never fly in our house. And that is what I would address the most. Add in the history of depression and cutting and I'd be worried, not just let it go as normal teen behavior. OP, I would probably schedule a visit with your DD's counselor and talk about consequences and a path forward as a family. If you can't get an appt in the next day or two, I would come up with a plan with more monitoring and removal of online and phone access. Probably for a week as a punishment, then decide on a path forward after that. I would focus on the lying and the sneakiness, because to me that is a much bigger issue than simply being online at 4 am. I wish I could get her in to see her therapist but she consistently has a 4 week wait time. So I will take your wonderful advice. Thank you!! It is so hard parenting a teen. Remember when we thought potty training was hard? I would take away the electronics and give myself a day or so to cool down. Then I would calmly have a discussion with her (and dad, if he's in the picture.) Discuss what isn't working, your real concerns, and a path forward. I would probably put the limits on her electronics that others have suggested. Don't leave it up to her to police herself at this point--she has proven that it doesn't work. Let the guidelines that you decide together be the police. And I'd set up the controls to be automatic, so that you aren't continually having the same argument when she wants you to lift the restrictions. I'd give it until the end of the school year. Then revisit your plan at the end of the school year. What works, what didn't, what to do during the summer. I would probably do some looking around in her social media and see if bullying is an issue. But you may not see it all--most kids I know (even the kids who aren't sneaking around) have multiple accounts with different circles of friends. Maturity in a 14 year old can differ greatly from one kid to another. Some kids do well with no monitoring, others need more structure. And I don't think we can compare even 5 years back with what worked for a 14 year old then. Certainly not with a current adult and their device use 10-15 years ago. This technology is changing so fast and parents have a hard time keeping up with it.
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