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Post by 950nancy on Apr 14, 2017 20:14:54 GMT
I think kids should go to funerals if they are close to the deceased. If not, it should be optional. Go with your heart and decide what is best for your family. Little kids and funerals can go either way.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 14, 2017 20:44:22 GMT
I'm of the opposite camp. I brought my kids (ages 2/3) to their great aunt's funeral. They had only met her a few times, but I wanted them to have the experience of a funeral when it wasn't someone that we were very close to. I figured that if their first experience was when DH and I were distraught, it would be harder for them to cope. Thankfully, (strange to say it that way, but I hope you understand what I mean), when my brother passed suddenly two years later, they understood what was happening and weren't frightened or traumatized by everyone's grief. This is what I did, too. It's a very personal decision and no one should criticize you, whatever you decide.
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 14, 2017 20:47:41 GMT
I might take my kids to a Celebration of Life style memorial, but would not take them to a religious funeral service. A fifteen year old can decide if they want to come or not IMHO. Just curious why you wouldn't take your kids to a "religious funeral service"? In my denomination (Presbyterian -- PCUSA) we call them a "celebration of the life of so-and-so" or "a service in witness to the resurrection". So I'm not sure I understand your differentiation between a "celebration of life" and a "religious funeral service". We mostly don't use the word "funeral" but other than that it's pretty "religious". Mostly because my kids identified as atheists from a pretty young age and have no interest in religion. DH's family is Greek Orthodox and church services are in Greek, very long and follow a strictly prescribed liturgy. Some parts (Lord's Prayer, Nicene Creed, etc.) may be said in Greek first and then repeated in English and any number of other languages represented in the congregation. Other than the deceased being there in an open casket, they aren't really referenced and there are no eulogies. DH and I might attend a funeral for a distant relative, but we wouldn't expect the kids to attend. I did take DS to a service for the mom of his friend at a Calvary Church when he was nine (I was going and gave him the option to join me). The family weren't members of this church, but one of the pastors was a neighbor and wanted to host what he called a Celebration of Life memorial. It became a little uncomfortable for some of us when he started talking about how he knew she had accepted Jesus with her dying breath. DS was particularly annoyed at what he saw as disrespect, but I reminded him the family chose to use a church and pastor for this event and we were on his turf. IME, a Celebration of Life event has no religious aspect at all. They have been held at funeral homes, community centers, private clubs and hotel meeting rooms. The event is hosted and includes music, a slide show and formal eulogies from a number of different people and then an open mike for anyone wanting to speak followed by a reception. My kids are young adults now and decide for themselves whether or not they would attend a funeral. Sadly, we recently did for our 16 year old neighbor and the pastor did a great job, especially dealing with issue of suicide.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 14, 2017 21:00:03 GMT
I wouldn't take my kids to a religious service because they are incredibly impersonal to me. The preacher/whatever you call it in your denomination goes on and on and on preaching as if it's a church service and he's just doing his regular sermon. And then there's a lot of focus on the whole crucifixion thing, which I'm not down with and don't want my kids exposed to. At least that's how every church funeral I've ever been to is like. A celebration of life is actually about the person instead of being just another opportunity for a church service. It's like the church hijacks what should be a family oriented celebration of memories of the person. I'm sorry that this has been your experience. You should hang around with more Presbyterians. Although other denominations are like that also...I just went to an Episcopal memorial (no body) service that was all about the family and memories. Also, we don't do the "crucifixion thing" in most Protestant churches -- that's why we have the empty cross. Now there's a whole discussion that could happen, why one or the other (crucifix or plain cross) should hang in a church. lol I don't mean a physical crucifix. I mean talking during the service about Jesus dying on the cross so Christians can go to heaven. Every denomination I have been to has talked about Jesus dying on the cross as part of the service.
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Post by mom2samlibby on Apr 15, 2017 4:02:56 GMT
I would have taken them both. To me, a cousin is not distant family. I would assume that there will be a lot of other family members there that they would know. Funerals and weddings are often the only times one does see family members.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 18:57:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2017 4:29:45 GMT
If it what your family does, you do it.
Explain what they are going to see, and that they need to quiet and polite.
Bring coloring books, water bottles, and a snack for your son.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 15, 2017 4:37:57 GMT
I think it's up to the individual family. We took DD to both grandma's funerals less than two months apart when she was just over a year old, but that was a little different. For my mom's, my sister was in town so she stayed with DD and her DGD in the crying room during the service (Catholic church, so it was longer) and that was a help.
Two springs ago, DH took DD to the funeral of a neighbor lady at our lake place (DH has known the family for over 40 years, DD is friends with their grandkids, I was out of town or I would have gone too). She behaved herself nicely and it was fine. She understood that her friends' grandma died and that they would be sad, just like we were sad when her grandmas died, and that it's okay to be sad when you lose someone you love.
Last summer another longtime friend from the lake passed away and again DD went with us to the service. She is also good friends with the grandkid in that family too. They did a very nice segment of the service (Lutheran) specifically for the many children there (my guess at least 15 kids in attendance from about 3 up to maybe 12-15 years old) that was very helpful. I would say our friend's service was very tailored to the unique person she was and not generic at all.
I know my kid knows how to behave herself in those types of situations, so I wouldn't hesitate to bring her to a funeral if it was someone we knew as a family, even if she didn't know the person herself all that well. Come to think of it, not all that long ago we took her to the service for the dad of a friend of DH's. I didn't know the friend or his dad at all, but DD and I both went along because DH wanted to go to be in support of his friend and he didn't want to go by himself. No biggie, we went.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Apr 15, 2017 4:45:48 GMT
In answer to the OP, no I would not require the children to attend the funeral of someone they barely knew.
Additionally, I feel I must reply to the following quote from a PP:
"It's like the church hijacks what should be a family oriented celebration of memories of the person."
Hijacks? Wow. There are many different ways to conduct a funeral and IMHO, the only people who decide what each funeral "should" be are the person who is deceased (who has left instructions for what is to be covered in the service) and his family.
When I pass away and the story of my life is told at my funeral, it will focus on the major role that my faith played in my life, which will include the resurrection of Jesus and my hope for eternal life. That will not be because a pastor is "hijacking" the service, no matter what some in attendance may believe.
If the deceased or his family do not wish to include that type of message in the funeral or celebration of life, then it should not be included. And if that's the case, perhaps there would be more appropriate officiants for the funeral than clergy and more appropriate venues than a church building.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2017 4:54:09 GMT
I would take any child over the age of about 7 to a distant family funeral (and did) I didn't want their first funeral experience to be someone THEY were highly attached to.
I felt by that age they had some school experience at sitting quietly for an extended time wile they were bored. I talked to them before hand about what to expect, and what was expected of them. And they could ask all questions after we got back in the car.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 15, 2017 5:17:05 GMT
In answer to the OP, no I would not require the children to attend the funeral of someone they barely knew. Additionally, I feel I must reply to the following quote from a PP: "It's like the church hijacks what should be a family oriented celebration of memories of the person." Hijacks? Wow. There are many different ways to conduct a funeral and IMHO, the only people who decide what each funeral "should" be are the person who is deceased (who has left instructions for what is to be covered in the service) and his family. When I pass away and the story of my life is told at my funeral, it will focus on the major role that my faith played in my life, which will include the resurrection of Jesus and my hope for eternal life. That will not be because a pastor is "hijacking" the service, no matter what some in attendance may believe. If the deceased or his family do not wish to include that type of message in the funeral or celebration of life, then it should not be included. And if that's the case, perhaps there would be more appropriate officiants for the funeral than clergy and more appropriate venues than a church building. Every funeral I have been involved in planning (my relatives), I have felt like the clergy hijacked the service. They go on and on. It's like they can't stop themselves once they start talking. I resent that they see it as an opportunity for a sermon.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Apr 15, 2017 14:02:34 GMT
Nope!
When hubby's paternal gm died he insisted the kids go to the viewing me too. It was right before her service. I didn't even go see my dad after he died and never regretted it. Seeing his gm was very upsetting to kids and I. My kids have been to 2 funerals, one last summer for maternal gm and then the one for paternal gm. We were very close to the maternal gm and my kids were like me in that they wished they could have not gone as the service in no way represented her or her life. When they went to first gm funeral they were hmm 12 and under, recent passing of gm the 2 still at home were 21 and 18. I really just wanted to stay home and listen to her favorite hymns and watch some of her old favorite movies.
I myself avoid them whenever I can. There have been a lot I'm sure people thought I should have gone to and didn't and I don't regret it.
I think going to my first funeral as a teen and it being my dad scarred me in some way.
I would never bring my kids just to appease family or keep the peace. I think how one deals with death is an individual thing. Some choose to embrace the whole thing I prefer not to.
I'm also a person who doesn't want a service for myself so yeah take my thoughts on all this with that in mind lol.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 15, 2017 14:14:22 GMT
Nope! When hubby's paternal gm died he insisted the kids go to the viewing me too. It was right before her service. I didn't even go see my dad after he died and never regretted it. Seeing his gm was very upsetting to kids and I. My kids have been to 2 funerals, one last summer for maternal gm and then the one for paternal gm. We were very close to the maternal gm and my kids were like me in that they wished they could have not gone as the service in no way represented her or her life. When they went to first gm funeral they were hmm 12 and under, recent passing of gm the 2 still at home were 21 and 18. I really just wanted to stay home and listen to her favorite hymns and watch some of her old favorite movies. I myself avoid them whenever I can. There have been a lot I'm sure people thought I should have gone to and didn't and I don't regret it. I think going to my first funeral as a teen and it being my dad scarred me in some way. I would never bring my kids just to appease family or keep the peace. I think how one deals with death is an individual thing. Some choose to embrace the whole thing I prefer not to. I'm also a person who doesn't want a service for myself so yeah take my thoughts on all this with that in mind lol. Do you think it would have been less bad if your first experience of it was someone you weren't quite as close to, or if it wasn't an open casket where you had to see the person? The first funeral I remember going to was my brother's, he was 21 and I was ten. Open casket. Not great. My dad died the night of brother's funeral of cancer, so three days later I was at his funeral too (open casket). When my mom died almost six years ago she also had an open casket, but the funeral home did a nice job with her and she actually looked relaxed and happy. Not sure how that happened, but it was comforting to me somehow. Personally I don't mind as much the ones where there are just pictures of the person. So for that reason I've made sure that there are some really nice professional pics of me that my family can drag out just for that purpose (hopefully far, far down the road from now)!
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Apr 15, 2017 14:22:14 GMT
In my opinion funerals are more about the living then the dead. I have gone to funerals of people I didn't like and/or people I didn't know because I was there to show respect and support the family that are mourning their loved ones. The person in the casket has no idea who is there or not. In your situation it sounds like the grandmother will be disappointed. If it's the grandmother of the deceased cousin it sounds like she may need/want to see her living grandchildren and hug them and such. If they can't attend the funeral I would make sure to go to the visitation at the funeral home at the very least.
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Post by canadianscrappergirl on Apr 15, 2017 14:24:37 GMT
Nope! When hubby's paternal gm died he insisted the kids go to the viewing me too. It was right before her service. I didn't even go see my dad after he died and never regretted it. Seeing his gm was very upsetting to kids and I. My kids have been to 2 funerals, one last summer for maternal gm and then the one for paternal gm. We were very close to the maternal gm and my kids were like me in that they wished they could have not gone as the service in no way represented her or her life. When they went to first gm funeral they were hmm 12 and under, recent passing of gm the 2 still at home were 21 and 18. I really just wanted to stay home and listen to her favorite hymns and watch some of her old favorite movies. I myself avoid them whenever I can. There have been a lot I'm sure people thought I should have gone to and didn't and I don't regret it. I think going to my first funeral as a teen and it being my dad scarred me in some way. I would never bring my kids just to appease family or keep the peace. I think how one deals with death is an individual thing. Some choose to embrace the whole thing I prefer not to. I'm also a person who doesn't want a service for myself so yeah take my thoughts on all this with that in mind lol. Do you think it would have been less bad if your first experience of it was someone you weren't quite as close to, or if it wasn't an open casket where you had to see the person? The first funeral I remember going to was my brother's, he was 21 and I was ten. Open casket. Not great. My dad died the night of brother's funeral of cancer, so three days later I was at his funeral too (open casket). When my mom died almost six years ago she also had an open casket, but the funeral home did a nice job with her and she actually looked relaxed and happy. Not sure how that happened, but it was comforting to me somehow. Personally I don't mind as much the ones where there are just pictures of the person. So for that reason I've made sure that there are some really nice professional pics of me that my family can drag out just for that purpose (hopefully far, far down the road from now)! OMG that must have been so awful!! I think it did affect me for sure. The same year my dad died I went to 3 other funerals that didn't help. My hubby used to try and brow beat me to go to funerals and viewings he no longer does that. I prefer to have living memories of people. Even my hubby was disappointed in the service for his gm it was not a good enough send off for her. He even regretted going to her viewing. This time he didn't force the kids or i to go. I'm sure my MIL thought I was a super bitch because he went on his own. I'm not close to my mom haven't spoken to her in at least 6 yrs actually none of my family and when they pass I won't go to their funerals either but more because I have no relationship with them.
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Post by auntkelly on Apr 15, 2017 14:31:39 GMT
I think death and dying and funerals are a normal part of life, and I don't see any point in shielding kids from that part of life. Of course you have to use common sense about what you say to kids about it and how much you expose them to.
I went to my father's funeral when I was three and two years' later I went to my grandfather's funeral. Maybe that is why I'm so matter of fact about funerals.
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Post by janskylar on Apr 15, 2017 14:53:46 GMT
The first funeral I remember going to was for our neighbor. I was under 10, and I don't remember the specifics of how it was explained to me, but I was aware that she had committed suicide. I will never forget the wailing from her two daughters throughout the service. For weeks afterward even though the youngest daughter was a couple of years older than I was, my parents arranged for me to hang out at her house daily to keep her company. We never ever discussed her mother or anything else really. We just played Nintendo in awkward silence.
I was 10 when my grandmother died of cancer after living with us for a couple of years. I have many wonderful memories of her, but the most vivid recollection is what her skin felt like when I was forced by some relative I didn't even now to touch her cold lifeless hand in the casket because I'd "always regret it if I didn't." Opposite. Twenty-five years later and I still can't shake the feeling.
I can count on one hand the number of funerals I have been to since. I'm a total panicky mess at them regardless of my feelings toward the deceased, a fact that became clear at my now-ex's dad's memorial service. Now I just sit them out and mourn in my own way for those I care about. If I had kids, I wouldn't take them. Obviously most people don't feel the way I do or people wouldn't have funerals.
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61redhead
Full Member
Refupea #1938
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Jun 28, 2014 11:27:52 GMT
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Post by 61redhead on Apr 15, 2017 15:03:25 GMT
I don't mean a physical crucifix. I mean talking during the service about Jesus dying on the cross so Christians can go to heaven. Every denomination I have been to has talked about Jesus dying on the cross as part of the service. I agree with those who have said that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. To any Christian, the greatest joy in life is knowing that a loved one is in the presence of Christ Jesus! He is healed, no longer suffering any pain or addiction or sorrow. His earthly journey is over, and he is now living in the Light of God's presence. As humans, it is our selfish nature to grieve the loss to ourselves of the presence of our friend/family member. But the reminder of Christ's sacrifice on the cross so that we can know eternal life is very comforting to a grieving Christian. i understand that if you are not a believer, you will not "get" this concept. But please do not deny this comfort to those Christian friends/family members of the deceased. And if the deceased is a Christian, this might be his last chance to witness to you God's mighty plan of salvation.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 15, 2017 15:22:42 GMT
I have been to way, way too many funerals and viewings. But have never approached or viewed the body. It is absolutely NOT required to attend a funeral - and I would never encourage, let alone force my children to view the deceased. If they WANT to - that's their choice. I prefer my final memories to be that of them alive. Cremation has become much more common in my family, and the vast majority of funerals do not include the body at all.
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 15, 2017 16:34:13 GMT
I am a 'funerals are for the living' kind of person. I go for the people left behind, regardless of whether I know the person or not.
I had my son go with me to the most recent funeral for my step father's brother. My son has never met him, ever. I think I may have only met him a handful of times. I din't go because of him, I went to support my stepfather. My son went to support his grandfather. The boy is fortunate in that at 17 it was his first funeral, and he really didn't want to go. But I pretty much told him he didn't have a choice and that it wasn't about him at all.
Anyway, I kind of think that death is part of our world and kids can't be completely sheltered from that. At a funeral, they get to see both the grief of mourning and the joy of remembrance. I don't think that is a bad thing.
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 15, 2017 16:39:52 GMT
I'm sorry that this has been your experience. You should hang around with more Presbyterians. Although other denominations are like that also...I just went to an Episcopal memorial (no body) service that was all about the family and memories. For what it's worth, I've attended one funeral at a Presbyterian church and it was very laid back. I couldn't get over all the women that were wearing pants because LDS funerals are formal. From what I have read on 2 peas, this is more the norm now. It was a lovely service. Also, the last 30 years of my grandparents life they stopped attending LDS services and went to a Presbyterian church. The pastor was one of the speakers at each of their funerals in an LDS church. Hijacks? Wow. There are many different ways to conduct a funeral and IMHO, the only people who decide what each funeral "should" be are the person who is deceased (who has left instructions for what is to be covered in the service) and his family. That's not true for all religions. If a funeral is held in an LDS church, the main focus of the funeral is preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's in the bishops handbook printed by the church. It is required for the bishop of that church to make remarks at the end of the service. Some don't say much, others will go on and on. It does not matter what the deceased believed. Sometimes the funerals are held there as a matter of convenience because it's near the cemetery of where they will be buried. There's plenty of remembrance of the person in between. Depending on the bishop, some musical numbers may not be approved. It is their right because it's their building, but for that reason I hope my family respects my wishes to not have a funeral. There really are no other choices to have a traditional funeral because of the large size of my family and the lack of other denominations. I hate the thought that the last words said will be about something I no loner believe.
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 15, 2017 16:46:20 GMT
I have been to way, way too many funerals and viewings. But have never approached or viewed the body. It is absolutely NOT required to attend a funeral - and I would never encourage, let alone force my children to view the deceased. If they WANT to - that's their choice. I prefer my final memories to be that of them alive. Cremation has become much more common in my family, and the vast majority of funerals do not include the body at all. I've gone to many viewings and not the funerals if I wasn't close with the deceased but I knew the family member. That doesn't phase me at all except the viewing of a former classmate who died in a car accident. That was a bad decision. Because of the circumstances of my father's death I never saw him after he died. It was tough believing he was really in that casket and there was never really a good-bye that felt final.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 15, 2017 16:54:39 GMT
I think death and dying and funerals are a normal part of life, and I don't see any point in shielding kids from that part of life. Of course you have to use common sense about what you say to kids about it and how much you expose them to. I went to my father's funeral when I was three and two years' later I went to my grandfather's funeral. Maybe that is why I'm so matter of fact about funerals.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
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Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 15, 2017 16:59:05 GMT
I would probably take the 15YO and leave the 6YO home. By 15, I think they are old enough to understand what is going on, and to begin to learn that there are times when you do things out of respect/duty, even if you really don't want to do them. except i'd have taken them both - this would be a good time for your younger son to be introduced to the workings of a visitation/wake/funeral without the added stress of grief It's a time for people to come together to support the grieving relatives. It's not really about the person who has died. absolutely - i go to funerals of people i don't know well - because i care about the family that is left behind I also think it's actually hugely beneficial to attend a funeral for someone you are not personally grieving before having to do it for a close family members. To me there is nothing more appropriate than family attending a funeral. again - spot on. gina
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
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Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 15, 2017 17:00:35 GMT
Bring coloring books, water bottles, and a snack for your son. for the visitation - many funeral homes have rooms stocked with those things - and movies available too gina
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 15, 2017 17:14:02 GMT
I have been to way, way too many funerals and viewings. But have never approached or viewed the body. It is absolutely NOT required to attend a funeral - and I would never encourage, let alone force my children to view the deceased. If they WANT to - that's their choice. I prefer my final memories to be that of them alive. Cremation has become much more common in my family, and the vast majority of funerals do not include the body at all. I've gone to many viewings and not the funerals if I wasn't close with the deceased but I knew the family member. That doesn't phase me at all except the viewing of a former classmate who died in a car accident. That was a bad decision. Because of the circumstances of my father's death I never saw him after he died. It was tough believing he was really in that casket and there was never really a good-bye that felt final. My best friend felt that way about her grandmother as well. It was very important for her to have that final goodbye. People are different - I just didn't want anyone to think it was a requirement. There seemed to be quite a few people with little to no experience with funerals. It's hard for me to imagine - with a big family - and unfortunately one with a whole lot of early accidental death, it was just part of life growing up. I think during elementary school alone - 3 grandparents, 1 uncle, and 2 cousins died. I wish I could say the frequency abated as I got older - unfortunately not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2017 17:14:31 GMT
Bring coloring books, water bottles, and a snack for your son. for the visitation - many funeral homes have rooms stocked with those things - and movies available too gina Really? I would have loved that as a child. We could not even move when we at visitations.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 15, 2017 17:17:29 GMT
for the visitation - many funeral homes have rooms stocked with those things - and movies available too gina Really? I would have loved that as a child. We could not even move when we at visitations. most of the funeral homes i've been to - so maybe i should rephrase - funeral homes in mid missouri have these available! i would imagine that it's standard - and if not - they have small little rooms available you can bring that stuff visitations - here- are fluid the family typically receives people at the casket - sometimes there is a line - after that people mingle - remember the departed - and gossip for some folks - it's a chance to reconnect with people gina
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 15, 2017 17:30:55 GMT
I don't mean a physical crucifix. I mean talking during the service about Jesus dying on the cross so Christians can go to heaven. Every denomination I have been to has talked about Jesus dying on the cross as part of the service. I agree with those who have said that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. To any Christian, the greatest joy in life is knowing that a loved one is in the presence of Christ Jesus! He is healed, no longer suffering any pain or addiction or sorrow. His earthly journey is over, and he is now living in the Light of God's presence. As humans, it is our selfish nature to grieve the loss to ourselves of the presence of our friend/family member. But the reminder of Christ's sacrifice on the cross so that we can know eternal life is very comforting to a grieving Christian. i understand that if you are not a believer, you will not "get" this concept. But please do not deny this comfort to those Christian friends/family members of the deceased. And if the deceased is a Christian, this might be his last chance to witness to you God's mighty plan of salvation. I respect that this is what you believe, but as a nonbeliever this sums up nicely why I didn't take my children to a religious funeral service when they were younger. I'm in no way denying you the comfort you take from the service but, IMHO, it isn't much different from letting a proseltizing missionary into my living room. IMHO, a religious funeral service is for those who follow that religion.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 15, 2017 17:35:51 GMT
I don't mean a physical crucifix. I mean talking during the service about Jesus dying on the cross so Christians can go to heaven. Every denomination I have been to has talked about Jesus dying on the cross as part of the service. I agree with those who have said that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. To any Christian, the greatest joy in life is knowing that a loved one is in the presence of Christ Jesus! He is healed, no longer suffering any pain or addiction or sorrow. His earthly journey is over, and he is now living in the Light of God's presence. As humans, it is our selfish nature to grieve the loss to ourselves of the presence of our friend/family member. But the reminder of Christ's sacrifice on the cross so that we can know eternal life is very comforting to a grieving Christian. i understand that if you are not a believer, you will not "get" this concept. But please do not deny this comfort to those Christian friends/family members of the deceased. And if the deceased is a Christian, this might be his last chance to witness to you God's mighty plan of salvation. That's fine that you believe that. But someone asked why *I* wouldn't take *my* children to a religious service and I answered it's because I don't want my children to hear that message.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 15, 2017 17:37:39 GMT
I'm sorry that this has been your experience. You should hang around with more Presbyterians. Although other denominations are like that also...I just went to an Episcopal memorial (no body) service that was all about the family and memories. For what it's worth, I've attended one funeral at a Presbyterian church and it was very laid back. I couldn't get over all the women that were wearing pants because LDS funerals are formal. From what I have read on 2 peas, this is more the norm now. It was a lovely service. Also, the last 30 years of my grandparents life they stopped attending LDS services and went to a Presbyterian church. The pastor was one of the speakers at each of their funerals in an LDS church. Hijacks? Wow. There are many different ways to conduct a funeral and IMHO, the only people who decide what each funeral "should" be are the person who is deceased (who has left instructions for what is to be covered in the service) and his family. That's not true for all religions. If a funeral is held in an LDS church, the main focus of the funeral is preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's in the bishops handbook printed by the church. It is required for the bishop of that church to make remarks at the end of the service. Some don't say much, others will go on and on. It does not matter what the deceased believed. Sometimes the funerals are held there as a matter of convenience because it's near the cemetery of where they will be buried. There's plenty of remembrance of the person in between. Depending on the bishop, some musical numbers may not be approved. It is their right because it's their building, but for that reason I hope my family respects my wishes to not have a funeral. There really are no other choices to have a traditional funeral because of the large size of my family and the lack of other denominations. I hate the thought that the last words said will be about something I no loner believe. Yes. I went to a Catholic funeral recently and it was so sad to me. There wasn't a mention of the deceased at all. It was just the regular catholic service scheduled for that day and the woman's body just happened to be over to the side. No one spoke about her. No one shared memories of her. No one even said her name. It made me so sad.
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