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Post by not2peased on Aug 22, 2017 17:04:35 GMT
unless I had something very special scheduled already, I would go to the shower. I admit to being a bit puzzled when adults make a big deal of their birthdays. to me, it's a kid thing to have a big thing. I typically work on my birthday, I rarely do something special.
I also would not at all expect a friend to schedule around my birthday
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scrapngranny
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Only slightly senile
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Post by scrapngranny on Aug 22, 2017 17:07:44 GMT
Assuming you are an adult, I would get over myself and go to the shower. Plan your personal birthday celebration on some other day.
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paigepea
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Aug 22, 2017 17:11:55 GMT
It doesn't sound like a big deal to go. In fact I'd think it would be fun. I don't know why you'd have to 'suck it up'. That implies you don't want to go regardless of the day. I threw my Dh a birthday party on our good friend's actual birthday (because I needed a weekend date - his actual birthday fell on a weekday). I hope she didn't feel she had to suck it up and come. She had a good time. And we sang her happy birthday too  . |
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ginacivey
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refupea #2 in southeast missouri
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 22, 2017 17:49:46 GMT
Yes, I have to suck it up and go for close friends. But what about all the other showers you get invited to? No, I'm not sucking it up for my neighbor's daughter or a coworker I'm not close to or my cousin's fiancée, whom I've never met, or an acquaintance I'm FB friends with or whatever. I feel zero guilt about declining the vast majority of shower invites I get. agreed...but the OP is talking about a 'good friend' i just don't get the 'shower hate' - concentrate on how happy the new mom/bride is and less on how much these parties are boring/irritating/whatever i concentrate more on the guest of honor than on myself because you are going to throw a shower at some point - yes you will - and you'll hope all your friends come i've gone to probably fifty baby/wedding showers in 25 years - and when it was time for my daughter's baby shower - the favor was returned - the outpouring of love from family and friends was almost overhwelming The day will probably come when she alters her plans to be there for you at an important event. good point gina |
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Post by scrappychick on Aug 22, 2017 18:38:04 GMT
If I had already made plans with other friends, I would keep my plans. If not, then I'd go for an hour or two next get on with my day. I like to keep myself open to evolving plans. The more fun I can pack into a day, the better.
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janeinbama
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Posts: 3,174
Location: Alabama
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Post by janeinbama on Aug 22, 2017 18:42:02 GMT
I would keep your current plans with your Dad. Send your regrets, take a gift at some point and call it a day. There is no date that will suit everyone.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 22, 2017 18:56:08 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it.  ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. |
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Post by 16joy on Aug 22, 2017 18:58:15 GMT
You already have plans with your dad and you should keep that plan in place. No one should expect you to cancel existing plans to attend their event.
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Post by nyxish on Aug 22, 2017 19:05:16 GMT
if you already have plans, i wouldn't expect you to change them.
Tho, i am also one who hates showers and have never been to one i found fun, so i would send regrets and a gift anyway.
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Post by artgirl1 on Aug 22, 2017 19:08:46 GMT
Friendship goes both ways, and while so many are blasting you about being a friend and suck it up and go to the shower, what about the friend who knowingly schedules it on your day, and expect you to accommodate her?
I think you should do what you want. Life is too short to bend to everyone's whims.
I recently dealt with a similar situation. I had plans with friends for a week vacation (location a two hour drive). Got invite to a family thing for the second day from 1-7 (two weeks before event). Changed my plans to go to family event, losing 2 days of my paid vacation, went to event from 1-4 then left to go to my vacation. I have been attacked now for three weeks because I didn't stay for whole event. Sometimes you can't win. So I now decided not to jump to accommodate everyone.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,864
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 22, 2017 19:19:23 GMT
ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. Honestly, this thread has annoyed me from the beginning too. Who says you have to go to a shower that you don't want to go to, good friend or not, plans or not? I literally hate showers. I don't go. I have no problem sending gifts. I just don't prefer to sit in a room playing silly games and all that jazz. It doesn't mean I don't like my friend/family less, I just prefer to do other things with my time. And sometimes that's sit my ass at home and do nothing. My time is really my time. If I want to go, I'll go - if not, and especially if I have other plans, I won't. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 22, 2017 19:27:48 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it. ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship.  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2017 19:31:13 GMT
I'd think that a baby shower for this baby is a once in a lifetime event and I'd have plenty of other games to watch and other days to spend with my dad. It isnt as easy to schedule a baby shower as it is to pick a different day to celebrate me. I'd want to show my friend that she matters by supporting the things that are important to her when I can and this seems doable to me.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 22, 2017 19:39:56 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it. ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. Thank you, lucyg, for saving me the time of writing the above. My thoughts exactly! Enjoy the time with your dad. Signed, someone who wishes she had one more day with her dad. |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 22, 2017 19:46:56 GMT
Signed, someone who wishes she had one more day with her dad. nice....i lost my dad when i was 30 i get not wasting time but that last line rubbed me wrong gina |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
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Post by scrappyesq on Aug 22, 2017 19:56:03 GMT
I'm much more of a nighttime birthday celebrator. I would do that and reschedule any daytime dad time for the next day. If she is a good friend.
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Post by mellowyellow on Aug 22, 2017 20:00:50 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it. ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. This exactly! Thank you for writing what I've been trying to. In my situation, if I had made plans with my dad I would be keeping them because my dad is getting up there in age and his health is not good at all. My dad also cannot drive so me going to pick him up just to go grab a hot dog is a great day for him. He has to rely on other people a lot due to his health. I would drop a gift off to my friend and then enjoy the day with my daddy. |
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Post by annabella on Aug 22, 2017 20:12:31 GMT
I'd think that a baby shower for this baby is a once in a lifetime event and I'd have plenty of other games to watch and other days to spend with my dad. It isnt as easy to schedule a baby shower as it is to pick a different day to celebrate me. I'd want to show my friend that she matters by supporting the things that are important to her when I can and this seems doable to me. A baby shower is really not that important, and she may have another baby shower for this baby and for future babies. It's just a gift giving affair, no different than non-milestone adult birthdays that people keep referencing in this thread. The OP is creating memories with her father, family is more important. |
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,529
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Post by pinklady on Aug 22, 2017 20:42:10 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it. ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. THANK YOU Lucy! I really needed this. I honestly don't want to say anything to her about the date because she has been getting a shitload of crap from her family about setting a date for the shower. I would NEVER want her to change the date, I just want her to be OK or at least understand if I decline. I'm just really frustrated at having to make a choice. |
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 22, 2017 20:49:33 GMT
I'm coming in late and I only read the first few replies. Before I saw your update, I would have said, if my birthday activities could be easily rescheduled, I might reschedule so I could attend the shower. If not, buh-bye Felicia. She's the one who changed the date after telling you a different day to begin with. After seeing your update, yes, of course you should continue with your plans to spend the day with your dad. I assume she knows when your birthday is, and she chose to reschedule for that day. And after having read some of the replies, holy hell! Don't listen to anyone who tells you you're a lousy friend because you want to do what you want to do on your birthday. Just because the day itself isn't important to them, doesn't mean it isn't important to you. Other people's social events do not take priority over your own preferred plans. You are not personally and permanently rejecting your friend and her baby by skipping her friggin' baby shower. Send a gift and be done with it. ETA have read more replies. Not understanding why people think attending an inconvenient baby shower is a sign of loyalty among friends. We've been told over and over again that we get to choose which social events to attend. If a wedding location is inconvenient, most people say to decline. But baby showers are a test of true friendship? ugh ETA#2 I don't know why this whole thing is annoying me so much. Maybe because I'm old and just OVER this whole catering-to-other-people thing. My friends plan events. If you can attend, great. If you can't, okay. No one turns down a gift delivered at some other time. It's never a test of friendship. Tell us how you really feel! . I do agree with you on spending the day with my dad. I would love to be able to do that. If I had already planned to do that, I wouldn't change my plans for a shower either. Seems like you already have a great excuse. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2017 20:53:05 GMT
I think watching a sporting event with dear ol dad, is an event worth hanging on to. Let the baby shower go. Send a gift and some words of regret about a previous commitment then have fun with dad. You will never regret time spent with a parent.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
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Post by cycworker on Aug 22, 2017 21:01:02 GMT
pinklady - I was in the ' you have to go to the shower' camp. Because it's your dad you want to spend time with, I'm more on the fence now. Life is short and you do never know how many more opportunities you'll get to spend with him. That said, this is one of the rare times I disagree with lucyg ; weddings, showers, graduations & funerals aren't just regular old events like a dinner party or a games night. Those ARE the times we show as gestures of love & loyalty to our friends/family. They are about more than the event itself - they are about the symbolism & meaning behind the actual event. If you're as close a friend to this person as it sounds by your post, in my family you'd be one of this baby's honourary aunties. And showing up at the shower is an affirmation of a willingness to love this little one & have a meaningful role in his/her life. That's why we should always do whatever necessary to be at wedding ceremonies for the people we really love. We're making a commitment to be part of the village of people who are going to be there to support the couple & love on them & pray for them in tough times. So you have to figure out how to communicate that while you're not able to attend this particular ritual, you aren't shirking your responsibility, as her friend, to the baby once its born. not2peased - it's easy to say adults shouldn't care about their birthdays. However, some of us were in a situation growing up where we didn't know if we'd make it to the next one. So you bet I make a big deal out of every one I'm gifted with. If that's childish, so be it.
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inkedup
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Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 22, 2017 21:01:35 GMT
I don't think it's the end of the world (nor should it end a friendship) if you miss the shower, especially because the date was set after you'd made plans with your dad.
I just don't get hung up on event attendance, and I hate being made to feel bad when I miss something.
If you really feel bad, maybe treat your friend to lunch and a pedicure and give her your gift then.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2017 21:26:37 GMT
I'd think that a baby shower for this baby is a once in a lifetime event and I'd have plenty of other games to watch and other days to spend with my dad. It isnt as easy to schedule a baby shower as it is to pick a different day to celebrate me. I'd want to show my friend that she matters by supporting the things that are important to her when I can and this seems doable to me. A baby shower is really not that important, and she may have another baby shower for this baby and for future babies. It's just a gift giving affair, no different than non-milestone adult birthdays that people keep referencing in this thread. The OP is creating memories with her father, family is more important. I'm thinking from the perspective of the good friend, that it's important to her and Means more to her than just what gifts she'll get. I also don't think it has to be either or. I think you can go to the shower that means so much to your friend and then go spend time with your dad celebrating you, the very next day. That's just how I see it. |
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smginaz Suzy
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Je suis desole.
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Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Aug 22, 2017 21:54:03 GMT
I think you can watch the game with your dad and then go spend time with your friend the next day celebrating her. That's just how I see it.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 22, 2017 22:39:37 GMT
i'm late to this party but i agree more with you. it's your birthday. if you had plans, go through with your plans.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 22, 2017 22:47:51 GMT
Signed, someone who wishes she had one more day with her dad. nice....i lost my dad when i was 30 i get not wasting time but that last line rubbed me wrong gina Huh? I'm honestly not being snarky but why would someone saying that they wished they had one more day with their dad rub you the wrong way? |
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Post by mnmloveli on Aug 22, 2017 22:53:58 GMT
I will be 1 of the few dissenters.... but i avoid baby n bridal showers as much as possible... i would send regrets a gift and a gift card... then go on with my plans... but I would not be going if I had anything planned or not.... Totally agree ! You have plans with your Dad for YOUR birthday. I would call her and extend my regrets and drop-off a gift. |
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 22, 2017 23:22:06 GMT
I think the added info changed the tone of the OP completely. Initially I imagined the birthday girl was going to go shopping or planned a massage or something to pamper herself. And though the tentative date of the shower was told I wouldn't be shocked if it changed once there was discussion about the date with family etc. In that case, I personally would put my plans aside and celebrate my friend.
The added details change the story. In *that* case I'd probably hang out at the sporting event with my dad and plan something special with just friend and I later.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 22, 2017 23:25:27 GMT
I will be 1 of the few dissenters.... but i avoid baby n bridal showers as much as possible... i would send regrets a gift and a gift card... then go on with my plans... but I would not be going if I had anything planned or not.... ^^^ this is me, too. I don't like attending those sorts of events, at all. I also agree with this post: I think the added info changed the tone of the OP completely. Initially I imagined the birthday girl was going to go shopping or planned a massage or something to pamper herself. And though the tentative date of the shower was told I wouldn't be shocked if it changed once there was discussion about the date with family etc. In that case, I personally would put my plans aside and celebrate my friend. The added details change the story. In *that* case I'd probably hang out at the sporting event with my dad and plan something special with just friend and I later. |
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