sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,592
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Aug 22, 2017 23:58:38 GMT
Something similar happened to us. My sil announced she was pg at Christmas (her first). She sent me a text that she has to have her shower in June and the only date available at the place is on my dd 13th bday. She asked if we were celebrating on that day. I told her that she could plan what she wanted but I wasn't going to commit 6 months out. DD wanted a big party for her 13th and normally we do celebrate the kids' bdays on their day (beauty of summer bdays). She texted me later and said the day before was available and they'd do it then. Great. Fast forward to June. We are making vacation plans and the only week we are able to go for various reasons is the week following. We planned on going to the shower and leave for vacation straight from there. About 2 weeks prior to that weekend, I had not heard anything. I text her and she responds with it'll be on dd's bday. When she asked later if we were coming, I told her no. I said we had already made our vacation plans based on the day before and that at that time of year, places were Sat-Sat stays. So we were locked in.
I was actually looking forward to celebrating her and the baby once I found out about the pg. And then when she said they'd have it on the day before. So I was bummed and a little irritated at the same time.
I say it's your day too. You already had plans. Could you change them? Doesn't really sound like it. So go enjoy your day. Take her a gift and maybe go to lunch another day.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Aug 23, 2017 1:01:05 GMT
I think the added info changed the tone of the OP completely. Initially I imagined the birthday girl was going to go shopping or planned a massage or something to pamper herself. And though the tentative date of the shower was told I wouldn't be shocked if it changed once there was discussion about the date with family etc. In that case, I personally would put my plans aside and celebrate my friend. The added details change the story. In *that* case I'd probably hang out at the sporting event with my dad and plan something special with just friend and I later. Because I read the tone of the original post as implying that the mother-to-be perhaps was malicious (or maybe just spiteful) for some reason in picking OP's birthday as her shower date. Now I see that's not how she was feeling at all. I would hope no friend takes offense to "I'm sorry, I have plans with my dad that I can't reschedule. I hope the shower is lovely."
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Aug 23, 2017 2:07:55 GMT
Personally, you sound very self-centered. Their world, does not revolve around you, your plans or your schedule. Not being rude, simply stating my opinion.
Picking an event date, there are usually several variables involved. I think the Parents to be should schedule what's best for them. If they had to accommodate every Family and friends plans and schedules, it would be near impossible to schedule anything or any event.
You shouldn't expect anyone to cater their social events around you.
So, you had plans. Sometimes plans change. Sometime plans change at the last minute, sometimes plans change in the middle of the plans. You roll with it or you don't.
Not every invitee can attend, every event. Most guests of honor and most hosts, know this.
Do whichever you prefer to do, and send regrets to the other.
Honestly, you come across as very....it's all about me.
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Post by hennybutton on Aug 23, 2017 2:30:46 GMT
I think the added info changed the tone of the OP completely. Initially I imagined the birthday girl was going to go shopping or planned a massage or something to pamper herself. And though the tentative date of the shower was told I wouldn't be shocked if it changed once there was discussion about the date with family etc. In that case, I personally would put my plans aside and celebrate my friend. The added details change the story. In *that* case I'd probably hang out at the sporting event with my dad and plan something special with just friend and I later. I agree completely. My answer would have been far less harsh with this vital piece of information.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 23, 2017 2:36:49 GMT
nice....i lost my dad when i was 30 i get not wasting time but that last line rubbed me wrong gina Huh? I'm honestly not being snarky but why would someone saying that they wished they had one more day with their dad rub you the wrong way? Thank you. I didn't get it either. I lost my dad 28 years ago, the day before my son's 3rd birthday. Not sure why wishing one more day with him would rub you the wrong way.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,864
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 23, 2017 3:50:55 GMT
Signed, someone who wishes she had one more day with her dad. nice....i lost my dad when i was 30 i get not wasting time but that last line rubbed me wronggina Seriously? She wishes she had one more day with her dad and that rubs you the wrong way? Ok.
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Post by cawoman on Aug 23, 2017 4:09:22 GMT
cadoodlebug, for what it's worth I was thinking the same thing about wishing I had one more day with my Dad.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 23, 2017 13:06:32 GMT
Seriously? She wishes she had one more day with her dad and that rubs you the wrong way? Ok. i think it was the passive aggressive use of 'you could lose your dad at any point' - it felt like a handslap i didn't begrudge her spending time with her dad but honestly - anyone can drop dead at any time her friend could die in childbirth or get hit by a bus - and then - she might regret not going to the shower gina
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Post by not2peased on Aug 23, 2017 13:28:48 GMT
Seriously? She wishes she had one more day with her dad and that rubs you the wrong way? Ok. i think it was the passive aggressive use of 'you could lose your dad at any point' - it felt like a handslap i didn't begrudge her spending time with her dad but honestly - anyone can drop dead at any time her friend could die in childbirth or get hit by a bus - and then - she might regret not going to the shower gina exactly
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,314
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
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Post by smcast on Aug 23, 2017 13:33:23 GMT
I'd give her a gift and tell her you have plans already on your birthday. It is what it is. Not life or death situation.
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Post by annabella on Aug 23, 2017 13:39:37 GMT
I'd give her a gift and tell her you have plans already on your birthday. It is what it is. Not life or death situation. So she's supposed to give her friend a gift for her baby shower when her friend probably isn't giving her a birthday gift?
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 23, 2017 13:42:07 GMT
So she's supposed to give her friend a gift for her baby shower when her friend probably isn't giving her a birthday gift? yep that just seems to be the way it goes we gift babies and brides - i never give my friends gifts on their bdays nor they on mine gina
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,864
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 23, 2017 17:12:16 GMT
I'd give her a gift and tell her you have plans already on your birthday. It is what it is. Not life or death situation. So she's supposed to give her friend a gift for her baby shower when her friend probably isn't giving her a birthday gift? Yes, because it's what you do - give a gift for a baby shower. That's not a difficult one at all.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Aug 23, 2017 17:16:27 GMT
I'd give her a gift and tell her you have plans already on your birthday. It is what it is. Not life or death situation. So she's supposed to give her friend a gift for her baby shower when her friend probably isn't giving her a birthday gift? Well, yeah. I have given PLENTY of gifts for babies, weddings, etc to people who have never given me a birthday gift. It's also not a tit for tat situation since those are major life events and birthdays happen annually. Not comparable. Example: I just sent my niece a gift for her baby. She's never given me a birthday card, let alone a gift. But I was still happy and excited to send her a gift for the baby.
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,314
Location: MN
Mar 18, 2016 14:06:38 GMT
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Post by smcast on Aug 23, 2017 21:40:53 GMT
I'd give her a gift and tell her you have plans already on your birthday. It is what it is. Not life or death situation. So she's supposed to give her friend a gift for her baby shower when her friend probably isn't giving her a birthday gift? I would.
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Post by smokeynspike on Aug 23, 2017 23:02:33 GMT
As I get older myself, I want to spend as much time with my parents as possible. They won't be around forever, and especially if they weren't in great health, then I would decline the baby shower saying you had previous plans on that day, get the baby a nice gift, and not spend any more time feeling guilty or conflicted over this. It is a baby shower for a friend. If your friendship ends because you don't go to the baby shower, then you know exactly how much your friendship was worth to her.
Nobody gets to dictate my time unless they are immediate family or paying me to be present!
Melissa
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FurryP
Drama Llama
To pea or not to pea...
Posts: 6,972
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Aug 24, 2017 1:44:55 GMT
I am an introvert. I would much prefer staying home, spending time with my dad, than going to a BS. While my friend is my friend, and I enjoy spending time with her, a party would be about her spending time with all her guests, and many that would be strangers to me. She won't miss me. Let's not pretend a BS is not about the gifts.
No thanks. She'll get her gift when I see her next, because I already had other plans. We are friends enough, she will still like me after the BS.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 24, 2017 2:00:48 GMT
Seriously? She wishes she had one more day with her dad and that rubs you the wrong way? Ok. i think it was the passive aggressive use of 'you could lose your dad at any point' - it felt like a handslap i didn't begrudge her spending time with her dad but honestly - anyone can drop dead at any time her friend could die in childbirth or get hit by a bus - and then - she might regret not going to the shower gina Yeah, her dad is more likely to drop dead and then she would regret ever even thinking about going to a silly shower when she could have spent time with him. I just don't get it.
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Post by pondrunner on Aug 24, 2017 2:23:28 GMT
i think it was the passive aggressive use of 'you could lose your dad at any point' - it felt like a handslap i didn't begrudge her spending time with her dad but honestly - anyone can drop dead at any time her friend could die in childbirth or get hit by a bus - and then - she might regret not going to the shower gina Yeah, her dad is more likely to drop dead and then she would regret ever even thinking about going to a silly shower when she could have spent time with him. I just don't get it. I guess I see it differently after having had to make many choices and compromises in my life some of which meant I lived on another continent from my parents. None of us spends every minute possible with our parents. Some do so more than others. All of our parents will one day die. Some do so sooner than others. As such we make the best decisions we can with our lives and our time. Sometimes the right decision is to make a memory with dad. Sometimes another decision is right. No one can arrange their lives round making sure they spend enough time with their parents before their parents die, there is never enough time even if you live next door, you will always want one more day. But the answer is not to suggest that another person should spend every available moment with her own father. As a result this "I wish I had one more day" approach is often emotionally manipulative. You cannot regret living your own life just the same as you cannot disregard the eventual ending of your parent's. The right decision often swings to one side or the other based on the circumstance.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 24, 2017 2:32:27 GMT
Yeah, her dad is more likely to drop dead and then she would regret ever even thinking about going to a silly shower when she could have spent time with him. I just don't get it. I guess I see it differently after having had to make many choices and compromises in my life some of which meant I lived on another continent from my parents. None of us spends every minute possible with our parents. Some do so more than others. All of our parents will one day die. Some do so sooner than others. As such we make the best decisions we can with our lives and our time. Sometimes the right decision is to make a memory with dad. Sometimes another decision is right. No one can arrange their lives round making sure they spend enough time with their parents before their parents die, there is never enough time even if you live next door, you will always want one more day. But the answer is not to suggest that another person should spend every available moment with her own father. As a result this "I wish I had one more day" approach is often emotionally manipulative. You cannot regret living your own life just the same as you cannot disregard the eventual ending of your parent's. The right decision often swings to one side or the other based on the circumstance. Thanks for the explanation. I guess I just don't get it. I am rarely manipulated so things that are manipulating just don't register much with me. To me it is a simple choice, just do what you want to (about the shower). But thanks for trying. It is very interesting to me how people see things very differently.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 24, 2017 13:31:06 GMT
As a result this "I wish I had one more day" approach is often emotionally manipulative. You cannot regret living your own life just the same as you cannot disregard the eventual ending of your parent's. The right decision often swings to one side or the other based on the circumstance. you said it so much better than i it is emotionally manipulative even if it wasn't actually intended - and i don't think cadoodle meant it to be gina
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