I am so torn...

It's still early days, and a DS diagnosis can mean all kinds of things, in terms of what sort of help if any might be needed. Express your support and willingness to help however you can. As time goes along, mention that you've considered moving in order to be of more help and see how that's received. They'll need some time to figure out what their new normal will be (as with any baby!) and to see how DGD's diagnosis may change their expectation of what life as 3 would be.

That is hard. Has your DD asked for help?? Is DGD a newborn or older at this point? She (DGD) will qualify for some early intervention services I would imagine, so not sure what you would be helping with? When my DN was born severely impaired due to a lack of oxygen at birth, she had many needs and I truly don't know what my DB and DSIL would have done without our help.

Congratulations on your new granddaughter.

I wouldn't jump to make any major changes yet. I'd definitely wait & see. But in the meantime I would certainly let you DD & DSIL know that you're both willing to help them with anything they may need help with, and reiterate that as the weeks and months go by and they figure out what their specific needs may be.

Good advice to keep asking them. In a few months they might be ready for a night out!

You are sweet to consider moving, yet there are compelling reasons to stay. My policy is to delay any major decisions at the start of a relationship or family changes. This certainly qualifies as both.

I would also want to know their employment plans. Score a major move. If their next promotions require a long distance move you might wish you'd stayed put.

Congratulations on your new granddaughter!!!

I had a baby with a heart problem and we met many DS babies, who have similar issues. I would have given anything to have my mom nearby. I didn't want to LIVE with her, but she was so helpful and I really missed that a lot.

I know you probably don't want to up and move all the time, but if you moved nearer your daughter while her kids are young, then maybe you could do the same thing when your son and his GF decide to have kids, if they do? Nothing to stop you from doing that either, right?

And I agree with other posters. Wait a bit, and see what happens. It may involve more travel now, but you're a bit prepared. How much longer until retirement?

So exciting though, to be near two grandbabies! Nothing like that!

I would check out the real estate market in that area. An extra 20 minutes of driving to work would not be a big deal to me. If there are no homes that interest you right now, then you stay put until something that interests you comes along.

Congrats on the new little granddaughter. She is going to bring a lot of joy into your lives.

Can you strike a compromise and go up for the weekends or something? That way you are available to both of your kids without having to move from your whole life, nor stay respectful of how your SIL may feel about you moving closer?

Melissa

Congrats on the new baby girl! Enjoy every minute with her.

I can see why you are torn. Just give it some time. An immediate answer isn't necessary and I find when I tell myself to just chill-it's no rush, the answer/way comes to me. I'm sure (and hope) your answer will come to you.

Mostly, congratulations!

and I like her name, Natalie. I hadn't really considered it before for a new name. But the visual of a little girl 'Natalie' makes me smile.

Congrats on your new sweet love! I'll tel you some stories that might help. Since it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep, it's going to be long lol.

RE: your ds and gf. When we did a family trust, we wanted to have contingencies for any future grandchildren (we only have one now.) That is not allowed, only children that are currently alive can be added. Maybe that thought process could apply in your situation. You have your grandchildren from your dd right now so they go into the thought process. If and when ds has kids, everything can be re-examined.

RE: your DH. Since he is already retired, and it sounds like you have a young gs up there already, maybe he can start doing what we called Pappy Day. My FIL was retired before my MIL. Once a week, he would drive to us (1 hour away at the time) and babysit for the day. At that time, I had one in school and one was two. He would take the 2 year old out to lunch, to the park, shopping at the day old bread store, and his fav Chuckie Cheese. Seriously though he loved spending time with her. We even signed them up for swim lessons together. It gave me a chance to schedule haircuts, appointments and just to errands on my own or clean the house, etc. it really depends on your dh's view of grand-parenting. In your dd's case, maybe helping with the older child is the best help right this moment.

My parents did the same, coming to the house once a week. They started after my mom retired around the same time when my older dd was already in school. My dad wasn't the real on his own babysitting type but enjoyed being around. He would play on the computer and enjoyed walking to the park, etc, but my mom did the real hands on playing and care. They didn't like going out except the park but i didn't mind them hanging out and again it allowed be to go do things without a two year old in tow. They traveled about 40 minutes and went out to breakfast on their own before they came to the house, they brought their own sack lunch and their caged parrot. Lol, sounds weird but awesome memories and it became their weekly highlight 

In later years, when that 2 year old was in kindergarten, I had another baby. My FIL had died by then and this wasthe first baby my mom got to help with from birth. She later told me how much she regretted not helping with the other two as babies and wished that she would have at least taken some time off when they were born to help. That stuck with me. You can't get those years back and there is a window from birth to age 5 where help s needed and children are available. When school starts, things change. You are in that window now. If you wait long to help out, the opportunity will be gone.

RE: you moving there and them moving away. Back to the trust idea, you can only count on what is right now. We did end up moving 2000 miles away when that last baby was 4 years old. It was heart wrenching. I'm this day and age, it's a real possibility. How crazy would it be in your area to keep your house as a rental and go rent up by her for a few years to see how it goes? Moving is hard and expensive.

RE: Moving an hour away. Doesn't sound like much, but it far enough away that you really will be starting over with everything and that's not to be taken lightly. Worse case scenario you move up there and they don't need you as often as you hoped and you have given up everything to sit home and feel lonely. My MIL recently moved about an hour away from her current home and it has been much harder than she thought starting over with everything. She loves her house but it's been a lot of work and she is still very lonely.

Final Thoughts:  don't wait to get involved with helping out.  It doesn't mean you have to move yet. DH can start tomorrow.  You will never regret years spend with your young grandchildren. Moving is a big deal and should not be taken lightly.  Everything can change in life but we can only make choices on what is today.

I'd wait and see. A move is a big decision. Is there any chance your DD and her DH would rather move to where you are located?

Which area offers better services? It can vary by county.

Congratulations!

I needed help with my youngest who is special needs at about 7 months, up until then he was like any other baby ( in other words hard work ☺)
My mum used to come and stay for 1-2 weeks at a time to help . I loved it, but was also glad to get my family back to myself when she went home again . Personally I wouldn't have wanted them around the corner, as I found it easier to develop a routine for us all and stick to it .

As others have said, don't make any plans now when emotions may be running high .

Congratulations on the arrival of your precious, new granddaughter. Natalie is one of my favourite names.

I have no advice, I just like to hold fresh babies