Christmas Gift Giving...ratcheting back?

I come from a big family (8 kids, 13 grandkids). Eventually we got to the point where we drew names and had a $50 limit among us kids, but some people would view it as “I’m going to try to get my name as MUCH as I can for $50!” and some people would buy a $10 jigsaw puzzle and think that was good enough, so it really didn’t end up being fair. It never failed that the person who tried the hardest was rewarded with the chumpy gift, so it only took a few years before people dropped out. DH and I bought gifts for years for my oldest nieces and nephews. Our kid is the youngest grandkid by more than a decade, and she is routinely forgotten by all but two of my siblings. 

We’ve scaled back with DH’s sister and her family too. We are all in a place financially where we just buy the stuff we want (within reason), so we really don’t need to exchange. Their kids are teens now and they never really appreciated the gifts we brought them (even cash!) so now we’re just done. We spend the money we would have spent on their two kids on our one kid and call it good. They would always ask what our kid wanted, I would give them a range of ideas from $5-25, and then they wouldn’t buy any of it or anything even close.  They would get her oddball stuff that she didn’t want, didn’t like and wouldn’t use. (Example, they would ask, we’d say, “She likes princess stuff like X,Y,Z” and they would buy her HexBugs.  So we finally just told them not to bother, they can buy their kids what they want and we’ll buy our kid what she wants.

As for friends and neighbors, if we see something we know someone would really enjoy, we buy it but at this stage of life everybody pretty much has what they want and many are actively downsizing and don’t want more stuff. That’s where we are too. I have made homemade treats that have been very appreciated like hot fudge or caramel sauce, homemade sea salt caramels, hot cocoa truffle balls and I always make a crap ton of Christmas cookies that everyone raves over. So as long as people continue to express that they enjoy those things I’ll keep making and giving them.

About 7 or 8 years ago we stopped giving gifts to relatives. We share baked goods instead ~ I do pralines, niece does her toffee and SIL does her awesome cookies. We still buy for niece's two kids. But the bulk of our giving is between DH, DS and me. It made the holidays so much more fun and stress free! Oh, I also send something to my Godchild.

We stopped individual gifts at my family and my inlaws years ago. At the inlaws we first went to drawing names, then last year to drawing family names.

On my side we started doing a white elephant gift exchange and it is always so much fun. Last year the theme was homemade. This year the gifts are suppose to be purchased from truck stops. It ought to be interesting! We also do fun themes (pjs, ugly sweaters, etc) so it's more of a big, fun party than just a dinner and gift exchange. The year my mom quit buying gifts for the grandkids, she switched to putting money in a savings account for them instead. She sometimes still gets little fun things to hand out at Christmas, too, but no big gifts are given.

I am planning on cutting back this year because of some big expenses I am anticipating next year. I will keep the budget for my DD22 and DS24 about the same as the past several years but everyone else on my list will be getting less. I do not plan to do any sort of cut off age for my children and someday grandchildren.

As far as boyfriends/girlfriends, I learned a long time ago here on this MB to always give to them because someday they may be married to your child.

We decided a long time ago to do very little if anything for the nieces and nephews for Christmas. They just get so much from so many people. Instead we do more for birthdays (through age 18). It is nice for us because the expense is throughout the year not all in December.

when I first got married - we were poor as church mice and DH had a HUGE family (he's one of 7, there are 10 grandkids (not counting my 3), and I've lost count of the great-grandkids after 16...plus ILs and live-ins and steps and .....)

So we never bought for nieces and nephews. I would make something for my MIL and bake for each family that we saw - if we didn't see them, we didn't gift them (couldn't afford postage either).

I did make something for my family - but it was just my mum and my sister and my mum's love language is gifts and we didn't live close enough to bake...

The family has gotten smaller in some regards - 4 of DH's siblings have passed as has his mum - and larger in other regards - we're on to great-great grandkids of MIL...

I do a IL family gathering around New Year's and bake gifts for the families that come - that's it. I still send presents to my mum and sister (and now BIL and 3 step-kids - all the same age as my two youngest) - we'll probably stop once the kids are all grown

My MIL didn't do gifts for adults - she did small token gifts for the children in the family (under 18s) - a gift bag with some candy and a book or magazine or colouring book or small toy. Occasionally she would see something that was perfect for a child and would get that - one year my middle child got a doll that was named Grace (MIL's name - that DD had as a middle name) and her last Christmas she bought my youngest a Darth Vader blanket.

My mum, on the other hand, with just the 3 of my kids as grand-children - does send gifts although she's been cutting back recently to my happiness. I don't think she ever sent gifts to my older sister's kids (Dad's daughter) but she does send my older sister a small gift (like a scarf for instance) and always has. Pretty sure she sends gift cards to my younger sister's step-kids (she only recently married)

We buy for the nieces and nephews until they start having babies. Our kids are only 12 & 15. My in-laws have done a variety of things based on their yearly circumstances to a $10 gift for the grands (all our under 16 at the moment) and joint husband/wife gift of a lottery card. To probably $50 per person. My kids know it's not the $$ amount but the thought. (I'm more of a but make the thought a thought, not an afterthought - which has been done a couple of times too).

We do a gift exchange by drawing names, but only on the years we get together (alternate with my side and DH's). I still give a gift to my 4 nieces, but they are all elementary age. I stopped giving gifts to my oldest niece when she went off to college. I do get each of our mom's a little something and I do buy a gift for oldest DS girlfriend. We've never exchanged gifts with neighbors.

We're big on consumables in my family. I send flowers or cookies to one elderly family member (she appreciates the cookies because she can bring them to a holiday dinner or hand them out to her grands when they come to visit). My siblings and I tend to exchange Starbucks cards or wine/chocolate/fruit-of-the-month clubs unless there's something else we know someone wants (e.g. a specific book or kitchen tool).

We do family gifts such as a Harry & David basket for DH's siblings. One year my sil got each household a throw blanket that had a family picture (taken at Thanksgiving) on it. Everyone loved them.

I feel very fortunate that my family doesn't count or compare gift dollars. One year I got a shower cap from a family member - she knew i needed one, and it was of remarkably higher quality than the drugstore ones. She may have spent $12-15 on it, but it was one of the best presents I got that year!

Regarding live-ins, I would give "couple gifts" such as a case of wine or some kind of subscription.

My MIL gives as she sees fit - sometimes nothing, sometimes a treasured book from her collection, sometimes a drawing or painting she's done (she is talented), or sometimes money. I don't keep track of when she does or doesn't give gifts - I figure at 90, she's entitled to do exactly what she wants.

My cute MIL chooses a theme gift for her grandkids each year - one year pajamas, one year a hoodie, one year a fleece blanket, etc. She usually spends $20 or less on each item. She chooses a gift individually for each grandchild based on their age/gender/size/interests. She wraps up the gift and attaches a card with $20 inside.

When we were in our 20s the family used to draw names for Christmas gifts and that was a lot of fun.

When we got older and had kids, we drew names for nieces and nephews, while the adults had a white elephant gift exchange. That's no longer practical as the nieces and nephews now range in age from 10-35 and the older ones have kids of their own.

Now everyone is divorced but us so holidays are a bit tricky. I host a big extended-family meal at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years, but we don't usually exchange gifts. We never know who will be able to attend the party or if there will be a custody issue at the last minute. Maybe I'll switch that up this year and give everyone something small - kind of like a party favor but more substantial/useful. Kohl's fleece blankets maybe?

I have a very large family. My Dad is one of 12. When there got to be more than 10 grand kids (my generation) my Granny stepped in and suggested some new rules for gift giving at Christmas. The adults only bought for the children/grandkids. The adults did a name draw and just bought for that one person. When they put their name into the bucket they wrote 3 wish list items and there was a $50 cap.
That method is still pretty much how we do it except the adults do not exchange names anymore, now we do a Dirty Santa, $25 cap, after the kids have opened their presents and are busy playing. That’s usually when the booze comes out too. Lol it takes the stress off.