AmandaA
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Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:16:15 GMT
Well I voted to buy it for your DH. But I hate that your son has expressed no interest in a train but your DD has and your DH wants to get the train for your DS. Seems very unfair to me and yes sexiest. That was a typo. It was DS who talked about the train under the tree. DD1 is actually quite the tomboy and will prefer to play tractors or cars with her brother than dolls with her sister. But as the only boy and the oldest I can see DH defaulting this gift to him. In his defense a "family" gift probably didn't even occur to him.
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Deleted
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May 3, 2024 6:53:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 21:18:53 GMT
I am sure my son still has Thomas stuff around. And he is twenty five.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Oct 25, 2017 21:19:01 GMT
I would forget about making it monetarily equal. You can make it more appearance-wise equal. Make sure you get something physically large for the 5 year old (a bike or one of those pop-up play tents), and it will feel equal. The two year old doesn't care yet. At two or three, mine wanted a pink whistle and was delighted to get THREE of them.
I think it is sweet that your DH wants to recreate his childhood memories for your son, and I can picture them playing with the train around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I'd try to make it happen.
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:20:21 GMT
I don't think 7 is at all young for an electronic train. The issue I have about giving it to your husband is sometimes it's the giving that they want - even more than the actual item. So I'm saying your husband may get more joy from giving a train to his child than from receiving one from you, KWIM. @jermeysgirl brought up an excellent point though, does your DAUGHTER want a train? I didn't really get that impression from the OP, reading about it more as a Christmas decoration request. On your "fair" point - we never tried to make presents perfectly financially even - as frankly when the kids were young, they really had no concept of what things cost. We always tried to be fair in the kids receiving the same number and desirability of gifts. So one year my daughter really wanted a scooter and my son really wanted a basketball hoop. Now in reality, the hoop was quite a bit more expensive, than the scooter, but they were similar enough to us in desirability to be "fair" Now obviously as they're older, they are more aware and I certainly wouldn't buy one kid an iphone and one a pair of boots and think they don't notice the difference in price. I do think he is old enough to use and enjoy the train, with some guidance and supervision. DH let him take the controls in the combine (sitting right next to him in a mile long field, so no one freak out!!) last week when he spent the day working with him. So if the kid is allowed to "drive" a $400k piece of equipment the train should be fine 🙄 As fast as kids seem to be growing up compared to our youth, I worry in another year or two he might have zero interest. I did make a typo about who brought up the train around the tree, it was DS.
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,501
Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:21:56 GMT
I would talk to DH about making the train a family gift. Where would it be set up? Is there room for it in a room used by everyone? As time goes on those with a serious interest in the train will sort themselves out. I did ask about where we would put this- we have a finished basement. Since our office and my craft area are accessible down there, the younger two are not allowed down there without an adult.
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Post by marzbar71 on Oct 25, 2017 21:24:22 GMT
I would buy it for the tree/family instead of one person. We had a Lionel train around our tree growing up and we loved putting it up and for several years we would go to the store as a family and pick out a new car or accessory for the set. One year we got a flashing railroad crossing sign, one year it was the special Bicentennial car (showing my age!))
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 25, 2017 21:29:14 GMT
Could you get the train set as a family gift and cut out a few gifts for everyone else? Perhaps put it under the tree on the 24th?
One year my youngest asked for Santa not to get him anything and get his big brother an Xbox. Santa always brings the big/nice gift. It was really sweet, so Santa did in deed get the big brother the xbox, but still got the younger one a decent gift too. We just shifted what we put under the tree that year. We mostly buy for immediate family, so $ isn't that spread out at Christmas.
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sweetpeasmom
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Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 25, 2017 21:31:00 GMT
I like the be from Santa for the whole family idea. Maybe give them the one you already bought when you put the tree up then it can be changed out over night on Christmas Eve . We too try to keep it even steven from their perspective. Not always monetarily. This year I get to decide how to even out a set of wheels for ds vs something four our dd.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2017 21:35:31 GMT
With the added info of the son expressing interest in a train and the train being set up in the basement where the two youngest aren't allowed unsupervised - I'd buy it for the son only. It sounds like it's really a gift for the son. I've never been a fan of pretending something is a family gift so it's equal when reality it's a gift for one person.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,421
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Oct 25, 2017 21:41:34 GMT
I voted for the not fair thing only because your kids are so young they have no idea what things cost. Also I feel like even if kids do know the cost you could have bought something expensive at half price and still fits your budget but the value is pricey. I worried more about fair as my kids got older.
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Loydene
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Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Oct 25, 2017 21:52:26 GMT
Is there any such train set that would "satisfy" the husband but have ancillary parts for both the 7 year old DS AND the 5 year old DD? I think the kids a still a big young for an expensive train set -- they are big in space and usually difficult to set up and the trains fall off the tracks all the time -- well, that is my experience, at least. So kid size train set that would attach and be some part of the bigger more expensive, penultimate train set for DH -- to me that would be better for everyone. The kids could put theirs together and run them independently of the "big" set -- or the whole shebang gets set up and the kids run their trains with the bigger set?
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 25, 2017 22:15:17 GMT
Given that your DH brought up the train last year and again this year, I would go ahead and get it for DS.
In our family the only thing that is equal on Christmas morning is the number of presents under the tree for each child. Even if the gifts have similar full price totals, I might spend half as much on one over the other because of sales and luck.
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Deleted
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May 3, 2024 6:53:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 23:21:19 GMT
ETA: Sorry I misread your post. I thought that your ds wanted the train. I would have Santa bring the train for the whole family. Hah- you read my mind. It was DS. I made a typo and said DD Haha! Okay, in that case I will repost my first suggestion. I think if your dh got it for your son, it would be a great gift for them to bond over. I'm the Santa in our house too. I do it all. But several years back, my husband decided that he wanted to do something special for the girls. He buys them a pair of pajamas every year. It's certainly not as extravagant as a new train, but it's a tradition that they all love. And to me, that's what's more important. Tradition, bonding, feeling loved. I too like to keep things even and fair, but my girls are 3 years apart and it's not always even and fair. But they do know that we love them both equally, regardless of the price of their gifts.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 25, 2017 23:30:08 GMT
Can you give ds part for his birthday and the rest for Christmas?
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Deleted
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May 3, 2024 6:53:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 23:47:16 GMT
I don't think 7 is at all young for an electronic train. The issue I have about giving it to your husband is sometimes it's the giving that they want - even more than the actual item. So I'm saying your husband may get more joy from giving a train to his child than from receiving one from you, KWIM. @jermeysgirl brought up an excellent point though, does your DAUGHTER want a train? I didn't really get that impression from the OP, reading about it more as a Christmas decoration request. On your "fair" point - we never tried to make presents perfectly financially even - as frankly when the kids were young, they really had no concept of what things cost. We always tried to be fair in the kids receiving the same number and desirability of gifts. So one year my daughter really wanted a scooter and my son really wanted a basketball hoop. Now in reality, the hoop was quite a bit more expensive, than the scooter, but they were similar enough to us in desirability to be "fair" Now obviously as they're older, they are more aware and I certainly wouldn't buy one kid an iphone and one a pair of boots and think they don't notice the difference in price. I do think he is old enough to use and enjoy the train, with some guidance and supervision. DH let him take the controls in the combine (sitting right next to him in a mile long field, so no one freak out!!) last week when he spent the day working with him. So if the kid is allowed to "drive" a $400k piece of equipment the train should be fine 🙄 As fast as kids seem to be growing up compared to our youth, I worry in another year or two he might have zero interest. I did make a typo about who brought up the train around the tree, it was DS. My 9 y/o was driving a cat skidsteer by herself. She flipped it backwards and my husband just left her to figure it out. I don't think she has forgiven him for that!
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Post by myboysnme on Oct 26, 2017 1:20:21 GMT
I selected something else. I would buy the train for all the family to enjoy. I would have it out as a Christmas decoration and keep it up if I had room to have a platform. There is no way I could tell my husband "No." If anything I would ask him how much we should budget for it and let him go choose. It's possible to buy a train that you can add to each year - start with 3 cars and circular track and add a car and track each year.
I had a relative that made amazing buildings and other train set up stuff out of boxes and it was something his kids did with him.
Trains are cool and if your husband wants to share that with his kids, make it happen. If he is focused on your son only you can squelch that by making it a family project.
Monetarily equal is unimportant to 5 year olds.
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,501
Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 26, 2017 1:41:02 GMT
Thank you so much for all of the input! And sorry about the early typo in the OP. I appreciate all of the different perspectives and opinions, it gives me some things to think about. I think at this point I will go ahead and research the different sizes and types of sets and probably get something bought if I find one that seems perfect (and if it has the working smoke feature DH was so fondly recalling). I can sort out the actual gifting of it once we get closer to Christmas. Thanks again peas!
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Post by freecharlie on Oct 26, 2017 2:01:51 GMT
Thank you so much for all of the input! And sorry about the early typo in the OP. I appreciate all of the different perspectives and opinions, it gives me some things to think about. I think at this point I will go ahead and research the different sizes and types of sets and probably get something bought if I find one that seems perfect (and if it has the working smoke feature DH was so fondly recalling). I can sort out the actual gifting of it once we get closer to Christmas. Thanks again peas! Nope, let your DH do this. It is his gift to his son. HE should do the research and decide on the size and type. I would also have a conversation with DH about also doing something for the older girl that will be him and her. It could be tickets to a play or a night out or something she enjoys. It could be anything. Just to make sure that he also makes those precious memories with her. If she becomes interested in the trains, buy her some pieces
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Post by phoenixcov on Oct 26, 2017 9:00:41 GMT
I vote buy it for your DH as long as you think he will be able to share nicely.
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Post by julieinsweden on Oct 26, 2017 11:48:29 GMT
My vote was something else. I would get a big set for DH and a small set for DS. And thw girls a train each. So that everyone can play.
I have a 6 and 8 year old. They have no concept of how much things really cost. Whilst I think it is important to spend the same. They don't see costs. I make sure that they have about the same number of presents.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 26, 2017 12:14:43 GMT
I voted for the family gift. But, I want to add that at the ages your children are, I feel it's important to keep the perception of fairness, without worrying too much about the actual cost. Children will often see a large package as the best, for example, when actually that little iPod was the expensive item.
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smginaz Suzy
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Je suis desole.
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Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Oct 27, 2017 3:38:33 GMT
Uh, the DS that doesn't ask for the train gets it, and the DD gets...pajamas? When she is the one wanting the train? How messed up is that logic? Sorry! It was a typo. DS is the one who talked about the train around the tree. Proofed it twice and that still got past me trying to keep all 3 straight in this scenario. Ah. Much better. THX.
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Post by mrssmith on Oct 27, 2017 3:54:39 GMT
I would talk to DH about making the train a family gift. Where would it be set up? Is there room for it in a room used by everyone? As time goes on those with a serious interest in the train will sort themselves out. I did ask about where we would put this- we have a finished basement. Since our office and my craft area are accessible down there, the younger two are not allowed down there without an adult. Good that you have a place. My DH also had trains as a kid. DS (age 6) has always been train crazy. My FIL build a big track on a board with a tunnel. Very sweet but it's like 3' x 4.5' and we do not have a space that big to keep it set out. DS has been OK with the trains. He only needs minimal supervision. Because he loves the trains so much, he's very careful with them.
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Post by supersoda on Oct 27, 2017 13:22:11 GMT
I think you’re going to find keeping things “fair” is going to be even more challenging as the kids get older. And also, kids that age have no clue what anything costs, so it’s almost pointless.
My attitude about “fair” is that it all works out over time and I don’t have to keep it even-Stevens for every holiday and event. One kid may get a bigger gift one year, and another the next year. I’m not going to deprive a kid of something she really needs or wants because I can’t afford to price match gifts for her sisters at the same time.
It will all work out-the train sounds fun!
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Post by jumperhop on Oct 27, 2017 13:38:51 GMT
I would buy it for DH for Christmas. Jen
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Post by leslie132 on Oct 27, 2017 14:43:13 GMT
Every year Santa comes early and leaves a box at our door. This box is his way of saying he is getting excited about coming to our house. It holds track and a new train car.
It is a family train..... to be honest my boys and husband are who love it..... and we treat it as a family tradition. We always buy cars that will eventually be divided between our children for their home. Our track is elaborate and over the top. It brings a lot of joy to our house.
Start small and see if it is something that builds in interest. We do Lionel as well and it is expensive. Watching my husband and boys with trains that have been passed down from my FIL is priceless!
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 27, 2017 15:20:38 GMT
I understand your quandry. I only have one child so I have never had to do the "fair" thing. But I don't have a lot of patience for it in general. I grew up one of 10 children. Nothing was EVER fair. And we learned to deal with it. I remember occasionally feeling like things were unfair... but we were always happy for whomever seemed to get the "big" gift. I like the idea of it being a family gift. But even that is sort of an "unfair" family gift as the two little ones won't be allowed to play with it. So if fairness is a big concern I would give it to Daddy from the three kids early. I think he would love it and they would love giving it to him. Then I would make some ground rules.. you have to be 7 or 8 to play with it.. etc. So the little ones will know when their "turn" comes and maybe that will help with the fair factor! I loved playing with the train we had. It was my brother's the oldest. But he was followed by 8 girls.. he was 20 before he had a brother! At some point it became a family toy, and he gave it to his son's one year for Christmas. They are great things to pass down.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Oct 27, 2017 15:34:29 GMT
Honestly, the kids aren't old enough to know if it's fair or equal or what not. I think a 7 year old is perfectly able to play with a train set, maybe with help from your DH. This sounds like something your DH really wants to do for his son and I'm sure in the future there may be something extravagant you would like to do for the girls. Just go for it!
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Post by LisaDV on Oct 27, 2017 17:12:42 GMT
When dh wanted to get ds the electric train set, he helped me in the picking it out. Thank goodness because I didn’t know about the different sizes.
I like to keep things fair too. Sometimes I wrap to both my kids or to the family.
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Post by anniefb on Oct 27, 2017 17:44:26 GMT
Love your idea of giving it to your DH and letting the family share it!
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