AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 20:34:30 GMT
In our house I am responsible for 99.9% of the gift buying and giving. DH rarely has any ideas or strong opinions about gifts for our kids (or anyone else really). So last night he asked what I was thinking for the kids' birthdays next month and Christmas. DS will turn 7 and DD1 will turn 5- on the same day. (DD2 is 2). So I told him what I was planning for birthdays and my general ideas for Christmas, which he was from he with. And then he told me that there was something he really wanted to get DS this year for Christmas... an electric train set. He had mentioned it last year, super last minute and wasn't disappointed that I was done shopping and it was just too late to change the plans. I am still not sure it is a great idea with a 2 year old in the house, but that isn't really my dilemma. DH said he remembered having a train as a kid and how much he loved it (it even made smoke apparently). So I think this is a really sweet sentimental idea. And since DH rarely makes suggestions, I know it is important to him. So I did some looking around and the kind of Lionel set he is talking about is pretty pricey. I would spend the money, not the issue either. But I try to keep things as fair as possible between the kids, especially since the oldest share a birthday a month before Christmas. DS would like the train, and keeps talking about wanting a train around the Christmas tree- no idea where that came from. Last year I did pick up a small battery powered train dirt cheap just for that reason and am planning to surprise the kids when we put the tree up. But DS has lots of other things he wants for Christmas, and I know he would be disappointed if he didn't get at least some of the things he has asked for. Then there is the whole issue about keeping things fair. If we got him the train set, I would feel obligated to get more for his sisters- and I have no good ideas for that! DH has no ideas or special things he wants to get for them at this point. And I already have plenty of gifts planned for them as is. DH is another story. He is very hard to buy for and if he wants something he'll just buy it. So I am thinking maybe I should just buy the train set and give it to him!? The whole family could share it, no fighting over whose it is. And let's be honest, it would be as much for him as DS anyhow. So what would you do- try and convince him to wait until DD2 is a little older while secretly planning the gift to surprise him (and the kids), give it to DS one way or another, or just stonewall the whole thing this year and worry about it next year? Thanks for helping me way overthink this!  |
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Anita
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Post by Anita on Oct 25, 2017 20:37:20 GMT
Can you get it as a family gift and not for one specific person?
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Deleted
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May 3, 2024 7:12:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 20:38:33 GMT
I wouldn't buy an expensive train set for such young children, odds are they won't appreciate it and may not even like it. I'd buy it for your husband as it sounds like something he wants.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 25, 2017 20:41:37 GMT
The thing that sticks out to me the most is, your son has expressed no interest in it and your daughter has. When I was younger I wanted a train so bad. I put it on my Christmas list several years in a row. My parents never bought me one. But they did buy one for my little brother. It just smacked of sexism. I would buy it for your DD and let your husband play with her.
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lesley
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Post by lesley on Oct 25, 2017 20:44:58 GMT
I think the idea of getting it for your DH is inspired! My brothers were bought Hornby trains in the mid-50s when they were about 7 and 5, but they were never allowed to play with them without my dad being there. Over the years, my dad expanded the set up with additional trains, buildings, points and track, etc. Even though they were ostensibly for my brothers, they were always known as my dad's trains. The boys had a lot of fun with them, but they respected them more because they belonged to my dad. (Part of this family 'legend' is that there was a big argument over who should get the trains when my dad died. They were worth quite a bit of money, as everything was in mint condition, right down to the original boxes they came in. My mum never did decide who should get what, and when she died, my remaining brother and I found them in her loft. He died less than a year later, so the trains now belong to me! :  : ) |
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Post by pondrunner on Oct 25, 2017 20:46:29 GMT
It sounds to me like this is something your husband wants to do and I would like him to satisfy that desire for himself. I'd buy it as a Santa gift and let everyone play with it.
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Post by Basket1lady on Oct 25, 2017 20:46:29 GMT
Just buy the train set. Not as a birthday gift, but for the tree. Run that by your dh and see what he thinks, since this is his thing. Vote #2 would be to give it to your dh
Realistically, even the 7 year old won’t be able to play with it in its own. We had one as kids and I remember it being very fragile and it spent way more time in the fix it shop than us playing with it.
I predict that the novelty of a train set will wear off quickly with a 2 year old in the house. They really are too young to reliably not play with it, so it will need to be put up when not supervised.
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Post by jemmls4 on Oct 25, 2017 20:46:53 GMT
My brother had a Lionel train set and I loved it as much as he did. We played with it together often so it wasn’t too much of an issue.
I’d make it a gift for DH or a family gift that all can use/play with especially since your DD has expressed interest in having a train and DS hasn’t.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 20:47:41 GMT
ETA: Sorry I misread your post. I thought that your ds wanted the train.
I would have Santa bring the train for the whole family.
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Post by cmpeter on Oct 25, 2017 20:48:22 GMT
I would buy it for your dh and let everyone share. But, I would also have this conversation with my dh and explain all my thoughts.
I wouldn't worry about keeping things fair, beyond the same number of presents to open. At this age your kids aren't going to know the difference. I also heard an interesting quote the other day...to treat people fairly is to treat them differently.
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Post by katlady on Oct 25, 2017 20:48:35 GMT
The thing that sticks out to me the most is, your son has expressed no interest in it and your daughter has. When I was younger I wanted a train so bad. I put it on my Christmas list several years in a row. My parents never bought me one. But they did buy one for my little brother. It just smacked of sexism. I would buy it for your DD and let your husband play with her. I agree with this. Buy the train set for her, and get your son what he wants. And do kids that young really know what the value of toys? You can get one child 20 toys that are $1 each, and a $20 toy for the other one, and the one that only got 1 toy will think he got less. |
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tiffanytwisted
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Oct 25, 2017 20:50:41 GMT
I voted to get it for your husband. And count yourself lucky that he wants one, lol.
My grandfather was the premiere Lionel train dealer in the Pittsburgh area in his day, so all of my siblings & cousins have some really nice sets (my engine would smoke if I could find the stuff to put in it & my coal car dumps). My husband will tell you he likes them, but has only set them up a handful of times over the 25 years we've been married. So, they sit in their boxes, unloved. Yes, I suppose I could put them up, but I just never seem to be able to get around to it what with the other stuff I do at the holidays. I am jealous, lol.
I say go for it & enjoy!
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casii
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Post by casii on Oct 25, 2017 20:52:01 GMT
Buy the train for DH or as a family gift. Yes, a good train can be very spendy. I'm trying to decide between models of the Polar Express train for our tree now and I realize it will be a Christmas decoration investment rather than a gift.
A long time ago, my grandfather worked for the Rock Island Railroad. At some point they did have a model train set and all the grandsons were given one. The granddaughters felt really left out and still do today, especially when we see photos of those trains under our cousin's trees or displays. Dang it, now I'm sad. I'd buy a Rock Island set, but they are super expensive for each individual piece.
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smginaz Suzy
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Oct 25, 2017 20:54:20 GMT
Uh, the DS that doesn't ask for the train gets it, and the DD gets...pajamas? When she is the one wanting the train? How messed up is that logic?  |
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rodeomom
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 25, 2017 20:59:00 GMT
Well I voted to buy it for your DH. But I hate that your son has expressed no interest in a train but your DD has and your DH wants to get the train for your DS. Seems very unfair to me and yes sexiest.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2017 20:59:31 GMT
I don't think 7 is at all young for an electronic train. The issue I have about giving it to your husband is sometimes it's the giving that they want - even more than the actual item. So I'm saying your husband may get more joy from giving a train to his child than from receiving one from you, KWIM. @jermeysgirl brought up an excellent point though, does your DAUGHTER want a train? I didn't really get that impression from the OP, reading about it more as a Christmas decoration request.
On your "fair" point - we never tried to make presents perfectly financially even - as frankly when the kids were young, they really had no concept of what things cost. We always tried to be fair in the kids receiving the same number and desirability of gifts. So one year my daughter really wanted a scooter and my son really wanted a basketball hoop. Now in reality, the hoop was quite a bit more expensive, than the scooter, but they were similar enough to us in desirability to be "fair" Now obviously as they're older, they are more aware and I certainly wouldn't buy one kid an iphone and one a pair of boots and think they don't notice the difference in price.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:00:39 GMT
Can you get it as a family gift and not for one specific person? Doing for DH would more or less be a family gift, kinda like the telescope I got for him last year. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 25, 2017 21:01:03 GMT
Thomas the tank engine is a great way to start for young ones. There are now girl trains in the set.
For you son, he will want one of those micro sets.
Buy your husband the expensive train set. You will need a board for it to go on
Be aware that trains are addicting.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:02:07 GMT
The thing that sticks out to me the most is, your son has expressed no interest in it and your daughter has. When I was younger I wanted a train so bad. I put it on my Christmas list several years in a row. My parents never bought me one. But they did buy one for my little brother. It just smacked of sexism. I would buy it for your DD and let your husband play with her. Ack.. that was a typo (fixed it now  ). It was DS who wanted the train around the tree. Too many kids to keep it all straight 😂 |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2017 21:03:16 GMT
ETA: Sorry I misread your post. I thought that your ds wanted the train. I would have Santa bring the train for the whole family. Oh I like this idea. Santa always brings unwrapped gifts at our house. Just set up the train around the tree for Christmas morning. |
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 25, 2017 21:03:34 GMT
I would talk to DH about making the train a family gift. Where would it be set up? Is there room for it in a room used by everyone? As time goes on those with a serious interest in the train will sort themselves out.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:04:30 GMT
The thing that sticks out to me the most is, your son has expressed no interest in it and your daughter has. When I was younger I wanted a train so bad. I put it on my Christmas list several years in a row. My parents never bought me one. But they did buy one for my little brother. It just smacked of sexism. I would buy it for your DD and let your husband play with her. I agree with this. Buy the train set for her, and get your son what he wants. And do kids that young really know what the value of toys? You can get one child 20 toys that are $1 each, and a $20 toy for the other one, and the one that only got 1 toy will think he got less. I totally agree that they don't understand value in terms of cost vs quantity. This one would be big and expensive which makes it a double whammy in the "fairness" dept. |
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rodeomom
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Post by rodeomom on Oct 25, 2017 21:05:30 GMT
Thomas the tank engine is a great way to start for young ones. There are now girl trains in the set. For you son, he will want one of those micro sets. Buy your husband the expensive train set. You will need a board for it to go on Be aware that trains are addicting. This is a really good idea! For a 5 year old, Thomas the train sets are great! |
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Post by Pahina722 on Oct 25, 2017 21:06:47 GMT
My father bought me an expensive train set for Christmas when I was 5 months old. I'm sure I'd expressed LOTS of interest in getting one then.
From what you've said, it appears more that the train is something that your husband wants, a nostalgic reminder of his own childhood. Get it for him and let the whole family share in the joy.
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Post by Really Red on Oct 25, 2017 21:10:13 GMT
I picked Something Else. I really love this idea. I have three kids as well and when they were young, I'd make sure that they each had the same number of presents, the costs were vastly different. Today, with my girls in two different colleges, I can tell you things don't change. You be as fair as you can, but life will never be even.
So I have two suggestions. My first is to give the present to the whole family. Trains are FUN. It's a better idea to give it to everyone to share than just to Dad and let everyone use it.
If Dad is determined to give it only to the son, then I vote to give this present to Dad and Son together. Then give a present to Mom or Dad and Daughter and Mom or Dad and other daughter, so each child gets a present with one parent. Although your tiniest munchkin probably won't even notice, so just a present to you and older DD might be nice. It doesn't have to be like a train - it can be something else special for the two of you.
Kids are little for SUCH a short time. If this year there's a disparity, then trust me, there'll be another year that is as well.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:10:29 GMT
ETA: Sorry I misread your post. I thought that your ds wanted the train. I would have Santa bring the train for the whole family. Hah- you read my mind. It was DS. I made a typo and said DD |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 25, 2017 21:11:25 GMT
Are thomas the train sets different now? My son loved it when he was 3-5, definitely not 7.
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:12:01 GMT
I would buy it for your dh and let everyone share. But, I would also have this conversation with my dh and explain all my thoughts. I wouldn't worry about keeping things fair, beyond the same number of presents to open. At this age your kids aren't going to know the difference. I also heard an interesting quote the other day...to treat people fairly is to treat them differently. I agree about fairness. I use the term loosely.. I don't track it by dollars or number of gifts, but try to keep things as equitable as I can from their perspective. |
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AmandaA
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Post by AmandaA on Oct 25, 2017 21:13:51 GMT
Uh, the DS that doesn't ask for the train gets it, and the DD gets...pajamas? When she is the one wanting the train? How messed up is that logic? Sorry! It was a typo. DS is the one who talked about the train around the tree. Proofed it twice and that still got past me trying to keep all 3 straight in this scenario. |
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styxgirl
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Post by styxgirl on Oct 25, 2017 21:13:58 GMT
The thing that sticks out to me the most is, your son has expressed no interest in it and your daughter has. When I was younger I wanted a train so bad. I put it on my Christmas list several years in a row. My parents never bought me one. But they did buy one for my little brother. It just smacked of sexism. I would buy it for your DD and let your husband play with her. My oldest DD loved Thomas the Train. We got a set and a nice train table for X-Mas when she was about 4. She LOVED it! We got is second hand online. It was nice and she never even knew it was previously loved by another child. We traded it a few years ago to another family that had a girl and a boy that would play with it. |
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: )
). It was DS who wanted the train around the tree. Too many kids to keep it all straight 😂
