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Post by fredfreddy on Nov 10, 2017 3:06:50 GMT
I'll try to stick to the facts. My son is 15 (birthday is August) and will be doing HS diving in the spring. There is practice over February winter break. He also needs to do driver's training. He was originally going to do it that week in Feb but since I just found out there is practice at the same time, I can sign him up instead for drivers training over December break. However, it is Dec 27-28 and Jan 3-4 for 7 hours each day. We always go up to Dh's parent's the day after Christmas and with this new development, we could only stay for one day.
I know dh and his parents will not like it. But teenagers have busy lives. I have no problem with it but I know dh will.
What would you pick? DH's parents will not come here. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Nov 10, 2017 3:13:36 GMT
Does your son want to do the earlier training in December and January or does he want to wait until after February?
Are you sure he can take it before he is 15 1/2?
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 10, 2017 3:15:43 GMT
I'd probably have a sit down with my husband first and explain the dilemma. Let your husband stay at his parents longer and you and your son can return home. Life happens. If grandparents aren't willing to travel, then it is what it is.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 10, 2017 3:19:48 GMT
Does your son want to do the earlier training in December and January or does he want to wait until after February? Are you sure he can take it before he is 15 1/2? In my state it is 15. Must be different in other states. |
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Post by fredfreddy44 on Nov 10, 2017 3:24:40 GMT
He can take the class after 15 but not the test until 15 1/2 in CA. His older brother who is almost exactly 3yrs older did it over winter break 3 years ago. But the dates did not interfere then with holiday plans.
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Post by Marina on Nov 10, 2017 3:51:07 GMT
Is this just in class training? Or behind the wheel? If the classroom portion have you considered online training? We had our son do it for a week during the summer via a classroom but with your schedule I might consider the online class.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,990 
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Nov 10, 2017 3:51:57 GMT
Could he push it out until Spring break. I would not be in a hurry to have my child drive. lol
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psiluvu
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Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Nov 10, 2017 3:57:42 GMT
Teenagers are busy. I have two teens and would shorten the trip so the driving classes could happen.
I would especially say this if there is no reason that the grandparents can't come to you other than they don't want to. If they don't come to you due to illness or infirmity my answer might differ.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 10, 2017 4:04:42 GMT
Could he push it out until Spring break. I would not be in a hurry to have my child drive. lol Both of my kids were in sports and school activities. Driving at 16 was essential because both of us worked and just trying to get to a golf course every day was killer. I know lots of kids aren't in a rush, but mine were really interested in getting the license the day after they turned 16. |
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amom23
Drama Llama
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Post by amom23 on Nov 10, 2017 4:12:15 GMT
I'm in the camp that just because you've always done something doesn't mean you have to continue indefinitely doing it. So if it doesn't work to spend the week following Xmas at the inlaws then so be it. Your immediate family comes first.
We have our share of holiday struggles too and it's not very fun.
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Post by kristi on Nov 10, 2017 4:12:36 GMT
Go for the day then you & son come back for driving & husband stays with his parents.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 20:16:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2017 4:22:08 GMT
I'll try to stick to the facts. My son is 15 (birthday is August) and will be doing HS diving in the spring. There is practice over February winter break. He also needs to do driver's training. He was originally going to do it that week in Feb but since I just found out there is practice at the same time, I can sign him up instead for drivers training over December break. However, it is Dec 27-28 and Jan 3-4 for 7 hours each day. We always go up to Dh's parent's the day after Christmas and with this new development, we could only stay for one day.
I know dh and his parents will not like it. But teenagers have busy lives. I have no problem with it but I know dh will.
What would you pick? DH's parents will not come here. Is going to the grandparents on Dec 29 and staying a few days an option? Or your dh stay longer and you go home with kid for driving training? I have no idea how far you are traveling and how long you normally stay. But this is an age when "tradition" start to give way to a new stage of life. |
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Post by craftedbys on Nov 10, 2017 4:25:30 GMT
I am in the camp if you only have so much time with parents and grandparents and you should spend as much time with them as you can (provided you have a good relationship).
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Nov 10, 2017 4:36:26 GMT
Why can't he take it in the summer? If his birthday isn't until August, what's the rush?
He's only 15, and if your DH would have a problem breaking tradition I would go to the grandparents. Spend the time with them now since you can.
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Post by Basket1lady on Nov 10, 2017 4:41:38 GMT
Is this his behind-the-wheel portion of driver's ed? Is hiring a private company an option?
Both my kids were heavily involved in extra circulars that went year round. The HS offered BTW, but it was right after school for 2 weeks straight, and that didn't work for either kid. What we did was go with a private company. It was only $20 more and they picked the kids up from any (local) location and would drop them anywhere locally as well. It was great, and they could work around practice and even got some hours in on the weekends. It took about 3 weeks for each to get it done, but the BTW instructor worked around their schedule. An added benefit was that they did their test with the instructor as well, so I didn't have to deal with scheduling with the DMV. That alone was well worth it.
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Post by mom26 on Nov 10, 2017 6:17:02 GMT
I truly hate to hear these stories of parents/grandparents being upset when the adult children/grandchildren can't keep up the holiday 'traditions'.
I have 6 children and 7 grandchildren. I KNOW how busy life can get for parents and their kids. It was certainly busy for me back in the day of raising my brood. Never, EVER would I put pressure on my children to keep up MY traditions. For one, it's selfish and two, it's important for them to create their own traditions.
I'm very much a 'Come if/when you can; leave when you need to' kind of person. I could never enjoy a gathering if I had even a hint that some were there because I 'demanded' it.
With all that said, I vote for going for the one day and doing so guilt-free. If DH or the IL's get their panties in a bunch, they are the ones in the wrong, not you.
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Post by nlwilkins on Nov 10, 2017 6:18:37 GMT
I would push back the driving classes. Yes, it is not nice that the grandparents won't come to you and you have to go to them, but it is what it is and being difficult is not going to change it. If he won't be 16 until next August, and I am assuming he can't get his license until then, there will be other times to work it in. But, it will get harder and harder to work Christmas in with the grandparents as he gets older, so I would keep doing all I can to make it work until it just becomes totally impossible.
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used2scrap
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Posts: 6,036
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Post by used2scrap on Nov 10, 2017 7:12:02 GMT
Why can't he take it in the summer? If his birthday isn't until August, what's the rush? He's only 15, and if your DH would have a problem breaking tradition I would go to the grandparents. Spend the time with them now since you can. Here you have to take the course, then have your permit for a year before you can test. So the longer after 15 you take the class, the longer after 16 before you can get your license. Juggling school and sports and all, oldest ended up taking driver's ed in the summer as it was too much to schedule during the school year. Then add in SAT/ACT testing and volunteer work, ugh. So he will be closer to 17 before he can get his license. I don't know that I'd want to give up holiday time for it though, but as the kids get older and busier it is definitely harder to keep to traditions. He has had teammates taking the course during sports seasons, and it gets very disruptive with the classes and scheduling the driving hours. |
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Post by jennrs on Nov 10, 2017 9:17:23 GMT
I feel like time with family and grandparents should come first, if possible. Husband's feelings about it should also be considered.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 20:16:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2017 11:54:32 GMT
Life happens. You decide what the priority is.
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styxgirl
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Nov 10, 2017 12:09:29 GMT
Is this his behind-the-wheel portion of driver's ed? Is hiring a private company an option? Both my kids were heavily involved in extra circulars that went year round. The HS offered BTW, but it was right after school for 2 weeks straight, and that didn't work for either kid. What we did was go with a private company. It was only $20 more and they picked the kids up from any (local) location and would drop them anywhere locally as well. It was great, and they could work around practice and even got some hours in on the weekends. It took about 3 weeks for each to get it done, but the BTW instructor worked around their schedule. An added benefit was that they did their test with the instructor as well, so I didn't have to deal with scheduling with the DMV. That alone was well worth it. This is what we had to do. DDs bday falls in November and the school district's driver's ed would let outgoing 8th graders into the program in the summer. Only freshmen. So, if she took it from the school district as an outgoing freshmen, that would mean she would have had her learner's permit for almost 2 years. So, we went with a private company. It was about double the cost. But the classroom course was one day. Now for the driving lessons and the actual test for the DMV, they come and pick her up and drop her off as it works for our schedule. fredfreddy I also vote for time w/ grandparents if possible. Hope you get it all figured out and can get it all fit in! Best wishes. |
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Post by christine58 on Nov 10, 2017 12:15:14 GMT
He can take the class after 15 but not the test until 15 1/2 in CA. His older brother who is almost exactly 3yrs older did it over winter break 3 years ago. But the dates did not interfere then with holiday plans. Do you have two accounts??? thought this was posted by fredfreddy |
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Nov 10, 2017 12:39:11 GMT
Why can't he take it in the summer? If his birthday isn't until August, what's the rush? He's only 15, and if your DH would have a problem breaking tradition I would go to the grandparents. Spend the time with them now since you can. Here you have to take the course, then have your permit for a year before you can test. So the longer after 15 you take the class, the longer after 16 before you can get your license. Juggling school and sports and all, oldest ended up taking driver's ed in the summer as it was too much to schedule during the school year. Then add in SAT/ACT testing and volunteer work, ugh. So he will be closer to 17 before he can get his license. I don't know that I'd want to give up holiday time for it though, but as the kids get older and busier it is definitely harder to keep to traditions. He has had teammates taking the course during sports seasons, and it gets very disruptive with the classes and scheduling the driving hours. Gotcha. That's totally different than our state in Iowa! Our kids can get their permit at 14, take drivers ed whenever, and at 16 get the license. The only time requirement is to have the permit for 6 months. I don't know if I would want to give up holiday traditions at 15 though... |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Nov 10, 2017 12:43:28 GMT
I would make a deal: take him to the grandparents either before or after for "quality time" and do the drivers ed when it makes the most sense for your family. Perhaps the grandparents would be happy to see him without the craziness of the holidays. I would maybe try to do it before because saying "we'll come later" often sounds like "we're never coming."
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johnnysmom
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Post by johnnysmom on Nov 10, 2017 13:16:32 GMT
You haven't said what ds would want to do. Is he in a hurry to get drivers ed done with? Is there any option for him to do it after school in January/February? What about spring break is that too late? If he needs to do it and you're not traveling crazy far I'd leave for the in-laws after class on the 28th and stay until the 2nd, that'd give you 5 full days. Or send dh (and the rest of the kids if there are others) and you stay home with ds.....that's what I might be doing this year, ods has basketball practice so dh and little ds are considering going to AL w/ FIL to visit dh's grandparents/uncle, I think it will be a nice bonding trip for them.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Nov 10, 2017 13:22:15 GMT
I live in an area where there are only a number of options for a kid to take driver's training. We were unable to do it various times due to conflicts with my daughter's extracurricular schedule. She is starting it next week and will end up having to miss part of one of her extracurriculars, but the alternative was to wait until March and hope it works out. Getting a permit for our kid is a priority. We want her to have as much practice driving as possible before she gets a license. If I were you, I'd sign him up for that December class. I would spend the day after Christmas with your husband's family.
I think as our children get older Grandparents need to be a little more flexible with their expectations.
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Post by beebee on Nov 10, 2017 13:42:30 GMT
I would rearrange schedules and make time for the grandparents unless there is some issue with them that you have not mentioned.
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Post by littlemama on Nov 10, 2017 13:49:00 GMT
I think i would go to the in laws on the 29th and stay for a few days. That way, ds does drivers ed and in laws get the normal length visit. That assumes that this doesn't interfere with everyone's work schedules of course.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 10, 2017 14:44:06 GMT
This is just the beginning...life gets busy for teenagers and young adults! If this is the class time that works for you, then i'd shorten or move your visit. Let dh stay and visit.
We had the big deal one here this year. Grandparents wanted an anniversary party. Early 20's ds had a wedding that he'd committed to quite awhile back. Dates overlapped, it wasn't pretty, but the bottom line was the date of party needed to be flexible if they expected ds to be there (since party wasn't even planned.)
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 10, 2017 14:50:50 GMT
I'm coming from the perspective of someone who is now older and kids are adults. To me spending time with grandparents whith whom you have a good relationship is most important. I would give anything to have one more holiday time with my grandpa, or my stepdad, or my dad, or my aunt.
February is very close to the end of Dec and I would choose the February class. It is here before you know it but not spending time with grandparents so my child could take driving lessons - with my age perspective on it, it's a big no.
However if visiting for New Years instead is an option, then we would be going on the 29th to the 1st. That's what we usually do anyway because I love to have pork and sauerkraut at my mom's for New Year.
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