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Post by not2peased on Dec 4, 2017 20:26:18 GMT
around here, welders can make up to $100k a year. it's not a low paying profession at all.
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Post by mom on Dec 4, 2017 20:27:15 GMT
I think the fact that he did the research into welding school shows that he definitely wants to go that direction. He can still grow and mature while living at home- he doesn't have to be away at college for that. In fact, it will probably be better for him. Can he get enough hours at his welding job in the spring to be full-time? If not, maybe he should continue taking a few classes so he can at least get a little more college under his belt before starting welding school. That way if his plans change again, he'll have completed two full years of college. Tradesmen can make good money, and properly trained/schooled tradesmen will do even better as they have the official stamp of approval from a school. DS is already getting great experience with his job and will be able to get good references for future work. Yes, he spoke with his boss before he came to us. His boss wants him full time as long as he can. So he would get over 40 hours a week until his welding program started. SaveSave
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Post by mom on Dec 4, 2017 20:33:54 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead.
He'll be fine I'm sure I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSave
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Post by mom on Dec 4, 2017 20:39:44 GMT
I spent the night crying (DS doesn't know this) and then I spent the morning reading everyone's replies and thinking. DS will be ok. And if he ends up not being ok, well, then he can figure something else out and try again. I know a bunch of my anxiety is based on what others will think (some have said 'he has so much potential!') and honeslty? I am disappointed in myself right now. If this was anyone else I would pat the mom on the back and praise her for raising a kid that chased what he wants. But its my kid and my first instinct was to listen to others and be disappointed.
DS, DH and I had lunch together today. We told him we support him & are good with his choice. He is going to contribute to the grocery bill and help me at my store instead of paying rent. His goal is to move out in June to his own apartment. We are going to sit down tonight and work on a budget with him & work out how much he needs to be saving to make his goal happen.
Seriously, I love the Peas. Thank you all for calming me down. He is a great kid - and really does have a good head on his shoulders. I am going to step back and check myself so my fears don't overshadow my support.
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Post by anonrefugee on Dec 4, 2017 20:39:53 GMT
I'm sorry for that mom, parent peer pressure can be as annoying as teen. ETA I was replying to post one above. Congrats on making progress. Your son is lucky to have understanding and supportive parents!
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 10:14:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 20:40:49 GMT
My brother tried college. It wasnt for him. He was a manager for a grocery store than home improvement store then became one of their HRs and THEN went back to school and now has 3 degrees and a masters in business law. He works for a fortune 500 company.
Same with my sister. She went back in her 30s and is now a teacher with both gen ed and mild mod credentials and a masters.
I went to a 4 year, have a BS in Marketing concentration of Advertising, minor of french and cert of translation and am a SAHM to 2 medically complex, special needs, autistic kids.
I dont use a lick of my degree.
Just because you went to college doesnt mean you will end up using the degree.
He will be fine. And heck maybe later he will want a business degree and own his own company!!!
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,502
Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Dec 4, 2017 20:42:04 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead.
He'll be fine I'm sure I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSaveI think I would be reconsidering those friendships... seriously who says that!? I haven't read all of the comments, but I know this sentiment has been shared and I just want to echo it. A vocational trade is respectable. Around here a talented welder, who is motivated and loves what they do, is worth his/her weight in gold. They will be far more successful than a whole lot of kids who come out of college with a generic degree (that doesn't translate into an actual employable career) and a mountain of debt. It sounds like he really has his head on straight if you ask me. If it were me, I would support what appears to be a well thought out plan and goal for him.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 10:14:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 20:44:01 GMT
I LOVE this update. Don't be disappointed in yourself...you are a mom who loves her son....
You are formulating a plan for him and yourselves...this is amazing! I have always told my children they have to like the job they are doing...don't do it cause I thought you should..you have to get up every day and go to the job...so you have to enjoy it.
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Post by mom on Dec 4, 2017 20:44:52 GMT
I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSaveI think I would be reconsidering those friendships... seriously who says that!? I haven't read all of the comments, but I know this sentiment has been shared and I just want to echo it. A vocational trade is respectable. Around here a talented welder, who is motivated and loves what they do, is worth his/her weight in gold. They will be far more successful than a whole lot of kids who come out of college with a generic degree (that doesn't translate into an actual employable career) and a mountain of debt. It sounds like he really has his head on straight if you ask me. If it were me, I would support what appears to be a well thought out plan and goal for him. Thats what DH said. He was pissed. Then he was pissed that I let it bother me. SaveSave
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,675
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 4, 2017 20:45:19 GMT
DS will be ok. And if he ends up not being ok, well, then he can figure something else out What's the worst that can happen? He'll decide he doesn't like it or not find a job, and then he can go back to school. That's not the end of the world by far. But, that's not going to happen. Your son is going to have a successful career doing what he loves, with job security.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,516
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Dec 4, 2017 20:49:31 GMT
This whole thread has been so inspiring! I also have a DS that wants to drop out of college and pursue a trade. I'm encouraging him to follow his own mind and from reading all the responses here, sounds like a good plan.
Good luck to your DS, he sounds very bright with a future plan and actions to make it happen.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 4, 2017 21:01:56 GMT
I spent the night crying (DS doesn't know this) and then I spent the morning reading everyone's replies and thinking. DS will be ok. And if he ends up not being ok, well, then he can figure something else out and try again. I know a bunch of my anxiety is based on what others will think (some have said 'he has so much potential!') and honeslty? I am disappointed in myself right now. If this was anyone else I would pat the mom on the back and praise her for raising a kid that chased what he wants. But its my kid and my first instinct was to listen to others and be disappointed. DS, DH and I had lunch together today. We told him we support him & are good with his choice. He is going to contribute to the grocery bill and help me at my store instead of paying rent. His goal is to move out in June to his own apartment. We are going to sit down tonight and work on a budget with him & work out how much he needs to be saving to make his goal happen. Seriously, I love the Peas. Thank you all for calming me down. He is a great kid - and really does have a good head on his shoulders. I am going to step back and check myself so my fears don't overshadow my support. I'm glad you feel better! It's not easy being a parent. You just want what is best for him. {{{hugs}}}
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 4, 2017 21:05:59 GMT
'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. H That's a heckuva-lot of judgement on the part of your friends, there... if you ask me, it's none of their business saying something like that! How do THEY know what his 'full potential' is? Are they implying that welding doesn't take brains? I'm fairly certain it does... And what gives them the idea that getting an education (whatever 'kind' it is) and doing something he wants to is 'throwing his life away'?? Think about it this way- a lot of kids nowadays (gosh, I'm showing my age, lol) can spend tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars on college, have loans that will take YEARS to pay off, and possibly won't get a job in their field, or won't get a good-paying job. He'll already be doing what he wants long before then, and I"m guessing it won't cost him nearly as much-- so he could very come out financially ahead, much sooner than a college-bound classmate. OR-- is it better for someone to do 'what's expected' of them-- i.e., get the college degree and the debt, start working and paying back the loans, and then decide years later that it wasn't really what they WANTED to do, after all? A lot of people in business change careers in midlife, to go after something they 'really always wanted' to do rather than just 'what paid the bills' all those years. He's ahead of the game there, too.
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Post by annie on Dec 4, 2017 21:07:04 GMT
I'm shocked at your dumb friends. Sorry to be blunt. But doesn't everyone know that welding is a hugely solid profession choice with way above average wages? I'm impressed with your kid! And I'd go back to those friends and "educate" them. Stupid!
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Post by mom2samlibby on Dec 4, 2017 21:11:20 GMT
Sounds like your son has a very good head on his shoulders. He's realized what he loves/wants to do and has looked for a way to make it happen. Be proud of him. Just because it's not your dream for him doesn't mean it's not going to be good for him. Support him.
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Post by trixiecat on Dec 4, 2017 21:30:21 GMT
I agree 100% with mom2samlibby. Your son has a plan and came up with it on his own. That is terrific. My son is going to graduate in 6 months and doesn't have a plan and does not like school. If he was motivated like yours, I would be so happy. I am sure he will be a success.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,764
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Dec 4, 2017 21:47:27 GMT
Your DS will be fine. Welders are needed as much, if not more than another lawyer or accountant.
He may may decide at a later date he is ready to go back to college and if he does, having a back up skill, such welding can never hurt. All you want is for your son to be a happy, productive member of society and it sounds like he on his way.
Best of of luck to him.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,059
Jul 4, 2014 6:57:02 GMT
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Post by AllieC on Dec 4, 2017 22:59:55 GMT
I can identify. My dd went off to university in Feb this year (in Aus, we do high school then uni not college) after having a gap year. She saved $20k working in a restaurant to go towards her accommodation etc. She never really fit in to the campus life and wasn't really enjoying her course, which she had been planning for several years. She has a chronic stomach condition (gastroparesis) and although it had been well managed in the past, eating provided food flared it up out of control. In the end I asked her if she wanted to come home as she was very sick and totally miserable. She was upset that she had let us down (she didn't) and we had lost money on her going. She was also "what will people think?" "they will think I'm a failure" - well the amount of support she got coming home was amazing. I just wanted her to be healthy and happy.
As she couldn't start at a local uni until Feb next year, she took a job in a local state government department for a 3 month term. She absolutely loved it, they extended for another 3 months and she is now waiting on confirmation that she has the role permanently. It is in administration and she can see a career path in the PS for her (as can her managers) and she may also study part time. She is saving like crazy and now has $20k in the bank, owns her own small car and is so happy Some of our friends kids have uni degrees but can't find work so they have student loans and are working in the same crappy job they had while studying.
My husband employs tradespeople and they are in short supply, he is always looking for staff. Having a trade here is a well paid job with lots of prospects.
Not everyone has to go to college/university to have a good and productive life.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,080
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Dec 4, 2017 23:08:41 GMT
DS1(18) is in college and hates it. He is a sophomore but this is his first full semester of taking classes on campus. Everything else was taken online or concurrently while he was in High School. DS came to us yesterday and basically said he would rather work full time vs going back. He works for a welder and loves it. He has been working there for about 7 months on the days he has no classes and then after class. We knew he didn't like school but he is refusing to go back to the University after Christmas. This really surprised me because he was excited to go, picked his major, etc. He is a smart kid & was on a scholarship. I looked at his grades and they are fine - A's and B's, so I dont think he is worried about not being 'smart' enough. He just keeps saying college isn't for him. We asked him what his plan is, and he wants to go to Welding school. He gave us the paperwork he had collected about welding school and it is a solid program. The only thing is that they won't let him start in the Spring. All new recruits start in the Fall. So he wants to work full time during the spring and start with welding in the fall. We didn't make a big deal out of it when he was talking to us. We told him we supported him and whatever he chooses, but if he lives at home he has to either be in school or working full time. He wants to live at home till the summer and then get an apartment once he has enough in savings for deposits, etc. He is also going to look for a roommate. So here is my issue: this kid is book smart. But there is definitely some room him to mature. He turned 18 ten days before he graduated and he is still somewhat immature. He has ADHD and has Aspergers though his DR say its extremely mild. He has always been a kid that would rather work with his hands vs. sitting in a classroom - I am just worried of the life he is choosing, wether he realizes it or not. I *want* him to follow his heart and be happy. But I also want him to be able to have health insurance and make enough to live. He says he is ok with moving and working off shore, etc. even if that means not having a family. I am just worried. I was awake all night, worried. So, if you've had a kiddo who went off the planned path and thrived, please tell me. In my circle of friends, everyone is expected to get the 4 year degree, then a Masters. I've always thought a trade school was a viable option for others, but now that its my kid, I am panicking. -___________ UPDATE: I spent the night crying (DS doesn't know this) and then I spent the morning reading everyone's replies and thinking. DS will be ok. And if he ends up not being ok, well, then he can figure something else out and try again. I know a bunch of my anxiety is based on what others will thing (some have said 'he has so much potential!') and honeslty? I am disappointed in myself now. If this was anyone else I would pat the mom on the back and praise her for raising a kid that chased what he wants. But its my kid and my first instinct was to listen to others and be disappointed. DS, DH and I had lunch together today. We told him we support him & are good with his choice. He is going to contribute to the grocery bill and help me at my store instead of paying rent. His goal is to move out in June to his own apartment. We are going to sit down tonight and work on a budget for him & work out how much he needs to be saving to make his goal happen. Seriously, I love the Peas. Thank you all for calming me down. He is a great kid - and really does have a good head on his shoulders. I am going to step back and check myself so my fears don't overshadow my support. Glad it’s working out. Since he has a scholarship, may I suggest that he contact the school and find out about taking a leave? He may be able to keep that door open in case he changes his mind. It may also stop the clock on credits going stale.
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Post by SallyPA on Dec 4, 2017 23:17:15 GMT
You are a good mom. It's okay to be initially upset. I think your reaction is completely normal; I'm sure most of us would freak out also. You're doing great and with your support and guidance, he will be just fine.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Dec 4, 2017 23:21:41 GMT
I haven't read all of the replies yet but another thing for him to consider is how he will pay his rent and also go to College next Fall. What a friend did when her dd didn't go on to College and lived at home (and worked) she charged her Daughter rent. She put the money aside and surprised her Daughter when she moved out, bought a house and got married she surprised her Daughter and gave her Daughter the money towards her down payment.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 10:14:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 23:28:14 GMT
Well you now know what to get him for Christmas. A welding up.
Welding is a craft. He should practice getting seams straight. And there is quite a bit if book work and chemistry. He will need to take safety classes and material handling.
For fun he can take scuba lessons. Underwater welders are in Huge demand.
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Post by bc2ca on Dec 4, 2017 23:34:50 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead.
He'll be fine I'm sure I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSaveI think baby boomers especially have grown up with the concept of going further than our parents as far as career and education are concerned. There is a lot of elitism in thinking a college degree is the bare minimum requirement. Even you said earlier there is an expectation of graduate degrees too. I hope your friends learn along with you that there are different routes to a comfortable life. As I said upthread, DH is an electrician. A good friend of mine was raised in abject poverty and her dad was an electrician. I think their poverty had much more to do with where they lived and the lack of work than his trade. I sat across from her at an event as her oldest was preparing to go to college, a nonnegotiable route and she said "there is no way he is going to end up as an electrician like his grandfather". My DH and I watched The Dallas Buyers Club last weekend where the main character, an electrician, lives in a trailer park and spends his money on drinking, ladies & gambling. Stereotypes are powerful, but no electrician I know lives like that.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 4, 2017 23:36:26 GMT
DS, DH and I had lunch together today. We told him we support him & are good with his choice. He is going to contribute to the grocery bill and help me at my store instead of paying rent. His goal is to move out in June to his own apartment. We are going to sit down tonight and work on a budget for him & work out how much he needs to be saving to make his goal happen. Seriously, I love the Peas. Thank you all for calming me down. He is a great kid - and really does have a good head on his shoulders. I am going to step back and check myself so my fears don't overshadow my support. He sounds like a great kid. He has YEARS to go back to school for a formal degree..but if he doesn't and is happy and successful...you've done your job. Where I live in NY businesses are BEGGING for welders
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Post by jenjie on Dec 4, 2017 23:37:44 GMT
What a wonderful update. Good job mom. This thread was helpful for me. My dd who could likely get a full ride as valedictorian is talking (this week) about not going to college, maybe going to acting school.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 5, 2017 0:43:57 GMT
I know you have made your peace, but I wanted to add that we have a recent graduate who went into welding. He graduated 3 years ago and is making more than I ever will with a master's degree and he loves his work.
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Post by maureen on Dec 5, 2017 0:49:46 GMT
I spent two hours today trying to find a qualified welder to no avail. Trust me, if this is your sons career path, he will always be employed.
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Post by sunraynnc on Dec 5, 2017 1:26:07 GMT
Omg, he sounds like a terrific kid. Welding is a solid, well-paying, always needed skill. He has a plan and a fabulous work ethic. (He can always go back to school with real work experience behind him.)
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Post by alexa11 on Dec 5, 2017 1:32:02 GMT
I'm late to this thread, but I'll tell you about my 2 DDs. Both her dad and I are college graduates and we expected both of our girls to follow suit. Our oldest did and graduated with a nursing degree. The youngest was another story... She graduated from HS early (December) and started taking a couple of courses at the tech school to get ahead- HaHa! She failed both of them because she had no desire to do it- simple courses. We sat her down and she decided that she wanted to go cosmetology school. It was the best money we ever spent because she loves it and now has a great business. Allow your son to do what he loves- he will be fine! Oh, and now the oldest one has a real estate license-likes that better than nursing...
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 10:14:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 1:35:38 GMT
I think welding is a good honorable profession. Two of my cousins have made their livelihoods as wielders. They have both been able to buy really nice homes on acreage and retire by their mid 50s to a slower paced life they enjoy.
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