RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,427
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Dec 5, 2017 1:38:19 GMT
I didn't see this till after the update, but I wanted to say - don't be so hard on yourself! It is always a challenge when our kids choose something outside our expectations and yes, our plans for them. That's totally normal! Now that you've had some time to process it, you can be rational. To me, it sounds like he's thought this through pretty darn well (a sign of maturity, in other words) and it's definitely a viable career. I also understand the pressure from the expectations of others, but, well...that's not what matters in the end, right? Just keep being the good parents it sounds like you've been!
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,535
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Dec 5, 2017 1:42:46 GMT
Great update. Kudos to your son. I'm quite ticked off on your behalf for your "friends" comments. He is absolutely NOT throwing his life away or isn't reaching his full potential. That is very condescending to me and tells me a lot about them. It's the same type of people who look down on servers and cashiers. Shouldn't people be applauded for working rather than sitting on their butts. Shoot tradespeople can vey often make more than someone with an advanced degree. They are in huge demand and your son will probably never have to worry about needing a job. Again huge kudos to your son, and you for supporting his decision.
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Post by hop2 on Dec 5, 2017 2:01:41 GMT
mom I love your update. And I’ll just add one of my nephews is very book smart and had extremely high SAT scores but he’s very happy with his job as a welder, he’s doing well.
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Post by Zee on Dec 5, 2017 2:01:58 GMT
I missed this until after your update, but I think welding is a great career for those not interested in the college path. My son is really smart too but not interested in college right now. He graduated last year and he works full time as a machine operator. Like you, I at first thought about what my family would think, his wasted potential, etc. but then again I'm not interested in pushing for college and having him flunk out because he isn't ready. And everyone has agreed, I think sincerely, that he's smart to find himself first and since he's working there really isn't anything to be disappointed in. It's his life and he'll figure it out.
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Post by flanz on Dec 5, 2017 2:03:00 GMT
Hugs, mama!
Hadn't seen your post until reading it and your update all together now, and haven't read any replies. I'm so glad that you and your DH are supporting what your son wants to do. The world needs trade people, and you have to be bright to be successful in a trade! No shame at all in not going to a 4 year school! I wish it wasn't an expectation of almost every single parent in this society of ours for almost every single one of our kids. Totally not realistic.
And the world really needs more people who are happy in their careers too! I predict great success for your son, and he's lucky to have his parents in his corner!
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Post by crittsmom on Dec 5, 2017 4:07:32 GMT
This is the entire basis for Mike Rowe's initiative, Mike Rowe Works. There are not enough qualified tradesman in our country. To the point that projects are being delayed because of the shortage. A master tradesman can essentially name his price. He will have no problem supporting himself. It may not be the life/education you envisioned for him but if he is happy with his life choices then you accomplished your goal of raising a great kid! and he can apply for a scholarship through Mike Rowe Works.
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Dec 5, 2017 4:20:40 GMT
I just now saw this, too. I feel for what you're going through. We only want the best for our kids, and of course, we know best! Once they're grown ups, it's out of our hands. Being a parent is not for,sissies!
There is such a shortage right now of people who have traditional hands-on skills. His choice seems reasonable, and may be more highly paid than a college career. Plus he'll be doing something he loves. My brother's friend is a lead welder, and he makes more money than most white collar executives.
Perhaps when the dust settles, your son would be willing to take some business classes so that he could eventually run his own business and employees.
Hang in there, mom, it's going to be ok.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Dec 5, 2017 4:38:32 GMT
mom, Will his employer pay his welding school tuition? Tgey might considering he’s already proven himself as an employee.
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Post by candleangie on Dec 5, 2017 4:44:03 GMT
***applause*** Good job, mom! ❤️
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 5, 2017 7:09:00 GMT
Only on page 1 so far. Really glad to see all in agreement that pursuing a trade rather than university is the right choice. We have far too many people going to university; there aren't enough jobs for them. He will do much better financially going this route. Gently, I also have to say it's ultimately not your choice to make; it's his life & he has to do what's right for him. Better you be supportive of his decisions even if he were wrong (and again, I don't think he is) than to risk alienating him by speaking out against it... and I know you realize that based on your post. It's just a reminder for those moments when you have doubts.
And as to your friends - if they say anything negative about it, they aren't really your friends, so you really shouldn't give a damn what they think. Tell 'em to pound sand & cut 'em out of your life.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 5, 2017 7:25:53 GMT
College is not for everyone and forcing someone to go to college because “that’s what you’re supposed to do” is a waste of money and time. College will always be there so the door is never permanently closed. That is the one sentiment I've heard in this thread that I disagree with. College is expensive. If he has a scholarship & he walks away from it, he's likely not going to make it back. Once he makes this choice, it's the path he'll be on and I'll need to follow it through. Now, in this case, I don't think there's anything wrong with just accepting very likely he's closing the door & pretty much locking it. Where I get upset & concerned is parents who let their children drop out of school to pursue a career in pro sports... an example would be Mallory Pugh, who is a soccer player with the US Women's National Team & plays in the NWSL (women's equivalent of MSL). Yes, she's a terrific player. Yes, playing at UCLA was a step down (she started & quit in her first year of school) and it put some limitations on her in terms of endorsements & such. But she's a heck of a good player. The endorsement deals would have been there after she got a degree so she has a marketable skill once her playing days are done. All athletes are one wrong step off a curve away from a career ending injury. It's not ok that we let them go pro prior to getting the education they need for their post-sports career. It was foolish of them to let her walk away from what was a full ride scholarship.
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Post by gar on Dec 5, 2017 8:33:39 GMT
Your friends are thoughtless. Perhaps one day one of their children might not want to follow 'their' path and they will come to the realisation that youngsters are people in their own right, not just extensions of their parents.
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Post by mollycoddle on Dec 5, 2017 11:00:00 GMT
I just read this, and I’m glad that you’re feeling better about it. I haven’t read the thread, but here are my thoughts. First, there is nothing wrong with having a trade, esp. one that can’t be outsourced. Second, the boy has plans, and that’s good. He isn’t home moping on your couch. Third, there is nothing stopping him from going back to college later if he changes his mind. Plenty of people do.
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Post by Patter on Dec 5, 2017 11:17:48 GMT
I loved reading your update, and it brought tears to my eyes. I get it! I struggle sometimes when I get the very nasty comments from people about my daughter being a police officer. People need to mind their own business unless asked for their input. Goodness if it were that easy in life.
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Post by 16joy on Dec 5, 2017 12:49:27 GMT
Could your son take online business classes for the spring semester since he has a scholarship? The idea being that he may want to one day open his own shop and having the knowledge or the generation of his thoughts toward the business side of work. He would still be working towards his welding goal but planting a possible seed several years in the making. Spring semester ends, he starts welding school in the fall and traditional college is over.
congratulations to your son figuring out what he wants to do.
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Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947
Location: North Idaho
Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT
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Post by Nink on Dec 5, 2017 15:23:30 GMT
I was glad to read your update. My kid is VERY book smart, but quite frankly has not a lot of common sense. He started going to college to become an accountant because he is a whiz at any type of math. One day he told me “I’m only becoming an accountant because that’s what everyone thinks I should do, not because I love it”. I told him that he should find something he loves to do since work is a large part of your adult life. He quit college and got a job working at what he loved and is doing great.
One of my very good friends works in welding and has had a fantastic career in it for at least 30+ years. He started off as a welder and is now the regional manager for one of the largest welding supply companies in the Pacific Northwest.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Dec 5, 2017 21:20:15 GMT
As a young person on the other side of the millenial spectrum in terms of age, I can only advise you to let him go, work and grow up. He might return to university later on, more mature and ready to take on the challenge of a career and life path that starts out with a X years at uni first. Or he might not. He might make it in welding and wish to continue working in it. He might change for something different altogether. He's 18. He was raised in a pretty scary-looking world. He's probably crippling under the pressure to fit into the mould and make it. He probably doesn't know what he wants "it" to be. Let him go and become his own self. He's smart enough to know he needs to make money to survive and has a plan for the foreseeable future. You are making the right decision to support him, mom . Be kind to yourself and stand up for the support you're giving him on your social side of things too. He has grown up with entrepreneur parents (or at least an entrepreneur mother), he's been shown from the start that there's another way to succeed in this world. He's using this knowledge to guide him further. Be proud that he is deciding to walk away before it takes its toll on his mental health and grades.
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Post by mom on Dec 5, 2017 21:47:34 GMT
Could your son take online business classes for the spring semester since he has a scholarship? The idea being that he may want to one day open his own shop and having the knowledge or the generation of his thoughts toward the business side of work. He would still be working towards his welding goal but planting a possible seed several years in the making. Spring semester ends, he starts welding school in the fall and traditional college is over. congratulations to your son figuring out what he wants to do. oooh good idea. I will float that by him. SaveSave
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 13, 2024 6:25:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 21:51:27 GMT
Let him go to welding school. It's not like he's quitting college to stay home and play video games. And while not on the level of an engineer, lawyer, etc., good welders can make a lot money. Actually, an underwater welder's income could exceed "the level" of an engineer or lawyer. My mom made six figures for the couple of years that she was underwater. There is a lot of potential for welders to earn high incomes, especially with overtime.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Dec 5, 2017 21:51:57 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead.
He'll be fine I'm sure I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSaveYour friends are thoughtless and rude. Also, woefully ignorant about the huge advantages of going into a trade. Did you tell them your feelings were hurt? Did they notice? Would they care?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 13, 2024 6:25:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 21:56:14 GMT
I was going to recommend some business courses as well. Particularly cost accounting, as being able to properly ‘cost out’ a job is a valuable skill. Good advice. My DH is going to ❤️ your comment because he's a cost accountant.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 13, 2024 6:25:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 21:58:59 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead.
He'll be fine I'm sure I know you are right. I spent the weekend with two of my closest girlfriends and told them what was going on. Both of them made comments like 'he isn't reaching his full potential' and 'why would he throw his life away'. Honestly? It really hurt. SaveSave Your son is absolutely NOT throwing his life away. He sounds like an awesome, intelligent guy and he'll be just fine.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,876
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Dec 5, 2017 22:11:08 GMT
If he’s a little artsy he can also weld furniture pieces on the side.
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,300
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Dec 5, 2017 22:11:23 GMT
Let him go to welding school. It's not like he's quitting college to stay home and play video games. And while not on the level of an engineer, lawyer, etc., good welders can make a lot money. Actually, an underwater welder's income could exceed "the level" of an engineer or lawyer. My mom made six figures for the couple of years that she was underwater. There is a lot of potential for welders to earn high incomes, especially with overtime. Well of course a specialty welder will make more, but certified welders (not a welding engineer) in my area make $40,000 - $50,000 to start. Add to that if you have associates or bachelors degree or even experience in aluminum or other alloys. From a quick google search "The national average Welding Engineer salary is $82,539." My advice to the OP was that there is potential for a good income and if that's what her son wants to do then let him do it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 13, 2024 6:25:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2017 22:54:55 GMT
Actually, an underwater welder's income could exceed "the level" of an engineer or lawyer. My mom made six figures for the couple of years that she was underwater. There is a lot of potential for welders to earn high incomes, especially with overtime. Well of course a specialty welder will make more, but certified welders (not a welding engineer) in my area make $40,000 - $50,000 to start. Add to that if you have associates or bachelors degree or even experience in aluminum or other alloys. From a quick google search "The national average Welding Engineer salary is $82,539." My advice to the OP was that there is potential for a good income and if that's what her son wants to do then let him do it. Cool
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486
Location: Big Sky Country
Jun 25, 2014 20:32:35 GMT
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Post by Montannie on Dec 5, 2017 23:09:34 GMT
As a young person on the other side of the millenial spectrum in terms of age, I can only advise you to let him go, work and grow up. He might return to university later on, more mature and ready to take on the challenge of a career and life path that starts out with a X years at uni first. Or he might not. He might make it in welding and wish to continue working in it. He might change for something different altogether. He's 18. He was raised in a pretty scary-looking world. He's probably crippling under the pressure to fit into the mould and make it. He probably doesn't know what he wants "it" to be. Let him go and become his own self. He's smart enough to know he needs to make money to survive and has a plan for the foreseeable future. You are making the right decision to support him, mom . Be kind to yourself and stand up for the support you're giving him on your social side of things too. He has grown up with entrepreneur parents (or at least an entrepreneur mother), he's been shown from the start that there's another way to succeed in this world. He's using this knowledge to guide him further. Be proud that he is deciding to walk away before it takes its toll on his mental health and grades. I love this. Thanks for the persepective. It's too true, the world is FAR DIFFERENT for your generation.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Dec 6, 2017 16:47:35 GMT
I beg to differ.
An athlete's life as a professional is limited, just as you point out. While college will always be there, the opportunities as a professional will not. If she gets injured at UCLA, it could easily end her career.
I've heard the same thing about my dd, who is a professional ballet dancer. She could have gone to college and even majored in ballet. She was auditioning for and attained the same positions as those who did spend the money on a degree in ballet. It's a very low paying field and one she knows she will not do forever. The time to do it is now. She does work on her college degree on the side, one class at a time so that she will have as much as possible done before she is done with dancing (or maybe even finish while she is dancing).
There are many paths to Rome. Mallory Pugh can get a degree later on. And for all we know, she is already working on that. Dd has met many people who are taking an alternative path to a college education because it's the path she is on. She knows young people who are models, dancers, actors, film makers, athletes, nonprofit directors and more. (Naturally, as someone in the arts, she knows more who are also in the arts like herself)
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