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Post by mom on Dec 4, 2017 15:19:28 GMT
DS1(18) is in college and hates it. He is a sophomore but this is his first full semester of taking classes on campus. Everything else was taken online or concurrently while he was in High School.
DS came to us yesterday and basically said he would rather work full time vs going back. He works for a welder and loves it. He has been working there for about 7 months on the days he has no classes and then after class.
We knew he didn't like school but he is refusing to go back to the University after Christmas. This really surprised me because he was excited to go, picked his major, etc. He is a smart kid & was on a scholarship. I looked at his grades and they are fine - A's and B's, so I dont think he is worried about not being 'smart' enough. He just keeps saying college isn't for him.
We asked him what his plan is, and he wants to go to Welding school. He gave us the paperwork he had collected about welding school and it is a solid program. The only thing is that they won't let him start in the Spring. All new recruits start in the Fall. So he wants to work full time during the spring and start with welding in the fall.
We didn't make a big deal out of it when he was talking to us. We told him we supported him and whatever he chooses, but if he lives at home he has to either be in school or working full time.
He wants to live at home till the summer and then get an apartment once he has enough in savings for deposits, etc. He is also going to look for a roommate.
So here is my issue: this kid is book smart. But there is definitely some room him to mature. He turned 18 ten days before he graduated and he is still somewhat immature. He has ADHD and has Aspergers though his DR say its extremely mild. He has always been a kid that would rather work with his hands vs. sitting in a classroom - I am just worried of the life he is choosing, wether he realizes it or not.
I *want* him to follow his heart and be happy. But I also want him to be able to have health insurance and make enough to live. He says he is ok with moving and working off shore, etc. even if that means not having a family.
I am just worried. I was awake all night, worried.
So, if you've had a kiddo who went off the planned path and thrived, please tell me. In my circle of friends, everyone is expected to get the 4 year degree, then a Masters. I've always thought a trade school was a viable option for others, but now that its my kid, I am panicking.
-___________
UPDATE:
I spent the night crying (DS doesn't know this) and then I spent the morning reading everyone's replies and thinking. DS will be ok. And if he ends up not being ok, well, then he can figure something else out and try again. I know a bunch of my anxiety is based on what others will thing (some have said 'he has so much potential!') and honeslty? I am disappointed in myself now. If this was anyone else I would pat the mom on the back and praise her for raising a kid that chased what he wants. But its my kid and my first instinct was to listen to others and be disappointed.
DS, DH and I had lunch together today. We told him we support him & are good with his choice. He is going to contribute to the grocery bill and help me at my store instead of paying rent. His goal is to move out in June to his own apartment. We are going to sit down tonight and work on a budget for him & work out how much he needs to be saving to make his goal happen.
Seriously, I love the Peas. Thank you all for calming me down. He is a great kid - and really does have a good head on his shoulders. I am going to step back and check myself so my fears don't overshadow my support.
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psiluvu
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Post by psiluvu on Dec 4, 2017 15:26:19 GMT
I don't have personal experience but he is only 18. What if he follows this path and decides at 25 or 26 that he should have done something different and decides to go to university then. Is that so bad? He sounds like he has a plan and knows what he wants so I think you will have better results supporting that rather than trying to impose your wishes on him. Good luck to both of you.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Dec 4, 2017 15:29:48 GMT
I think he should follow his passion. I seem to remember an article about how we push college so hard on kids that we are going to be sorely needing trades people in the future. Welding pays pretty well (at least in my area). Sounds like he is using his smarts - he has a plan for his future and it's a good sounding plan, IMO.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Dec 4, 2017 15:30:43 GMT
I've be more concerned if he was going to drop out of school and have no plans whatsoever for what he wanted to do. He does want to continue his education, just not in the direction that you originally planned. Would he be at all open to finishing the spring semester as well since he either has to work or be in school, while continuing to apply for the welding programin the fall? Good welders can make excellent money, if he truly enjoys it he will definitely be able to support himself someday.
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wellway
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Post by wellway on Dec 4, 2017 15:33:58 GMT
He's going to be fine. Not my experience but I did see my Mum worry all the time about my sister. She did a degree in Media Studies long before it was popular, my Mum could not see a future in it. Worried about how much work she would get, gaps between jobs, no money for rent etc etc. Fast forward thirty years and despite all work being freelance and for limited time lengths, my sister has to schedule a week off months in advance because she is always in demand. She never goes back on her word, once she agrees to do a job she does even if a dream job is offered the next day.
My advice, suggest he do an evening business course so that if he wants to become his own boss he will be ready to take that step.
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Dec 4, 2017 15:34:13 GMT
My kid has been off the traditional path for years!
It started when she left school and we began homeschooling. That ended up freeing her to pursue her passion. She is now a professional ballet dancer. Imagine the noise and criticism we hear from certain family members because she is not attending college in a traditional fashion. She is bright, hard working and probably would have been accepted at a wide array of competitive colleges but she had little interest in anything traditional. Not even interested in college for ballet. Ballet is a very competitive world with many auditioning and few actual positions. She is so fortunate to have a position in a company.
I've heard "how can you allow her?" Love that one. Truth is we have had a compromise. We help support her financially (she makes very little) and in exchange, she works in her college education to prepare for her second career because ballet is usually a short career. She takes one class each semester. She is a bit of an intellectual and actually enjoys it most of the time... Just not this time of year when it's the final crunch and it's Nutcracker season!
Your son is still young. He may change his mind later, but in the meantime, he will have a well paying career.
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Post by elaine on Dec 4, 2017 15:36:06 GMT
I think his plan makes sense. Why rack up more debt in University if he truly hates it? And, as psiluvu said, he is only 18 and if he ends up wanting to get a bachelors degree, he has many years to do it. There is no rush. For someone with Aspergers, welding might be an excellent choice of career. Not a lot of face-to-face social interaction. He can focus on the physical tasks at hand and not worry about workplace politics. |
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Post by tiffanyr on Dec 4, 2017 15:36:41 GMT
This is the entire basis for Mike Rowe's initiative, Mike Rowe Works. There are not enough qualified tradesman in our country. To the point that projects are being delayed because of the shortage. A master tradesman can essentially name his price. He will have no problem supporting himself.
It may not be the life/education you envisioned for him but if he is happy with his life choices then you accomplished your goal of raising a great kid!
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Peamac
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Post by Peamac on Dec 4, 2017 15:37:27 GMT
I think the fact that he did the research into welding school shows that he definitely wants to go that direction. He can still grow and mature while living at home- he doesn't have to be away at college for that. In fact, it will probably be better for him. Can he get enough hours at his welding job in the spring to be full-time? If not, maybe he should continue taking a few classes so he can at least get a little more college under his belt before starting welding school. That way if his plans change again, he'll have completed two full years of college. Tradesmen can make good money, and properly trained/schooled tradesmen will do even better as they have the official stamp of approval from a school. DS is already getting great experience with his job and will be able to get good references for future work.
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Post by tiffanyr on Dec 4, 2017 15:37:29 GMT
My advice, suggest he do an evening business course so that if he wants to become his own boss he will be ready to take that step. That is a great piece of advice! |
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Dec 4, 2017 15:39:28 GMT
((hugs))
I have a child who went off the planned path. She tried college and did fine...she just didn't like it. She then had a baby to complicate things tremendously. She moved home for a bit but currently has her own apartment, works at a job she loves and coaches the high school cheerleading squad. I would have made different choices for her. But I also support her in the choices she has made. In a heart to heart one day I told her my frustration was that she made her life so much more difficult than it could have been. She's a GREAT mother. She's a tremendously hard worker and even though her job doesn't have huge growth potential, the people she works for love her, give her the space to do some innovative things that relate to what her degree would have been (graphic arts) and they realize she's a single mom so when DGS is sick or has a field trip they don't mind her working from home etc. They are so good to her and she is a phenomenal employee for them.
If you and I were having coffee and talking about this I would share that I was scared to death. I'm still kind of scared. This isn't what *I* planned for her. I'm thinking about longterm. This is just plain ugly but she was raised in a different lifestyle and it has been hard for me to come to grips some days that she doesn't choose the same. But she is a ROCKSTAR and is doing so so so well! Truly. She is happy and self sufficient and doing awesome. It's ok.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 4, 2017 15:40:56 GMT
I think he should follow his heart.
He can earn a great living in the trades as a welder. I'd encourage him to pursue an apprenticeship in a union, pipefitters or ironworkers.
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Dec 4, 2017 15:41:08 GMT
In my circle of friends, everyone is expected to get the 4 year degree, then a Masters. Just because all your friends kids are expected to follow a certain path, it doesn't mean your son has. Let him forge his own path. He may change his mind in a few years and college may appeal to him. |
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 6:46:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 15:41:28 GMT
I think the fact that he did the research into welding school shows that he definitely wants to go that direction. He can still grow and mature while living at home- he doesn't have to be away at college for that. In fact, it will probably be better for him. Can he get enough hours at his welding job in the spring to be full-time? If not, maybe he should continue taking a few classes so he can at least get a little more college under his belt before starting welding school. That way if his plans change again, he'll have completed two full years of college. Tradesmen can make good money, and properly trained/schooled tradesmen will do even better as they have the official stamp of approval from a school. DS is already getting great experience with his job and will be able to get good references for future work.  |
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Post by psoccer on Dec 4, 2017 15:43:04 GMT
My husband is an ironworker (welder) and I am a teacher. There are years when he makes almost double what I do. There can be leaner years too, depending on the economy and what's building, but it's a solid trade with good benefits. I would encourage him to take online classes in the spring and summer so that he has that many more units under his belt, just in case welding is no longer a good fit.
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Post by wagleg on Dec 4, 2017 15:43:17 GMT
As a Hospice nurse years ago, another nurse told me. "Meet people where they are". I have carried that throughout my life and especially my parenting. It may be an expensive mistake he's making by not going back to school. But my brother was quite the same ADHD as your son and he went on to be an underwater welder after welding school. Welding school was really the only education he ever finished. If your son is confident in his direction, follow him.
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 4, 2017 15:43:51 GMT
Some key words you posted: He has always been a kid that would rather work with his hands vs. sitting in a classroom.
This is important because what makes him happy long-term might NOT be a career where he sits in an office. He may be much happier in a trade than pursuing college.
For what it's worse, my sister did well academically and the counselor and some of her teachers were quite bugged by the fact that she didn't want to go to college. But she knew what she wanted and didn't want. She ended up first working at a law firm and then spent thirty years working for a newspaper, where she was very good at her job and was well-respected. She supervised other people and was able to move up in her career there.
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imsirius
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Post by imsirius on Dec 4, 2017 15:44:28 GMT
The fact that he took the initiative to research welding tells me he really wants to pursue it. My Aspie (also mild) son is bound and determined to be a musician on Broadway and I believe he will strive to make it come true.
Trades are dwindling all over North America. My DH is a tradesman and makes good money. Welders are in high demand here and make great money. Your DS could have a good life with a welding trade certificate.
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 4, 2017 15:48:00 GMT
I think he'll be just fine. Among my peers those that chose trades vs college have made more money have have had more career stability by far.
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Post by Patter on Dec 4, 2017 15:48:14 GMT
I think having a child follow their passion is so important. We have also been off the traditional path. We homeschooled them 7-12th grade and then they went to college. One graduated magna cum laude in 4 years with degrees in Chemistry, Forensic Science, and a minor in Criminal Justice. She is now a police officer with a very good department in another state. People say to me all of the time “She is so smart. Why would you allow her to be a police officer?” It’s not about us allowing her anything. She is an adult, and this is where she wants to be. She eventually wants to be in crime scene but has to be on the streets first. She LOVES it. Does it scare me? Yes, in fact when I heard her stories from last night’s shift, I cried. But she is great at what she does, she is happy, and I am blessed beyond measure knowing she is so happy. She doesn’t make monetarily what she could make with her degrees but she is supporting herself and happy. What more can I ask for? We have always encouraged our girls to follow their dreams. There is nothing worse than working at something you despise. Teach him to manage his money well and he will do well. DD is so surprised at what she is able to save each month on the tiny bit she makes. But we taught her to only pay cash for everything. She sees everyone else live paycheck to paycheck because they have to have things they don’t have money for and then end up with too many bills to pay each month. Anyway, sorry to get so lenghty but if he is good at what he does and loves it, why not?
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Dec 4, 2017 15:48:24 GMT
My best friend's ds is a welder and makes more money than most and loves it.
ETA: you can always build upon education if he wants to go back.
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Post by SallyPA on Dec 4, 2017 15:48:29 GMT
He will be just fine! I think welding is a fantastic choice. He has done really well looking into different options, and that is why I would be okay with this. If he just wanted to quit school with no other plan other than to work at a low paying job with no real future then that would be a problem.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 15:51:19 GMT
Nothing wrong with the trades! Even though he might not be earning as much as some in the corporate world, the long term benefits of being in a trade union are fantastic. Bonus is that he'll also love the work. How many of us wish we could say that?
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Post by gar on Dec 4, 2017 15:53:53 GMT
His planning, research etc all bode well for his maturity levels. What would be achieved by 'forcing'/encouraginf him to continue and uni? We learn best when we're motivated and enjoy the subject. I suspect the thought of what your friends might say looms rather large in your mind but that won't last long. Once they know, that'll be dealt with and I doubt they'll spend much more time thinking about it. It's of much more interest to you than it is to them. If he did what most of your friends' children do and 'failed' then you'd have to deal with that instead. He'll be fine I'm sure  |
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Post by christine58 on Dec 4, 2017 15:58:05 GMT
We asked him what his plan is, and he wants to go to Welding school. He gave us the paperwork he had collected about welding school and it is a solid program. The only thing is that they won't let him start in the Spring. All new recruits start in the Fall. So he wants to work full time during the spring and start with welding in the fall. I taught in a building that also had a Career and Tech program (Cosmetology/welding/culinary arts etc.). The kids LOVED the programs they were in and I say...Let him follow his dream job. Good welders are hard to find. As far as your friends...who cares. This is your kid and he has a plan. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 15:59:51 GMT
I think he's thinking things out before coming to you and that is to be commended. I also thinks it's great that he found something that he truly enjoys doing...if only we were all that lucky. He still has plenty of time to return to the university if he should change his mind. Sounds like you've got a great kid on your hands  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 16:00:05 GMT
He can get a BS and a masters in welding.
There are many many certifications out there that lead to better paying jobs. One of the best ones is underwater welding. I know of a person who did this for 3 yes 3 months a year and has beautiful home in a Alaska , a cabin in Montana and spends the rest of year hunting and fishing all over the world.
One of the neighbors makes custom gates I think the work is not great but he is still selling them for ten grand or more.
There will always be a need for welders.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Dec 4, 2017 16:04:12 GMT
Let him go to welding school. It's not like he's quitting college to stay home and play video games. And while not on the level of an engineer, lawyer, etc., good welders can make a lot money.
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Post by luvmygirls on Dec 4, 2017 16:06:03 GMT
You’re lucky to have an 18 year old that know what he wants to do with his life. There are some 30 year olds that have no idea what they want to do. If he were my son, I’d be proud that he tried college and he did enough research to know exactly what he’s getting into. I would advise him though to please finish one more semester, assuming that will get him his AA degree especially since he can’t start welding school until the fall. You can also carry him on your health insurance since he will be a full time student.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on Dec 4, 2017 16:09:46 GMT
Obtaining a college degree is no guarantee of financial success. Ask me how many friends I have who work in fields that have nothing to do with their degrees (advanced degrees, many of them).
It sounds like your son has solid goals and a career in mind. One can make a great living as a welder. I'd rather my child get certified in a solid trade than he spend four years obtaining a degree that will ultimately be useless.
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