|
Post by crimsoncat05 on Jan 3, 2018 5:30:10 GMT
^^^ been on that side of it, too. and it is tough, knowing that things could be improved for the person, but they don't seem to want to help themselves. for whatever reason.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on Jan 3, 2018 5:32:55 GMT
^^^ been on that side of it, too. and it is tough, knowing that things could be improved for the person, but they don't seem to want to help themselves. for whatever reason. cant press the like button for that one
|
|
|
Post by not2peased on Jan 3, 2018 14:06:15 GMT
the thing is, many helpful suggestions people give have been PROVEN to help. rather than write off someone's suggestions as them "not getting it' I think we should all keep an open mind, especially when someone is coming at this from a place of caring. For example, losing weight HAS helped with my depression, as does going for a walk. it's not a cure, of course, but when used with other treatments, these ideas CAN help. Respectfully, while you are correct, if this is your take on it, than i don't think you understand at all. Instead of offering advice that honestly doesn't help, it's more helpful for many if those who want to help can put aside their own discomfort and just listen. From this thread I've taken away the concept that people with disorders I don't understand might lash out if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. If we say the wrong thing isn't it obvious we do so from ignorance rather than malice? i think a lot of people who suffer from depression *know* that, but hearing the same well meant but useless advice over and over wears a person down. So, just as the advice is well meant and should be understood as that, maybe the snarls could also be taken with some understanding. IMHO, as someone who is in a bad place now with no hope in sight, i've found that a lot of the well meant advice about "snapping out of it" or "why don't you just...." is less about me or that pain i am trying to handle, but more about the person giving the advice wanting me not to make them uncomfortable, not to remind them of icky things. While i totally admit my view is a bit more bitter than is probably truth, i do think it is very true that generally people don't know how to deal with pain/grief/long recovery struggles. At least Americans don't. whelp, since I have depression and anxiety myself, take medication and am in therapy, I would say I DO understand, we just have a difference of opinion. One thing I have noticed in myself and others (NOT everyone, so if you don't fit this, it's not meant for you) is that we are extremely resistant to MOST suggestions that are proven to help with depression and anxiety. while it's the disease that likely makes for the resistance, it's not out of realm of politeness for friends and family to say something when they see a loved one struggle. you may have a "right" to do whatever you like, as well as be pissed they are giving you a hard time, but they also have a "right" to speak their mind, and push a loved one towards something that can help. depression is no picnic for those who suffer, but it's also no picnic to loved ones who have to deal with the fallout-they have a right to have some expectations that their loved ones try to help their situation. If a diabetic refused to even try to manage their disease, their loved ones have a right to say something about it. Love creates some obligations, IMO-and it's two sided-both for the person suffering, and from the ones who are affected by it as well. that said, I understand where the OP is coming from, and no one should be harangued and harrassed-especially by people who have no idea what they are talking about, but blindly supporting someone's bad choices, isn't a fair ask of them, IMO
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 4, 2018 1:21:52 GMT
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 4, 2018 1:22:42 GMT
|
|
|
Post by peasapie on Jan 4, 2018 2:22:19 GMT
I think the biggest problem I've had when someone offered their unprofessional advice on how I could manage my anxiety or the anorexia I had in my teens and 20s was that their advice implied I simply was being weak and needed to sort of buck up. (Anorexia? You just need a good meal, that's all. Anxiety? Just think about something else.)
It took me a couple of years and a good doctor to understand that I didn't have balanced brain chemicals and that I couldn't just power through the anxiety the way one faces other challenges. So for someone to tell you to snap out of it implies you just aren't trying hard enough - and that is damned insulting.
They may need information, like reading the responses on this thread. Hopefully they will be enlightened after doing so.
|
|
|
Post by ametallichick on Jan 4, 2018 2:36:46 GMT
I'm sorry you're going through this. Unless you've gone through, no one knows how it feels.
I had post-partem depression after I gave birth to my son in December of 1996. It was horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As we were opening presents that Christmas, I was still fighting it. I was on Prozac and it was helping but my mil said a real hateful comment to me. She said: "what's wrong Brandie? Forget your Prozac today?" Real sarcastic. Bitchy, like! No one said a word in my defense and unfortunately neither did I. Ive never forgotten about that! 😡
|
|
|
Post by scrappintoee on Feb 2, 2018 23:41:24 GMT
ametallichick ....Wow, what a HORRIBLE thing for her to say!!! Did she ever apologize and/or did she ever acknowledge how painful that time was for you?
|
|
RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,408
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
|
Post by RosieKat on Feb 3, 2018 0:30:16 GMT
I'm sorry you're going through this. Unless you've gone through, no one knows how it feels. I had post-partem depression after I gave birth to my son in December of 1996. It was horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As we were opening presents that Christmas, I was still fighting it. I was on Prozac and it was helping but my mil said a real hateful comment to me. She said: "what's wrong Brandie? Forget your Prozac today?" Real sarcastic. Bitchy, like! No one said a word in my defense and unfortunately neither did I. Ive never forgotten about that! 😡 That's so hurtful and awful. No, I don't think I'd forget, either.
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on Feb 3, 2018 4:17:50 GMT
If you've suffered depression, were there people in your life who really cared and loved you, but truly believed you could just " snap out of it?" My mother over and over told me to get over it, snap out of it, what do I have to be depressed about? Same story for years. I am still waiting to snap out of it. If you find out how tell me k? I will share the good news with others.
|
|
|
Post by Sorrel on Feb 3, 2018 5:14:04 GMT
It’s hard to be the person on the other side of the equation being understanding and empathetic and supportive and then your loved one refuses treatment/therapy/counseling/drugs etc. You can’t help them, they can’t/won’t help themselves & they actively refuse/avoid help from professionals. ‘I don’t need shrinking’ ‘quackery won’t help’ ‘ I don’t need help nothing’s wrong’ etc etc. and then when they have a captive sympathetic audience they bring their depression out for sympathy show & tell BUT still refuse actual treatment. ( and I’m talking irl not anyone in here really reaching out for understanding ) I feel like screaming I was sympathetic & you literally brushed me aside and said ‘I couldn’t understand’! When that happens then you just feel manipulated and used. No amount of logic talk with yourself that it’s thier illness talking makes any of that hurt go away. I literally have to walk away some days before literally exploding. This! I have a friend like this that I’ve unfortunately distanced myself from. Every time I see her all she wants to do is say how awful everything is, how victimized she is, etc, but refuses to get counseling or do anything but wallow really. I want to be supportive, but it’s like nothing I say or whatever sympathy/listening ear I provide matters anyway.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Feb 3, 2018 6:09:43 GMT
Well I don't know about truly cared because they are narcissistic, but they did think I was using it as an excuse... until he experienced it. In my experience it feels like being in a whole nother Universe. But the whole "it's all in your head" is total bs.
|
|
|
Post by mymindseyedpea on Feb 3, 2018 6:11:53 GMT
I wonder if the flippant attitude comes because the term depression is tossed around a lot. What do those of you who are diagnosed with clinical, not situational, depression think? Is the term loosely used on medical charts? Yeah, I was diagnosed with depression at 16, when they should have found it to be depersonalization, and so much more.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Feb 3, 2018 14:17:11 GMT
I'm sorry you're going through this. Unless you've gone through, no one knows how it feels. I had post-partem depression after I gave birth to my son in December of 1996. It was horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As we were opening presents that Christmas, I was still fighting it. I was on Prozac and it was helping but my mil said a real hateful comment to me. She said: "what's wrong Brandie? Forget your Prozac today?" Real sarcastic. Bitchy, like! No one said a word in my defense and unfortunately neither did I. Ive never forgotten about that! 😡 That was incredibly hurtful to say! I would never forget that either.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 9:39:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2018 22:00:11 GMT
If you've suffered depression, were there people in your life who really cared and loved you, but truly believed you could just " snap out of it?" scrappintoee : I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. That's terrible, but ooh-so-common for people around you not to "get it". I've never had depression or anxiety, and I'm only familiar with it having gone through DD29's bipolar since she was very young. I have to say that I did think that she should have been able to change her frame of mind and get over it. I had no idea!!! Seeing her get worse and worse and wind up in that deep, dark abyss was the most horrid thing I went through as a parent. Anyone who thinks that you are *able* to "snap out of it" has no knowledge or compassion regarding depression. That being said, 1 of my siblings has been on this Ayn Rand kick for a few years now (thanks to her selfish, soul-lacking son). She snapped at another sibling of ours who has had depression for a very long time, and said, "...and YOU! Your depression brings the whole family down and involves all of us. You are selfish!" How 'bout that for a clueless approach? ? (We are all taking a break from speaking to her, once again!). Hugs to you. You are so sweet, honest and amazing.
|
|
ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Location: Valley of the Sun
Jul 26, 2014 21:02:07 GMT
|
Post by ComplicatedLady on Feb 5, 2018 0:43:12 GMT
IMHO, as someone who is in a bad place now with no hope in sight, i've found that a lot of the well meant advice about "snapping out of it" or "why don't you just...." is less about me or that pain i am trying to handle, but more about the person giving the advice wanting me not to make them uncomfortable, not to remind them of icky things. While i totally admit my view is a bit more bitter than is probably truth, i do think it is very true that generally people don't know how to deal with pain/grief/long recovery struggles. At least Americans don't. I didn’t want to read this and not respond. I know many of us are faceless unknowns on a message board, but if you need an ear (or an eye I guess), feel free to PM me. jeremysgirl I want to second/third/fourth/whatever what’s been said. You are an amazing person and the way you share your experiences and empathize with so many on this board is wonderful. This may sound crazy, but you have probably educated hundreds of people about bipolar disorder just through posting here. This is a great thread. Thank you to everyone who has shared experiences, asked questions, and listened.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 5, 2018 1:02:31 GMT
ComplicatedLady, it's very nice of you to say that but totally not necessary. Peas have had my back, have offered kindness to me, and have always been there with support. I feel like it is my duty to give as much as I take in life. And so many still feel ashamed. I felt ashamed for a long time. I don't want anyone to feel like that. I am vocal about it in every aspect of my life. I have my bad moments too. But I've been fighting this battle for 16 years now getting the help I need. It took me until 26 to accept it. The first time I was told it I was 19. My experience with it goes back to around 12. That is a long time to suffer with no treatment. I don't want that for anyone. It may sound silly but I read this book once about finding your purpose. And I lead a pretty average life. I am spiritual but not religious. But I feel called to share this, much the same way my BFF whose daughter suffers from cystic fibrosis, feels called to educate and support other parents dealing with that issue. I know I don't know it all. Sometimes people disagree with my opinions and experience and that is ok. I do realize what works for some might not work for others. But if I can offer my support, I feel like I need to do so.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 9:39:51 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 1:19:20 GMT
I absolutely cannot discuss my bipolar disorder with my dad. And the thing is...he has it too. He is in such deep denial about it, he can't even discuss it with me about me. In the past ten years I have really seen more people come to accept depression. I think people are starting to understand it better. And more people than probably should be are being medicated for it. But I have seen the same people who can be accepting of depression still can't show the same level of acceptance for bipolar disorder. For many years, I resisted medicine. I went to therapy for a long time trying to control it. I finally got to a point where I had to accept I needed medicine. And now I've been medicated for 16 years and I have to say, I would never, ever choose to go without medicine again. At first, I was embarrassed. I felt very much like I had a broken brain and that I should feel ashamed. Now I know that I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't have this illness. There are blessings in it. I have a great deal of compassion that I don't think 20 years ago I had. I have gained a great deal of personal strength. I can be intensely creative. I am capable of thinking about and handling 500 different things at once. And you know what? My DH is a wonderful guy. But he has the most calm, steady personality. I experience every emotion like 10x more intensely than he does. And you know when I'm down, it sucks. But when I am up, I feel joy and excitement and humor to the point where I often have happy tears. I can laugh until I wet my pants! And you know what? He doesn't have that. I always think about what Hobbes said in Leviathan. You have to know pain to know pleasure. Every bit of my pain is matched by my level of pleasure. I'm so happy the medication is working for you, and that you wouldn't be without it!! You are doing great. I suffer from anxiety at times and have been told the same "get over it" type of attitude. And yes, they have no idea!!
|
|