used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034 
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 9, 2018 19:08:24 GMT
Ugh ugh ugh I messed up double!
First, my former step sister is throwing my single mother to be by choice sister a baby shower, just so you know how our dysfunctional family rolls lol.
I live half the country away, so ex step sis asked me which of two dates might be better for me to possibly attend. I picked a weekend knowing full well it was my son's birthday, because we were supposed to be taking a family spring break vacation the other. It's not usually a big deal to celebrate birthdays not exactly on the day for us (he's turning 9). I figured we'd celebrate birthday early, dd and I would go to baby shower, and the boys would do something fun for the birthday weekend while we were gone. Then we'd have the fun trip the next week.
In the meantime my estranged mother wanted to go too, so I prematurely jumped on cheaper plane tickets but had to leave even a day earlier to accommodate her price point, so instead of having bday breakfast with my son then going to the airport, we leave the night before.
If you're still with me, then my dd' s OM competition team unexpectedly knocked it out of the park and won their regional meet, qualifying for the state competition, which requires her to miss the baby shower trip, and is a two night hotel stay away so younger brother's birthday weekend is now being dragged along to big sisters competition. And he is upset I'm going to be gone for his birthday.
I really want to just change mine and dd's tickets to go visit after the baby is born now, but I feel bad missing this shower, not to mention I picked the freaking date. And sister is pretty pregnant zilla at this stage.
So do I suck it up and go? or reschedule?
Oh and the initial spring break trip I tried to schedule around had to be cancelled for a myriad of other reasons, so there's that. Ugh.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Mar 9, 2018 19:17:01 GMT
Definitely reschedule and enjoy the baby, not the baby belly!! Explain situation to your former step sister. If she doesn't understand, then tough - live your life.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,029
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Post by scrappyesq on Mar 9, 2018 19:20:58 GMT
I would reschedule.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 22:04:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2018 19:21:19 GMT
I'd go to the shower that I committed to going to, especially being that the date was chosen to accommodate my schedule. I would then make it up to DS with a makeup birthday weekend to some place fun.
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Post by drummergirl65 on Mar 9, 2018 19:22:10 GMT
Yes, I would definitely do the things with your family and skip the baby shower. See the baby after (which in my mind is soo much better). Added bonus is you don't have to be there for a boring shower!
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Post by Mel on Mar 9, 2018 19:23:28 GMT
Yep, I'd reschedule too. Just tell your step sister that things have changed and you just can't make it.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 9, 2018 19:26:11 GMT
A baby shower vs my kid's birthday would not have been a choice. I think your problem came up when she gave you two weekends that just don't work. I am usually on board with going to the first thing you commit to, but in this case, I would probably change my mind.
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Post by mcscrapper on Mar 9, 2018 19:32:32 GMT
Personally, I'd go to the shower that was planned around my schedule.
As much as I love my kid, birthdays are just not a big deal around here. 16 and 18 are pretty big deals but we have rarely been able to celebrate the birthday ON the actual date. It is just not the big hoopla in our family as it might be in others.
Baby showers for family is important, too. I also think it is important for your kids to that there are other people and reasons to celebrate. It also is a lesson in commitment. He's old enough to understand that. If the shower were for just a friend it would be different. Yes, your kids are your #1 priority but it isn't like you aren't celebrating the birthday at all.
Set a date to really celebrate and have fun!
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 9, 2018 19:37:02 GMT
I'd go to the shower that I committed to going to, especially being that the date was chosen to accommodate my schedule. I would then make it up to DS with a makeup birthday weekend to some place fun. I agree with you. It's hard to miss your children's events, but you committed to the shower date first. Plus, isn't your mother planning to go with you? |
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 9, 2018 19:56:43 GMT
I'd go to the shower that I committed to going to, especially being that the date was chosen to accommodate my schedule. I would then make it up to DS with a makeup birthday weekend to some place fun. I agree with you. It's hard to miss your children's events, but you committed to the shower date first. Plus, isn't your mother planning to go with you? Mother will go regardless, she doesn't need me to fly with her. I'm kind of annoyed anyways because she pressured me to hurry up and by tickets, then after I did fessed up she won't be paying me back anytime soon. It's not just missing the birthday though, it's missing dd's state competition now too. |
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Post by christine58 on Mar 9, 2018 20:00:05 GMT
Will pregnant sister be upset??
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Post by lucyg on Mar 9, 2018 20:10:37 GMT
I think it is fine to renege on plans previously made when you have a good reason, and you do. Just be super apologetic and send flowers the day of the shower or some other peace offering. I think the trouble comes more often when people act like it is no big deal to flake on someone. Show them you're sorry.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
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Post by used2scrap on Mar 9, 2018 20:19:59 GMT
Will pregnant sister be upset?? Based on her Facebook rant last night about getting too many baby clothes and not "big ticket" items I'm guessing yes. Then again she was also ranting about missing out on qualifying for a state competition multiple decades ago, so she should understand right?? I guess I know what I want to do, I'm just dragging my feet because I know there's going to be fallout. *sigh* |
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Post by christine58 on Mar 9, 2018 20:24:17 GMT
Will pregnant sister be upset?? Based on her Facebook rant last night about getting too many baby clothes and not "big ticket" items I'm guessing yes. Then again she was also ranting about missing out on qualifying for a state competition multiple decades ago, so she should understand right?? I guess I know what I want to do, I'm just dragging my feet because I know there's going to be fallout. *sigh* Oh there will be fallout....I guess you need to decide what fallout is worse in the long run. |
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Post by birukitty on Mar 9, 2018 21:33:26 GMT
I think it is fine to renege on plans previously made when you have a good reason, and you do. Just be super apologetic and send flowers the day of the shower or some other peace offering. I think the trouble comes more often when people act like it is no big deal to flake on someone. Show them you're sorry. This above. If it was just missing your son's birthday I would say it's important to honor your commitment. But since things have changed now and you'd also miss your daughter's state competition that changes things completely. This is a very good reason like LucyG said above. Be super apologetic and make sure she knows it. Maybe send her a card with a handwritten note apology to arrive on the day of the shower along with the flowers LucyG mentioned. And when you call to tell her make sure to tell her you'll plan to come out and see the baby when he/she is born. (If that's something you can do, and you'll bring the shower gift then-if that's something you want to do.) |
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Post by MsChiff on Mar 9, 2018 22:02:27 GMT
Talk with your sister. If she wants you at the shower, suck it up, honor your commitment, and go to the shower. They were generous to allow you to pick the date that was best for you. This may be your sister's only baby shower. You're not going to celebrate your son's birthday on his birthday weekend because of your daughter's competition. You can celebrate your son's birthday the following weekend. You don't need to be present at your daughter's competition.
If you change your mind, you're teaching your kids that honoring commitments to family members isn't important when there's something you'd rather be doing.
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Deleted
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May 2, 2024 22:04:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2018 22:35:34 GMT
Things did change since you made the arrangements. My kids have always come before extended family.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 9, 2018 22:50:08 GMT
For me, DD's state competition is way higher on the priority list than sister's baby shower. I'm usually firmly in the honor your first commitment column, especially as they did plan around your schedule, but I think this is an exception to the rule.
Don't ask for your sister's blessing to change your plans.
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Post by PeachStatePea on Mar 9, 2018 22:56:17 GMT
I guess I'm in the minority in that I don't think a baby shower is that big of a deal. Weddings and funerals, yes. Showers, no. Call sis and explain then send a gift with your mom. If you're feeling guilty for choosing your children over her, send a bigger gift.
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Post by Outspoken on Mar 9, 2018 23:13:02 GMT
My standard answer to family in these situations is something like this:
Please don’t plan around me. Susie and Joey are so busy with their activities that I don’t know what our commitments will be come that time. But, if it works out for me to come, I’ll be there.
So, since you’ve committed, I say you need to go.
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Post by dewryce on Mar 9, 2018 23:23:01 GMT
Who needs your support/attendence more? Does you sister need you at the baby shower, or just want you there? I imagine your daughter may need your support. Yes, it's a big life moment for both, but you and your husband are her primary support system, her primary cheerleaders, and this is probably one of the biggest moments of her life thus far.
I'm normally about honoring commitments first, but nothing is black and white and I think this is a perfect example.
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Post by jumperhop on Mar 9, 2018 23:27:11 GMT
I would reschedule too, I would rather see the baby then be at the shower.
Have Fun!
Jen
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Post by grammadee on Mar 9, 2018 23:29:27 GMT
I would want to stay home and go to the state competition. But I would go to the shower that had been planned around my schedule, and plan a special birthday weekend for the following weekend for ds.
Can your son take his sister's ticket? At least get a cross country trip out of this, not have to hang around while his sister competes. and get some quality time with you?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 2, 2024 22:04:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2018 1:12:36 GMT
You picked the date....
Yes, immediate family comes first. However, this is a teaching moment. You made a commitment - your children need to see that you follow through even if it means you miss their event(s).
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Post by MichyM on Mar 10, 2018 1:19:53 GMT
I would go to the shower. I think it would be rude to pull out when it was planned around your schedule. Also, since your DD can't go, I'd take DS instead, and he and you can make it a mom and son birthday weekend with a baby shower for a few hours thrown in. an added plus, he'll get some time with extended family including his grandma.
ETA: also, what is an OM competition team?
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 10, 2018 2:36:30 GMT
Reschedule
Showers aren't that big of deal
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Mar 10, 2018 2:57:27 GMT
Given the changes to your family schedule, i'd cancel. You had it worked out, then things changed so that now you can't have breakfast with your ds, will miss a competition and ds will end up spending his birthday being dragged around. Things change and now it doesn't work as well.
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katers415
Junior Member
Posts: 87
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Post by katers415 on Mar 10, 2018 3:07:50 GMT
Sorry, kids come first. If she's upset, I'd tell her that she'll understand some day when her child is old enough.
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Post by aljack on Mar 10, 2018 3:12:12 GMT
I think you already made your decision from your last post. My question is can you change flights for a reasonable fee? We just had a nephew cancel his wedding and our tickets were not cheap but they also were not worth the change fee charge if we rescheduled. Regardless, you know you’re daughter is not attending so you have to do something with her ticket. Good luck!
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camcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,973
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Post by camcas on Mar 10, 2018 3:34:23 GMT
Absolutely reschedule. Your immediate family comes first and your DS will only turn 9 once!
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