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Post by just PEAchy on Mar 23, 2018 16:27:55 GMT
I went to many weddings alone when I was single, I don't see the big deal. I always knew at least a few people I could sit with, dance with, etc. I'm an introvert, too. When I got married, there were very few single people that we invited, but we did put and guest on the invitations. One exception was my widowed MIL and a few other widowed aunts/uncles. Anyway, my MIL sent back the RSVP for 2 people. We all wondered who she was going to bring-it was so funny. She ended up not bringing anyone. Not sure why she marked two, maybe she was mad she didn't get a plus 1
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,129
Location: New York, NY
Jun 26, 2014 18:02:19 GMT
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Post by christinec68 on Mar 23, 2018 19:12:03 GMT
I've been to a few weddings alone - most of them were for work people so we were all seated at the same table, no big deal. There was another for a friend but there was a group of us going together, some couples and some singles. Edited to add: I was invited with a guest but chose not to bring one.
I did decline one invitation to a wedding where I was invited without a guest. I didn't know anyone else except the bride and it's not my personality to be able to go and enjoy myself in that type of situation.
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Post by mcscrapper on Mar 23, 2018 22:49:42 GMT
Why would it bother you? I just don’t understand why people hesitate to go somewhere by themselves. I think I explained it before. I wouldn’t want to be sitting at a table alone when other couples and groups of friends are dancing or to be looking around to find a group to attach myself to. Weddings and banquets are not conducive to starting great conversations with other people. Could I do it? If I had to probably but I might just prefer an evening with Netflix. And yes, there is the possibility of not attending. That said, I have gone to friends and family weddings when I knew a lot of people and it was ok but that is not always the case. But chances are you would know others at a wedding, right? I have never once been invited to a wedding where I *only* knew the bride or groom and couldn't find another group of friends to sit with. If it were such an issue that I couldn't bear the thought of sitting alone with a group of strangers I'd stay home. I think it is rude to show up at a wedding with an uninvited guess or plus-one. It is also rude for the bride and groom to not invite someone's spouse or long-term or live-in significant other. SaveSave
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Post by MsChiff on Jun 18, 2018 4:51:40 GMT
It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? Yes, it certainly is. A considerate bride and groom plan their wedding around their guest list, not vice versa. In my experience, many brides and grooms are only concerned with what they want, not their guests' comfort or enjoyment of their wedding. The reality is that most guests that are family members or close friends with other guests aren't going to bring a plus one merely for the sake of bringing someone with them; most of the plus ones will be for those that know few, if any, other guests at the wedding. I invited all single guests to bring a plus one and we didn't care whether the plus one was a date or a friend or a family member of our guest. It was far more important to my husband and me that my guests feel comfortable and have a good time at my wedding than what it cost for a plus one. We could afford to cover the cost of the plus ones because we planned our wedding around our guest list, not vice versa. Very few single people chose to bring a plus one. I would much rather pay for someone's plus one than to pay for guests that RSVP'd and didn't show. There is a myriad of reasons why people do not like to attend weddings stag. The primary one is likely because weddings by their very nature are couple events and many people don't want to stick out as not being part of a couple. Who wants to sit at a table with strangers merely because you're all single? (The only people I know that met their spouse at a wedding were part of the wedding party.) Who wants to sit alone at the table during the slow dances (and there likely will be many slow dances) because they are the only one that is not part of a couple? I'll opt to stay home, thank you. And in appreciation of the bride and groom's lack of consideration, no gift will be sent. I've been invited to bring a plus one to weddings for close friends and family and have opted to attend stag, but appreciated that the bride and groom showed consideration for my comfort and enjoyment. SaveSave
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jun 18, 2018 4:58:27 GMT
This doesn't involve me or anyone in my life, thankfully, just a very vocal woman I sat next to at the hair salon today. She was going on and on and on about her daughter's wedding and her daughter's "rude" friends and cousins (young adults in their early-mid-20s) who were planning to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The woman was in high dudgeon about the ignorance and rudeness of young people who would assume that they could just bring along a friend or date to the wedding. Now, I don't go to many weddings, but wouldn't it be the correct thing to do to indicate on the invitation that the guest, plus-one, was invited? Then if they choose to come alone they can, but if they want to bring someone they can. I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls. I assume married couples were permitted to come together, although she did also have a lot of opinions on people who think children are welcome at a wedding. She appeared to feel that children are like rabid dogs. But I understand that some people prefer a child-free wedding. The kicker? The wedding is this coming Saturday--and it's outdoors. It's supposed to be a high of 48 degrees on Saturday. Her daughter thought maybe they should provide blankets for guests but the mother-of-the-bride felt she had spent enough $$$ already. The second kicker? She was trying to get the girl who was doing her hair to come out and do all the bridesmaids' hair on Saturday morning. Nothing like scheduling at the last minute! The stylist would have to drive about 30 minutes to where the bridesmaids are going to be, so she told MOB that she'd have to charge a travel fee on top of the styling fee. MOB chewed on that for a while and once she came out from under the dryer, commented very passive-aggressively that the stylist would be "making bank" on the deal. It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? I said dates were included and children were NOT invited. I didn't want them around and I think it was a good decision. The Japanese wedding had kids at it but they were so well-behaved. A friend wanted to bring her daughter and she was about 12. Her mother was also invited and put her foot down and said no. She has a "friend" that is a long-term something and why she didn't bring him I have no idea. She was encouraged to bring a date as we had room for dates, but she didn't. BFF had just broken up with her husband and wasn't going to come. I had her sit with DH and I and ate the head table because I didn't want her sitting alone and feeling left out. My husband was ok with it (he had no say as he was stoned drunk and didn't know his own name after a while...that is another story for another day.)
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 18, 2018 5:23:05 GMT
If it’s addressed to only you, you do not bring a guest.
I did not want random people at my wedding - but anyone with a significant other was invited with a guest.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 0:19:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2018 5:41:37 GMT
My opinion is you invite fewer people - the closest cousins, for example, or leave out mom and dad’s work pals, and include the guest option. It’s just considerate. Every wedding, no matter the size, involves paring the list. If I get an invite, I have to send or bring a gift. I wouldn’t want to stand outside in 45 degree weather, shivering, no heaters or blankets, without my husband, and then have to write a check to pay for that honor. It just doesn’t sound like good planning to me but hey - to each her own! Whoa on the gift thing! Simply receiving an invitation does not obligate you to a gift!If it is a couple I want to celebrate with a gift, I will, whether I attend the wedding or not. If it is not someone I want to celebrate, I will send my regrets and perhaps a card, not a gift. Invitation does equal gift. Attending is optional. Gift is really not.
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Post by katiejane on Jun 18, 2018 5:57:03 GMT
Sounds like a stressed MOB.
We had 50 guests to our wedding excluding us. We had no kids and no partners unless living together/married.
Fortunately we has very few people rude enough to challenge the single invite.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 0:19:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2018 5:59:36 GMT
Whoa on the gift thing! Simply receiving an invitation does not obligate you to a gift!If it is a couple I want to celebrate with a gift, I will, whether I attend the wedding or not. If it is not someone I want to celebrate, I will send my regrets and perhaps a card, not a gift. Invitation does equal gift. Attending is optional. Gift is really not. This is no longer true. A gift is optional. Nobody should feel guilted into giving gifts. We are not giving a wedding gift to my husband's nephew.
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 18, 2018 13:12:49 GMT
This doesn't involve me or anyone in my life, thankfully, just a very vocal woman I sat next to at the hair salon today. She was going on and on and on about her daughter's wedding and her daughter's "rude" friends and cousins (young adults in their early-mid-20s) who were planning to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The woman was in high dudgeon about the ignorance and rudeness of young people who would assume that they could just bring along a friend or date to the wedding. Now, I don't go to many weddings, but wouldn't it be the correct thing to do to indicate on the invitation that the guest, plus-one, was invited? Then if they choose to come alone they can, but if they want to bring someone they can. I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls. I assume married couples were permitted to come together, although she did also have a lot of opinions on people who think children are welcome at a wedding. She appeared to feel that children are like rabid dogs. But I understand that some people prefer a child-free wedding. The kicker? The wedding is this coming Saturday--and it's outdoors. It's supposed to be a high of 48 degrees on Saturday. Her daughter thought maybe they should provide blankets for guests but the mother-of-the-bride felt she had spent enough $$$ already. The second kicker? She was trying to get the girl who was doing her hair to come out and do all the bridesmaids' hair on Saturday morning. Nothing like scheduling at the last minute! The stylist would have to drive about 30 minutes to where the bridesmaids are going to be, so she told MOB that she'd have to charge a travel fee on top of the styling fee. MOB chewed on that for a while and once she came out from under the dryer, commented very passive-aggressively that the stylist would be "making bank" on the deal. It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? I find it completely rude and hurtful when I get this invitations to go to weddings alone so far this year I’ve gotten two, from two of my cousins, and I’ve declined both. ‘’I refuse to go alone. I’m shy and socially awkward and going to a wedding alone is so stressful and unpleasant also neither asked me if I was single or not. And I’m actually seeing someone I just haven’t told my family yet. but I’ve also gotten these invites when I’ve been single and talk about making me feel like a complete worthless loser. It’s just so hurtful to me personally
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 18, 2018 13:15:13 GMT
Sometimes money is that tight that several "plus ones" add up. Seems silly but unless you've been there, it's hard to understand. Here it’s not true because ever guest gives money that more than covers the cost of their attendance, my sisters wedding cost so much money and dad paid, she got so much money as gifts it would have covered the cost only my dad refused to take it from them and insisted they keep it, but here people get out loans and pay them back straight away
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 18, 2018 13:18:20 GMT
If the invite isn’t addressed to “and guest” you don’t get a plus one. Period. If you don’t want to go alone, don’t go. (I think the whole not wanting to go somewhere alone argument is ridiculous for ANY event. I can’t stand people who won’t do things by themselves. You’re an adult. If you’re not a conjoined twin, you should be able to go anywhere alone.) I really don’t agree I have social anxiety and I can spend weeks worrying about something like a wedding alone. If I can bring a friend I can enjoy it and have a good time. Last time I went to a wedding alone I went to bed early and was quite upset, I won’t ever go to one alone again
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 18, 2018 13:31:19 GMT
I do think there is rudeness on both parts. One shouldn’t assume a + one unless stated but not allowing a plus one is also a lack of consideration for your guests. As for those who don’t understand why people can’t go alone I can explain. I have gone to the movies, can eat out at a cafe and even travel by myself but I don’t want to go to a wedding by myself. I don’t want to sit for a long meal by myself and I want to have someone to dance with. I don’t want to spend the cocktail hour walking around or sitting alone at a table because I don’t know anyone. Guests also make an effort to come, they often need to buy a dress, they travel to the event, they bring a gift. They should also be treated with consideration. I do thinkpeople nowadays are very self absorbed and have no problem spending tons on the dress, the flowers, this and that and then try to skimp on the amenities they offer the guests. I so agree I have gone to New York alone from Ireland But I’m not ever going to a wedding alone again, it’s horrible its such a horrible day. And it costs me about 400-600 € between clothes, hair, nails, waxing, money for drinks and either a hotel cost or taxi I’m just never paying it again for a horrible time, the last wedding I stayed home from I used the money to upgrade my plane ticket from normal to first class from Ireland to New York and it was so worth it. you have no one to dance with, and no one has ever asked me to dance, here people just sit at their tables they don’t mingle etc, so the couples have a great time and as the single person I have a horrible day or I have to attach myself to my sister and her husband or my cousins with their husbands or wives, it’s horrible And you know if I ever get married how would all these people feel if I invite them back alone, and they have to leave their partners home. It’s not fair as it is I’m buying double Christmas presents, or rounds of drinks or whatever.it makes me feel so unwanted when I get an invite to go alone
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 18, 2018 13:51:11 GMT
And that's good for you - but you aren't everyone. I'm sure there's *something* in life that you aren't comfortable with that others see as no big deal. We're not robots; we're not all alike. And that’s fine...but there’s no excuse for people to argue about getting to invite someone to a wedding they aren’t paying for, aren’t planning, and aren’t in charge of. Put on your big girl britches and go alone...or shit your mouth and decline. Having ridiculous hang ups about doing things alone as an adult isn’t an excuse to ignore the rules of polite society - that’s my point. The people whining “oh I could never go alone” are being juvenile and stupid. No they are not being juvenile and stupid they are actually being mature and putting themselves first just because a person is single shouldn’t mean they have to,do everything alone it costs me at least 400€ to go to a wedding alone, I can stay home alone for free and that’s the thing I’m alone all the time. Every evening I’m alone, the majority of my life is alone. So when I go somewhere I don’t want to go alone. here there is huge pressure to go to weddings and stay the night in the hotel and to drink yourself stupid until the early am. I go go to weddings and I have no idea who I might end up sitting with and I genuinely have social anxiety, the stress that causes me. I’m not good at small talk. And in my family I’m usually bunched with a child that is single and I’m 40 years old. I’m lucky on my dads side I get on great with my family and I don’t mind being alone but on my moms it’s not fun to be alone. Then the dancing starts and I have to sit at a table where the music is defeaning for several hours watching other people dance, it’s so boring, uncomfortable and I can tell you if you have any part of you that feels lonely or sad that you are single this is the time where it brings you to your knees weddings are very difficult for people who are shy, or have trouble socially, and for people who are pretty much always single. It’s not easy at all being the only one left in your age group that is alone, and it’s horrible having it highlighted. My sister actually to,d me that she hates going to a wedding when I don’t get a plus one cause she feels she can’t enjoy it with her husband because she hates seeing me alone
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Jun 18, 2018 13:56:57 GMT
I don't think I responded to this thread, but if so, I'll do it again.
My oldest DS and his GF had several invitations to weddings when they were first dating that were addressed to just one of them. They never considered bringing each other. It is known in their circles that plenty of their friends are invited to weddings "stag", usually when they have not been dating anyone for a long period of time.
Yes, definitely rude for these adults to think they can just bring a date.
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Post by myshelly on Jun 18, 2018 15:28:48 GMT
And that’s fine...but there’s no excuse for people to argue about getting to invite someone to a wedding they aren’t paying for, aren’t planning, and aren’t in charge of. Put on your big girl britches and go alone...or shit your mouth and decline. Having ridiculous hang ups about doing things alone as an adult isn’t an excuse to ignore the rules of polite society - that’s my point. The people whining “oh I could never go alone” are being juvenile and stupid. No they are not being juvenile and stupid they are actually being mature and putting themselves first just because a person is single shouldn’t mean they have to,do everything alone it costs me at least 400€ to go to a wedding alone, I can stay home alone for free and that’s the thing I’m alone all the time. Every evening I’m alone, the majority of my life is alone. So when I go somewhere I don’t want to go alone. here there is huge pressure to go to weddings and stay the night in the hotel and to drink yourself stupid until the early am. I go go to weddings and I have no idea who I might end up sitting with and I genuinely have social anxiety, the stress that causes me. I’m not good at small talk. And in my family I’m usually bunched with a child that is single and I’m 40 years old. I’m lucky on my dads side I get on great with my family and I don’t mind being alone but on my moms it’s not fun to be alone. Then the dancing starts and I have to sit at a table where the music is defeaning for several hours watching other people dance, it’s so boring, uncomfortable and I can tell you if you have any part of you that feels lonely or sad that you are single this is the time where it brings you to your knees weddings are very difficult for people who are shy, or have trouble socially, and for people who are pretty much always single. It’s not easy at all being the only one left in your age group that is alone, and it’s horrible having it highlighted. My sister actually to,d me that she hates going to a wedding when I don’t get a plus one cause she feels she can’t enjoy it with her husband because she hates seeing me alone Then stay home. Shrug. No one needs a big baby sob story about why you can’t go alone. If you don’t get an invite that says plus one your choices are go alone or don’t go. That was the whole point of this thread. Your anxiety and expenses and whatever else you want to whine about are irrelevant.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jun 18, 2018 15:39:18 GMT
This doesn't involve me or anyone in my life, thankfully, just a very vocal woman I sat next to at the hair salon today. She was going on and on and on about her daughter's wedding and her daughter's "rude" friends and cousins (young adults in their early-mid-20s) who were planning to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The woman was in high dudgeon about the ignorance and rudeness of young people who would assume that they could just bring along a friend or date to the wedding. Now, I don't go to many weddings, but wouldn't it be the correct thing to do to indicate on the invitation that the guest, plus-one, was invited? Then if they choose to come alone they can, but if they want to bring someone they can. I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls. <edit> It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? Many people have a very strict budget to adhere to and they can't afford to add 12 more "plus ones", or the venue is limited in number of guests. Inviting the friends may have already been being generous with invitations. So, which 6 of those young cousins/friends don't get an invitation at all so the 6 invited can invite a random date-for-the-day that the bride/groom doesn't know? It is not bad etiquette to only invite the single people as singles with no plus one. They can decide if they want to come alone or decline the invitation. The only rudeness is to not invite a spouse or fiance if a couple is engaged. This. I got engaged right before my cousins wedding invites went out, so his name was not on my invite. My mother politely asked if he could be included & he was. I thought everything was fine, but I'm guessing my aunt's nose was out of joint because when my sister got married years later and had a cousin from the same family in her wedding party, she asked if her new (out of state) boyfriend could be invited. Not wanting to start a fight, my parents agreed. Yeah. He spent the entire time at the bar because he knew no one (not even her brothers) and his date (my bridesmaid cousin) was doing what one would expect - partying with her family. Oh, and they didn't stay together, so it was meaningless.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jun 18, 2018 16:06:02 GMT
It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? Yes, it certainly is. A considerate bride and groom plan their wedding around their guest list, not vice versa. In my experience, many brides and grooms are only concerned with what they want, not their guests' comfort or enjoyment of their wedding. The reality is that most guests that are family members or close friends with other guests aren't going to bring a plus one merely for the sake of bringing someone with them; most of the plus ones will be for those that know few, if any, other guests at the wedding. I invited all single guests to bring a plus one and we didn't care whether the plus one was a date or a friend or a family member of our guest. It was far more important to my husband and me that my guests feel comfortable and have a good time at my wedding than what it cost for a plus one. We could afford to cover the cost of the plus ones because we planned our wedding around our guest list, not vice versa. Very few single people chose to bring a plus one. I would much rather pay for someone's plus one than to pay for guests that RSVP'd and didn't show. There is a myriad of reasons why people do not like to attend weddings stag. The primary one is likely because weddings by their very nature are couple events and many people don't want to stick out as not being part of a couple. Who wants to sit at a table with strangers merely because you're all single? (The only people I know that met their spouse at a wedding were part of the wedding party.) Who wants to sit alone at the table during the slow dances (and there likely will be many slow dances) because they are the only one that is not part of a couple? I'll opt to stay home, thank you. And in appreciation of the bride and groom's lack of consideration, no gift will be sent. I've been invited to bring a plus one to weddings for close friends and family and have opted to attend stag, but appreciated that the bride and groom showed consideration for my comfort and enjoyment. SaveSaveI beg to differ. While I'm sure that's the case w/some couples, not all are only concerned about themselves. As others have said, money is usually an issue and adding an extra 20 people just so some people can bring a date isn't always possible. And cutting out 20 people you wanted to invite so others can bring a date w/out blowing your budget means those people might have a better time w/their date, but you as the couple aren't getting to spend time w/people you would have liked to invite. And sadly yes, some people would actually invite some random person. And I don't see weddings as couple events AT ALL. I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't at least once 'singles table'. In any family or group of friends, the first few of the group to get married are usually going to have a bunch of single friends and/or cousins. As time passes and more people get married, sure the number of singles may dwindle, but I have never thought of weddings as couple events. Now proms, to me are a couple event and that hasn't stopped kids going as singles. jmo
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Post by drummergirl65 on Jun 18, 2018 16:21:12 GMT
No they are not being juvenile and stupid they are actually being mature and putting themselves first just because a person is single shouldn’t mean they have to,do everything alone it costs me at least 400€ to go to a wedding alone, I can stay home alone for free and that’s the thing I’m alone all the time. Every evening I’m alone, the majority of my life is alone. So when I go somewhere I don’t want to go alone. here there is huge pressure to go to weddings and stay the night in the hotel and to drink yourself stupid until the early am. I go go to weddings and I have no idea who I might end up sitting with and I genuinely have social anxiety, the stress that causes me. I’m not good at small talk. And in my family I’m usually bunched with a child that is single and I’m 40 years old. I’m lucky on my dads side I get on great with my family and I don’t mind being alone but on my moms it’s not fun to be alone. Then the dancing starts and I have to sit at a table where the music is defeaning for several hours watching other people dance, it’s so boring, uncomfortable and I can tell you if you have any part of you that feels lonely or sad that you are single this is the time where it brings you to your knees weddings are very difficult for people who are shy, or have trouble socially, and for people who are pretty much always single. It’s not easy at all being the only one left in your age group that is alone, and it’s horrible having it highlighted. My sister actually to,d me that she hates going to a wedding when I don’t get a plus one cause she feels she can’t enjoy it with her husband because she hates seeing me alone Then stay home. Shrug. No one needs a big baby sob story about why you can’t go alone. If you don’t get an invite that says plus one your choices are go alone or don’t go. That was the whole point of this thread. Your anxiety and expenses and whatever else you want to whine about are irrelevant. Wow. No need for being unkind myshelly. Some people have great difficulty in social settings. I can see both sides to this but I think if a host can afford it it would be nice to include a plus one for some people
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Post by utmr on Jun 18, 2018 16:30:03 GMT
If there's no plus one on the invitation, then there's only one invited, and it's rude to do otherwise. If the guest doesn't want to go alone they should decline.
But. There's also a huge difference between a wedding of two 22-year-olds, where there will be 50 single college friends invited. A large group of guests that either already know one another, or who have things in common. They can be fine without a plus one. As compared to a wedding where most of the guests will be in couples, already paired off, and the few singles will be assigned to the children's table, or a 45 yo seated with the 20-somethings. That's rude on the host's part.
A polite host keeps their guest's comfort in mind. It's not just the young singles. Older widows might appreciate being able to bring a child to drive, etc. It doesn't have to be a blanket rule - the college friends might be invited solo, but certain adult friends might be given the privilege of a plus one, on the assumption that allowing great Aunt Mary to bring her caregiver, or long time family friend Bachelor Bob to bring a date will offset the incremental cost by the pleasure of their company.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jun 18, 2018 21:12:51 GMT
i invited 3 singles to my wedding, two were in relationships, one was single. all three were friends and they were new friends to me. i explained i *really* wanted to include them but was severely limited to guests based on fire code. they were friends, wanted to share my wedding day with me and totally understood. of course, we had to invite DHs buddy, HIS wife who he had never met and their newborn (he hadn't spoken to the buddy in over 10 years but had run into a couple of weeks before the wedding at the home depot). ya, we have neither seen or spoken to this friend *since* the wedding in 1999.
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Post by sues on Jun 19, 2018 2:15:04 GMT
I think the etiquette of invitations, in general, has fallen by the wayside. People don't pay attention to how they address invitations, the inside envelope is not always included anymore, so how you address the main envelope needs to be clear. If there is an inside envelope, it needs to be specific.
I think it's rude to assume you can bring a guest a guest if a plus one isn't indicated. But I think it's best to extend the plus-one whenever possible. I get why it isn't always the case, though.
I've been married for over 30 years. Last year I got an invitation addressed just to me. (Person in question has planned 3 weddings and the invitations for the first two were addressed to DH and me, or for the second, to my whole family. She knows how to do it. What was I to think of the third wedding invitation coming just to me?)
With regard to going to weddings alone...to each their own. It's not an indication of an inferior personality if someone doesn't like to go to weddings alone. I can do many things on my own. I can speak to large groups of people. I'm not intimidated by social situations or large gatherings. However, I'm not a fan of weddings and parties. Tell me I have to come alone - you're likely to get a 'no thanks'. You have to do what you have to do- and so do I.
One other thing- a mere invitation necessitates a gift? I think not. Send an invitation if you want to. I'm only sending a gift if I want to.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 19, 2018 2:38:50 GMT
Unless the wedding says plus one or and guest it's rude to bring someone to the wedding. Sometimes the couple can't afford to have everyone bring a guest. Don't be rude. If the invitation says just you then it's just you!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 0:19:45 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2018 3:26:20 GMT
I think the etiquette of invitations, in general, has fallen by the wayside. People don't pay attention to how they address invitations, the inside envelope is not always included anymore, so how you address the main envelope needs to be clear. If there is an inside envelope, it needs to be specific. I think it's rude to assume you can bring a guest a guest if a plus one isn't indicated. But I think it's best to extend the plus-one whenever possible. I get why it isn't always the case, though. I've been married for over 30 years. Last year I got an invitation addressed just to me. (Person in question has planned 3 weddings and the invitations for the first two were addressed to DH and me, or for the second, to my whole family. She knows how to do it. What was I to think of the third wedding invitation coming just to me?) With regard to going to weddings alone...to each their own. It's not an indication of an inferior personality if someone doesn't like to go to weddings alone. I can do many things on my own. I can speak to large groups of people. I'm not intimidated by social situations or large gatherings. However, I'm not a fan of weddings and parties. Tell me I have to come alone - you're likely to get a 'no thanks'. You have to do what you have to do- and so do I. One other thing- a mere invitation necessitates a gift? I think not. Send an invitation if you want to. I'm only sending a gift if I want to. When we eschew the rules of etiquette, we end up with these kinds of awkward to rude situations where people don’t know how to behave, who they can bring, what’s expected or polite. It’s becomes every person thinking only of themselves.
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Post by MsChiff on Jun 19, 2018 6:11:14 GMT
Yes, it certainly is. A considerate bride and groom plan their wedding around their guest list, not vice versa. In my experience, many brides and grooms are only concerned with what they want, not their guests' comfort or enjoyment of their wedding. The reality is that most guests that are family members or close friends with other guests aren't going to bring a plus one merely for the sake of bringing someone with them; most of the plus ones will be for those that know few, if any, other guests at the wedding. I invited all single guests to bring a plus one and we didn't care whether the plus one was a date or a friend or a family member of our guest. It was far more important to my husband and me that my guests feel comfortable and have a good time at my wedding than what it cost for a plus one. We could afford to cover the cost of the plus ones because we planned our wedding around our guest list, not vice versa. Very few single people chose to bring a plus one. I would much rather pay for someone's plus one than to pay for guests that RSVP'd and didn't show. There is a myriad of reasons why people do not like to attend weddings stag. The primary one is likely because weddings by their very nature are couple events and many people don't want to stick out as not being part of a couple. Who wants to sit at a table with strangers merely because you're all single? (The only people I know that met their spouse at a wedding were part of the wedding party.) Who wants to sit alone at the table during the slow dances (and there likely will be many slow dances) because they are the only one that is not part of a couple? I'll opt to stay home, thank you. And in appreciation of the bride and groom's lack of consideration, no gift will be sent. I've been invited to bring a plus one to weddings for close friends and family and have opted to attend stag, but appreciated that the bride and groom showed consideration for my comfort and enjoyment. SaveSaveI beg to differ. While I'm sure that's the case w/some couples, not all are only concerned about themselves. As others have said, money is usually an issue and adding an extra 20 people just so some people can bring a date isn't always possible. And cutting out 20 people you wanted to invite so others can bring a date w/out blowing your budget means those people might have a better time w/their date, but you as the couple aren't getting to spend time w/people you would have liked to invite. And sadly yes, some people would actually invite some random person. And I don't see weddings as couple events AT ALL. I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't at least once 'singles table'. In any family or group of friends, the first few of the group to get married are usually going to have a bunch of single friends and/or cousins. As time passes and more people get married, sure the number of singles may dwindle, but I have never thought of weddings as couple events. Now proms, to me are a couple event and that hasn't stopped kids going as singles. jmo I said many, not all, couples are more concerned with what they want than they are with their guests' comfort and enjoyment. Inviting single guests to bring a plus one and not inviting those you wish to be there is not an issue when a couple plans their wedding around their guest list because they plan a wedding they can afford that will accommodate the number of people on their guest list. This may mean that instead of having a reception at the pricier venue A, they opt for the less pricey venue B. Or the have a buffet rather than a sit down meal. Or they have a DJ rather than a band. Or have a barbecue rather than a formal reception. I do agree that the importance of inviting a plus one is greater for older single guests than when there are a lot of 20-something singles on the guest list. When I was attending weddings in my early 20's I wouldn't even consider bringing a guest unless I was dating someone who was familiar with my other friends that were attending; weddings were a time for me to party with my friends. As I got older and less (or none) of my single friends were invited, the plus one invitation became more important, even if I chose to not bring one. In my opinion, an event where the focus is on two becoming one and on love that has tables and tables of couples with one or two tables of singles, and plenty of slow dances for couples is most definitely considered a couples event. I really can't think of any other event that is more of a couples event than a wedding. Proms used to be couple events but, thankfully, have evolved into all-inclusive events. SaveSave
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Post by 50offscrapper on Jun 19, 2018 6:38:30 GMT
I can understand some people's trepidation to go alone if it's mostly a couple event and they don't really know other people. I think that's more rare though than circumstances like where there are groups of either families or friends which would add significantly to the numbers to do +1. I have a zillion cousins. Okay not a zillion 47 maybe? I married young and I think less than half were in relationships. There was no way in hell I was paying for an extra 30-40 people, they can hang out together and have fun or stay home. My husband's issue was his fraternity brothers - 20-30 I don't remember exactly how many were in his class and part of the "musts". Again, the vast majority were single - they knew each other and had absolutely no problem having a fine time. A blanket +1 would have added probably 50 or more people to our wedding. I read your last sentence as commenting on the blanket issue and the plus one issue at first. It may be time for me to stop posting tonight I did too. I had to reread it.
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Post by gigi333 on Jun 19, 2018 7:19:35 GMT
I would never bring someone unless it send and friend or guest
However I won’t ever go to one without a plus one again
Here they don’t do singles tables, I’m always sitting in between two couples and at the last wedding the couple were obviously having a fight and weren’t speaking at all it was so awkward, they ended sitting either side of me which was just weird, and it was pretty uncomfortable
I don’t mind on my dad side because I’m very close to my cousins and I spend a lot of time with them, they never make me feel like a 3rd or 5th wheel
But on my moms side it’s just uncomfortable
Part of the problem here is people get extremely offended if you refuse an invite and they want a detailed reason why you aren’t going and no one wants to hear you don’t want to go alone. So that’s quite awkward.
I don’t really even enjoy weddings with a plus one it just makes them more tolerable for me
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Post by wordfish on Jun 19, 2018 9:43:29 GMT
I have planned two weddings in the recent past. One was a little stressful because the venue was a hard 104 people, no more, and that was really pushing it. I think most people invite more than they expect to attend, so we had to balance that and hope and pray that not everybody took us up on it (they didn't). Then the groom handed over about a dozen names at the last minute and we had to accommodate that as well. There was no way we could have done "plus ones" although if we knew the name of a girlfriend or boyfriend, we invited them on the inside envelope. That was the best we could do. The wedding was absolutely lovely--but it was completely full. Several people showed up with a plus one that we were not planning on and we managed to handle it but I think that was only because another few people who had RSVPed yes ended up not showing. I didn't pick that venue; the groom actually did. It was absolutely lovely but the space limitation was a challenge. We did have a few younger people ask about plus ones and my daughter or my son-in-law explained the issue and that was that. We also had people asking to bring their kids, but unless it was a close relative traveling from far away or the kids were in the wedding party, that was also a no.
Then the second wedding had a much larger venue max and we just did plus ones for everybody who was not married/engaged/long-term significant other. Much less stress. Bigger wedding. More money. I did like the less stress aspect of it, where we could be a little relaxed about the total number of people. For whatever reason, the mix of people at that wedding was unusually successful. People of all ages were on the dance floors all night.
So this was the same family of the bride, two different approaches. Neither one was right/wrong, it was just the circumstances we had to work with. I will say it probably made things much easier for my daughter and son-in-law with the restricted guest list to explain that there was a hard space limitation that prevented random children and plus ones.
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Post by utmr on Jun 19, 2018 14:15:49 GMT
[quote author="@stamptastic" source="/post/2160752/thread" timestamp="1529378780" When we eschew the rules of etiquette, we end up with these kinds of awkward to rude situations where people don’t know how to behave, who they can bring, what’s expected or polite. . [/quote]
QFT. It's not just weddings or RSVPs, it's etiquette rules across the board. When people try to dodge sending thank you notes ("oh a verbal thanks is fine") or don't want to address letters correctly ("I refuse to send a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Smith") you end up with people who don't understand HOW to send an invitation (use an inside envelope, that's what they are for), or HOW to accept an invitation (if there's no RSVP card, you get a pen and paper and write it out).
Etiquette rules are not to be snooty. They are like traffic signs, so that people know which direction to go and how fast. Without traffic signs, everyone is going every which way, running over each other, and running off the road. A little Emily Post makes life run more smoothly for everyone.
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Post by lucyg on Jun 19, 2018 16:33:50 GMT
[quote author="@stamptastic " source="/post/2160752/thread" timestamp="1529378780" When we eschew the rules of etiquette, we end up with these kinds of awkward to rude situations where people don’t know how to behave, who they can bring, what’s expected or polite. . QFT. It's not just weddings or RSVPs, it's etiquette rules across the board. When people try to dodge sending thank you notes ("oh a verbal thanks is fine") or don't want to address letters correctly ("I refuse to send a Christmas card addressed to Mr and Mrs Smith") you end up with people who don't understand HOW to send an invitation (use an inside envelope, that's what they are for), or HOW to accept an invitation (if there's no RSVP card, you get a pen and paper and write it out). Etiquette rules are not to be snooty. They are like traffic signs, so that people know which direction to go and how fast. Without traffic signs, everyone is going every which way, running over each other, and running off the road. A little Emily Post makes life run more smoothly for everyone. [/quote] YES!! yes yes yes. I wish more people understood the true function of the rules of etiquette.
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