A wedding etiquette question.

This.  A thousand time this!  So you attend a wedding alone? It's not the end of the world.  Just talk to the others that are there.  

I do think there is rudeness on both parts. One shouldn’t assume a + one unless stated but not allowing a plus one is also a lack of consideration for your guests. As for those who don’t understand why people can’t go alone I can explain. I have gone to the movies, can eat out at a cafe and even travel by myself but I don’t want to go to a wedding by myself. I don’t want to sit for a long meal by myself and I want to have someone to dance with. I don’t want to spend the cocktail hour walking around or sitting alone at a table because I don’t know anyone. Guests also make an effort to come, they often need to buy a dress, they travel to the event, they bring a gift. They should also be treated with consideration. I do thinkpeople nowadays are very self absorbed and have no problem spending tons on the dress, the flowers, this and that and then try to skimp on the amenities they offer the guests.

I would not assume that I could bring someone. That said, I probably would not have attended a wedding by myself unless I knew a lot of people there and was comfortable

And no, it’s not the end of the world to go by yourself to a wedding but why would you want to?

I think it’s far better to invite fewer friends and invite each to bring a guest. It sounds like mom is stretching her wedding budget at the expense of her guests and putting them in an uncomfortable position — go alone or miss your friend’s wedding. I can understand why they would respond with a plus 1. 

If you don't want to go alone, decline the invitation.

I have been looking at a nearby popular venue for wedding receptions.

They have venues that range in size from 40 to to 500 guests depending on how it is set up (chairs sat in rows with no tables will seat 500. Dinner seating with tables the room only seats about half that).
A room set up to seat 100 people for dinner has a room rental fee to open the door and provide clean up service afterwards (price was not marked) but it was noted an extra $50 would be added if ANY glitter was found (ANY was capitalized) , a table/chair fee of $100 per table with 10 chairs. A tableware fee (plates, drinkware, utensils) of $7.50 per place setting. So it is $175 dollars to have 10 extra people sit down. The place requires you to use their catering service and the meal options available seem to run around $35 per plate. So that is another $350... $525 to have 10 extra dates for single cousins/friends. Alcohol charges are $25 per hour for a licensed bartender (required if any alcohol is on the premises) then $7 and up per drink.

So many seem to assume money can be cut from somewhere else. But maybe not. They may have already cut back everywhere to be able to include a dozen young cousins and friends.

Nope. If it doesn’t say “+ one” or “and guest” or list a specific other person on your invite envelope, you don’t get to bring anyone else.

I would have been livid if All the single people who came to my wedding went ahead and brought extra dates. That can equal a shit ton of extra money to pay the caterer.

THose of you who won't go alone, who's weddings do you get invited to? How many weddings have you been inited to where you only knew either the bride or the groom?

I've been invited to weddings where I might not know the bride or groom that well because it is my cousin's now grown kid, but I know most of the guest because they are family. So I don't know my cousins now grown daughter but the cousins, aunts, uncles we share I DO know. Weddings are family reunions.

Other weddings I get invited to are work related. I am never the only one the office going. So even if I don't have a date I likely know at least a few people from the office I can socialize with.

I have never in my life been invited to a wedding where I didn't know anyone but the bride or groom. Whatever connects me to the bride/groom also connects me to other people in their guest list.

For everyone asking about why people don't want to go to weddings alone, I think Angie inadvertently answered your question. (Even though she's talking about the bridal party.)


Rehearsal dinner aside, it's because we would like to have someone with us so we're not standing or sitting around by ourselves if we happen to not know anyone. It's awkward. Awkward isn't fun.
I'm not shy about going places alone - I do it all the time, but unless I know there will be other people who I know at a wedding, I'd rather not go alone.

some people are introverts and doing like being in new social situations.

Well sure, maybe for some things, but with the issue we're discussing, it's often a choice born of necessity, not of self-absorption or skimping. 

For a variety of reasons (reception in old mansion, double wedding with my sister so three extended families), each of the four brides and grooms had very limited friend slots, so I invited the singles as singles instead of excluding good friends for the sake of plus-ones. It was a situation we'd all been in as guests several times, so I doubt there was any annoyance. 

(We also invited single cousins without guests. They just hung out with their parents and siblings. If this were a chick flick, my male cousins and my female friends would have met and happilyeveraftered, but alas...)


ETA: I had one didn't-know-anybody guest and just asked other friends to adopt her. 

and that's great for you. Luckily everybody is different and can have different ideas about what is an issue and what isn't

And that's good for you - but you aren't everyone.
I'm sure there's *something* in life that you aren't comfortable with that others see as no big deal. We're not robots; we're not all alike.