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Post by compeateropeator on Sept 4, 2018 12:49:04 GMT
I often see the immediate from posters when they talk about living close to parents or family. Would you hate to live next to your family? We lived next to my Grandparents when I was growing up and it was wonderful. I could just walk through the woods or down the road to visit. I would love to live close to my parents or my brother. I would stop when walking home from the bus stop and see what Gram was cooking/baking. You always had someone to borrow from if you needed it. If I was home alone there was someone close. We lived on a dirt road that only had a few houses on it. We are the just walk-in type of family, no knocking, but it was typically us going over there. Or someone would could call and ask if you had such and such, and then they would run over and pick it up. My Aunt just sold the house about a year ago. Everytime I pass it when I am at my parents’ I have nothing but wonderful memories and feel so lucky to have had that childhood. But it seems like that isn’t typical for a lot of families.
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Post by Linda on Sept 4, 2018 12:55:04 GMT
it's not something I've ever really considered.
Growing up I was a military brat so we didn't live in the same country as extended family never mind close-by. I did live with my grandparents for a couple of years when Dad first retired and we came to the States and that was a good experience for us (not sure how it was for my parents).
As an adult, I've never lived in the same state as my mum or my sister (and my other sister still lives overseas). We lived in the same town as MIL for a while and she moved in with us shortly before her death.
I didn't vote...
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
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Post by likescarrots on Sept 4, 2018 12:55:34 GMT
No, I would not like that. I'm a very private person.
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Post by Jennifer C on Sept 4, 2018 12:56:56 GMT
My dh inherited an acre of land from his dad, who bought the acre so that he could build 2 houses on it for his kids. Things happened, acre stayed empty.
When we started looking for a house, Mil offered the acre to us. Nope, no, hell no.
But, thinking about it, my kids now would love living across the street from any Grandparent. They would be spoiled rotten.
Jennifer
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Post by shamrock on Sept 4, 2018 12:58:51 GMT
I think the idea looks different through a child’s experience than it does an adults. We live about 20 minutes from my parents. I’m good with that DH is too. We are a plane ride away from his parents, he’s very good with that LOL!
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,047
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Sept 4, 2018 13:03:30 GMT
The closest I have lived to one of my siblings was about 5 minutes by car. Close enough for emergencies, and vacation mail pickups and pet feeding, but far enough away not to be in each others pockets. I've never lived closer than 20 minutes from either my dad or MiL. My DiL's dad wanted her and my DS to live closer to them, but house prices in their city made it impossible for them to afford to buy in the area.
When I was a kid, we never even lived in the same city as our grandparents, so it's not an idea I was used to.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 4, 2018 13:08:49 GMT
We have always lived long plane rides away from family so i have no idea what it would be like. I thought I missed out on a lot living so far away, but as an adult now I see I didn’t miss out on anything either.
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Post by compeateropeator on Sept 4, 2018 13:08:51 GMT
I am sure that there were times that my parents and grandparents got mad or upset with each other, but no more than other families. Living next door didn’t seem to make things worse. The adults seemed to respect each other, it was probably my brother and I who did not.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 4, 2018 13:08:55 GMT
We're a military family and are considering retiring back home. And we are trying to decide how close is close enough, but not TOO close. I'm thinking 15-20 minutes max is good. Mostly I'm just thinking of being on the same side of the city so that no one has to drive through traffic to get to us. My parents live an hour outside of the city. NO WAY am I living that far out. My brother lives just outside of the beltway, which sounds good to me.
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Post by **Angie** on Sept 4, 2018 13:10:24 GMT
It would depend on the family.
My grandparents when they were alive? Yes, in a heartbeat.
My one aunt and uncle? Yep.
My mom? Possibly.
Any other family of mine or dh's? Oh hell no!
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Post by myshelly on Sept 4, 2018 13:17:51 GMT
My sister lives within walking distance. My BFF is 42 seconds from my door to her door. DH grew up 3 houses down from his grandparents.
There’s a house for sale on my sister’s street and I’ve considered buying it even though we’re already only five minutes apart. But then I’d be five minutes from BFF instead of 42 seconds.
My sister, brother, dad, MIL, aunts, uncles, cousins all live within a ten minute radius. I truly can’t imagine living far away from family or moving around a lot. That’s not the kind of life I want for my kids.
I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system?
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Post by Pahina722 on Sept 4, 2018 13:21:41 GMT
In the same city, yes. In fact, both DH and I have parents living within 20 minutes of us. It’s close enough that we can get together frequently, but not so close that people just walk in my door unannounced. But we have no desire to have the ‘rents next door to us.
We’ve traveled with DH’s parents and they both drive us NUTS after two days. FIL knows everything and talks right over everyone; MIL has no interests other than her grandchildren from my sister-in-law and chatters about them incessantly. While they are both deep down really good people, we can’t stand that much togetherness without snapping. (We aren’t even going to mention that they are rabid conservatives and closet racists, which causes us a lot of clenched jaws to keep from cussing.)
We have discussed having my dad live with us if Mom dies first. Since she’s currently in ICU, unresponsive after complications from open heart surgery, it’s seeming more likely that Daddy might end up with us soon. It sounds so much more real having written it down. Given all that she’s gone through, I don’t even know whether to hope she wakes up or that she passes peacefully.
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Post by lbp on Sept 4, 2018 13:22:01 GMT
I lived next door to my in-laws for 35 years and loved it! She would send over food in the evenings after we got off work, and baby-sat our son from 5 weeks old until he was old enough to stay by himself (We paid her.). We did have our differences of opinion, but were able to always work everything out in the end. She is in a nursing home now an I miss her every day!
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sueg
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,047
Location: Munich
Apr 12, 2016 12:51:01 GMT
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Post by sueg on Sept 4, 2018 13:26:30 GMT
I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? Some of us don't have the choice. We live where we need to to work and that may not be near family. Also consider that some families are not that close - you only have to read some of the threads on here to see that.
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Post by Really Red on Sept 4, 2018 13:29:20 GMT
I would give anything to live next door or near my family or my in-laws. I'd give up a lot to do that. Can't give up my job, though, but I would love family to live nearby.
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Sept 4, 2018 13:31:24 GMT
We live 2 miles from my husbands parents. It really has no effect on us. His mom helps out with the business on the weekends, but she did that before he moved here. He bought this property because it’s in the country/township he grew up in.
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Post by compeateropeator on Sept 4, 2018 13:32:28 GMT
In the same city, yes. In fact, both DH and I have parents living within 20 minutes of us. It’s close enough that we can get together frequently, but not so close that people just walk in my door unannounced. But we have no desire to have the ‘rents next door to us. We’ve traveled with DH’s parents and they both drive us NUTS after two days. FIL knows everything and talks right over everyone; MIL has no interests other than her grandchildren from my sister-in-law and chatters about them incessantly. While they are both deep down really good people, we can’t stand that much togetherness without snapping. (We aren’t even going to mention that they are rabid conservatives and closet racists, which causes us a lot of clenched jaws to keep from cussing.) We have discussed having my dad live with us if Mom dies first. Since she’s currently in ICU, unresponsive after complications from open heart surgery, it’s seeming more likely that Daddy might end up with us soon. It sounds so much more real having written it down. Given all that she’s gone through, I don’t even know whether to hope she wakes up or that she passes peacefully. I am so sorry about your Mother.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Sept 4, 2018 13:32:33 GMT
Heck no. Growing up my parents bought a house down the street from my grandparents and my mom would complain when my grandfather (her fil) would say things like "I saw you guys drive by this morning, where were you going?"
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 12:36:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 13:33:58 GMT
I have lived in the same apartment complex as my sister and brother. Parents were 5 min away. It was nice. But I dont want to love across the street or right next too them. It sucked when bro and sis moved 1.5 hours away in opposite directions. Parents are 20 min away. We are looking to move out towards them. I like being close but not that close. I didnt vote as there was no option for me
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
Jul 11, 2018 15:20:45 GMT
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Post by julie5 on Sept 4, 2018 13:35:16 GMT
I lived next door to my in-laws for 35 years and loved it! She would send over food in the evenings after we got off work, and baby-sat our son from 5 weeks old until he was old enough to stay by himself (We paid her.). We did have our differences of opinion, but were able to always work everything out in the end. She is in a nursing home now an I miss her every day! Mine brings us meals from church, apple dumplings that the church sells at the Oktoberfest a week before they go up for sale, fresh peaches from the orchards. My mil can be annoying at times but her good points far outweigh her bad. Most of her annoying things are purely accidental on her part. I hope she lives another 25 years. My husband would be lost without her.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 12:36:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 13:36:16 GMT
My sister lives within walking distance. My BFF is 42 seconds from my door to her door. DH grew up 3 houses down from his grandparents. There’s a house for sale on her street and I’ve considered buying it. My sister, brother, dad, MIL, aunts, uncles, cousins all live within a ten minute radius. I truly can’t imagibe living far away from family or moving around a lot. That’s not the kind of life I want for my kids. I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? Peoples jobs, other family, security to name a few. My bro was commuting 2 to 3 hours 1 way for work. My parents retirement community is 20 min away. My sis dh already lived where she moved to and had kids from previous marriage as well as his job. He couldnt move. My sis could with her job.
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Post by mom on Sept 4, 2018 13:38:40 GMT
When my. mom + dad were both alive, I would have been ok with them being my neighbors. Now that mom is gone and dad is remarried, I think the 1.5 miles between us is not far enough.
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Post by llinin on Sept 4, 2018 13:38:55 GMT
When I was single I bought the house next door to my parents. I loved it. When they died in 2002 I sold my house and bought theirs. After I married and moved my sister and her family lived there. We are all really close so I had no hesitation.
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Post by compeateropeator on Sept 4, 2018 13:39:27 GMT
I have lived in the same apartment complex as my sister and brother. Parents were 5 min away. It was nice. But I dont want to love across the street or right next too them. It sucked when bro and sis moved 1.5 hours away in opposite directions. Parents are 20 min away. We are looking to move out towards them. I like being close but not that close. I didnt vote as there was no option for me Yes I should have had a “yes if close but not too close” option. Sorry I did not think through my polls options very well.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 12:36:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 13:39:59 GMT
I have lived in the same apartment complex as my sister and brother. Parents were 5 min away. It was nice. But I dont want to love across the street or right next too them. It sucked when bro and sis moved 1.5 hours away in opposite directions. Parents are 20 min away. We are looking to move out towards them. I like being close but not that close. I didnt vote as there was no option for me Yes I should have had a “yes if close but not too close” option. Sorry I did not think through my polls options very well. Its ok 😊
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Post by LisaDV on Sept 4, 2018 13:42:18 GMT
I voted possibly.
We were 35 minutes from dh's parents and his favorite sibling at our closest point and that was an ok distance in my book. Any closer and I would have had words I'm sure. We're getting ready for a move and we'll be closer to mil, depending on where we end up anywhere from 20 to 35 minutes. I think it will be nice, even though mil is bat$h1t crazy.
Previously, we would have loved to have been much closer to my sister. I could have lived in the next house from them. She's now an empty nester with grandkids and there is no conversation or activity when the grandkids are around. I remember when my kids were small I had to remind them that the adults are talking for a few minutes and then we'd play. You can play quietly for a few minutes while we talk. (I know her dd, one of the grandson's mom, does this to her son as well.) Dear sister does not. We'll be talking, kid comes up, drops everything and does whatever the kids wants. So I would want that 35 minute buffer there as well.
But if it was the last house on earth, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd make do.
**ETA** Now my kids that's a different story. I told them they could each put on their own wings of the house or could take land and build a house. (We have 43 acres_) With the pending move, we'll still keep this property and plan to retire here. But I can see ds moving to the farm area and dd staying in the city area.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 12:36:09 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 13:43:35 GMT
I don't want to live in the same town as my parents. It took buying a house and telling them I will not be giving them a key to get the message across that I want my privacy and they cannot just show up. I'm 40 and my mom finally texts me to make sure it's ok to show up.
There are times when DH admits he wouldn't mind living closer to his mom but she has her own life and respects boundaries. When he says closer, he means maybe the same town or neighboring town, not an hour away. Never on the same street.
DH's cousins have family on their mom's side that own a small lake marina. Most of that family all live on or around that lake. One cousin even bought land right down the street from her parents. We're both like, yeah no. Not happening. Not even for lake life.
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Post by librarylady on Sept 4, 2018 13:47:25 GMT
Depends upon the family member. I grew up in a rural area and our only neighbors were relatives. Depending upon the person, some kept their nose in the business of others and some just went on with life. We are in the age group of "the elderly" now. I wonder what I will do when I am left to live alone. The most near relative is over an hour away. My only son lives 1500 miles away. I do worry a little about becoming disabled and the future. Because my husband is 7 years older and has had some health issues, I anticipate I will live alone at some point in time.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,400
Jun 17, 2016 12:36:53 GMT
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Post by ashley on Sept 4, 2018 13:49:33 GMT
We live across the street from my parents and it is a decision I regret.
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Post by pierkiss on Sept 4, 2018 13:49:34 GMT
My in laws live 6 minutes from our house. I don’t love it. They like to pop in unannounced at weird and inconvenient times (for us). I can’t stand visitors that just show up. Give me a call 10 mins before you come so I can make sure the dishes are picked up and the laundry mountain gets moved.
I will say living near them is nice for my kids. They like that we can just drive to grandmas whenever we want vs planning a 2 day car trip like we’d have to do to visit my parents.
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