tuesdaysgone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,832
Jun 26, 2014 18:26:03 GMT
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Post by tuesdaysgone on Sept 4, 2018 13:52:07 GMT
For 30+ years I lived across the county from my parents and then 2 years ago they asked if they could move to our town. They are both in their 70s and wanted to move closer. Initially both my husband and I were not too excited about it because we both value our privacy, but of course we agreed. Now they live 5 mins away and I love it. They are both healthy and still independent. I see them once or twice a week. They've made friends in the community and keep very busy.
Before they moved here we all sat down and had a very frank discussion about boundaries. Fortunately I have a good and open relationship with them. The rules, for all of us, are simple: call ahead and no surprise drop ins. It works great for us. When the day comes they need help, it will be so nice to have them close by. It's also been nice to see my husband develop a good relationship with my dad. My in-laws, both in their 80s, live about 30 mins away and it's nice because we have to check in on them frequently.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 4, 2018 13:58:05 GMT
Depends on the family member in question. I would live close to one sister in a heartbeat. The other one, Siberia is too close, same with one brother. I haven’t talked to or laid eyes on that brother in almost 20 years, and I’m totally fine with that. I wouldn’t have wanted to live within walking distance of my mom when she was younger because she was kind of a nosy Gladys Kravitz type, always peeking out windows to see what the neighbors were up to. But in her later years we were glad we were relatively close so I/we didn’t have to drive as far multiple times a week to check on her.
As for why some families wouldn’t want to live close to each other? That’s easy. Some of us have toxic family members who live stress inducing, drama filled lives of their own making and I don’t need to expose myself or my kid to that kind of crazy if I can help it. Many of my kid’s older cousins would be a bad influence, so she really doesn’t need to know them. When my mom eventually passed away, I was happy to walk away from all that. Now I only see and talk to the family members I actually like.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,729
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Sept 4, 2018 13:59:35 GMT
I think it depends on the type of family. Needy, nosy family, no. When we were house shopping, DH found a nice house with a pool, close to a lot of his family. I put my foot down. I told him I could see me coming home from work, tired, with half his family at my house, uninvited, without towels, and expecting to be fed. My husband actually said, yeah, so, what’s wrong with that? That’s insane, right? So we moved about 10 miles from his family and 5 miles from mine. Not too far, not too close.
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Sept 4, 2018 14:09:14 GMT
Next to, no, definitely not. In the same town, yes.
I grew up in the same tiny town my dad did. We didn't live next door to my grandparents or my uncles and their families, but we were in the same town of less than 1,000 people. We had a small family business where Grandpa, dad and the uncles worked, and later my cousins and I helped out for our first jobs. I saw them all daily, even if just in passing to wave to each other. As a kid, I loved that. As an adult, I'd find that a bit claustrophobic. I know my mom did. She grew up an hour away. Living in the same town with my brothers (or the cousins I grew up with) would be great, but the town would need to be a lot bigger than our hometown. I'd like to see them and their families more often, but probably not daily. A population of about 20,000 would give me both the togetherness and the space I'd want.
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Post by gorgeouskid on Sept 4, 2018 14:10:22 GMT
My father is not a good person. He has isolated himself in extremely rural Oregon because he doesn't like people. He had some health issues a couple of years ago, and my MIL asked when we were going to have my father move in with us.
Um, never. She was horrified. She just couldn't understand why I was unwilling to bring him into my home, or even to my city.
We will likely be the family that takes care of MIL when she ages to the point where she can't live alone. I'm okay with that. She is a good person.
I would be happy if I never ever have to see my father (extremely likely) or hear about him ever again (possible.) He has most of my grandmother's heirlooms and all of the family photos. I've made my peace never to see those items again. He would probably burn them rather than to give them to me.
I have two other living relatives- my mom and my aunt. Both are 6-7 hours drive away and that's okay. I'd like to see them both more, but I don't think it would benefit anyone to be next door.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,530
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 4, 2018 14:10:32 GMT
Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? IF you're lucky enough to have family willing to act as a support system, then yes I can see the point. As someone who does not have family willing to do so then no, the 30 minutes away from my mom we live now is ok by me. She was pissed at us when we stayed in our suburb when we bought our house and is really upset she feels like she can't move closer to us as she works to put her house on the market. I was just coming here to vent about a work event that I now get to show up to alone, as they've made it kid free. Everyone else in my group has kids old enough to leave by themselves for several hours and the one exception to that rule is our new mom who will have baby with her. Yet again I get to trek half way across the city because it's " important" that I go, but mom won't take both kids without weeks of notice and a firm stop time. What everyone else sees as a nice night out with their spouse, for me is a night full of where's your DH questions.
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Post by librarylady on Sept 4, 2018 14:17:33 GMT
My SIL, who I think would have no boundaries, was upset 'cause my family didn't stay in her face.
She and my brother wanted to purchase Mom's house after my mother died. So they moved in while paper work was done. This put them in a house on a rural road, about a mile long, with 2 sisters and a nephew living along that road. All the houses are at least 5 acre blocks from one another. At that time my brother and 1 sister were retired, everyone else still worked. After a year, SIL was upset with everyone because she anticipated that someone would be dropping by her home every day. No one did. Everyone had lives to live.
SIL was not socially isolated, as her mother was 15 miles away and this was the community in which both my brother and SIL had grown up. They both had other relatives and former school mates within 15 miles.
Further conversations revealed that SIL thought that it would be like it was when they came back at holidays--forgetting that everyone came by because they were there for a 5 day visit and then returning home --several states away.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Sept 4, 2018 14:58:37 GMT
Growing up we lived on adjoining property to our grandparents. It was nice because we could walk through our pasture to granny and grandpa’s house. When they passed my uncle moved into that house so we hung out with our cousins. Until my parents divorced and they sold our house We live 1 - 1 1/2 hours away from my family. We chose this location on purpose, my mom and two siblings love drama. I’m very private and do not do drama. My ds lives 10 minutes away and my dd lives 15 minutes away.
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Post by miominmio on Sept 4, 2018 15:14:58 GMT
My BIL (whom I don't like) lives 50 metres from us, my mom maybe 100 metres and MIL 150 metres. And it is too close for me, but I have resigned to the fact that we will have my MIL close to us for as long as she lives (When DS was born 19 years ago, they moved just across the Street from us within months, so close that they could look into my kitchen from their living room. 2 years after, we moved 2 km away, and within months, they had moved after us. Again.)
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Post by lisacharlotte on Sept 4, 2018 15:36:09 GMT
It all depends on what you’re used to or how you were raised. We moved a lot as a kid even though we never left the county. Never owned a home, always rented. At 15 we moved to the opposite coast. After high school I joined the military. DH is a military brat that also joined the military. We’ve never lived near family. Seeing family was either a plane ride or long road trip. I like to visit, but don’t think I could handle living with family too close. Funny enough 27 yo DS is right here with us. I like that he’s close. We did so much traveling during his childhood and it was always the 3 of us, I don’t know if he would be willing to move away to be on his own without us near.
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Post by Zee on Sept 4, 2018 15:43:31 GMT
I wouldn't mind living close, but that's not an option for us and it doesn't bother me that we live far away (thanks to the internet, keeping in touch is so easy).
My kids are grown and I don't need childcare. It was nice to take them to Grandma's when they were little so I see the appeal, but if we hadn't moved we'd still be stuck in a rut. Moving has been great for us. My DD moved to CO but it's not hard to keep in touch with her and she needed to get out on her own and spread her little wings. If she wanted to move back home tomorrow we'd let her but it's her choice.
I sure was hoping her brother would go with her though...
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Post by delila on Sept 4, 2018 15:53:01 GMT
My son, daughter in law and grandson live right next door on our property. A few years ago we bought 10 acres and built 2 homes and put our son and his family next door.
For me its like living in a kibbutz, I don't feel as if I have the privacy that I crave having people right there all the time. My DH travels a ton for work so having someone close by is fabulous at times.
When I built my house I built it 100% ADA for future and incase my parents want to move in one day they can or we can build them a home on the property also. As it is now my parents only live 10 minutes from me and my sister is 1 block from them and that is all of my immediate family in Texas. The rest of my family is in WA state or Australia.
delila
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MsKnit
Pearl Clutcher
RefuPea #1406
Posts: 2,648
Jun 26, 2014 19:06:42 GMT
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Post by MsKnit on Sept 4, 2018 16:05:52 GMT
We bought a house with property that adjoins to my husband's parents' property. Their house is approximately a football field's distance from our house.
I hate my house with every fiber of my being and want to move elsewhere desperately. What keeps me here is my ILs. I love my in-laws dearly. My dream would be to combine our households. I've even found the perfect house plan that would allow such. It would allow them to have a floor and us to have a floor for when we need our separate spaces.
We have hit the stage where they are in need of assistance. So helpful to live this close.
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Post by mustlovecats on Sept 4, 2018 16:19:15 GMT
I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? Some of us don't have the choice. We live where we need to to work and that may not be near family. Also consider that some families are not that close - you only have to read some of the threads on here to see that. I grew up in a very small rural town... I couldn’t even get a college education without leaving town. There were no jobs in town... Walmart... the public school if they had an opening. Unemployment in that town is excessively high and the problems associated with that are rampant. So count me as one who has to live where we are able to work... living in a county that isn’t out of work and full of meth is worth living away from family. We do have family close by now, a mile or so down the road, and it’s nice. It just had to be here and not there.
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Post by beaglemom on Sept 4, 2018 16:39:26 GMT
From birth to 9 or so my dad's parents lived 5 minutes away and we saw them often, then they moved to the the middle of nowhere Vermont and we saw them infrequently after that. My mom's parents lived 1-2 hours away all of my growing up and I think we saw them at least once a month.
Growing up I always thought that everyone grew up with their grandparents local. I lucked out and dh grew up near where I did. His parents are 12 minutes from us and my parents are 25 minutes (which is nothing in the Bay Area).
I would like to always be close to where my parents are. My in-laws, I don't have as strong feelings about it. Both my sil's live in Colorado - their parents (my in-laws) live in California and their in-laws both live on the East Coast. My sil's get out here maybe once every other year, but my inlaws go out there 5-7 times a year. I know both sil's go back east to see their in-laws once during the summer.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 4, 2018 16:39:39 GMT
I'd love to live closer to 2 of my sisters. One was a roommate for a while in our early 20s and the other lived on the same block as me for a year. The former roommate sis and I couldn't share a room as kids, but got along great sharing an apartment. We vacation together as much as we can and love our adventures. Unfortunately, living closer to them would put us too close to the in-laws. The in-laws we love in small doses, but they literally suck the life out of DH. I know I've shared this here before, but once when visiting, DH told his family at breakfast that they couldn't say anything negative until they said something positive. After staring at each other for 10 or so minutes, SIL finally said "I like my nails" and BIL said "f*ck this" and stormed out of the room.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,179
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Sept 4, 2018 16:57:06 GMT
I lived within a few minutes walking distance from my brother and SIL, my niece and her family, and my nephew and his family. We were all really close, until the day when we weren’t. Now I’ve moved about a five minute drive away, but our town is big enough that I almost never bump into them. Thankfully.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 10:10:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 17:10:33 GMT
I currently live with my mother as she needs full-time care, it's not my first choice (or second or any other number) though. I wouldn't choose to live next door to any member of my family.
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,437
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
Mar 18, 2015 4:10:31 GMT
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Post by milocat on Sept 4, 2018 17:11:22 GMT
My sister lives within walking distance. My BFF is 42 seconds from my door to her door. DH grew up 3 houses down from his grandparents. There’s a house for sale on her street and I’ve considered buying it. My sister, brother, dad, MIL, aunts, uncles, cousins all live within a ten minute radius. I truly can’t imagibe living far away from family or moving around a lot. That’s not the kind of life I want for my kids. I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? That's the kind of life I had and now my girls have had. Grandparents and cousins right here. We live in the same town as my inlaws, SIL and family, our town has 8 streets, so they are a stones throw away. My sister lives 8 mins away in the next town. My parents are 15 mins away on the farm. My girls often would see both sets of grandparents in the same day. Have breakfast with nana & papa in town and then go to grandma & grandpa's farm for supper. My mom would take the girls when they were younger just because she wanted them, not always because I needed a babysitter. They would go Friday night then stay Saturday also! We all have a knock and walk in kind of policy.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 10:10:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 17:19:10 GMT
I got the hell out of dodge. I live on the west coast and the rest stayed put. They all live within 10 minutes of their parents house. I an so glad that my kids didn’t go to school with their cousins, as those cousins are beyond bad influences.
I could write a book.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 4, 2018 17:59:37 GMT
I think it depends on the type of family. Needy, nosy family, no. When we were house shopping, DH found a nice house with a pool, close to a lot of his family. I put my foot down. I told him I could see me coming home from work, tired, with half his family at my house, uninvited, without towels, and expecting to be fed. My husband actually said, yeah, so, what’s wrong with that? That’s insane, right? So we moved about 10 miles from his family and 5 miles from mine. Not too far, not too close. That would be a HARD “hell to the NO” from me!
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Post by papersilly on Sept 4, 2018 18:02:18 GMT
no i would not choose to but i can't help it if family moves closer to us. MIL lived just over a mile away for 20 years. they moved into the neighborhood after we did so we had no choice about the proximity. that is the closest we have ever lived to family.
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Post by creativegirl on Sept 4, 2018 18:08:29 GMT
We live in the same city as most of our family now and I would definitely consider living next door. We have talked about it with my parents- buying semi-rural property with several houses on it. Maybe we'll do it some day!
We have two young kids and I appreciate the close family now more than ever. They are a priceless support system and my children are very blessed to have so many people in their lives that know them well and can be there for them at the drop of a hat.
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Post by busy on Sept 4, 2018 18:16:55 GMT
We're just a few miles from my in-laws now and it's great. I would not want to be next door.
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Post by MichyM on Sept 4, 2018 18:22:55 GMT
I think the idea looks different through a child’s experience than it does an adults. We live about 20 minutes from my parents. I’m good with that DH is too. We are a plane ride away from his parents, he’s very good with that LOL! I agree with that completely. For a kid, it would probably be great. For an adut it could feel like there would be a lack of privacy.
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 4, 2018 18:43:19 GMT
I have never lived near family for the most part. Once I turned 18 I moved away for a job. Never lived near either of my parents again (they are divorced). My dad moved to my small town a few years ago, stayed about a year and then left. It was okay to have him here but some things were a pain in the butt with him. He is all about himself. But he was there when I needed a sitter (just a few times) or the kids picked up from school. Again that was just a few times. The closest I am to my family are two cousins who I see on occasion. We all have our own lives.. We get together for football games on occasion and that is fun. I would love to live near my mom, but again impossible. My MIL/FIL live in town, about an hour away.. they need to be more like five hours. ten.. twenty...
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Post by anniefb on Sept 4, 2018 19:18:03 GMT
I'd be very happy living close to my brother, sister-in-law and niece. At the moment they're in the UK and I'm in New Zealand and I miss that close contact with my niece while she's growing up.
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Post by lisae on Sept 4, 2018 19:44:32 GMT
It's a common thing here to live near your relatives and I live about 1/2 mile from my parents - now just my mom. I have 3 cousins in the neighborhood. My aunt and uncle lived right across the road from my mother until a death and illness changed that status during the last year. Another aunt and uncle lived right next door to me until their deaths about 3 years ago.
There are definitely things that are a plus and plenty that are a minus. I could never do all I have done and do for my parents if I didn't live so near. I'm not that close with my cousins but they are there to help and I am with their parents - or was when needed. So that is really nice. There have been plenty of family disagreements though. Sharing property lines is not always easy.
If I had it to do over, I probably would not live here though it isn't because of family. It is because I'm too far out in the country and have too much land to keep up. I didn't realize that I hated yard work so much until I had all this to take care of. I was also working full time and had plenty of social contact with others when I first moved here. Now I'm really here as long as Mother needs me to be. Once you make the commitment to live near your family and take care of family members, there is really no going back.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Sept 4, 2018 20:10:31 GMT
I often see the immediate from posters when they talk about living close to parents or family. Would you hate to live next to your family? We lived next to my Grandparents when I was growing up and it was wonderful. I could just walk through the woods or down the road to visit. I would love to live close to my parents or my brother. I would stop when walking home from the bus stop and see what Gram was cooking/baking. You always had someone to borrow from if you needed it. If I was home alone there was someone close. We lived on a dirt road that only had a few houses on it. We are the just walk-in type of family, no knocking, but it was typically us going over there. Or someone would could call and ask if you had such and such, and then they would run over and pick it up. My Aunt just sold the house about a year ago. Everytime I pass it when I am at my parents’ I have nothing but wonderful memories and feel so lucky to have had that childhood. But it seems like that isn’t typical for a lot of families. This sounds like a wonderful way to grow up, to me! My family lived about 50 miles away from my grandmother, and I spent a lot of time there, on weekends and during the summers, but I was SO jealous of my cousin who lived right next door to her. I would have loved living that close!
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Sept 4, 2018 20:29:21 GMT
DH came back from lunch with his sister last week and informed me that if her kids move out of state and her husband passes away, she is going to move closer to us (she is currently out of state) and wants to buy a 2 unit townhouse, with us buying the other side. Uhhhhhh.... I have no words. How nice of her to plan not only her future, but ours as well?
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