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Post by Merge on Sept 4, 2018 20:30:53 GMT
My sister lives within walking distance. My BFF is 42 seconds from my door to her door. DH grew up 3 houses down from his grandparents. There’s a house for sale on my sister’s street and I’ve considered buying it even though we’re already only five minutes apart. But then I’d be five minutes from BFF instead of 42 seconds. My sister, brother, dad, MIL, aunts, uncles, cousins all live within a ten minute radius. I truly can’t imagine living far away from family or moving around a lot. That’s not the kind of life I want for my kids. I like the fact that my kids are growing up with their cousins as some of their best friends, that they have super close relationships with their grandparents, that I’ve never needed to hire a babysitter because there’s always a family member to watch them, that there’s always someone to call or somewhere to go in an emergency. Why wouldn’t you choose to stay close and give yourself that kind of a built in support system? Not everyone’s family is supportive like that. You couldn’t pay me to live near my extended family. Toxic is the best word to describe them.
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zella
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Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Sept 4, 2018 20:45:46 GMT
I voted no, but it needs an explanation.
I don't want to live near my mother. She's caused me a LOT of trouble and pain and no way do I want to live near her.
However if my sister was still alive, I very much would want to live near her. In fact before she got sick we talked about how, if it got to the point where we were both widows, we'd move in together. She would be in charge of cooking and cleaning, and my job would be to make her laugh. Oh how I wish that future could have happened.
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Post by stacmac on Sept 4, 2018 21:37:59 GMT
My family are very close and I see my parents almost daily. I'd be happy to live near them. We've talked about buying one big property for us to all build houses on 😂
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Post by cmpeter on Sept 4, 2018 22:09:17 GMT
Depends on the family member. I have some I wish I lived closer too and some that I love because we live on opposite coasts. :-)
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Post by tommygirl on Sept 4, 2018 22:23:13 GMT
Growing up we lived close to my grandparents and saw them often. After I went to college my parents and grandparents went in together and bought a piece of land with 2 houses on it. After my grandparents passed my sister moved into one house with her kids. My other siblings all live within a 30 minute drive of this property. I live about 15 hours away in another state.
Cons: Sometimes I feel sad for my kids not having family nearby and feel a little left out when they celebrate holidays. Pros: When we visit they are all in the same area so we get to see everyone!
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Post by compeateropeator on Sept 4, 2018 22:30:10 GMT
I voted no, but it needs an explanation. I don't want to live near my mother. She's caused me a LOT of trouble and pain and no way do I want to live near her. However if my sister was still alive, I very much would want to live near her. In fact before she got sick we talked about how, if it got to the point where we were both widows, we'd move in together. She would be in charge of cooking and cleaning, and my job would be to make her laugh. Oh how I wish that future could have happened. I liked your post just because I read it but wanted to say that I am so sorry that you lost your sister and that you never had the opportunity to grow old together. My heart goes out to you.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 4, 2018 23:27:09 GMT
I'm trying to figure out "next."
Right next door? Hell no. Across town (which would be less than a mile and only a 2 minute drive? Sure.
I live in the same small town as 2 of my cousins. We are close enough and far enough. One cousin has her bil and sil next door. They had a falling out and it is not a great situation.
I would not want to live on the same block or even neighborhood as either my parents or dh's (neighborhood = 3 e/w streets and one n/s with about 8-9 houses 3ach.
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 4, 2018 23:49:23 GMT
Ets: as my parents age, I may change my mind
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Deleted
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May 16, 2024 9:22:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 23:52:16 GMT
I would do it with my parents or my brother or my sister-in-law.
We live next door to some of our best friends (they moved in because it was next door to us, rather than existing neighbors who became BFFs) and we love it for many of the reasons you described and so far, there has been no downside. Our kids call the other Aunt and Uncle and they will grow up like cousins and be closer than our kids' biological cousins because of severe age difference. So it's like living next to family.
I couldn't do it with all members of our family, but I could with many, and think I would enjoy it.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Sept 5, 2018 1:51:01 GMT
I didn't vote, but...
When I was a little kid we live just around the corner from my dad's parents. We still only saw them at Easter Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays.
My dad managed a few rentals. When my sister got married she moved next door to them. She had two kids who loved that their grandparents were so close. I moved into one of the rentals, too. It was a bit farther but close enough to walk. It didn't bother me at all. Now we live all spread out.
My family is pretty close and we all get along pretty well. I don't think I would actively look for a house near family, but if that was my dream home or too good of deal to pass up, I wouldn't not buy it.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 5, 2018 2:27:06 GMT
I think the idea looks different through a child’s experience than it does an adults. We live about 20 minutes from my parents. I’m good with that DH is too. We are a plane ride away from his parents, he’s very good with that LOL! I think your age and which side of the family you live close to can also make you feel one way or the other. If you are a kid, perhaps you would love living close to gma. She runs things differently than mom and dad. If you use your parents for daycare, it might be nice. If it is your parents, you might enjoy it more than if it his crazy mom or dad. My grandma lived with us for ten years while I was growing up. She was wheel chair bound. I am sure it put a strain on my parent's marriage though.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 5, 2018 2:28:54 GMT
My family are very close and I see my parents almost daily. I'd be happy to live near them. We've talked about buying one big property for us to all build houses on 😂 I kind of want to live next door to you so I could see your pup daily. He/she has amazingly long legs.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Sept 5, 2018 7:10:51 GMT
I voted no, but it needs an explanation. I don't want to live near my mother. She's caused me a LOT of trouble and pain and no way do I want to live near her. However if my sister was still alive, I very much would want to live near her. In fact before she got sick we talked about how, if it got to the point where we were both widows, we'd move in together. She would be in charge of cooking and cleaning, and my job would be to make her laugh. Oh how I wish that future could have happened. I liked your post just because I read it but wanted to say that I am so sorry that you lost your sister and that you never had the opportunity to grow old together. My heart goes out to you. Thank you, sweetie. I appreciate that so much.
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cycworker
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Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Sept 5, 2018 7:56:37 GMT
My parents are 15 minutes from my apartment. It's the ideal distance. They're close enough but not in my back pocket.
That said, it's about boundaries. When I first moved in here mom had a key. Ultimately we changed that. Ostensibly it was because it made more sense for my cousin to have it. Secretly, I just needed the space.
My maternal grandparents were in same town as we're in now. They lived a half hour from us growing up. Not twice the distance as me; the issue is traffic.
Bro and family like being about 90 minutes away. It's an easy drive.
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Post by peasapie on Sept 5, 2018 10:40:41 GMT
My sister and my son both live within a mile of my home. I love it.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 5, 2018 10:49:49 GMT
My parents built our home on family land back in 1969. My grandpa farmed the 140 acres around us. They also lived in the same town about 4 miles away. My two uncles lived in the farm house across the street with their families (huge two apartment home). I built my home on an acre next to my parents. My cousin bought the farm house after my grandparents died---he lived there until he bought a home also built on the family land. His two sisters/families also built on family land.
The land is now owned by mom (40 acres) and my uncle's 4 children (rest of it) and it's leased out to a local farmer. I love living near my parents and cousins. We respect each other's privacy yet are here if anyone needs anything. Last year when I went to Florida for a month, my cousins kept an eye on my house.
Oh and my youngest brother lives in the same town. It all works
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Sept 5, 2018 14:04:11 GMT
No thanks.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Sept 5, 2018 15:33:40 GMT
It really depends on the family member in question. 90% of them, the answer would be, "No. Hell, no."
In terms of having a support network, well, life doesn't always work out that way. We would only allow one grandparent to watch our girls adn that one, only infrequently due to major differences in childrearing philosophies. We would only allow one sibling to watch our girls (the rest were not reliable, not careful with kids, or didn't like kids). So it really didn't make a huge difference that we lived 1500 miles away.
It was a huge difference from my dh and my childhood when we grew up surrounded by family who helped raise us and cousins who were a major part of our lives. We wish our kids had that opportunity, but sadly, our parents are not the people our grandparents were. Our siblings are not the people our aunts/uncles were.
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Peal
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Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Sept 5, 2018 17:31:18 GMT
We live about 40 miles from family. It's perfect, far enough away they have to call before stopping by, but not so far away that anyone needs to stay the night for a visit.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Sept 5, 2018 17:34:19 GMT
We live about 40 miles from family. It's perfect, far enough away they have to call before stopping by, but not so far away that anyone needs to stay the night for a visit. Ha. You never met my ILs. When we lived less than 10 hours or less away, they thought nothing of dropping in without calling first. At that point, we were in our 20s with no kids, so we actually were not at home a lot. So they often would get to our place and we would not be home for hours. They would sit in their car or on our front porch -- for hours -- and wait for us. Even once having a neighbor call the cops on them did not deter them from their foolishness.
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Post by peano on Sept 5, 2018 19:14:09 GMT
When I was young, living in Arkansas, my answer was "hell no!" and I ended up in Connecticut via Louisiana and Oklahoma. I probably couldn't have verbalized it, but I knew on some level I needed to get far away for self-preservation, to grow up (emotionally more than chronologically), and to avoid, as much as possible, being appointed the "identified patient".
Now that I've grown up, and operate from a secure inner core, and can defend myself, I would love to live nearer to my aging father, if not in the same town. We've had our differences over the years but I would like to get to know him better before he dies. I was just reconciling with my mother when she died of cancer, which was frustrating and heartbreaking because she didn't get to see my son grow up.
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Sept 5, 2018 19:25:27 GMT
It depends on the family member. I live around the corner from my sister and I love that we are so close. Others... not so much.
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Post by shannoots on Sept 5, 2018 21:45:22 GMT
We live 6 hours from my side of the family and I would like to just be in the same area. Lol. My mother in law recently moved into our subdivision, just a couple of streets over. I love it! We don't really see her much more than we did before (once a week for Sunday dinner) but it's so much more convenient for things. We can just pop over easily if we need to. We went out of town and she checked in on our cat. We watered her flowers when she was on vacation. It's easy to walk over there or send the kids over. The list goes on. I never really thought about those kinds of things before but it does make things easier in many cases.
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