moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,179
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Sept 6, 2018 12:02:00 GMT
I don't think it's at all about forgetting things once or twice and having them brought to you. Heck, I forgot my cell phone one day and my husband brought it to me. Could I have lived without it for that day? Yes. Would he have been able to do that if he weren't retired? Maybe not, and I would have had to cope without it.
Everyone deserves some support and help and I'm not opposed to parents or spouses or siblings bringing things to people. We are all human with lapses in memory sometimes.
However, I don't think a teacher should have to go to the office to retrieve those items for a student. And I don't think it should be routine for parents to bring the same things - over and over. If your kid forgets his gym clothes more than the one freebie they get, then maybe they should take the 10 point hit. For some that makes it real and they will make more effort to not forget again. I also know there are quite a few who won't care about it and will take the point hit over and over again. Parents don't help by bailing out those kids.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,394
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Sept 6, 2018 12:12:50 GMT
Water bottle, no. She will learn to bring it with her if she really wants it. If it was dire (like medication), then yes. I don't consider myself to be a lawnmower parent at all.
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Post by myboysnme on Sept 6, 2018 12:20:31 GMT
I am a lawnmower parent. I come to it from a place of guilt and a place of feeling unprotected in many situations for much of my life.
I would do it differently if I could go back - maybe do a bit less. I still do it and they are adults.
Sometimes it is the reality that in efforts to avoid what we ourselves experienced we swing too far the other way when more balance would be much better.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,398
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Sept 6, 2018 12:29:01 GMT
If you aren't struggling, you aren't learning. And yes, that even applies to going a day without your water bottle. DD actually has a water bottle that says "If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." (I just think it's funny in the context of this conversation, because...water bottle. )
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Post by lemondrop on Sept 6, 2018 14:10:46 GMT
For K on up, we had the policy that I’d bring your forgotten item once a semester. Everyone deserves a moment of grace. But after that, you owed me. And I didn’t want money—I wanted chores. Cleaning the baseboards was my favorite. For some reason the kids hated it even worse than cleaning toilets. And they had to pay me back with twice the time the errand took me. So if it took me 20 minutes round trip, they owed me 40 minutes. It worked to remind them when they called that this was their one freebie. I did the same thing - once a semester. And they owed me back in chores for the time it took me. It made them think about whether it was worth calling me! I think a little leeway is fair enough - I sometimes call my kids and ask for a favor. An occasional "oops" is to be expected.
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,710
Location: Houston, TX
Jun 25, 2014 22:47:49 GMT
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Post by smartypants71 on Sept 6, 2018 17:15:00 GMT
My kid wouldn't even dare call me for anything like that. I work full time and there's no way I'd leave work for a water bottle, or homework, or anything else. He has money in his account if he needs something. Otherwise, he can wait until he gets home. Plus, the school doesn't allow it anyway. There are like 3500 students, so they can't handle trivial crap like that.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Sept 6, 2018 21:22:50 GMT
As a parent of 10 year old boys (one with anxiety and one with ADHD) and as a teacher of high school kids, I know both are difficult jobs.
I think that perhaps the tone of the article is a bit bitter, but I also think the general point is valid. If you have to drop something off once or twice a year, you probably aren't a lawnmower parent. If you have to swoop in to save the day all the time, I think it would be a good idea to really spend some time reflecting on a couple things.
Acknowledge your privilege. You are incredibly lucky if you can, on a regular basis, fix things for your kids in the ways stated. It would be incredibly hard for many parents to do that. They are at work and can't leave. They don't have transportation, they are ill, etc... If you can do this (regularly), you are one of the lucky ones. So, yay you, but I would ask yourself what you are teaching your child. On one hand, you want your kids to know you are always there for them. You got their back. They are loved and supported. That is wonderful. On the other hand, you want them to have grit and be able to get through uncomfortable and stressful situations. You want them to know that common sense consequences occur in life when you make mistakes. Letting them fail too much or not letting them fail enough can create anxiety, complexes and baggage. Parenting is definitely hard.
There is a lot of fuzzy grey area on this, and I do think you have to take each situation into account.
To me, forgetting a water bottle for school would not be something I would ever consider going home to get for my child. If he remembered on the way and I could pick one up, and I wouldn't be late to work, sure, I might do it once a year. If not...He will get milk at lunch and he can use a water fountain and with 99.99999% assurance, he will live to see another day. Now, if he is going to dry land goalie practice in the middle of the summer ( a real life experience this summer), and I know he NEEDS water or might pass out (and yes, there is a water fountain, but they don't want them going there every five minutes and we are paying big $$$ for this time), I will go get him the damn water he forgot (pick it up on the way), but we will definitely NOT forget the rest of the summer. Also, I wasn't working. I was just a SAHM hockey mom....not someone else's employee and teacher---at that time. I have the ability to do it for him in the summer. Not during the school year.
I believe in logical consequences and that more often than not, kids need to feel the pain or they may not develop the skills needed to become independent and strong-minded adults, but I do know that helping a child out on an occasional mistake isn't going to make them into helpless and weak adults either.
Balance.
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