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Post by auntkelly on Dec 21, 2018 12:42:06 GMT
My book club has a Dirty Santa gift exchange every year. This year, when it was my turn to pick, I stole some holiday wine glasses from someone. The next person stole those wine glasses from me, so I chose to unwrap a present. It was a pair of slippers. The person who brought them was sitting next to me and went on and on about how special these slippers were.
The person who brought the slippers happened to be the last person to pick, so she could steal any gift or choose to unwrap the very last gift. She ended up stealing the slippers from me.
I sat by this lady last year at the party and noticed she took her own gift home last year too. It just seems to me that it goes against the spirit of a gift exchange to purposely take home the gift you brought. I feel like she thinks none of the other gifts are as special as hers.
I'm not pea livid or anything, and I really didn't care at all about the slippers, but I just want to hear what the peas think. Am i being ridiculous to think it's rude of this woman to steal her own present? Do I have a point or do I need to mind my own business and finish wrapping presents?
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twinsmomfla99
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Posts: 3,980
Jun 26, 2014 13:42:47 GMT
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Dec 21, 2018 12:48:50 GMT
That’s an odd but somewhat brilliant way to win at one of these gift exchanges LOL. I suspect she was badly burned in the past at one of these and now makes sure there is a gift she wants to take home. I assume she looked at what had been opened and just said “ Nah, I’m taking my own gift home.”
It’s weird, but I don’t necessarily think it’s rude.
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blue tulip
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Dec 21, 2018 12:50:46 GMT
strange, but not rude. I bring things I would like to have, and I almost stole my comfy blanket back at a dirty santa this week! another woman at the same party stole her own wine back.
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 21, 2018 12:53:11 GMT
We call them "Yankee Swaps" up here and the unspoken rule is that you don't take home the gift you brought. I'd be peeved by it too.
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Post by lisae on Dec 21, 2018 12:56:19 GMT
Do you have rules about how many times a gift can be taken? I've seen this rule so that once a gift has been taken twice, it is out of the running and whoever has it that last time keeps it. It wouldn't have helped in this situation but having some rules does save time.
Personally, DH and I are done with this type of swap. It was fun once upon a time but we are over it.
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Post by disneypal on Dec 21, 2018 13:04:15 GMT
I know someone who has done that too - if she really wanted the slippers, she should have bought herself a pair or just kept them and take something else to the exchange.
Another etiquette rule is...if the person hosting the party gets a gift she obviously loves, don’t steal it from her. My friend host a part every year and has for at least 15 years. She is so sweet and has a lot of personal and health struggles yet she opens her home up every year for this party.
She collects gingerbread items for displaying at Christmas. One year she got this beautiful ceramic gingerbread house that was obviously bought with her in mind and we all expected her to end up with it. The last person to choose a gift stole it from her and so she end up with a soap gift set instead. The rest of us tried to convince the other person to give her the gingerbread house back but she wouldn’t. Totally bad Dirty Santa etiquette. The host took it well and was fine with it all but we could all see in her face how disappointed she was that she lost the gingerbread house.
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AmandaA
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Aug 28, 2015 22:31:17 GMT
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Post by AmandaA on Dec 21, 2018 13:08:15 GMT
I am going to vote rude. Buy yourself the slippers if you really want them or don’t participate if you are going to be a grinch about the gifts 🤷🏻♀️ I had to have this discussion with my daughter who was disappointed with the book she brought home from her kindergarten book exchange (and really wanted to keep the one she took instead)... she is six but I expect her to get over it before she is a grown woman.
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Post by peasapie on Dec 21, 2018 13:12:12 GMT
I’ve never done one of these. It must be hard to choose a lovely gift and end up with something that feels like less than desirable. It must also be hard to have in your hand something you’d love and have to pass it off, but I guess that’s part of the “fun”? . Are there rules about how much to spend?
To answer OP - I feel like it’s counterintuitive to the spirit of a gift exchange to take home the gift you brought.
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camcas
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Jun 26, 2014 3:41:19 GMT
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Post by camcas on Dec 21, 2018 13:20:12 GMT
Hahahahahaha...some peolpe need to get a life!
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Post by marzbar71 on Dec 21, 2018 13:21:01 GMT
As someone who has received an open package of oatmeal, I think she's a GENIUS!
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kelly8875
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Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Dec 21, 2018 13:25:05 GMT
I think it’s weird, but not rude or against the rules. Maybe she just didn’t see anything else she thought she’d use, so she took her own gift back?
We have our white elephant gift exchange at work today. That’s always interesting....pretty much anything goes, lol. And by anything, really.
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Post by peano on Dec 21, 2018 13:29:18 GMT
I'm mainly just puzzled by the idea of bringing slippers, since those are shoe size dependent.
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Post by wandawoman on Dec 21, 2018 13:31:12 GMT
As someone who has received an open package of oatmeal, I think she's a GENIUS! So do I. I seem to be a magnet for your kind of gift.
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Post by mikewozowski on Dec 21, 2018 13:52:46 GMT
if she was considering taking her own gift home, then she should have kept her mouth shut about bringing them!
i have considered bringing my own gift home, but it is usually dead by my turn.
it has happened before that someone has taken home the gift they brought. idk if i think it is rude (maybe a little) but it is a little strange.
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Post by GamGam on Dec 21, 2018 14:28:45 GMT
Did you steal the wine glasses again?😛
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 21, 2018 14:41:10 GMT
I do think it is kind of rude to do that. Not to mention weird. Most of the time the gifts are fairly inexpensive items, so would it kill a person to just buy another for themselves if they really like the thing and really wanted it? And in the case of the hostess who should have gotten the gingerbread house, that’s just crappy for someone to steal it away from her! The lesson to be learned there though is that whoever brought it should have just given it directly to her as a hostess gift instead of a gift exchange gift which left it up for grabs. Personally I hate those kinds of exchanges. I always end up with the “open pack of oatmeal” so to speak, and the thing I brought typically ends up being one of the things people fight over tooth and nail. It sucks to go out of your way to bring something really great only to end up swapping with someone who shopped out of their regift closet.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Dec 21, 2018 14:42:45 GMT
I think it's odd, but I'm guessing she's gotten burned one to many times.
I hate those games with a passion. I quit participating after several years of other people's bad behavior. There would be a limit on the price (usually $25), so someone would give a partial gift - like 1/2 of a $50 bottle of wine - which I got stuck with. Another year I got 1/2 bottle of perfume, while I gave a really pretty lead glass picture frame. One year was a used ashtray because, well, it cost $50 new so it's worth half now - I don't even smoke. I started throwing the crap out on the way out the door. Of course, I was the spoilsport. Meanwhile the asshats "stole" and took home really nice things. They would keep stealing after the game was over by taking things from people from their tables. I almost had a pretty candle holder, but a guy took it for his wife as I stood up to put my coat on. I think that was the year I got some ugly joke type Christmas earrings. I was done and we never went to another company Christmas party. Bunch of drunken fools.
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Dec 21, 2018 14:43:56 GMT
It is kinda douche to me. Even more so since she is a repeat offender. We do Dirty Santa at Christmas Eve with the adults. We only have two rules.The first is after a gift has been stolen twice it is dead. We had to create this rule after the Leg Lamp Incident of 2012. The only other rule is you can't steal/choose your own gift. I have an uncle who I guess didn't like participating, his solution was to pick his own gift and then he would need to head home before it was over. I was like if you don't want to play, just don't play. It's not a requirement!
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 21, 2018 14:44:15 GMT
I've never been a fan of these exchanges, although I think they could be fun under the right circumstances.
I’ve been burned in the Secret Santa thing too, and quit participating several years ago.
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garcia5050
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Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Dec 21, 2018 14:45:08 GMT
I am participating in an exchange where the gifts are supposed to be naughty. I thought I was going to get some good ideas on this thread! But I vote mildly rude on taking your own gift.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Dec 21, 2018 14:46:26 GMT
The only time I like Dirty Santa is when the gifts have to be less than $2 or $5. Something so inexpensive that all the gifts are 'equal'. I've never heard of anyone deliberately taking home the gift they brought. That seems really odd to me.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 21, 2018 14:47:22 GMT
I just don't like calling it Dirty Santa. It makes me think of Dirty Old Man.
Around here it is called either White Elephant gift exchange or Chinese Gift exchange.
We can steal a gift twice and the 3rd time it is frozen with that person.
At our exchange this year, someone brought sofa pillows that were decorated for Christmas. I noticed she selected her pillows. I felt OK with that. I have been burned too many times with these exchanges, I don't begrudge a person making sure he/she gets home with something that is wanted.
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Post by librarylady on Dec 21, 2018 14:51:13 GMT
The retiree group to which I belong--I guess it was initiated because really have tight financial resources--but the rules are to bring a white elephant gift. For our purposes, the white elephant is defined as: something you already own but are tired of and no longer want.Of course, that makes it open to some real duds--but sometimes it is something not bad, but that person is just tired of it. I came home with a beautiful serving tray (glass) this year. It is rather large and could be used for cakes/cookies etc.
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Post by grammadee on Dec 21, 2018 15:00:39 GMT
At least she was honest. Last year a participant sighed that she ended up with the last gift (which could not be stolen) and that the gift she got was the one she had brought. I approached her later at the event, and asked what her gift was. She said, "Oh, just some knives I had picked up on sale. Not very Christmassy." I told her I actually needed a few new kitchen knives. She asked, "Did you want to trade?" I had ended up with a Christmas décor item that didn't really fit in with mine at home, so I agreed, and she seemed pleased to do the switch. When I opened the package of knives at home I realized that they were not cheap. They are great knives and cut really well. I keep wondering if she had brought them on purpose to be her gift (I think way over the $20 limit) for the purpose of taking them home, and her offer may have been just thrown out there, expecting me to say "No". I felt kind of guilty, but I tell myself that all I have to go on about anyone else is what they let me know at the time, so I will take you at your word, Lady. What did you end up with, auntkelly?
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Post by heckofagal on Dec 21, 2018 15:03:30 GMT
We play this (we call it Rob Your Neighbor) on Christmas Day with my family. One game for the adult women and one game for the adult men. I come from a large family and it would be too crazy to do everyone together, plus its nice to know you are buying just for a girl or a guy. (The kids draw names for a gift exchange.) Our price limit is $20-25, and a gift can be stolen 3 times before it is 'frozen' and cannot be stolen again. We don't have a rule about going home with your own gift, but we normally have a nice selection of gifts to choose from. We have a loosely enforced rule about sitting with immediate family members and "helping" them decide what to pick..."you steal the blanket, and I've got the wine you wanted so we can switch".
There should be a rule about minimum amount spent. I went to a Christmas party at work one year that had a White Elephant gift exchange with a $10 price limit. I made sure to bring a nice gift and I unwrapped some little kids sports trophy. Really...you couldn't tape some scratch off lottery tickets to the bottom of that trophy???
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moodyblue
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Post by moodyblue on Dec 21, 2018 15:03:35 GMT
The retiree group to which I belong--I guess it was initiated because really have tight financial resources--but the rules are to bring a white elephant gift. For our purposes, the white elephant is defined as: something you already own but are tired of and no longer want.Of course, that makes it open to some real duds--but sometimes it is something not bad, but that person is just tired of it. I came home with a beautiful serving tray (glass) this year. It is rather large and could be used for cakes/cookies etc.
I like that it’s stated upfront. I think one of the issues with these exchanges is that often the rules are NOT clearly defined, and that’s where the different interpretations can cause problems. Unless it’s all simple and clearly spelled out for people, you get hurt feelings or disappointment.
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Post by grammadee on Dec 21, 2018 15:04:59 GMT
The retiree group to which I belong--I guess it was initiated because really have tight financial resources--but the rules are to bring a white elephant gift. For our purposes, the white elephant is defined as: something you already own but are tired of and no longer want.Of course, that makes it open to some real duds--but sometimes it is something not bad, but that person is just tired of it. I came home with a beautiful serving tray (glass) this year. It is rather large and could be used for cakes/cookies etc.
I belonged to one of those groups for a few years, and one gift kept coming back for several years. Playing that game was like playing Old Maid: you did NOT want to go home with that gift! I did not have it in my possession when we moved, and I don't know if the game still continues or what ever happened to that rather risqué ceramic ashtray...
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Dec 21, 2018 15:24:20 GMT
I wouldn't necessarily call her rude, but definitely weird that she continues to pick her own gift every year. Next year ya'll need to hatch a plan to steal her gift enough times that it is dead before her turn comes around! There have been many times where I've wished I'd ended up with my own gifts because I've gotten some duds. I smile, say thank you and then they go straight into my donation box when I get home. It's more about the spirit of the game than what you actually receive. That said, my goal every year is to have the gift that is stolen the most! This year I succeeded with a dozen macarons from the best shop in town! Since I don't really eat macarons, there was no danger of me trying to steal my own gift back. I just don't like calling it Dirty Santa. It makes me think of Dirty Old Man. Around here it is called either White Elephant gift exchange or Chinese Gift exchange. Same here, though most have just gone to calling it a White Elephant exchange.
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quiltz
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Post by quiltz on Dec 21, 2018 15:31:31 GMT
I was part of a group that did this type of Christmas gift exchange but with a twist.
We used these rules: For the first person, it was to pick up a gift and NOT unwrap. Then we used one die (dice) with these rules: #1 - Choose a gift from the pile OR steal from anyone. #2 - unwrap your gift or if you haven't picked up a gift, do so and unwrap it OR steal from anyone #3 - move your gift 3 people to the left (all the people in this group participate) #4 - unwrap your gift or if you haven't picked up a gift, do so and unwrap it OR steal from anyone #5 - swap with anyone or pick up a gift. Do not unwrap until you throw a #2 or #4 #6 - move your gift 3 people to the left (all people in this group participate)
Continue until all gifts have been unwrapped and then go one more round (or two) depending on the size of the group.
It did take some time to do this game and it was a lot of fun.
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sweetandsour
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Jun 30, 2014 17:43:52 GMT
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Post by sweetandsour on Dec 21, 2018 15:36:03 GMT
I just don't like calling it Dirty Santa. It makes me think of Dirty Old Man. Around here it is called either White Elephant gift exchange or Chinese Gift exchange. We can steal a gift twice and the 3rd time it is frozen with that person. At our exchange this year, someone brought sofa pillows that were decorated for Christmas. I noticed she selected her pillows. I felt OK with that. I have been burned too many times with these exchanges, I don't begrudge a person making sure he/she gets home with something that is wanted. IMO, unless you are restricted to exchanging only goods made in China or with a Chinese-inspired theme, "Chinese Gift exchange" isn't the best way to describe a gift exchange.
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