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Post by jennifercw on Dec 25, 2018 23:38:26 GMT
My sweet MIL was diagnosed with cancer in August and passed away in September. We are spending Christmas with my FIL. He's (understandably) having a tough time. And it is strange for us as well - the joy of Christmas all mixed up with the sorrow of missing her. Trying to set the table for Christmas but not knowing where she kept the tablecloths... I wish we could make it better. Any words of advice?
Anyone else having a hard time this Christmas?
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 25, 2018 23:40:24 GMT
The first Christmas after a loved one dies isn't good and there's no way to make it good. My advice is to listen to eachother and give hugs. Perhaps you can talk about some of the nice Christmas memories w/your mil, but right now it's probably too soon for anyone to be able to smile. In time the holidays will get much happier, but right now everyone is grieving. I'm so very sorry.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378 
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Post by katybee on Dec 25, 2018 23:44:10 GMT
The first Christmas after my mom died was terrible for me. It gets better, I promise! Now, we sit around happily recalling our favorite moments with her.
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Post by KelleeM on Dec 25, 2018 23:47:12 GMT
It’s been a year of many deaths in my family...two aunts, an uncle, a nephew, two great nieces, my exFIL and a cousin. I’ve struggled to not cry daily for weeks now. This Christmas has been harder than any since my Mom passed in 2012.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s just terrible for your FIL. I know my Dad is still lost without my Mom. Hugs.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 25, 2018 23:50:59 GMT
Oh, KelleeM, that's way too much loss in one year. My prayers are w/you. ((((HUGS)))). A secret that no one tells you about is that it's OK not to be happy during the holidays. It's OK to grieve, but make sure that you're taking good, loving care of yourself. |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 25, 2018 23:55:35 GMT
I'm so sorry for those struggling with loss.
Ours was tough because DH was hospitalized all last week. He came home Friday, but suffered a reaction to an antibiotic last night. We spent the evening on the phone with the on call oncologist. He's better today, thankfully. We plan to celebrate Christmas tomorrow.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Dec 26, 2018 0:03:44 GMT
My best friend lost her dad just before Christmas last year, then her mom three months to the day later, and had hip replacement surgery two weeks ago today so is still on 'house arrest' while healing. I was up there for surgery and then again last week, but I've worried about her yesterday and today -- this is a hard year for her. We've been in touch, but I hate I couldn't scoop her up and bring her here. The doctor won't let her leave the house until he sees her next week.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,646
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Dec 26, 2018 0:20:36 GMT
I lost my father and DH lost his mother this year. It has definitely changed things.
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Post by newfcathy on Dec 26, 2018 0:21:57 GMT
My BIL died 2 months ago. Even though he had been diagnosed with 2 years earlier that they had been managing it until he got an infection in his leg. He had to stop the chemo, which he had been tolerating well.
He passed less than two weeks after they told him that they had no further treatment for him. He was only 69 & had been married to dh’s d sister for 44 years.
We were only 5 people today, as their brother had died in a car crash the prior October.
Poor SIL. Luckily her late dh’s sister has been very good to her.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Dec 26, 2018 0:49:23 GMT
It's been a terrible year for losses of loved ones for me too. I usually don't get sad at Christmas but this year has seen some tears in my alone time. I miss my dog, Belle. I miss my nephew, William. I worry how my brother and sister-in-law will cope this holiday without their son. And I extremely miss my dad. I just talked to my stepmom. She said she cried a lot yesterday, being alone (we all live 800 or more miles away and could not be there for Christmas).
I just try to take it a day at a time, sometimes a minute at a time. Peace to all who are sad this day.
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Post by cynipidae17 on Dec 26, 2018 0:55:52 GMT
Yep. I am having a Christmas where I am ready to toss the tree outside and light it on fire(and it is a pre-lit artificial,so not a good idea). My dad died suddenly last Tuesday and my FIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the same week. My kids are young so we are trying, but Christmas that ends in a funeral just sucks.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 26, 2018 1:06:23 GMT
My dad came out here for Thanksgiving after my mom had died in September. I had no idea how to cook a turkey. We had so many missteps and issues that they kind of became the family joke for a while. Just be kind to yourself and get through each day with as much positivity as you can. It does get a little better, but it does take years.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 26, 2018 1:07:03 GMT
Yep. I am having a Christmas where I am ready to toss the tree outside and light it on fire(and it is a pre-lit artificial,so not a good idea). My dad died suddenly last Tuesday and my FIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the same week. My kids are young so we are trying, but Christmas that ends in a funeral just sucks. Hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss. |
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Post by elaine on Dec 26, 2018 1:09:56 GMT
Yep. I am having a Christmas where I am ready to toss the tree outside and light it on fire(and it is a pre-lit artificial,so not a good idea). My dad died suddenly last Tuesday and my FIL was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the same week. My kids are young so we are trying, but Christmas that ends in a funeral just sucks. (((Hugs))) I am sorry for everyone’s losses. |
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Post by gritzi on Dec 26, 2018 1:11:38 GMT
My mom passed away a week ago. I feel numb and am heartbroken.
So very sorry for your loss!
cynipidae17, my condolences to you. We lost a parent on the same day. We should have been shopping together, cooking, eating, laughing, instead of planning a funeral and mourning the loss of a wonderful person. I made it through today, but will cry a lot at bedtime.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 26, 2018 1:13:35 GMT
My hugs and prayers go out to all of you who are suffering losses. The year my brother died, my mom and sister and I all cried together on Thanksgiving. And then we wiped our tears and celebrated. We did the same on Christmas that year.
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Post by leftturnonly on Dec 26, 2018 1:21:25 GMT
My sweet MIL was diagnosed with cancer in August and passed away in September. We are spending Christmas with my FIL. He's (understandably) having a tough time. And it is strange for us as well - the joy of Christmas all mixed up with the sorrow of missing her. Trying to set the table for Christmas but not knowing where she kept the tablecloths... I wish we could make it better. Any words of advice? Anyone else having a hard time this Christmas? Christmas for my kids and myself since my husband passed away looks like anything but what Christmas used to look like. It's perfectly fine to not try to do it like it's always been done if y'all are too emotionally drained to make it happen. Christmas isn't really about the tree, the decorations, the presents, the food... anyway. No matter your religious beliefs, if you are able to be with family, it's a time to appreciate being with those people who mean so much to you. If you can let go of the things you "should" be doing and learn to enjoy what you actually are doing, it makes these holidays a whole lot easier. |
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Post by emelle64 on Dec 26, 2018 1:42:06 GMT
I'm so sorry for those of you who are grieving this Christmas. Celebrating without a loved one for the first time is so difficult.
My loss is of another kind… my husband left me in May. My university aged kids have been home since last Thursday but went to their dads at 1 PM today. It was so hard to see them go. I love the time I spend with them and it just doesn't seem to be long enough and now we hav to split that time. I went and had dinner with my sister and family but my heart still feels very empty.
Emelle
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dald222
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,602
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Post by dald222 on Dec 26, 2018 2:09:13 GMT
my dear dad died in december  my freinds kept taking me shopping to buy gifts so I would not think of it we did have the holiday but sad |
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Dec 26, 2018 2:22:27 GMT
This is the first Christmas without my mom and I just miss her. My condolences to others who are missing loved ones this holiday.
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Post by krcrafts on Dec 26, 2018 2:22:32 GMT
I’m so sorry for everyone who is missing someone this year.
It doesn’t seem like Christmas to me as my mom is currently in hospice and my heart just hasn’t been in it. They don’t expect her to be here for much longer, but I am grateful to the nurses and aides who have been so comforting and kind to my mom and to my family. I don’t know how they do it, but I’m certainly glad they do.
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Post by christine58 on Dec 26, 2018 2:24:10 GMT
Anyone else having a hard time this Christmas? Yes...me....my dad had a kidney removed on 11/19 and he has not recovered as fast as he and we thought. Two ER visits....last one was for a small bowel obstruction. Today we were all supposed to be together and his stomach hurts again. Not like with the obstruction. I think it's the antibiotic he is on for a UTI. He and my mom stayed home. He's 83 she's 81. It was not a fun day at all...I am stressed--so stressed.. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 26, 2018 2:31:22 GMT
I’m sorry. It’s rough. Hugs to you all.
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Post by Lexica on Dec 26, 2018 2:40:28 GMT
I’m sorry for those of you who lost loved ones this year. Each “first” will be difficult without them, but as time passes, the grief turns into wonderful warm memories of their lives with you.
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Post by Pahina722 on Dec 26, 2018 2:47:47 GMT
My mom died suddenly in September after having emergency open heart surgery. My father is understandably having a difficult time with it as Friday would have been their 60th anniversary. Because my mother adored going all out with decorating and cooking for Christmas, he has refused to have anything to do with it, so much so that he handed me cash and told me to buy his gifts for our family. We’ve tried to call him, but I’m pretty sure that he went up to the hunting camp to be away from the whole situation. And I’m sick, sick, sick, so it’s hard to feel very festive when I miss my mom, my dad, and can’t do anything without going into a coughing fit.
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Post by berty on Dec 26, 2018 3:25:26 GMT
I'm so sorry for everyone who is dealing with a loss. ((((hugs)))).
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,744
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Dec 26, 2018 3:42:57 GMT
Hugs to everyone suffering the loss of a loved one this holiday season.
It is tough but got easier for me with time and good memories.
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stittsygirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Location: In the leaves and rain.
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Post by stittsygirl on Dec 26, 2018 3:52:04 GMT
Yes. My mom was diagnosed with leukemia two weeks ago, and has been hospitalized ever since under intensive chemo. She’s so sick and in so much pain she can barely talk. I’ve had to work all week, including tonight, but my kids and I are flying to Utah Friday to see her. We can only stay two days though because they all have to be back for school Wednesday, and I have work again. My husband is still in Afghanistan and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed by everything right now - kids, home, work, my own health, and now my mom. There’s been very little cheer here this holiday season. I’m so sorry for everyone who is grieving and going through hard things right now . |
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Post by elaine on Dec 26, 2018 3:53:46 GMT
Yes. My mom was diagnosed with leukemia two weeks ago, and has been hospitalized ever since under intensive chemo. She’s so sick and in so much pain she can barely talk. I’ve had to work all week, including tonight, but my kids and I are flying to Utah Friday to see her. We can only stay two days though because they all have to be back for school Wednesday, and I have work again. My husband is still in Afghanistan and I’m just feeling so overwhelmed by everything right now - kids, home, work, my own health, and now my mom. There’s been very little cheer here this holiday season. I’m so sorry for everyone who is grieving and going through hard things right now  . I’m so sorry. May you find the strength to make it through the next week. Prayers for your mom. |
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Post by disneypal on Dec 26, 2018 3:57:27 GMT
I am sorry for those that are having a tough Christmas. For me, Christmas hasn’t been Christmas since my dad passed and then not long after, my brother joined him.
I am glad when the season is over - it isn’t the same anymore and just never will be.
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my freinds kept taking me shopping to buy gifts so I would not think of it we did have the holiday but sad 
