Relationships with exes

I do not have a good relationship with my ex. He is a narcissist, angry and very manipulative. I, do, however, get along great with his parents, siblings and their family. 

Edited to add - we can be in the same room. We both go to our son's events. We just are not friends. 

my father and his ex-wife had a cordial relationship - enough so that my younger sister and I (from marriage #2) knew her and considered her our step-mum. She didn't remarry until after Dad died - they had separated when my older sister was 5 but didn't divorce until Dad was about to remarry when my sister was 18 (she turned 19 the day before my parents married). Dad died 20 years later.

I have a unique relationship with my ex-husband. He was my high school sweetheart and the love of my life. Military life took it toll on him and during a 10 month deployment, he cheated. He stopped all communication with me the rest of the deployment. He never let me know homecoming details, no contact, changed bank information so I had no money...until he showed up at home on our wedding anniversary to tell me he filed for divorce.

I have every reason to hate him. I could have ruined his and her military careers but I didn’t. I thought of my kids and our lives going forward. My ex and I shared a lawyer, did our own child support and visitation agreement. I live in our home that he pays the mortgage on in exchange for him to be able to come here for visitation with the kids. The first year, it was horrible. I hated seeing him every other weekend. Now, it’s not so bad. He comes to visit, does yard work, anything I ask.

My ex married the girl he cheated with and that was a bit rough for us but it was to be expected. My kids have never met her and have no desire to. He asks but does not push them to meet her.

My parents were horrible to each other. At my wedding in 2007 it was he first time they had saw each other in 10 years. It was very awkward and didn't go well.

My mom held huge resentment to my dad. Not sure why she's the one that cheated. They both were responsible for their downfall. Dad had a little more grace about it and never bad mouthed mom to me. Mom was a woman scorned again she cheated. Lol.



They were never good with each other and separated many times while I was growing up. It was a huge relief when they finally said they were done.

They both remarried to people no better than what they had with each other.

DH divorced in 1972. We married in 1974. His ex has never remarried. For about 20 years it was some uproar all the time.
After a grandchild was born who lived near us, I called and asked ex to spend Thanksgiving all together. She made a big deal out of we have to meet in a neutral place, neither her home nor ours. When DH's brother died she came into our home on a condolence call to his family. After that, she came to our home for Christmas for about 16 years. We had a Thanksgiving lunch at her home twice. Of course, we saw her at grandson's events. She called over here for gardening advice from DH. He made minor repairs to her home when she was selling the home. Then, things changed for reasons unknown to us.

I guess, she was/is happier with a hostile relationship. She instigated something that was very hurtful to DH (and me). It was the final drama for us. We are done with her--she is dead to us. I'm sorry it is this way, but after 40+ years, I (and DH) are done with stupid drama and ugly actions.

My relationship with my ex husband is complicated to say the least. We had a very nasty divorced. That is what happens when he had already moved on and she was dictating the terms. Anyway, we have one child together and she was 9 during our divorce. Before our divorce was final soon to be ex and his girlfriend took daughter for a visit and I didn't see her for over a year. It was a nightmare! Something you hear about but will never happen to me situation. It was the worse time of my life. So daughter comes home. Ex and girlfriend have lived in another state. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. So daughter is now 21 and I have never said one bad thing about her father to her. Its not my place to form her opinion of him. He has been nothing but nasty to me and I just let it ride for  our daughter. 

My ex husband is an idiot. No, really. I don't say that lightly. He has pickled his brain with alcohol, became abusive shortly into our marriage, and I only deal with him when I absolutely have to. I'm very non-violent, but when it becomes necessary to speak with him, I use every bit of self control I possess to keep from beating him until he stops twitching.

That being said, his maternal grandmother has dementia and is in her mid-90s, but still remembers me and asks about me at every holiday function. Drives him bonkers, according to our oldest daughter.

I have the highest admiration for those who are able to have a good relationship with their ex.

I have been divorced 2 1/2 years. DH left with no warning but it turned out to be for the best. I hated DH at first, but a few weeks after he left, my ds came home from school and said “It’s so nice to have exdh out of the house.” Clearly our relationship was not as good as I thought. At that point I decided to “get along” to make things easier for us all. We had an amicable divorce. The only negative was when he tried to stop paying his portion of the mortgage. I let him for several months then threatened to take him to court. He would have owed me thousands of dollars so I offered him a quit claim deed on the house instead of court and he signed. I admit I manipulated that, but I don’t care. He has also refused to do the work to get his name off the mortgage. I tried but they keep asking for a form that doesn’t exist in my state. I don’t care if his name is on the mortgage. It’s not on the house.

I don’t care for his lifestyle. Lots of drinking, smoking pot and he’s, according to DD, added some occasional coke to the mix when he’s out at his Dead cover band concerts. Whatever. Kids are 20 and 22 and know he’s lazy, manipulative and selfish and understand his limits. They make it work.

I still see my former in-laws at least twice a year. They came to my wedding reception when I got remarried. I don’t attend their family events, but apparently neither does exdh. My kids do. They are very close to their grandparents.

Ex and I talk when we need to. I don’t hate him but I also wouldn’t consider him a friend. I parent our kids and he hangs out with them. He’ll occasionally give them some gas $ but doesn’t help pay for anything else. He still breaks promises, like helping ds with new snow tires, but I pick up the pieces and life goes on.

I have a decent relationship wit my ex, and he stayed over here for two days at Christmas. My kids are now 18 and 20.

After our marriage ended, they lived with me full-time. He moved in with his mom. My older son stayed with him a total of about five nights in the last 6.5 years. My younger son maybe stayed 10 nights. My ex never paid child support but gave me money very infrequently.

He finally got SSDI due to some health issues, and I received some money for the kids. That has now ended, of course.

My ex has a daughter and grandson. I also have a nice relationship with her. I have often served as a go-between between her and her dad. She visited in the summer and came to my house when my ex couldn't figure out how he would see her. (My ex came over too.) She even gave me a Christmas gift this year.

All that to say that I have definitely been the bigger person and did way more than my part to make sure that my kids stayed connected with their dad. I really had to learn how to set healthy boundaries with him.

Lisa

I love my husband's ex-wife. She even used me for a personal reference for a job once. Both of them only always wanted what was best for their daughter so they got along great and did what they could to keep as much normality in her life. It worked. She's a wonderful successful girl with a family. It might have helped that there was never any alimony or child support on either side. Both shared in all the expenses and she spent time each week with both of us, depending on her parents schedules (they both worked in a place with split shifts). I think even though she's grown, both she and my hubby still talk occasionally.

I was SO naive to think that  we were actually friendly  during our  divorce. We lived together (separate rooms) and got along. HE prepared our divorce papers & I trusted him since  we didn't  have much + the Agreement clearly outlined finances, the house, etc... He wound up lying from the day we began the papers & stoped paying the mortgage. I had no idea even though the house was in my name. He set it all up to re-route to his P.O. Box for mail...

Luckily when I moved out (he was going  to begin a legal battle to remain in the house so I moved out), I found out that the house was in foreclosure. I got my sister (a lawyer) to help me put it into a short sale so that my credit wasn't  further damaged.

The ex also fraudently put my name on taxes for the years I was moved out! He owed thousands and the IRS couldn't find him, so they were attaching my SSDI checks! Another battle I fought (on my own & won).

He stopped caring about his own 2 kids, and they moved down here to FL with me and DH. My son had to go thru therapy for adiction (drugs), but he bonded with his step dad and got clean and changed  his life. He's  back in NY, living with (clean) friends, got a great job & he sees our family  often. My ex ripped him off  too, $15k. Horrible...

DD30 is still with us & her dad doesn't  care or believe how bad it is here. I've  had a year of surgeries and DH has inoperable bladder cancer. We have one car and things are tough. Ex has an empty studio on his gf's property but claims he can't  take in DD since she has cats. He does nothing to help out.

DH & I want to move  back to NY so I could have  my family's  support (& buy a tiny condo there),  but DD would have to come. She has nowhere else to go... so, a big NO on us getting along although I could be pleasant on the phone for a minute...

My XDH and I get along okay. He is not the same man I married, but as a person I still like him. I wouldn’t say I want to be “friends” with him, but he’s a nice person.

I’m happy I’m not married to him.

We actually work together too. But I can go days without having to interact with him, so we make it work. Our kids are 17 & 19, and while it’s never specifically been talked about in detail, I think after a few years they know why we got divorced. I hear them say things, and listen to their little complaints.

mikklynn “I certainly understand sometimes having a good relationship with an ex is not possible. It takes both parties to create that relationship.”

It was really important to DD’s bio-dad and me to have a good relationship. I want to acknowledge it’s also awesome when the new spouses encourage and participate in that good relationship.

We got along great during his first marriage. They moved two houses down, we had Sunday dinners together, their kids were in and out of our house daily, etc. He’s always been a marginal parent but his first wife prioritzed encouraging his relationship with DDs. That has not been the case with wife #2. DD’s say she’s cordial but that’s it. It’s too bad because he doesn’t take any initiative on his own and rarely, rarely interacts with DDs.

XDH1 and I tolerate each other. He’s the father of my 3 boys and raising them with him was a challenge. He’s not a bad person, just not the brightest ever. He resented me, especially after I remarried. And still holds a grudge and it’s been 30 years. At our DS wedding last year, I was so proud of us -spent most of the day together and not one bad word.

XDH2 and I get along very well. Think he still feels guilty about cheating on me. He’s there for my DSs, and when I go up to visit I always see him. Still get birthday/Christmas presents. His niece, and now his sister, have moved down here and he’s appreciative of what I do to help them out. I still consider him a friend.