|
Post by leftturnonly on Jan 11, 2019 21:40:12 GMT
UGH. I am so sorry you have such a hateful ex. I know you've calmed down a bit and see that your son is really stuck in the middle and I'm glad you've decided he's going to your party regardless. FWIW, not one of my three kids wanted a HS graduation party. In fact, my girls were the worst. The total worst. I finally sat them down and said, "Hey. Over the past 6 years I have raised the both of you 100% on my own. This party is my reward. Now do you have any questions?" It was quite literally enough. They just were self-centered and thinking of themselves (like all teens do). With my son, who just graduated, I stopped it way in advance. This party is for me. You will attend and be joyous with everyone. The rest of the week is for you and the rest of your life you can decide. This is for me. He didn't say a peep. My kids really understand what I've been through, but they don't always think about anything but themselves. So sorry you're going through this. Your ex is a giant ass. Bravo!
|
|
|
Post by mom2samlibby on Jan 11, 2019 21:42:53 GMT
This is where I am at. Don't ask for a damn thing if you can't participate in a party - that he wanted - with people coming to see him. I figured the 'party' would be over by about 4 and told him he could leave after that. Its a 6 hour drive to Denver, and since the concert isn't until Sunday night, they could get there in time. Even leaving at 4 he would get there by 11pm the night before the concert. I am just so angry. At xDH as he knew the plan of what was happening. At DS2 for not insisting on staying for the party and leaving afterwards. I know you are angry and hurt, and I would be, too. But please, try to consider how your son feels. He is caught in the middle and feeling like the bad guy at a time that should be a celebration. I feel for him, too. I don't feel to sorry for the son. He can fix it. Yes, it's hard to stand up to an abusive jerk, but all the son needs to do is say, "Dad, I'm so excited for the concert. You were great to get us tickets. However, as we planned last year, I have my party with mom's family on Saturday at 1 (and the one with your family on Friday). I can't disappoint my guests that are planning on attending. I'll be ready to leave with you that evening at 6." OP, what a tough situation. I hope your son does the right thing.
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jan 11, 2019 21:45:43 GMT
all the son needs to do is say, "Dad, I'm so excited for the concert. You were great to tet us tickets. However, as we planned last year, I have my party with mom's family on Saturday at 1 (and the one with your family on Friday). I can't disappoint my guests that are planning on attending. I'll be ready to leave with you that evening at 6." Quoting you to highlight an excellent way for the young man to say this to his father.
|
|
|
Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 21:53:52 GMT
This is where I am at. Don't ask for a damn thing if you can't participate in a party - that he wanted - with people coming to see him. I figured the 'party' would be over by about 4 and told him he could leave after that. Its a 6 hour drive to Denver, and since the concert isn't until Sunday night, they could get there in time. Even leaving at 4 he would get there by 11pm the night before the concert. I am just so angry. At xDH as he knew the plan of what was happening. At DS2 for not insisting on staying for the party and leaving afterwards. I know you are angry and hurt, and I would be, too. But please, try to consider how your son feels. He is caught in the middle and feeling like the bad guy at a time that should be a celebration. I feel for him, too. You are right - which is why I called a time out last night. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make him feel worse. We're talking this evening and I hope we can come to a solution that doesn't keep him in the middle. I made a list of some of the suggestions from this thread (fly him to Denver, etc) and will offer some of those up to see if we can get to a compromise.
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on Jan 11, 2019 22:03:37 GMT
I know you are angry and hurt, and I would be, too. But please, try to consider how your son feels. He is caught in the middle and feeling like the bad guy at a time that should be a celebration. I feel for him, too. I don't feel to sorry for the son. He can fix it. Yes, it's hard to stand up to an abusive jerk, but all the son needs to do is say, "Dad, I'm so excited for the concert. You were great to get us tickets. However, as we planned last year, I have my party with mom's family on Saturday at 1 (and the one with your family on Friday). I can't disappoint my guests that are planning on attending. I'll be ready to leave with you that evening at 6." OP, what a tough situation. I hope your son does the right thing. "Yes, it's hard to stand up to an abusive jerk..." Yes, it is. And it doesn't get any easier at the arbitrary age of 18. It can take adults years and years to remove themselves from an abusive relationship. This boy has no choice but to maintain a relationship with this abusive person. I'm surprised by the harsh judgments of the OP's son. Turning 18 didn't magically imbue me with maturity.
|
|
inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
|
Post by inkedup on Jan 11, 2019 22:04:18 GMT
I know you are angry and hurt, and I would be, too. But please, try to consider how your son feels. He is caught in the middle and feeling like the bad guy at a time that should be a celebration. I feel for him, too. You are right - which is why I called a time out last night. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make him feel worse. We're talking this evening and I hope we can come to a solution that doesn't keep him in the middle. I made a list of some of the suggestions from this thread (fly him to Denver, etc) and will offer some of those up to see if we can get to a compromise. I think your son is very lucky to have you!
|
|
PaperAngel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,386
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
|
Post by PaperAngel on Jan 11, 2019 22:27:23 GMT
(((hugs))) Your ex-husband didn't honor the previously agreed upon schedule. Now your son is in a no-win situation because he's expected to chose between his parents, & every possible scenario will anger one or both parents. I suggest you consider a combined party hosted by both parents on Friday/graduation day, reschedule your separate party for another weekend, or completely cancel one or both parties & each parent treat the graduate to an experience instead. Best wishes. (((hugs)))
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on Jan 11, 2019 22:40:54 GMT
I have four sons. None of them wanted/want a graduation party. It appears your son doesn't care (enough) about his second party (the one you're hosting) to tell his dad that he's not leaving until late afternoon on Saturday. In your shoes, I'd simply cancel the Saturday party. Just cancel it. Your son doesn't care enough about it to stand up to his dad and hang around for 3-4 hours that day and greet his family and friends. Frankly, if he did make an abbreviated appearance and then dash off for another gig, some might feel it looked a bit like a gift-grab anyway. Your son has made his choice. Yes, his dad put him in an awful position -- no doubt assuming his DS would do what he (dad) wanted and you'd cave and change your plans to make everything work. However, at 18 years old (or thereabouts), it's time for your son to live with the consequences his choices. Mommy isn't going to soften the blow all the time. If you want to go to a concert during the time a party is scheduled, then you'll actually have to miss the party. The party isn't going to change to suit you. Life's like that. Get used to it, buddy. I wouldn't beat him over the head with it, I'd just present it like, "Well, you can't do both events, so it's okay, I'll cancel the party." Act all innocent and surprised if/when DS looks shocked that you're not going to jump through hoops to make this work. I mean, he doesn't care enough to stay for a couple hours, so why should you bother getting a zillion people/businesses to change their plans for him, right? Just shrug and say, "Oh, well." Take the high road and just tell people that DS got the opportunity to go to a concert and the time conflicted with the party, so the party is cancelled. Hopefully, everyone will be able to change their travel/lodging plans at this point with no penalty since we're months out from the date. Trashtalk the xDH only to close girlfriends. Go out on Saturday with some girlfriends and have a great time! This is excellent advice. It is a good opportunity to treat your son like a young adult. It’s hard to grow up and realize that some choices are unpleasant, but it is necessary. You sound like a great mom.
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Jan 11, 2019 23:44:14 GMT
I don't understand why peas are telling you to have the party without him being there! You have plenty of time to cancel the party and give your son the money you would have spent on the party. His decision. If your family wants to give him a gift, then that's great. screw that. He would be getting exactly nothing from me. I know that graduation parties are not big all over the US, but based on the 5 hours to Denver, OP is in my region. Graduation parties are a thing here. Parents as well as family look forward to celebrating. I would be so disappointed if I didn't get to celebrate with my ds. I don't believe graduation parties are just about the graduate. At least not HS. I helped, I encourage, hell I grounded to keep him on track. This is a symbol in my area, in my circles of the child becoming an adult and that is a milestone that parents should get a part in.
|
|
scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
|
Post by scrappyesq on Jan 11, 2019 23:47:47 GMT
I'd be pissed as well Ds 2 would get the full wrath of momma on that one. Can't take a stand with Dad? Dont ask me for a damn thing and kiss all those graduation gifts goodbyeThis is where I am at. Don't ask for a damn thing if you can't participate in a party - that he wanted - with people coming to see him. I figured the 'party' would be over by about 4 and told him he could leave after that. Its a 6 hour drive to Denver, and since the concert isn't until Sunday night, they could get there in time. Even leaving at 4 he would get there by 11pm the night before the concert. I am just so angry. At xDH as he knew the plan of what was happening. At DS2 for not insisting on staying for the party and leaving afterwards. I would be pissed too. Especially if he wanted the party to begin with. ETA: I just read through the end of the post and I think you're handling things perfectly.
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Jan 12, 2019 0:04:20 GMT
I told him I needed to calm down before we discussed it again. He knows I am pissed. If DS2 was younger, I would suck it up and figure something out. But he is 18. He gets to decide now what he wants to do and where he wants to go. He says he wants to have the party (he picked the food, etc). But then his dad got these tickets and he wants to go to the concert too. I get that, completely. But no one will tell me why they have to leave so dang early. If we hadn't all talked about this ahead of time, I would completely understand. But literally everyone was involved when this was planned. With this, I’d just cancel his party. He is making the choice. No. This is one of those times Mama needs to lay down the law. No discussion; time to simply give orders and lay down some edicts... here is how it's going to be.. There WILL be a party, and he WILL be at it. He will NOT be allowed to go to the concert unless he attends the party that has already been planned for him. He does NOT get a choice in this case. He has made a commitment and as his mother she needs to FORBID him to break it. Time to show who is the boss. I'd drag ex back to court if necessary. This is BS & he can't be allowed to get away with it.
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Jan 12, 2019 0:25:44 GMT
And I totally understand what people are saying about feeling like you can crap on the more reliable parent because you trust them to always be there. The thing is, he's becoming an adult. Other adults in his life aren't going to let him walk over them. There comes a point, as the reliable parent, where you have to stop allowing them to take you for granted. There are time when a line in the sand must be drawn. And to be clear, I totally get that the r@tb@st@rd ex is the issue. In my rant above, my intent is that mom would lay down the law with the ex more than the kid. And no, graduation is NOT about the kid graduating. Prom is for the kids. Grad ceremonies & these parties are for the parents who worked their a$$es off to support the kid so they could get through school. He needs to honour his mother properly by attending this party. Anything else would be unacceptably disrespectful to his mother & her side of the family.
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Jan 12, 2019 0:46:42 GMT
Thanks mom, freecharlie - I was afraid I'd get flamed for the intensity of my reaction to this one. This kind of crap from exes just make me rage-y. Like, I can totally guess how angry the op is, because I'd like to track down her ex, run over his toes repeatedly, elbow him where it hurts, and then when he's incapacitated, throat punch him.
|
|
sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
|
Post by sassyangel on Jan 12, 2019 1:44:08 GMT
I don't feel to sorry for the son. He can fix it. Yes, it's hard to stand up to an abusive jerk, but all the son needs to do is say, "Dad, I'm so excited for the concert. You were great to get us tickets. However, as we planned last year, I have my party with mom's family on Saturday at 1 (and the one with your family on Friday). I can't disappoint my guests that are planning on attending. I'll be ready to leave with you that evening at 6." OP, what a tough situation. I hope your son does the right thing. "Yes, it's hard to stand up to an abusive jerk..." Yes, it is. And it doesn't get any easier at the arbitrary age of 18. It can take adults years and years to remove themselves from an abusive relationship. This boy has no choice but to maintain a relationship with this abusive person. I'm surprised by the harsh judgments of the OP's son. Turning 18 didn't magically imbue me with maturity. Of course it doesn't. But the only way I learned to be an adult is my parents teaching me. Sometimes being adult means working out a compromise, and sometimes it means dealing with the consequences of a poor or selfish decision.
|
|
sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
Jun 26, 2014 23:58:32 GMT
|
Post by sassyangel on Jan 12, 2019 1:45:33 GMT
Thanks mom , freecharlie - I was afraid I'd get flamed for the intensity of my reaction to this one. This kind of crap from exes just make me rage-y. Like, I can totally guess how angry the op is, because I'd like to track down her ex, run over his toes repeatedly, elbow him where it hurts, and then when he's incapacitated, throat punch him. LOL tell us how you really feel, cycworker.
|
|
cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
|
Post by cycworker on Jan 12, 2019 1:47:36 GMT
Thanks mom , freecharlie - I was afraid I'd get flamed for the intensity of my reaction to this one. This kind of crap from exes just make me rage-y. Like, I can totally guess how angry the op is, because I'd like to track down her ex, run over his toes repeatedly, elbow him where it hurts, and then when he's incapacitated, throat punch him. LOL tell us how you really feel, cycworker. I was kinda waiting for that, in retrospect.
|
|
|
Post by leftturnonly on Jan 12, 2019 2:33:02 GMT
He needs to honour his mother properly by attending this party. Anything else would be unacceptably disrespectful to his mother & her side of the family. I really like this, cyc. Don't disrespect your mother and her side of your family by treating them as if they are less important.
|
|
trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
|
Post by trollie on Jan 12, 2019 3:39:20 GMT
Thanks mom , freecharlie - I was afraid I'd get flamed for the intensity of my reaction to this one. This kind of crap from exes just make me rage-y. Like, I can totally guess how angry the op is, because I'd like to track down her ex, run over his toes repeatedly, elbow him where it hurts, and then when he's incapacitated, throat punch him. Me too!
|
|
trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
|
Post by trollie on Feb 1, 2019 2:43:44 GMT
Is there an update?
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 1, 2019 2:48:38 GMT
Well I didn't see the rest of this thread. cycworker said: There comes a point, as the reliable parent, where you have to stop allowing them to take you for granted. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed to hear this.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Feb 1, 2019 13:16:03 GMT
|
|
|
Post by mom on Feb 1, 2019 14:55:06 GMT
Yes - sort of! So my son and I talked and he understands why I was upset and didn't want him to leave early from the party. But he also doesn't want to make his dad mad (which I get as well). He asked me what time would be ok to leave and after some discussion, we settled on 3:30-4:00. I told him I could talk to his dad if he wanted me to and he said yeah. So I emailed his dad and he said he would think about it. And that's where we are today. My xDH dad has been in the hospital and now is in hospice so I haven't felt comfortable addressing it with him again. My plan is to readdress it in late Feb.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Feb 1, 2019 17:21:18 GMT
This brings up another point which is that it could negatively change how some of the people on the mom’s side will view this kid, and that could last for years. I have one nephew that we were particularly close to. We spent a lot of time with him and his dad when he was younger. We were a little hurt that we didn’t even know there was a grad party being held for him because we didn’t get an invite. Apparently his mom threw one for him and no one from of our side was invited, which was odd because she was still friendly with a lot of us. My brother didn’t have the financial resources at the time to compete with his ex’s rich mom who paid for the party, and he couldn’t afford to host a second one for our side. It somewhat colors how I feel about this kid now, knowing that he probably never even gave any of us a single thought that we might have liked to come to celebrate this milestone with him. If he has some big major life event later I don’t know that I will do as much for him as I otherwise would have if we wouldn’t have been previously snubbed. (FWIW, my dad passed away when I was ten, but all of those aunts and uncles on his side got invited to my grad party. I wouldn’t have ever considered not inviting them even though we saw my mom’s siblings a whole lot more.) Just one more wrinkle to consider, some people get really hurt by stuff like this and they tend to remember that hurt for a long, long time. Sorry this is off topic of OP. Why is this on the kid? Do you know their family dynamic? My dad gave me a graduation party. He was very bitter towards my mother and would not consider inviting anyone from her side of the family. She didn’t give me a party. Would I be to blame for family on her side not being invited?
|
|
|
Post by delila on Feb 1, 2019 17:55:11 GMT
And, tell EXDH to create an account and post here. We'll tell the douche bag. Instead of ties 😳 I can send him a few of my Rolling Stones T-shirts but he probably won’t understand. 😂 So sorry your ex is being such an ass, I suppose that is part of the reason he is the XDH! delila
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 1, 2019 23:20:42 GMT
Sorry this is off topic of OP. Why is this on the kid? Do you know their family dynamic? My dad gave me a graduation party. He was very bitter towards my mother and would not consider inviting anyone from her side of the family. She didn’t give me a party. Would I be to blame for family on her side not being invited? Were you not close to ANY of your mom’s relatives? Did you feel bad that all of them were excluded from your party? Usually the graduate would have at least *a little* input into who gets invited to their own party. In my situation, the mom and dad had been divorced since the grad was five. My brother had visitation every weekend. Grad and my brother (dad) would come to our house to watch movies almost every Friday night for YEARS when the grad was young. They came to the lake cabin for weekends in the summer. They spent a LOT of time with us. The parents have always gotten along fairly well with each other, mom even hired dad to work in her restaurant at one point when he was unemployed from his job in the trades during the recession after 2008. There is no animosity between them. My brother still routinely does anything he can to help her out. My DH, DD and I would eat at the mom’s restaurant often when we lived in the area (grad was a teen by then) and we were always on good terms with the mom even long after the divorce. I helped my brother with artwork for her screen printed work shirts (which I did for free). Grad and mom had our address and phone number, we lived at the same address for the kid’s entire life so they all knew where we lived. We sent birthday and Christmas gifts to this kid for years, went to karate tournaments, etc. and were always on good terms with the mom. I would just think that if someone was that involved in your young life, for years and years and years, and obviously cared a lot about you, why would you not make a point to invite them? DH and I felt kind of slighted by the omission because we thought the kid could have mentioned that we should get invited and obviously didn’t care if we were there or not. Even my brother (the kid’s dad) thought it was weird that we didn’t get invited because I had asked the kid directly if there was going to be a party months before it happened. I also think it would be different if we barely knew the kid and never had any contact with the kid’s mom after the divorce, but that was not the case. After we were told about it DH just said, “Oh well, I guess I can spend the $50 that I was going to put in the card on myself.” As I noted in my post, I barely ever saw any of my aunts and uncles on my dad’s side after my dad passed away 8 years prior, but they ALL still got invited to my grad party and it wouldn’t have ever occurred to me to exclude them.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Feb 2, 2019 0:54:23 GMT
Sorry this is off topic of OP. Why is this on the kid? Do you know their family dynamic? My dad gave me a graduation party. He was very bitter towards my mother and would not consider inviting anyone from her side of the family. She didn’t give me a party. Would I be to blame for family on her side not being invited? Were you not close to ANY of your mom’s relatives? Did you feel bad that all of them were excluded from your party? Usually the graduate would have at least *a little* input into who gets invited to their own party. In my situation, the mom and dad had been divorced since the grad was five. My brother had visitation every weekend. Grad and my brother (dad) would come to our house to watch movies almost every Friday night for YEARS when the grad was young. They came to the lake cabin for weekends in the summer. They spent a LOT of time with us. The parents have always gotten along fairly well with each other, mom even hired dad to work in her restaurant at one point when he was unemployed from his job in the trades during the recession after 2008. There is no animosity between them. My brother still routinely does anything he can to help her out. My DH, DD and I would eat at the mom’s restaurant often when we lived in the area (grad was a teen by then) and we were always on good terms with the mom even long after the divorce. I helped my brother with artwork for her screen printed work shirts (which I did for free). Grad and mom had our address and phone number, we lived at the same address for the kid’s entire life so they all knew where we lived. We sent birthday and Christmas gifts to this kid for years, went to karate tournaments, etc. and were always on good terms with the mom. I would just think that if someone was that involved in your young life, for years and years and years, and obviously cared a lot about you, why would you not make a point to invite them? DH and I felt kind of slighted by the omission because we thought the kid could have mentioned that we should get invited and obviously didn’t care if we were there or not. Even my brother (the kid’s dad) thought it was weird that we didn’t get invited because I had asked the kid directly if there was going to be a party months before it happened. I also think it would be different if we barely knew the kid and never had any contact with the kid’s mom after the divorce, but that was not the case. After we were told about it DH just said, “Oh well, I guess I can spend the $50 that I was going to put in the card on myself.” As I noted in my post, I barely ever saw any of my aunts and uncles on my dad’s side after my dad passed away 8 years prior, but they ALL still got invited to my grad party and it wouldn’t have ever occurred to me to exclude them. Thank you for sharing. It’s really odd that you were excluded, given what you described. The only relative I was close with was my grandmother. My mother walked away from her kids when she walked away from her marriage so I wasn’t close with her either. Things were weird and awkward and my dad was an alcoholic who would drink the entire time we spent time with her.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 2, 2019 1:32:22 GMT
Were you not close to ANY of your mom’s relatives? Did you feel bad that all of them were excluded from your party? Thank you for sharing. It’s really odd that you were excluded, given what you described. The only relative I was close with was my grandmother. My mother walked away from her kids when she walked away from her marriage so I wasn’t close with her either. Things were weird and awkward and my dad was an alcoholic who would drink the entire time we spent time with her. It was odd which was why we felt a little hurt. And your situation sounds very sad. I can understand why your dad didn’t invite your mom’s family if there was no ongoing relationship maintained with any of them.
|
|
likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
|
Post by likescarrots on Feb 3, 2019 2:14:31 GMT
Sorry this is off topic of OP. Why is this on the kid? Do you know their family dynamic? My dad gave me a graduation party. He was very bitter towards my mother and would not consider inviting anyone from her side of the family. She didn’t give me a party. Would I be to blame for family on her side not being invited? Were you not close to ANY of your mom’s relatives? Did you feel bad that all of them were excluded from your party? Usually the graduate would have at least *a little* input into who gets invited to their own party. In my situation, the mom and dad had been divorced since the grad was five. My brother had visitation every weekend. Grad and my brother (dad) would come to our house to watch movies almost every Friday night for YEARS when the grad was young. They came to the lake cabin for weekends in the summer. They spent a LOT of time with us. The parents have always gotten along fairly well with each other, mom even hired dad to work in her restaurant at one point when he was unemployed from his job in the trades during the recession after 2008. There is no animosity between them. My brother still routinely does anything he can to help her out. My DH, DD and I would eat at the mom’s restaurant often when we lived in the area (grad was a teen by then) and we were always on good terms with the mom even long after the divorce. I helped my brother with artwork for her screen printed work shirts (which I did for free). Grad and mom had our address and phone number, we lived at the same address for the kid’s entire life so they all knew where we lived. We sent birthday and Christmas gifts to this kid for years, went to karate tournaments, etc. and were always on good terms with the mom. I would just think that if someone was that involved in your young life, for years and years and years, and obviously cared a lot about you, why would you not make a point to invite them? DH and I felt kind of slighted by the omission because we thought the kid could have mentioned that we should get invited and obviously didn’t care if we were there or not. Even my brother (the kid’s dad) thought it was weird that we didn’t get invited because I had asked the kid directly if there was going to be a party months before it happened. I also think it would be different if we barely knew the kid and never had any contact with the kid’s mom after the divorce, but that was not the case. After we were told about it DH just said, “Oh well, I guess I can spend the $50 that I was going to put in the card on myself.” As I noted in my post, I barely ever saw any of my aunts and uncles on my dad’s side after my dad passed away 8 years prior, but they ALL still got invited to my grad party and it wouldn’t have ever occurred to me to exclude them. Interesting that you'd rather blame the kid than take that $50 and spend it by THROWING HIM A GRADUATION PARTY.... honestly, no I don't know any kid I went to school with who made any decisions about their graduation party. My graduation party was a joint party with my cousin who lived in another state. The cake was a carrot cake. I hate carrot cake, I have always hated carrot cake... I obviously did not get a say in the party.
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Feb 3, 2019 2:58:51 GMT
Thank you for sharing. It’s really odd that you were excluded, given what you described. The only relative I was close with was my grandmother. My mother walked away from her kids when she walked away from her marriage so I wasn’t close with her either. Things were weird and awkward and my dad was an alcoholic who would drink the entire time we spent time with her. It was odd which was why we felt a little hurt. And your situation sounds very sad. I can understand why your dad didn’t invite your mom’s family if there was no ongoing relationship maintained with any of them. I don’t know what demons she was fighting but it wasn’t my responsibility as a teenager to understand or do something about it. But things became very surface-y with her. It developed into this thing where if she could put her kids last, she did. Several years ago she invited us to celebrate Christmas but instead of family it was an open house with her friends. My brothers couldn’t make it. I didn’t know a soul. She missed one of my kids’ graduation party because she was invited to someone else’s. My uncle came unexpectedly. He asked, “where’s my sister?” Not coming and he didn’t know a soul there. But dh’s family and my stepmom did a great job of including him in conversation. (My dad’s siblings have either died or mostly housebound.)
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 3, 2019 4:17:40 GMT
Interesting that you'd rather blame the kid than take that $50 and spend it by THROWING HIM A GRADUATION PARTY.... honestly, no I don't know any kid I went to school with who made any decisions about their graduation party. My graduation party was a joint party with my cousin who lived in another state. The cake was a carrot cake. I hate carrot cake, I have always hated carrot cake... I obviously did not get a say in the party. Seriously? The kid HAD a party that apparently was quite the shindig. Grandma spared no expense and dropped more than a few hundred bucks on it. Me throwing a $50 party would garner a “what the what?” 🤪from this kid. Mom’s BF bought the kid a bigger flat screen tv for their bedroom than we had in our living room, even my brother thought that was nuts. I don’t *only* blame the kid. We were on good terms with the mom so some of it falls on her too. We never even got a graduation announcement which was why we didn’t send a card. There were eight kids in my family, we all were able to have at least some say in what we did for our parties including who was invited, or whether a party was wanted at all. DH did, his friends did and all of my friends did too. And more recently (because I am old and I graduated in the dark ages), virtually every kid whose grad party I’ve attended in the last ten years has also had considerable input into their parties. I honestly don’t know anyone who didn’t have *any* say in how their parties went down.
|
|