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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 2:57:10 GMT
UGH.
Ds2 graduates in May. A year ago (literally, a year ago) xDH, DS2 and I decided xDH would have his party for graduation on Friday (day of graduation), and we would have our party on Saturday (day after) at 1:00.
Now xDH says he bought Rolling Stones tickets for DS2 and he wants to leave for the concert at 1:00 on Saturday. Right when our party will start. The concert isn't even until the following day (at night).
I am pissed. This has been planned. Caterers have been hired. Almost all of our family is from out of state so they've been told when the party would be.
DS2 doesn't want to rock the boat with his dad, so he won't take a stand with him.
I just had to vent. Today has been a shitty day with DS1 and now DS2 is pulling this.
Update: so we finally all agreed that DS will be here for the party until 3:00 and then he will leave and go with his dad. We will move up the start time of our party to give us an extra hour with everyone. Thanks for everyone's help!
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Post by dewryce on Jan 11, 2019 3:02:21 GMT
I’m not sure I’m understanding what DS2 is pulling? I’m sorry your exDH is doing this.
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Post by freecharlie on Jan 11, 2019 3:10:13 GMT
I'd be pissed as well
Ds 2 would get the full wrath of momma on that one. Can't take a stand with Dad? Dont ask me for a damn thing and kiss all those graduation gifts goodbye
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:13:38 GMT
I’m not sure I’m understanding what DS2 is pulling? I’m sorry your exDH is doing this. DS2 won't take a stand and tell his dad that the party has been agreed on and planned and he is going to it. Right now DS2 is willing to skip the party because his dad says they need to leave to go to the concert. I have offered that DS2 could leave after the party, later on Saturday and no. Since his dad wants to leave at lunch, thats the only time they will consider. |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jan 11, 2019 3:16:01 GMT
Your ex dh has put your ds in a horrible position.
You still have lots of time. I would move the party and be the good guy. Your son will remember how you saved the day, and won't have to always remember how his parents made his graduation party about their petty argument.
I'm sorry your ex is a professional douche.
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:17:30 GMT
I'd be pissed as well Ds 2 would get the full wrath of momma on that one. Can't take a stand with Dad? Dont ask me for a damn thing and kiss all those graduation gifts goodbyeThis is where I am at. Don't ask for a damn thing if you can't participate in a party - that he wanted - with people coming to see him. I figured the 'party' would be over by about 4 and told him he could leave after that. Its a 6 hour drive to Denver, and since the concert isn't until Sunday night, they could get there in time. Even leaving at 4 he would get there by 11pm the night before the concert. I am just so angry. At xDH as he knew the plan of what was happening. At DS2 for not insisting on staying for the party and leaving afterwards. |
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Jan 11, 2019 3:17:57 GMT
I would be calling your exhusband's ass and telling him like it is. DS is attending the party and can leave directly after. Period. End of story. If DS can't tell him, you need to.
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Jan 11, 2019 3:19:42 GMT
And, tell EXDH to create an account and post here. We'll tell the douche bag.
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:20:27 GMT
Your ex dh has put your ds in a horrible position. You still have lots of time. I would move the party and be the good guy. Your son will remember how you saved the day, and won't have to always remember how his parents made his graduation party about their petty argument. I'm sorry your ex is a professional douche. Thats the thing. The day of Graduation, xDH is having his party (which I agreed to last year). And because my nephew is graduating on the same night as DS2, some of our family members will be coming straight from his graduation to our party (missing DS2 graduation because of nephews). A lot of people are driving and I hate to tell them they need to get here sooner because xDH is an ass. Evening have the party at 1:00, some family will be driving for 5 hours to get here for it. |
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:22:20 GMT
I would be calling your exhusband's ass and telling him like it is. DS is attending the party and can leave directly after. Period. End of story. If DS can't tell him, you need to. I've really tried to not tell DS2 what he has to do, and we've (xDH, DH, and I) have tried to always find reasonable solutions so our boys weren't in the middle, etc but dammit. This is ridiculous. I didn't raise him to be 1) a coward and 2) not to be considerate of others and their time. |
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Jan 11, 2019 3:23:09 GMT
Ugh. I would tell your X that you are sticking to that plan. I am angry for you.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jan 11, 2019 3:26:21 GMT
Have you talked to the ex? I wouldn’t be putting this on
your kid. That’s a lot
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:28:25 GMT
Have you talked to the ex? I wouldn’t be putting this on your kid. That’s a lot Yes, I have talked with ex. I started there. He basically said since DS2 isn't complaining, that they are going with their plan. DS2 tells me he doesn't want to make his dad mad. |
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Post by freecharlie on Jan 11, 2019 3:31:15 GMT
Have you talked to the ex? I wouldn’t be putting this on your kid. That’s a lot Yes, I have talked with ex. I started there. He basically said since DS2 isn't complaining, that they are going with their plan. DS2 tells me he doesn't want to make his dad mad. but it is okay to make you mad? I am seeing red. My ds also graduates in May and it is a big deal for us. Ds would literally feel my wrath every minute if every day. |
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Post by annabella on Jan 11, 2019 3:37:46 GMT
I’d be pissed too but graduation is in May so you can still cancel the catering. Cancel your party that your son doesn’t care about and have him call people coming from out of town to cancel and explain. I completely understand why you’re angry, but if he doesn’t care, it’s not important to him, cancel and let it go. And attend his fathers graduation party.
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Post by mom on Jan 11, 2019 3:39:21 GMT
Yes, I have talked with ex. I started there. He basically said since DS2 isn't complaining, that they are going with their plan. DS2 tells me he doesn't want to make his dad mad. but it is okay to make you mad? I am seeing red. My ds also graduates in May and it is a big deal for us. Ds would literally feel my wrath every minute if every day. I told him I needed to calm down before we discussed it again. He knows I am pissed. If DS2 was younger, I would suck it up and figure something out. But he is 18. He gets to decide now what he wants to do and where he wants to go. He says he wants to have the party (he picked the food, etc). But then his dad got these tickets and he wants to go to the concert too. I get that, completely. But no one will tell me why they have to leave so dang early. If we hadn't all talked about this ahead of time, I would completely understand. But literally everyone was involved when this was planned. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jan 11, 2019 3:39:32 GMT
Let me first say, I totally validate you. You have every right to be seriously pissed about this. With that said, my kids have a twice a year, asshole dad. They know exactly what an ass he is. But, when he does show up, my kids will bend over backwards to please him. It is so damn frustrating from my perspective.
But this week has taught me something. I play way too nice. And I take a lot of crap from him and my kids in relation to him. And after what has happened this week and my ex-husband s reaction to it, I'm done playing nice. My kids aren't little anymore and I have no reason to play nice. I'm over that. And this is precisely the kind of situation where I would take the bull by the horns, call up my ex and put my damn foot down. With him. And then if he still didn't change the plan, I would just cancel the party altogether.
IME this week, when I finally put the smack down with my ex-husband he backed so far off I was shocked.
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Nanner
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Post by Nanner on Jan 11, 2019 3:44:34 GMT
What a jerk. I completely validate your wrath!
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Post by **Angie** on Jan 11, 2019 3:47:04 GMT
Your ex dh has put your ds in a horrible position. You still have lots of time. I would move the party and be the good guy. Your son will remember how you saved the day, and won't have to always remember how his parents made his graduation party about their petty argument. I'm sorry your ex is a professional douche. This. I hated being put in the middle between my parents. |
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Jan 11, 2019 3:52:07 GMT
I think it's crazy that your ex is doing this over a Rolling Stones concert. My kids would view them as an old people's band.
Your ex is being a jerk. I'd tell my son that the party is that day and he will be there. His dad can wait until it's over. I'd say the exact same thing to his dad. They'll still get to go to the concert.
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Post by **Angie** on Jan 11, 2019 3:53:01 GMT
What is the relationship between your son and his dad? I read something today and it really hit home - sometimes kids of divorced parents knowingly upset the parent they trust to always be there. I did it as a kid, and my mom always took it. The one time I really stood up to my father - well, it's been almost 13 years since we've talked.
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smginaz Suzy
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Jan 11, 2019 3:54:30 GMT
If it is a 5 hour drive to Denver, is there a way you can get a one-way plane ticket for your kid and fly him to meet his Dad in Denver? Then his dad can leave any time he pleases and can pick up his son in Denver when he (your son) lands.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2019 3:57:42 GMT
That's not fair that your exDH is saying he gets your DS basically Fri-Mon and tough about your party.  He's paying for a hotel on Saturday night anyway so why can't he find one that's about 3-4 hours out. That will break up his drive making it a bit easier for him and still allow you to have a party. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jan 11, 2019 4:03:17 GMT
Your ex dh has put your ds in a horrible position. You still have lots of time. I would move the party and be the good guy. Your son will remember how you saved the day, and won't have to always remember how his parents made his graduation party about their petty argument. I'm sorry your ex is a professional douche. Thats the thing. The day of Graduation, xDH is having his party (which I agreed to last year). And because my nephew is graduating on the same night as DS2, some of our family members will be coming straight from his graduation to our party (missing DS2 graduation because of nephews). A lot of people are driving and I hate to tell them they need to get here sooner because xDH is an ass. Evening have the party at 1:00, some family will be driving for 5 hours to get here for it. Your son needs to learn that being a member of a family requires him to consider the time, expense, and effort these others HAVE ALREADY MADE for him. With graduation comes some expectation of adult responsibilities. You expect him to honor his obligations to his family. You will not be making changes now after so many people have set plans. |
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trollie
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Post by trollie on Jan 11, 2019 4:04:54 GMT
Have you talked to the ex? I wouldn’t be putting this on your kid. That’s a lot Yes, I have talked with ex. I started there. He basically said since DS2 isn't complaining, that they are going with their plan. DS2 tells me he doesn't want to make his dad mad. Tell your X that DS2 agreed to the partyand helped plan it and he will be available at 4. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jan 11, 2019 4:07:24 GMT
I'm done playing nice. My kids aren't little anymore and I have no reason to play nice. I'm over that. And this is precisely the kind of situation where I would take the bull by the horns, call up my ex and put my damn foot down. With him. And then if he still didn't change the plan, I would just cancel the party altogether. That. Your son is not little, he's now an adult. The only change to your plans should be the option to cancel. I like that. {{{{Hugs}}} jeremysgirl - I hadn't realized your ex was being an ass right now. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 11, 2019 4:08:51 GMT
Since everyone knew the plan for almost a whole year, yeah, I’d be ticked off big time. I would tell DS2 that since his dad is being such a douche that it’s entirely up to him to choose which thing he wants to do more. Life is full of hard choices, and honestly this really isn’t that difficult of a choice since he could technically do both if he postponed leaving until after his party concludes. If he chooses going with his dad early, then there will be no party because he’s choosing not to be there.
I would tell him that he can personally tell all the people who had been planning to attend the party at your house that now they should all go to the one at his dad’s the day before—and then let dad pay for all of those extra people too. That’s what dad gets for being such an inconsiderate ass.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jan 11, 2019 4:13:03 GMT
but it is okay to make you mad? I am seeing red. My ds also graduates in May and it is a big deal for us. Ds would literally feel my wrath every minute if every day. I told him I needed to calm down before we discussed it again. He knows I am pissed. If DS2 was younger, I would suck it up and figure something out. But he is 18. He gets to decide now what he wants to do and where he wants to go. He says he wants to have the party (he picked the food, etc). But then his dad got these tickets and he wants to go to the concert too. I get that, completely. But no one will tell me why they have to leave so dang early. If we hadn't all talked about this ahead of time, I would completely understand. But literally everyone was involved when this was planned. With this, I’d just cancel his party. He is making the choice. |
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kate
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Post by kate on Jan 11, 2019 4:15:58 GMT
XH is being completely unreasonable. Bad enough if the concert were the night of the party, but to have to miss the party for a concert the NEXT DAY? Nopity nope nope. XH is being a douchewaffle. That said, it is indeed early enough to change the party if that's what you decide to do. People have time to rethink their travel. In fact, I think you should say, "Oh, you want to take him Saturday? Sure! Why don't we trade days, then. We'll have our party Friday, and then you can make YOUR Saturday party schedule to suit your travel plans."  |
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Jan 11, 2019 4:18:49 GMT
If it is a 5 hour drive to Denver, is there a way you can get a one-way plane ticket for your kid and fly him to meet his Dad in Denver? Then his dad can leave any time he pleases and can pick up his son in Denver when he (your son) lands. Why should she pay for a plane ticket? The EX messed up the plans. If the 18 wants to go that bad, he can use graduation money for a plane ticket. |
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He's paying for a hotel on Saturday night anyway so why can't he find one that's about 3-4 hours out. That will break up his drive making it a bit easier for him and still allow you to have a party.
