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Post by auntkelly on Jan 13, 2019 1:44:40 GMT
Being habitually late is terribly rude. I could not remain friends with someone like that.
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Post by librarylady on Jan 13, 2019 4:01:39 GMT
I could not put up with that kind of behavior. Everyone has a disaster at one time or another--but repeat offenders--I would not be planning on spending time with that person.
We have a DIL who ran her life like that--always late, invitation to her house for Thanksgiving dinner and just when guests arrive, she announced she had to wash her hair and we were left waiting........I broke her from treating me like that. She and I had tickets to see Cats at a theater downtown. Charter bus was meeting to take ticket holders to the theater. I told DIL what time I was leaving the house and not to be late as I WOULD NOT miss the bus nor miss the play. When it was time to leave our house, I waited 10 more minutes (she would not answer her phone--she knew I was angry). I left her ticket with DH and went to the bus location. Got on bus, but did save her a seat beside me. She did show up in time to get on bus, but was angry with me for leaving her. My only response was, "I told you not to be late as I would leave." I don't recall ever planning another event with her that I had to wait.
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Post by Margie on Jan 13, 2019 4:38:32 GMT
Ugh, this just took me back over 30 years. A woman I worked with and I became good friends, and we would go out a couple of times a month. She was always late. An hour meant nothing to her. I was young, and it really didn't bother me at first. I knew she would be late and I adjusted my time accordingly. Then one day we were going to go to a party and when I picked her up, she had been cleaning house and had not even showered yet. That was the third to last straw. It finally dawned on me how thoroughly selfish she was.
The second to last straw was, I was dating a man who wanted to set her up with one of his friends. I have never gone on a blind date, and I had never set anyone else up, so I was was against the idea. He finally convinced me that his friend (whom I had never met) was a really nice guy and it was one date, what could go wrong. The guys came to my place, and of course, she got there an hour later. She was introduced to "Dave" and immediately told me I need to talk to you. We went into the kitchen, and she was pissed because Dave's looks did not meet her expectations. I was shocked, but told her "look, it's one evening... let's just go and have a nice evening. If you look past his looks (which I thought were fine), just go dance and enjoy yourself." So she did...dance with other guys. Totally ignored him, even though the four of us were sitting at the same table. I was so disgusted with her behavior that night, I made myself totally unavailable to do anything social with her again.
A few months later, I was working on a proposal team in a different building at work. She tracked me down (pre-cell phones) and when I answered the phone, she asked how I was. I said, "So tired...I've been working until midnight and weekends the past two weeks because of the proposal deadline." It was April 15, and she told me that she had not done her taxes yet...would I mind coming over and doing them for her. It was then that I realized that she had zero consideration for anyone but herself. And that was the final straw.
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Jan 13, 2019 4:40:21 GMT
One of my closest friends always used to be late. She always had an elaborate story that she actually believed as to why she was late. It made me crazy and she knew it. I work full time (she doesn’t work but is always busier than me) and I have one extra kid than she does and somehow I always managed to be on time. Fortunately, she finally started to make an effort to be on time and mostly is.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jan 13, 2019 4:53:47 GMT
I am always on time or abut 10 mins eary. Can I be honest? I hate 30 mins windows. Tell me what time to be there. Also don't like the "we are eating at 6". Does that mean I come 30 mins before that or show up right in time to sit and eat. I don't like to feel rushed when I enter a room. Yes I don't like the excuse of "you know Mary always late".
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 13, 2019 4:54:29 GMT
Funny today I was just thinking how annoying it is when one of my friends gets to everything 15-20 minutes early She always makes people feel like they are late even when they aren’t. We just went scootering today and of course she was there first waiting for everyone. Good thing none of us were actually late, we were all there before the start time of 10.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,960
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jan 13, 2019 4:57:56 GMT
It's so inconsiderate and drives me crazy!!!! I have cancelled plans before when people were too late.
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Post by mom26 on Jan 13, 2019 5:18:15 GMT
Yes, but it is mainly just one person in my life. I swear that she does things to deliberately be late! For instance, I will say let’s meet at 11:00. She will call at 11:05 to say she’s running late. She’ll arrive at 11:45 and then say something like, “I decided to go return a blouse before we met” Why? She could have returned the blouse after we departed a couple of hots later (the stores would be open) or the next day or any other time for that matter. I feel she purposely does things like that so she WILL be late. I hate to say it, but I think it makes her feel important or something. Now, when I want to meet her at 11:00, I tell her 10:00, just so she will be there and I won’t be waiting for her. I have a relative who is always late to everything. Usually by an hour or more. She, too, decides to run all kinds of errands at the exact time she should be heading our way or already here. She'll even go back home and take another shower after the errands because they 'made her all sweaty'. I don't understand it. If I'm supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, that is my priority and I plan my time properly. I don't just go off willy-nilly doing all kinds of things that can wait and will make me super late. We simply don't wait for her anymore. She can reheat the food and eat by her lonesome when she finally decides to show up. Doesn't seem to bother her, so I guess it works for her.
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Post by gryroagain on Jan 13, 2019 14:23:55 GMT
Oh my god, I live in a country where time is apparently not the same and it drives me absolutely batshit 😂 No one is on time, ever. Workers show up 2 hours after the time and are pissed we aren’t home (?), the vet is always shocked I show up at the appt time, meeting people is ridiculous as they are consistently an hour away at the meet up time and “very sorry”. Very sorry is for once, not every damn time we ever meet.
I always wonder how anything ever gets done here. I have come to make very specific plans hours early for people just so they can get their shit together and we can be where need to at the time!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 13, 2019 15:37:16 GMT
I am always on time or abut 10 mins eary. Can I be honest? I hate 30 mins windows. Tell me what time to be there. Also don't like the "we are eating at 6". Does that mean I come 30 mins before that or show up right in time to sit and eat. I don't like to feel rushed when I enter a room. Yes I don't like the excuse of "you know Mary always late". When we are hosting a dinner and say “we are eating at six” it means exactly that. We are planning to sit down at the table to eat AT six, so if you would like to be able to take off your coat, relax a bit, have a beverage and socialize a little, you probably ought to get here at least 30 minutes prior. If someone told me that dinner was being served at six, I wouldn’t expect to rush in right at six, drop my coat on a chair and sit right down to eat. Usually our invites are worded so that people know when to arrive as well as when we plan to eat, i.e. “The party is from 5:00-9:00; we will be eating at six.”
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Julie W
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,209
Jun 27, 2014 22:11:06 GMT
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Post by Julie W on Jan 13, 2019 15:51:46 GMT
When I have people over for a meal, I usually say, "Feel free to come over anytime after 6, we'll be eating at 7" or the like.
I had a friend who was habitually late and keeping me waiting. After many years, I realized it was not just about being late, it was that she was very very self-focused, and I was constantly making adjustments to suit her and her life. She just had that knack for asking (demanding) what she needed - which isn't a bad thing to a certain point but it was beyond that point, and I realized it really was all about her. I backed away from the friendship.
She tried to reconnect recently. She wanted to meet for lunch or a tea date, however there were so many restrictions put on when and when she couldn't go. Okay great. I agreed to meet during a workday understanding I only had one hour open. She was teaching a class at a community center, she told me when it was done, and I said, how about 11:30 which would allowed enough wrap up and drive time to the restaurant nearby. That is when I don't have conference calls - she said, "That will work, unless I have errands that day!" I'm thinking - I've made all these adjustments for you, and you're telling me you can't even commit to a time because you think you'll have errands? So I said "So you won't have errands that day?" angrily - and she says, "Oh, sure I can do them later." She was still late.
Friendship is give and take but not worth it if the other person just takes.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 13, 2019 15:58:03 GMT
Also don't like the "we are eating at 6". Does that mean I come 30 mins before that or show up right in time to sit and eat. When I get an invite like that, I simply inquire, "What time would you like us to arrive?" When I issue an invite, I do as crazy4scraps said and give more information.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Jan 13, 2019 16:31:39 GMT
Funny today I was just thinking how annoying it is when one of my friends gets to everything 15-20 minutes early She always makes people feel like they are late even when they aren’t. We just went scootering today and of course she was there first waiting for everyone. Good thing none of us were actually late, we were all there before the start time of 10. I had a friend like that, too. She'd try to make me feel bad for being my standard 5-10 minutes early instead of her standard 30-40 minutes early. I think having friends is overrated. LOL.
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Post by lisae on Jan 13, 2019 16:34:48 GMT
That would be very annoying. Yesterday, Mother waited for hours for someone who was supposed to show up at her house to give her a quote on something. Usually people show up for appointments, it's getting the appointment in the first place that has become impossible. I can't get people to return phone calls and I certainly can't expect anyone to follow up on their own.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jan 13, 2019 17:07:43 GMT
We try to be within 10 minutes one way or the other (I know we should always be early, it really depends on who we're meeting) but as for people coming to our house I'm not sure which is worse....the chronically early, or the habitually late? Say we're having a family party for one of the kids.....in-laws will show up an hour or more early, I'll still be rushing around getting stuff together/haven't changed clothes/etc; my family will show up 30 minutes or more late Both have gotten better over the years but both are equally annoying. If I say the party starts at 1:00 you may arrive anytime between 12:45 and 1:15, outside of that window I will judge you (silently, usually).
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Post by Basket1lady on Jan 13, 2019 20:21:19 GMT
Oh my god, I live in a country where time is apparently not the same and it drives me absolutely batshit 😂 No one is on time, ever. Workers show up 2 hours after the time and are pissed we aren’t home (?), the vet is always shocked I show up at the appt time, meeting people is ridiculous as they are consistently an hour away at the meet up time and “very sorry”. Very sorry is for once, not every damn time we ever meet. I always wonder how anything ever gets done here. I have come to make very specific plans hours early for people just so they can get their shit together and we can be where need to at the time! If I remember correctly, we used to live in this country, too. That insincere “so sorry” has become a family saying, even after 15 years. At our incoming briefing, we were warned that the local concept of time wasn’t the same as ours. That we would be rude to show up early and barely tolerated to be on time. DS went to an international school there for kindergarten and kids would routinely come in 2 hours after class started. No one batted an eye. For social events (American vs local), you had to know who was hosting so that you knew what time to show up. I will say that our housekeeper always showed up at the right time.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jan 13, 2019 21:05:11 GMT
I have recently become more involved in meet up groups in my new town and this is very prevalent. People cancel at the last minute or simply don’t show up. Very annoying.
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Post by deekaye on Jan 13, 2019 21:21:31 GMT
My dad always told us if we arrived on time, that was considered late. I have a bestie who I love to pieces but she is never on time for anything. I've learned to meet her at the restaurant, theater, etc. rather than meet and drive together. I may end up in the restaurant or theater by myself for a few minutes (she is rarely later than 20 minutes late or so), but it beats being crabby and/or stressed because WE are late. I used to think it was her kids who made her late but in the last year we've both become empty nesters.... nope, it's her.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jan 13, 2019 23:40:17 GMT
Yes! It is so frustrating. My best friend is a chronic offender. Last year, we absolutely had to be somewhere at 1pm. It would take us 15 minutes to get there. I told her we needed to leave at 10:30. We were STILL late for the appointment. She has a lot of amazing qualities so I really try to relax when it comes to this but it just drives me crazy.
Trying to sell things online is a huge waste of time because of this type of behavior too. I'm trying to sell my horse right now and have spent hours answering questions on him and communicating with people setting up appointment times to see him. So far they have all no showed. I'm about to lose my mind.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jan 14, 2019 0:13:22 GMT
my bff is a "if you aren't 10 mins early you are late" person. she is married to someone with a more *flexible* idea of being on time. she doesn't drive so gets everything ready to leave for a family get together out of town at 1pm (time her DH said they would leave). he cruises thru the door from his big run at 12:35 and needs to shower, shave and get dressed. he will even sometimes get it together to be in the car at 12:52. when he realizes it's only 12.52, he says "oh, i am early" and runs back into the house to rearrange the tupperware cupboard or sort and put out the recycling, resulting in them leaving at 1:25. i told her to get her damn drivers license!! for stuff in the city, she just leaves by public transit on her own schedule and says "meet ya there"! i won't say i am never late.... but i strive to be on time, it's not a constant thing and if it happens i send a quick note saying "gah, heard from doctor's office i had been waiting for call back from... will be 10 mins late!". i think people who chronically late literally just do not respect other people's time. no other excuse. if things *always* go wrong for you... learn from the experience and GIVE YOURSELF MORE TIME!!! on the note of cultural differences, we have greek friends that used to invite us to greek easter with "come over anytime after 3" so we would shoot to arrive from 3:15-3:30. often wife was not home (still out grocery shopping) and husband was mowing the lawn. no other guests showed for at least an hour to an hour and half after we arrived. they were never put off we showed up.... but when we would leave around 8 or 8:30pm they would always comment we were "always the first to leave" yah.. because we arrived before you did and have been here for hours!!
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Post by marzbar71 on Jan 14, 2019 0:24:55 GMT
I went to high school with a girl who was habitually late. I picked her up for school a couple times a week. I told her from the beginning - I will sit in your driveway for 5 minutes and that was it. At 6 minutes I pulled out and left her. Guess what - she wasn't ever late again to the car.
I met another friend for a movie and she was late to the point where I had gone back out to the parking lot to leave when she pulled in. She was shocked that I was going to go home. I told her my time was as important as hers. She's never been late meeting me again. Now I will say there are times I'll get a text from someone that there was a wreck or traffic issues and I'm totally OK with that.
My point is, people continue with that behavior when there are no consequences to them.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 14, 2019 16:45:28 GMT
We try to be within 10 minutes one way or the other (I know we should always be early, it really depends on who we're meeting) but as for people coming to our house I'm not sure which is worse....the chronically early, or the habitually late? Say we're having a family party for one of the kids.....in-laws will show up an hour or more early, I'll still be rushing around getting stuff together/haven't changed clothes/etc; my family will show up 30 minutes or more late Both have gotten better over the years but both are equally annoying. If I say the party starts at 1:00 you may arrive anytime between 12:45 and 1:15, outside of that window I will judge you (silently, usually). I stopped hosting because I have too many early is on time friends It wasn’t any fun having people arrive before I was ready.
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Post by hop2 on Jan 14, 2019 16:57:55 GMT
A huge part of my job is waiting for people to show up. They get so angry if I’m not sitting there waiting when they are 20 mins late. My boss gets calls all the time about that and of course they lie & say they were there.
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Post by myboysnme on Jan 14, 2019 17:00:04 GMT
I have 2 friends I do things with, one at work and one socially. Both have severe difficulty being on time. My coworker will start doing something when she is already late to meet me. I have sat in her office with my coat on while she does one last thing many more times than not. She is late for work by at least an hour every day, boss doesn't seem to care. But let her husband or adult kids call - she catches it on the first ring an they get her full attention, even if I am sitting there or waiting for her. She has a friend who is even later than she is, so you know she is hours late!
My non work friend, unless we are travelling together and I'm driving, she shows up hours after expected. It has gotten so I don't even look for her anymore. This past Sat we attended something that started at 10. I said I was going to be there by 11. She said she would be there a few hours late. A few hours from 10 to me is 12 but the latest 1pm. At 2pm she still hadn't shown up. When she finally came in I didn't even ask what she was doing. She probably went grocery shopping, did her laundry, ran errands and then decided to drop by.
Basically, there are 2 categories of people. Those who commit to something and then make it a priority, and those that commit to something and commit to other things at the same time so they don't prioritize other people. They prioritize whatever it is they want to do to try to get to everything.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 14, 2019 17:27:45 GMT
Funny today I was just thinking how annoying it is when one of my friends gets to everything 15-20 minutes early She always makes people feel like they are late even when they aren’t. We just went scootering today and of course she was there first waiting for everyone. Good thing none of us were actually late, we were all there before the start time of 10. I had a friend like that, too. She'd try to make me feel bad for being my standard 5-10 minutes early instead of her standard 30-40 minutes early. I think having friends is overrated. LOL. Yesterday our always early friend almost started our run without one person because we were all early except that friend. She was on time but we almost left 5 minutes early without her I just got there early because I knew the parking was tight!
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Post by workingclassdog on Jan 14, 2019 18:00:56 GMT
It is annoying and RUDE.. I don't care what your excuse is (well there are some exceptions..lol) but I am 99% always on time or early. If I was running late, I would call at least 20 minutes ahead of time. I might have done that once in the last 10 years. I have had babies, I didn't run late at that time of my life either. I just made sure I planned out my driving time and how long it takes to get ready. With two kids 14 months apart.. it was hectic but I managed.
I just HATE when people are late. If you are stuck in traffic and send me a message, I get that.
One of my pet peeves.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jan 14, 2019 18:07:54 GMT
I don’t really have friends who are chronically late. Most of my friends are in the baby/toddler stage of life right now so I try to extend grace if they are running late. I would probably feel different if it were a chronic problem.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Jan 14, 2019 19:00:34 GMT
he cruises thru the door from his big run at 12:35 and needs to shower, shave and get dressed. he will even sometimes get it together to be in the car at 12:52. when he realizes it's only 12.52, he says "oh, i am early" and runs back into the house to rearrange the tupperware cupboard or sort and put out the recycling, resulting in them leaving at 1:25. i told her to get her damn drivers license!! for stuff in the city, she just leaves by public transit on her own schedule and says "meet ya there"! i think people who chronically late literally just do not respect other people's time. no other excuse. if things *always* go wrong for you... learn from the experience and GIVE YOURSELF MORE TIME!!! I have to admit, I fall (infrequently!) into this trap. I work, and have been either the homefront spouse during deployments or a single parent. I have SO much to do!!! Most often, if I'm sitting there at 12:52 and I could have taken the recycling down to the curb, put up the hose, and swept the porch in that 8 minutes, I would do it. Not because I feel like my time is more valuable or I don't respect others time, but because that 8 minutes is very valuable to me. Most often I can do those tasks, be in the car and on our way on time and it's no big deal. Every now and then though, I finish the tasks, open the garage to put the hose away or bike... and the dog escapes and I have to spend time catching her. Or, yes, errands. If I need to return something and I rarely get over that way, yes, I'll leave early and do it on the way. Usually it works out fine, other times the line is long, the cashier is new, the register quits working. Once Someone had a fender bender right behind my car. UGH. My guy is a saint, and we often ride separately to things for convenience. And he has no problem sitting at the bar for a beer before I arrive. If it's something with a hard timeline, he'll tell me. Meeting clients or friends for dinner etc. I do my very very best and the vast majority of time it is fine. I was late for a family dinner at his mom's house. She is very much like apparently many of you are. If you are to arrive at 1, 1 is late. So the plan was I would leave my house, at noon, drive to my guy's house 15 minutes away, then we'd ride together to his parents house 20-30 minutes away. 15 minute buffer. I left my house (dead end on a HUGE hill) and started down the hill. I passed the residential road I could have turned on, and continued down the hill that leads to downtown where I'd planned to turn left. Next thing I know, the motor cycle in front of me at the stop sign is hit by a truck. It took a moment to register. I stopped my car, and called 911. The police station is about 2 blocks away. Next thing I know police come from both directions, and I'm now stuck, even after I give my statement. I just watched a man DIE. And I'm stressing that I'm late for freaking dinner at his mom's. That's bs to put that kind of pressure on people to be on time. I intentionally took the job I have because I didn't want to have to worry about whether I arrive at 8 or 8:02. Quite frankly, I can arrive at 10 and no one will say a word. My mom doesn't work, never has. If she has to be somewhere 5 minutes away at noon, she wants everyone ready to go by 10. Maybe that's where I developed the I'm ready but now I have time to kill. Should I waste it, or should I make it count? Take out the recycling, take out the trash, vacuum, fold some clothes, hit the grocery store.... Believe me.. in that 8 minutes I am not thinking "I'm going to make them wait. See how important I am!" I think it's self righteous that people think everything is about them lol Not you specifically Merrick lol
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jan 15, 2019 2:36:08 GMT
I have SO much to do!!! Most often, if I'm sitting there at 12:52 and I could have taken the recycling down to the curb, put up the hose, and swept the porch in that 8 minutes, I would do it. Not because I feel like my time is more valuable or I don't respect others time, but because that 8 minutes is very valuable to me. yah... i totally get that. being a single mom is hard and i totally respect what military families have to deal with. i will say i think my friend's DH almost seems to resent having to be on time for something?? if that makes sense, like those people don't respect *his* time but having a set time imposed on him. it's a control thing for him.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 15, 2019 5:41:47 GMT
But the thing is, EVERYONE is busy. EVERYONE has a ton of things they need to get done at some point. Time is precious to pretty much everybody. The difference is that those who are respectful of other people make a point to do what they say they’re going to do when they said they were going to do it.
The bottom line for people who have a crap ton of responsibilities for whatever reason is that sometimes you just have to say NO. I would much rather have someone be honest and tell me no, they can’t (fill in the blank) than to tell me sure, they’ll do something, go somewhere, meet me someplace, whatever and then show up really late or not at all. (I’m not talking 5-10 minutes either.) Sometimes you might have to miss out on something you really would *like* to do because you have a bunch of other stuff on the ‘have to do’ list, but that’s just life.
There are lots of times my DH will call me up and say, “Hey, I had an appointment cancel this afternoon, do you want to go grab lunch with me?” And some days I have to tell him sorry, I really can’t because there are other things I absolutely have to get to that day. And there are other days when I say I will go meet him knowing full well that those other things just won’t get done. But I won’t ever tell him I’m going to meet him somewhere at such and so time and then show up 30 minutes late because I thought of six other things I could try to cram in before I left the house. Either I’m going to commit or I’m not, it’s really that simple.
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