luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 18:56:56 GMT
I think I have read that some people do here on the Peas.
My ex’s gf’s parents live in Tennessee. He was invited back this past Christmas but did not go because he wanted to be home for his mothers birthday on Christmas Eve, as she is ill, and also wanted to be home for our adult kids on Christmas.
In a perfect world, I can envision maybe sometime all of us getting together in Tennessee and having Christmas together. Not sure how realistic that is though.
For the first couple years after our divorce, we did birthday dinners at a restaurant together. I also went to his place on Christmas morning.
My guy’s son comes up from Cincinnati every other Christmas and I would have no problem going to his mother’s house (if invited, we haven't even met yet but will this summer) if we could share a holiday together. I just think it’s better for everyone to try to get along for a short time rather than having adult children have to go house hopping for any given occassion.
I also realize too that once adult children have kids of their own, some want to start their own tradition of staying home themselves and having their parents come to them if they so choose to.
Do you share any special occasions with your ex if you have children together?
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 9:42:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2019 19:00:47 GMT
NO NO NO. Not ever.
The kids don't have to split time between us; meaning I have no expectation they will see us on the same day. But I must say, I am the one they come to visit (or I go visit them) he has never been to their homes as he thinks it is too far to travel. But they should be able to travel to him with 4 kids.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Mar 5, 2019 19:01:09 GMT
I guess it would also depend on how amicable the divorce was or how rotten the spouse was during the marriage.
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Post by Zee on Mar 5, 2019 19:11:13 GMT
Why do you think the new gf would want to get together with you and your guy on holidays? I wouldn't, if I was her.
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Post by KelleeM on Mar 5, 2019 19:13:18 GMT
We did when our kids were young. With my dd and dgd living with us we invited my ex here for dgd’s first and second birthdays. Her third was at the end of January and he asked dd when we were celebrating. She said he seemed surprised when she told him he wasn’t invited after calling me a f*cking c*&$ last fall. Silly man.
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Post by mom on Mar 5, 2019 19:15:53 GMT
Honestly? I think you are dreaming and there is 1000% chance there is no way this will happen.
And honestly? Why would you? If your family life is such a dumpster fire as you portray it be, then why would you want to spend one more minuet with him?
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smartypants71
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,710
Location: Houston, TX
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Post by smartypants71 on Mar 5, 2019 19:19:29 GMT
The only celebrations we spend together are those that directly involve our son such as his birthday, graduations, etc. In other words, AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
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Post by llinin on Mar 5, 2019 19:22:27 GMT
Somewhat different circumstances but my DH was a widower. His first wife’s mom became one of my favorite people and was my favorite MIL. We shared a birthday too. Until she passed we celebrated holidays with her and the rest of his first wife’s family. We’ve been to her nephew’s wedding, friends on fb, etc. and it is fine.
My late sister’s ex-MIL is also my friend. We’ve all always celebrated birthdays together. My late sister, her husband, the ex, the ex-MIL, all the rest of us. We even did family pictures together lol.
It can work but doesn’t work for everybody.
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Post by summer on Mar 5, 2019 19:25:25 GMT
There is absolutely no reason for you to have any expectation to ever be invited to your ex husband's new girlfriend's parent's house (which is out of state) for Christmas! It's crazy to me that you are hoping for and anticipating this invitation.
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on Mar 5, 2019 19:28:01 GMT
Right now? The only thing since our divorce has been our DS’s graduate party, and this spring will be DDs graduation party.
Someday, hopefully there will be grandkids, and then we’ll be at events together for them, or specific events for our own kids.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 5, 2019 19:40:36 GMT
I think I have read that some people do here on the Peas. My ex’s gf’s parents live in Tennessee. He was invited back this past Christmas but did not go because he wanted to be home for his mothers birthday on Christmas Eve, as she is ill, and also wanted to be home for our adult kids on Christmas. In a perfect world, I can envision maybe sometime all of us getting together in Tennessee and having Christmas together. Not sure how realistic that is though. For the first couple years after our divorce, we did birthday dinners at a restaurant together. I also went to his place on Christmas morning. My guy’s son comes up from Cincinnati every other Christmas and I would have no problem going to his mother’s house (if invited, we haven't even met yet but will this summer) if we could share a holiday together. I just think it’s better for everyone to try to get along for a short time rather than having adult children have to go house hopping for any given occassion. I also realize too that once adult children have kids of their own, some want to start their own tradition of staying home themselves and having their parents come to them if they so choose to. Do you share any special occasions with your ex if you have children together? Does the ex-girlfriend live in Tennessee too and/or was she invited for Christmas? Not to mix up your threads, but the guy who doesn't like you staying in contact with male friends, expects you to be ok spending a holiday with his ex just doesn't compute for me. I only know of one family where the ex is always invited to Christmas and Easter. She never hosts or plans a party of her own, and didn't come when she remarried, but since her divorce is always at the party. It works for them and the party is a big extended family and friends type thing, not an intimate immediate family event. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Mar 5, 2019 19:48:12 GMT
I think I have read that some people do here on the Peas. My ex’s gf’s parents live in Tennessee. He was invited back this past Christmas but did not go because he wanted to be home for his mothers birthday on Christmas Eve, as she is ill, and also wanted to be home for our adult kids on Christmas. In a perfect world, I can envision maybe sometime all of us getting together in Tennessee and having Christmas together. Not sure how realistic that is though. Does the ex-girlfriend live in Tennessee too and/or was she invited for Christmas? Not to mix up your threads, but the guy who doesn't like you staying in contact with male friends, expects you to be ok spending a holiday with his ex just doesn't compute for me. Not new guy's ex-gf. Her ex-husband's girlfriend. |
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freebird
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Post by freebird on Mar 5, 2019 19:51:12 GMT
Honestly? I think you are dreaming and there is 1000% chance there is no way this will happen. And honestly? Why would you? If your family life is such a dumpster fire as you portray it be, then why would you want to spend one more minuet with him?
whoa, that was pretty harsh. luvnlifelady has had a lot of upheaval in her life the past few years, but who doesn't that has a divorce. I wouldn't call it a "dumpster fire". that was kinda rude. |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 9:42:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2019 19:54:56 GMT
I think I have read that some people do here on the Peas. My ex’s gf’s parents live in Tennessee. He was invited back this past Christmas but did not go because he wanted to be home for his mothers birthday on Christmas Eve, as she is ill, and also wanted to be home for our adult kids on Christmas. In a perfect world, I can envision maybe sometime all of us getting together in Tennessee and having Christmas together. Not sure how realistic that is though. Does the ex-girlfriend live in Tennessee too and/or was she invited for Christmas? Not to mix up your threads, but the guy who doesn't like you staying in contact with male friends, expects you to be ok spending a holiday with his ex just doesn't compute for me. I only know of one family where the ex is always invited to Christmas and Easter. She never hosts or plans a party of her own, and didn't come when she remarried, but since her divorce is always at the party. It works for them and the party is a big extended family and friends type thing, not an intimate immediate family event. Not her new boyfriend's ex. Her ex husband's girlfriend's parents live in Tennessee. If My daughter was dating a divorced man there is no way I"d be inviting his ex wife to my house for Christmas. I have no idea what the drama might be and don't want to find out. |
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Post by chlerbie on Mar 5, 2019 19:56:08 GMT
We do some holiday/celebration type things with my DH's ex. It took us awhile to get there as there was some animosity between she and him. (Not over me--they were broken up years before I entered the picture.) But anyway, she really liked me and I occasionally did things with DSD and her mom and after some time, his ex and my DH began getting along better, so we'd do parties and things like that. It's now become a tradition on Christmas Eve that we go to DSD's husband's family celebration there that evening, and his ex is always there and we even exchange gifts. Last summer, we were all at DSD's friend's BBQ and had a really nice time. I think it's really nice and I'm sure that my DSD appreciates that we all get along.
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Post by mom on Mar 5, 2019 19:57:39 GMT
Honestly? I think you are dreaming and there is 1000% chance there is no way this will happen. And honestly? Why would you? If your family life is such a dumpster fire as you portray it be, then why would you want to spend one more minuet with him?
whoa, that was pretty harsh. luvnlifelady has had a lot of upheaval in her life the past few years, but who doesn't that has a divorce. I wouldn't call it a "dumpster fire". that was kinda rude. You are right. I was rude. But OP has made her history with her xDH and how unhappy/miserable/abused she was public. Many times. She has said her son has followed in his fathers footsteps with being abusive to her. She has flat out said she didn't want anything to do with her former life, which is why she moved across the country. If someone makes you that unhappy, celebrating holidays with them just doesn't seem like a good idea. |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 9:42:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2019 19:57:51 GMT
For the OP, if you want an extended blended family holiday I think YOU should be the one to host it instead of expecting someone else to host it; like the parents of the ex's girlfriend.
You invite the ex, his new squeeze, your new squeeze, his ex wife, all the kids and assorted layers of grandparents to your house.
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Post by drummergirl65 on Mar 5, 2019 19:58:57 GMT
I'm really confused. But if everyone can get along then why not?
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Mar 5, 2019 19:59:12 GMT
nevermind. eta: re: mom's comment above- "yeah, that." |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 5, 2019 19:59:55 GMT
He lives in Japan and I see him every 17 years or so. He was here 5 years ago. He won’t be back.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Mar 5, 2019 20:00:50 GMT
When Alison was younger, both came to where ever she was on Christmas morning for her birthday celebration. He came to her Sweet 16 party. The three of us sometimes go out to eat if we have all attended the same event, and his wife would be welcome if she was there (she works at night, so her schedule is a little all over the place). We usually sit together at her events.
We make an effort to follow Alison's lead. If she wants us both there, we'll be there, within reason.
Now, my ex has hijacked a couple of our trips, and I don't advise that. I didn't appreciate sharing parts of my vacations, and I would not consider going to my ex's wife's family's celebration, unless it was in celebration of my child.
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gottapeanow
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Post by gottapeanow on Mar 5, 2019 20:04:38 GMT
Yes, we do many events together. My ex is not in another relationship and neither am I. He has family in town and takes the boys there for events.
All four of us still do a lot together. I have had to sacrifice for them to have a relationship with him. For instance, he lives in a place where he really can't have them stay over due to the size and safety. So he is here often. I could refuse him, but it would hurt the boys.
My sons are now 18 and 20, and this time is ending when we will be together for holidays and such. But for now, it's fine.
Lisa
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 5, 2019 20:06:18 GMT
Does the ex-girlfriend live in Tennessee too and/or was she invited for Christmas? Not to mix up your threads, but the guy who doesn't like you staying in contact with male friends, expects you to be ok spending a holiday with his ex just doesn't compute for me. Not new guy's ex-gf. Her ex-husband's girlfriend. Thanks, I definitely misread whose girlfriend. Maybe because I couldn't imagine an ex's new girlfriend's parents inviting me to spend Christmas with them.  |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 5, 2019 20:07:29 GMT
I invite my exhusband and his wife. They choose not to come.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 20:13:45 GMT
Honestly? I think you are dreaming and there is 1000% chance there is no way this will happen. And honestly? Why would you? If your family life is such a dumpster fire as you portray it be, then why would you want to spend one more minuet with him? Because I don’t plan to go back to California for Christmas ever again. It was a disaster this time around. However, my kids will still expect me to do it and this would be a potential compromise. I guess we could potentially go down there and just have our own separate celebration. Nothing concrete but just an idea I’m kicking around. I don’t even know if the girlfriend invited the kids out to Tennessee with my ex this past Christmas. They have taken five trips now since the split and her kids were included in three of them but my kids have not been included in any of them. I could invite the kids out here to Pittsburgh for Christmas but I would actually prefer they come at New Year’s if they come during the winter months. Less stress for them. |
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 20:15:55 GMT
There is absolutely no reason for you to have any expectation to ever be invited to your ex husband's new girlfriend's parent's house (which is out of state) for Christmas! It's crazy to me that you are hoping for and anticipating this invitation. Not really hoping or in anticipating. I would just want to try to do whatever works best for any adult children I would hope anyone else involved could suck it up. Maybe living on fantasy Island though. Despite what he and I have been through together as a couple, our texts lately are actually civil for the most part. I was at his family’s Christmas Eve celebration and we avoided each other for the most part. I am still close with his mother, father and sister especially and her kids, so it was great to be included. His mother is quite ill and I know she liked being able to see me and I still stay in regular contact with her. |
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 20:19:02 GMT
I invite my exhusband and his wife. They choose not to come. That’s awesome that you are the bigger person to at least extend the olive branch. |
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 20:20:16 GMT
Yes, we do many events together. My ex is not in another relationship and neither am I. He has family in town and takes the boys there for events. All four of us still do a lot together. I have had to sacrifice for them to have a relationship with him. For instance, he lives in a place where he really can't have them stay over due to the size and safety. So he is here often. I could refuse him, but it would hurt the boys. My sons are now 18 and 20, and this time is ending when we will be together for holidays and such. But for now, it's fine. Lisa That’s great that it works out so well for all of you. Your boys benefit and that’s the bottom line. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2019 20:21:10 GMT
In a perfect world, I can envision maybe sometime all of us getting together in Tennessee and having Christmas together. Not sure how realistic that is though. You've portrayed your ex-husband as a bit of an arsehole, why on earth would you want to celebrate Christmas with him? I can't think of anything worse than trying to force some kind of congeniality just for the sake of it. Your children are grown they should understand this. |
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 5, 2019 20:21:48 GMT
I'm really confused. But if everyone can get along then why not? That’s sort of my thinking at the moment but subject to change without notice. LOL |
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