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Post by maryland on Mar 20, 2019 2:03:30 GMT
Has anyone overcome a fear of flying?
It hasn't been much of an issue until now. My daughter is on a university dance team and will be flying to Daytona for Nationals. It's an 18 hr. drive from our home, so I was not planning to attend, but my husband will fly down to watch. My daughter is sad that I won't go, and told me that I am the only mom who won't be there. I feel awful! I have season tickets to home football and basketball games to watch her, so this is the only event I will miss. And I know I would have such fun there as I was also on a college dance team in the ACC and my alma mater will be competing too! So we love having that in common.
I hate having this fear, and letting her down. My friends/family think flying is great, so they think I am being ridiculous, and should just get on the plane. I wish it was that easy, but for me it's not.
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Post by freecharlie on Mar 20, 2019 2:05:29 GMT
Can you go to your pcp and get something to take the edge off?
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Mar 20, 2019 2:22:06 GMT
Do you know what it is about flying that you are afraid of? There are a lot of different shapes a fear of flying can take, so if you can pinpoint it, maybe folks with a similar fear can share what's helped them.
A coworker developed a fear of flying as she got older. She says she really doesn't like all the noises the plane makes. She sees an acupuncturist regularly, and before she flies, the acupuncturist puts these little dot things on her pressure points on her ears. They're just taped on. She said when she starts to get freaked out, she watches the flight attendants, because if they're calm, she figures she should be too.
Flying just straight up stresses me out, but I'm not afraid of it. I get anxiety because (1) I'm not in much control, (2) there are rules to follow, and (3) I get very, very motion sick. I take an anti-anxiety med before getting to the airport, dramamine before I get on the plane, and I wear seabands. I also have my doctor give me an anti-nausea med (which was really helpful when we hit some turbulence). On the plane, I basically try to disassociate. Three hours is about my max, but I can mark it out in little snippets of time: it takes a little bit of time to get to cruising altitude, and then in a little bit, the drink cart starts. Then they put that away and come down with the snacks. Then the flight attendants make one more pass to see if anyone needs anything else. Then they come through to collect trash. Then the pilot tells us, about half an hour out, that we're getting close. Then we land and I breathe a sigh of relief in the terminal.
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Post by maryland on Mar 20, 2019 2:26:50 GMT
Can you go to your pcp and get something to take the edge off? I don't have a pcp, so I don't know if I would be able to find one in time. But even with that, I would worry every day leading up to the trip. But others, especially my in-laws, have suggested that too!
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Post by maryland on Mar 20, 2019 2:32:22 GMT
Do you know what it is about flying that you are afraid of? There are a lot of different shapes a fear of flying can take, so if you can pinpoint it, maybe folks with a similar fear can share what's helped them. A coworker developed a fear of flying as she got older. She says she really doesn't like all the noises the plane makes. She sees an acupuncturist regularly, and before she flies, the acupuncturist puts these little dot things on her pressure points on her ears. They're just taped on. She said when she starts to get freaked out, she watches the flight attendants, because if they're calm, she figures she should be too. Flying just straight up stresses me out, but I'm not afraid of it. I get anxiety because (1) I'm not in much control, (2) there are rules to follow, and (3) I get very, very motion sick. I take an anti-anxiety med before getting to the airport, dramamine before I get on the plane, and I wear seabands. I also have my doctor give me an anti-nausea med (which was really helpful when we hit some turbulence). On the plane, I basically try to disassociate. Three hours is about my max, but I can mark it out in little snippets of time: it takes a little bit of time to get to cruising altitude, and then in a little bit, the drink cart starts. Then they put that away and come down with the snacks. Then the flight attendants make one more pass to see if anyone needs anything else. Then they come through to collect trash. Then the pilot tells us, about half an hour out, that we're getting close. Then we land and I breathe a sigh of relief in the terminal. I fear the plane will crash. Which I know is crazy, because planes are so safe, and much safer than driving (which I also worry about, but still drive). My former neighbor is a pilot, and just went back to work now that her kids are in school. If she wasn't so far away, I bet talking to her would help! That's a great idea about watching the flight attendants!
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Mar 20, 2019 2:57:31 GMT
I did. I used to have such a fear I would work myself up about it for weeks leading up to the flight that by the time we actually flew I was at a point where I’ve almost run towards the cabin door as it was shutting. I did a few different things to overcome it: - I told myself it was a choice to be on that plane. That I didn’t want to let my fear keep me from things I wanted to do. That I wanted to go on that vacation more than miss out so I was choosing to fly. - Ativan. Small dose to take the edge off. Then I would just take a half, then a quarter, then a sliver, now I don’t need it at all but I carry it with me just in case - Some sort of distraction during take off. That’s my worst time. I find talking with my travel partner is best, maybe looking through a magazine or something together so you’re really distracted from what’s going on - Learning a lot about planes and flying before I left. What the noises mean. The flaps on the plane make a noise not long after take off, in many cities the pilot cuts back on the engine a little as you go up due to noise ordinances, that kind of thing - Realizeing that at any point during daylight hours there are no less than 1000 planes in the air over the US so crashes truly are rare (that statistic might be wrong but I think that’s what I read).
After you get a flight or two under your belt you’ll gain some confidence back.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 20, 2019 3:01:53 GMT
My friend always takes 1/2 of a Xanax. It knocks her out. I have to wake her up or she'd never get off the plane. Within maybe 20 minutes or so she is back and ready to go.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Mar 20, 2019 3:05:33 GMT
From your user name I assume you are in Maryland. Could you take the autotrain? It leaves from Virginia.
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Post by maryland on Mar 20, 2019 3:05:41 GMT
I did. I used to have such a fear I would work myself up about it for weeks leading up to the flight that by the time we actually flew I was at a point where I’ve almost run towards the cabin door as it was shutting. I did a few different things to overcome it: - I told myself it was a choice to be on that plane. That I didn’t want to let my fear keep me from things I wanted to do. That I wanted to go on that vacation more than miss out so I was choosing to fly. - Ativan. Small dose to take the edge off. Then I would just take a half, then a quarter, then a sliver, now I don’t need it at all but I carry it with me just in case - Some sort of distraction during take off. That’s my worst time. I find talking with my travel partner is best, maybe looking through a magazine or something together so you’re really distracted from what’s going on - Learning a lot about planes and flying before I left. What the noises mean. The flaps on the plane make a noise not long after take off, in many cities the pilot cuts back on the engine a little as you go up due to noise ordinances, that kind of thing - Realizeing that at any point during daylight hours there are no less than 1000 planes in the air over the US so crashes truly are rare (that statistic might be wrong but I think that’s what I read). After you get a flight or two under your belt you’ll gain some confidence back. That's a good way to look at it! And when I drive, even a short trip to the store, I see people running red lights, cutting people off, etc. A lot of aggressive drivers where I live. So yes, all those planes you mentioned sound much safer than a trip to Target. I should learn more about planes. I am always more afraid of being up so high in the air, but I hear that takeoff and landing are the worst (that's just what friends say, not sure if that's the most dangerous time or not).
I do tell my husband that if I liked to fly, I would want to be traveling all the time (Morocco, India, Greece, Thailand, Egypt), and our budget would not like that.
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Nanner
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Post by Nanner on Mar 20, 2019 3:08:01 GMT
I went through a 25 year period where I would not fly. The thing that got me to actually fly after that time was my old boss giving us a trip to Maui as a Christmas gift. I was terrified, but ativan did help. I took ativan before my flights for several years but can do without now. I still don't like it, but I fly because I want to go places.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 3:10:40 GMT
For me it is getting through security and getting on the first plane. Once I am on the second plane I am okay.
We went to Pittsburgh and I had panic attacks for two weeks before the flight.
Now I am started the attacks again because we are going back to Pittsburgh.
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Post by arrow on Mar 20, 2019 3:16:08 GMT
Valium and the reminder on your phone to take it every 4 hours!!!
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Post by maryland on Mar 20, 2019 3:27:51 GMT
For me it is getting through security and getting on the first plane. Once I am on the second plane I am okay. We went to Pittsburgh and I had panic attacks for two weeks before the flight. Now I am started the attacks again because we are going back to Pittsburgh. I will be thinking of you! That would be me, having panic attacks before the flight. And would you believe I live in Pittsburgh!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 3:33:30 GMT
The Pittsburgh airport isn’t bad!
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Mar 20, 2019 3:38:17 GMT
It's not crazy to fear the plane crashing. Is it statistically unlikely? Sure, but that doesn't make the fear crazy. (Besides, even if it was a crazy fear, fear and anxiety are often irrational. That's how they are.) I have not used this app, and I don't know anything about the guy writing about it or if there are costs or anything. But would something like the app in this article help, do you think? (By the way, the image of the app says that a flight is a severe psychological problem for every third person, so you are not alone.) It supposedly can take info from you and your phone and tell you about what noises the plane might be making, upcoming turbulence, etc. It says it was created by a professional pilot and fear of flying therapist. The article is almost two years old; it is available in the google play store (I don't have apple), and it's got an average 3.9 stars and 10K plus downloads.
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Post by quinlove on Mar 20, 2019 4:27:58 GMT
I fear the plane will crash. Which I know is crazy, because planes are so safe, and much safer than driving (which I also worry about, but still drive). My former neighbor is a pilot, and just went back to work now that her kids are in school. If she wasn't so far away, I bet talking to her would help! That's a great idea about watching the flight attendants! This was me too. I’d tell others that I’m not afraid to fly. It’s the crashing that I’m afraid of. The flying is just fine with me. I totally get you. After many many years of this crippling fear, I’d have a full blown panic attack in the airport and refuse to do it. It was horrible. My doctor had me take half a Xanax a couple of hours before the flight then the second half a half an hour before boarding. Worked great. I was soooo proud of myself when I was sitting on the plane and arriving. Oh the first few flights I had to fly by myself. But I had my little Xanax with me and it made all the difference in the world. If I could do it ~ you can too.
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Post by travelsoul on Mar 20, 2019 5:56:16 GMT
I also take Xanax for the flight. Take offs and turbulence do me in. I tell the flight attendants that I am a very nervous flyer and that I might need them to come reassure me if there are bumps. For the most part I've had wonderfull and understanding flight attendants who checked on me many times during the flight. I also find it comforting to talk to my fellow seat mates during take off so that I'm distracted. I'm always bummed if my seat mate is sleeping or clearly doesn't want to be disturbed. I have a 6 hour flight in a couple weeks that I'm already starting to panic about! But I will be flying with my 3 year old so I'll have her to distract me, plus I know I need to stay calm for her.
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Post by wordfish on Mar 20, 2019 9:42:09 GMT
I do not like to fly at all. I had to fly to California about 16 months ago or so, which meant four takeoffs and landings. YUCK. I used to get a BuSpar or Ativan prescription and would ask for just whatever number I needed to make it through each takeoff/landing (usually two unless there was a layover or something). My backup is dramamine. Two of those and I'm out. My second backup is alcohol. Wheee.
When I flew in late 2017, there was a woman behind me who on takeoff was wailing and making an ass out of herself "Oh my God Oh my GOD we are gonna die. We are going to crash wahhhhhhhh Oh my God OH MY GOD wahhhhhhhhhhh." This was supremely unhelpful to me. Then she stopped and I was like "okay, now I can zone out, now that she has let us all know how she feels." Then about 5 minutes later she started up again.
For some reason, I just snapped and yelled pretty loud "Jesus CHRIST!" INSTANT silence. The lady next to me, who was very large and kinda riding the arm rests, started apologizing to me, thinking she was bothering me. I was like "YOU are fine." Then she went "Oh...that. Yeah." The woman behind me kept her mouth shut for the rest of the flight, or if she didn't, I didn't hear her.
Coincidentally, that flight was the first one since I was probably 22 years old where I did not medicate myself with something. I won't do that again.
We are flying to California again in June. I booked nonstop tickets and I will be drinking/dramamined up. I don't think anybody really knows that I am freaking TERRIFIED unless they pay close attention and I would never inflict my terror on others, but if I get another screamer behind me, I want to be sufficiently altered that I can let it float past me.
This last time, I also had the feeling of kind of a peace. Like "If something happens, I have had a good life" sort of thing. Still pretty freaked out, but it was helpful. Until that lady ramped up.
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Post by monklady123 on Mar 20, 2019 9:56:42 GMT
The Pittsburgh airport isn’t bad! But it isn't the airport that she's afraid of. OP, it doesn't matter that statistically you're much less likely to crash in the plane than in a car.... a fear is a fear. I totally get it about being afraid to fly... I hate it, although mine isn't so bad that it's kept me from going places. For me it's always the bumps and the funny noises, etc. You didn't say when this event is...I wonder, is there time to find a class or group that's set up to help people with a fear of flying? Not sure how you'd find one...maybe call the airport's customer service or something like that. Otherwise, medication is the answer to the actual flight.
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Post by baslp on Mar 20, 2019 10:29:57 GMT
Try finding a therapist who does Cognitive Behavior therapy. Hypnosis may also help
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2019 10:52:32 GMT
Some airlines have "fear of flying" courses over here. Do they have something similar over in the US that you could attend? I haven't been on one but a friend has and it worked. They take you through all the different sounds you hear from the plane while flying, explains what they all are, take you through everything that you will experience on a flight, from boarding until you arrive at your destination but you haven't travelled anywhere.. It's the fear of the unknown I think that very often makes someone anxious. If someone knows that particular sounds is quite normal and why it sounds like that then the anxiety you experience will drop if someone explains to you what it means.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Mar 20, 2019 11:20:47 GMT
I have a fear of flying. I used to fly everywhere with no problem. Everywhere. Then, after a stressful and difficult flight (where I got sick in the air - nothing happened to the plane) I passed out on the flight. Subsequent flights I continued to have trouble. On one flight i was feeling so ill that the pilot wanted to make an emergency stop because we didn’t know what was wrong. I went to my dr. The first issue I was sick. The rest, it turns out, were panic attacks. I didn’t think I was scared, but turns out I was. I developed a debilitating fear of flying / fear of crashing. I started flying minimally. After a particularly bad 2 hr flight to LA, I went to my dr again for help. He prescribed adivan for the flight. It took a lot to take the edge off at first. He also prescribed it for 2 weeks leading up to the flight. A smaller dose but it also helped.
He also suggested psychological help. My mom (I was in my early 20s still living at home) called the airport and found out that 2 national airlines (west jet and air canada) had fear of flying courses. I took the AC course. It was a 6 week course with a flight at the end. There were 15 if us. We went through the 6 weeks together. We exchanged numbers. We had a pilot and a psychologist work with us. The pilot taught us the ins and outs of flying. The psych taught us coping skills. We learned on the airplanes. They revved up engines and we practiced our coping skills. After 6 weeks we went on a 1 hr flight. 2 people wouldn’t go but the rest of us did. We had our 2 teachers. We practiced what we learned. The pilot helped us learn every noise and bump. We sat in the cockpit with the pilots during the flight, taking turns. I did it. I had adivan and my bag of tricks from the psychologist (music to listen to, headphones, and a sofa water to settle my stomach). That was over 20 years ago and I still travel with a sodawater. Just now I have to buy it after I cross through security.
I still panic. I still take adivan leading up to a trip. I have developed my bag of coping tricks. I tell every airline worker that I have a bad fear of flying. The worst they’ll see so they are prepared. I tell them I’m healthy but on adivan. That they should expect to see my cry if there is turbulence. i book seats at the front of the plane (psychologists suggestion) so I can see the flight attendants. I book aisle seat so I have access to flight attendants if needed. I’ve had them crouch down next to me for turbulent flights or for landing if I’m extra scared. They’ll come and tell me if they’re expecting turbulence (expected is easier to take for me). The pilots often come to me before take off to reassure me. They offer me use of front bathroom (less scary than back bathroom). I sip soda water.
My girls (10 and 13) have grown up with me scared of flying. I’ve explained that everyone has their own thing and this is mine. That they don’t have to be scared like me, and they’re not. They know to hold my hand if I’m scared or to leave me alone if I’m deep breathing. Or to ignore me if i panic. Older dd is scared of bugs. Younger dd is scared of dogs. I explain they should watch me fly and see how I face my fear to help them with theirs. It’s our way of talking about it in the open.
What works for me: Adivan day of and leading up to flight. Letting flight staff know Deep breathing Soda water Knowing about turbulence ahead of time Seat near front of plane Seat in the aisle so I can watch flight attendance during take off and landing. They often give me thumbs up during flight or come to check in. Psychologist help Reminder about what pilot taught during course.
The fear won’t go away. You have to learn to cope with it
I haven’t proof read. Sorry about any typos.
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Post by sunny1016 on Mar 20, 2019 11:27:24 GMT
For those of you that use/used medication. Does anyone have a MAJOR fear (of flying)? And did it actually help that?
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Post by gillyp on Mar 20, 2019 11:29:32 GMT
I agree with @dottyscrapper if you can get on a course that may help. They explain what all the noises and bumps are and that really helps people. I hope you can overcome this!
Your fears are normal! I love flying but turbulence scares me. My sister had a panic attack over the Atlantic on the first plane she went on, got out of her seat and told the stewardess she needed to get off NOW and headed to the door! She never flew again after she got home. Such a shame as she loved travelling.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Mar 20, 2019 11:33:50 GMT
I should add that over the years it has gotten easier. I’m worse during take off and can relax at times throughout the flight. I sleep from the adivan. But when flying alone with my girls I greatly reduce my dose because I need to be more alert / in charge of my girls in an emergency. Dh and I fly everywhere and we travel 4-5 times a year. The more I go the easier it is. I don’t always drink the soda water now but having it with me helps. I can read and watch movies. I cuddle with my girls. The flight attendants still check in.
Once when flying alone I grabbed the strangers hand sitting next to me. Once when the stabilizer malfunctioned I cried the entire flight (why wasn’t everyone crying - it was awful!). Other turbulent flights I’ve sleot through. My point is that it is manageable but still there.
I also want to add that I tell the flight attendants as quietly as possible and they are very discreet. Maybe 1-2 people in my row know what they’re talking about but most people on the plane are unaware of my issues. It just helps to have someone in charge who does know.
Good luck! You can do it! It is a life changing experience to be able to face a fear head on. Don’t expect an easy experience but push yourself to face it. For your daughter you can do it.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Mar 20, 2019 11:34:33 GMT
For those of you that use/used medication. Does anyone have a MAJOR fear (of flying)? And did it actually help that? Please read my 2 posts.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Mar 20, 2019 11:41:13 GMT
Since some have mentioned the course :
The pilot taught us:
How pilots train Experience they need to fly a commercial jet What they do in the airport before a flight What they need to do on a plane before they can fly Noises on the plane - different engine noises on different types of jets Different ways to handle turbulence How they accelerate during take off (different feelings from acceleration) How a plane handles turbulence - physically (did you know the wings can touch at the top and the bottom of the plane) That a seatbelted person would die from turbulence before anything could happen to the plane The physics of flying When a pilot starts the descent Different ways a pilot lands
Psychologist taught us: Relaxation skills Coping skills We talked about our fears as a group / group therapy
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Post by sunny1016 on Mar 20, 2019 11:42:42 GMT
For those of you that use/used medication. Does anyone have a MAJOR fear (of flying)? And did it actually help that? Please read my 2 posts. Thank you, I must not of hit refresh!
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Post by lisacharlotte on Mar 20, 2019 11:51:53 GMT
For me it is getting through security and getting on the first plane. Once I am on the second plane I am okay. We went to Pittsburgh and I had panic attacks for two weeks before the flight. Now I am started the attacks again because we are going back to Pittsburgh. Are you sure you’re not just afraid of Pittsburgh? 😁 ETA: not trying to make light of everyone’s real fears of flying. As I get older I get more afraid of dying before I’m done living (I really want to be immortal). I worry about dying in a plane, on the road, in my sleep. None of it is debilitating but always lurking back there keeping me aware I’m no spring chicken.
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Post by peasapie on Mar 20, 2019 11:52:41 GMT
I did. I used to have such a fear I would work myself up about it for weeks leading up to the flight that by the time we actually flew I was at a point where I’ve almost run towards the cabin door as it was shutting. I did a few different things to overcome it: - I told myself it was a choice to be on that plane. That I didn’t want to let my fear keep me from things I wanted to do. That I wanted to go on that vacation more than miss out so I was choosing to fly. - Ativan. Small dose to take the edge off. Then I would just take a half, then a quarter, then a sliver, now I don’t need it at all but I carry it with me just in case - Some sort of distraction during take off. That’s my worst time. I find talking with my travel partner is best, maybe looking through a magazine or something together so you’re really distracted from what’s going on - Learning a lot about planes and flying before I left. What the noises mean. The flaps on the plane make a noise not long after take off, in many cities the pilot cuts back on the engine a little as you go up due to noise ordinances, that kind of thing - Realizeing that at any point during daylight hours there are no less than 1000 planes in the air over the US so crashes truly are rare (that statistic might be wrong but I think that’s what I read). After you get a flight or two under your belt you’ll gain some confidence back. This is exactly what helped me. One additional thing was that my shrink did some self-hypnosis with me where I remind myself the pilot is very capable and that the plane is a tool I’m using to get somewhere, while mentally calming myself. Once you do it a couple of times, it gets easier. Def get magazines to read up to and even through takeoff.
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