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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 11:47:41 GMT
I met with the principle this morning. It was concluded by the school that My DD came up with the assumption that she was not smart on her one due to her awareness of making bad grades on her tests and school work. They believe the substitute played no part in her developing the view she has about her intelligence. I disagree with there findings! If a teacher only makes a student aware of their failing’s and never points out what they do well it does affect the view the child has about their self and abilities. A teacher announcing to the class the grade of students who made 90’s, how does it make the children whom made a 40 feel? Especially if they really did do their best and offer no praise for effort in anything. That there tells the children that they are good only when they meet the expectations the teacher feels has value ( good grades) Original OP last night I found a letter my 9 yr old DD wrote a letter to her substitute apologizing for not being smart. She has loved school and her teacher, but last month her teacher went on paternity leave and has a Sub. I gently asked her about why she wrote it. Her response is she is always doing bad on tests and loses recess to redo them so she is not smart like the other kids. We know and the school knows she is slower than the rest of the children due to fluid in her ears the first 3 yrs of life along with having severe sleep apnea that both required surgery at nearly 4. Now she has to be tested for auditory processing disorder. We just completed a special ED evaluation which indicates she is boarder line on learning disability due to inability to effectively use language. The test they did that took out language showed she is smart just can not process language the way the average child can. My heart is broke to pieces that she believes she is not smart because the actions of this one Sub. You see no school work is sent home for us to review yet she said her Sub shows her the papers with her bad grades and tells her she needs to do better. Why make a child feel stupid? Here at home we have Never pushed to straight A mindset. Do your best and we are happy. I can not simply undo what was put in her head. Test don’t show how smart you are. she so much is a people pleaser and does her very best at everything. To see her like this is... no words can really exspress it. We send our children to school to learn, we worry about other kids bulling but what to do when it is the teacher that makes your child feel unworthy? Her letter reads, Dear substitute, Sorry if i am doing bad. I am not a smart so... But I know some like fractions, some math and subtract. I am bad at some but I like drawing I can show you some of my drawing.  Update: I went to the school and spoke it the one in-charge of her grade and requested a meeting with the principle and all her teachers. She has special ED. We are very open and honest with her struggles to her and she knows she has a harder time than others. Two other of my children have dyslexia. We do not make a big deal of taking longer than average for her to learn something. She gives her very best and has made amazing strides. On a wonderful note, I have stayed in contact with her kindergarten teacher whom she still talks about and set up a lunch date for her to talk to My DD. This teacher instilled the love she has for school and even now three yrs later my DD still talks about her. I know I can’t undo what this Sub has done but I do know that her Kinder teacher can! Small update: I have read everyone’s reply and want to say thank you. Not only did I check out the books one pea suggested but my husband and I went to hobby lobby and got her an assortment of art supplies. My DD and I spent the afternoon painting and drawing along with talking about what being smart really is and I let her read her what her Kinder teacher had wrote to her. I will push the issue at the school to the fullest degree and am using this horrible incident to instill in her that only she gets to determine her self worth. Because I am a realist and life isn’t fair nor are all people nice. Teaching her now how that it is not her job to please everyone ( school teaches our children to obey authority and not question) nor accept everything as truth. Especially the opinions of others when it comes to who she is. I will update once I have the meeting which is supposed to be Friday. |
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by peppermintpatty on May 1, 2019 11:59:00 GMT
OH MY! My heart breaks for your DD. You need to deal with this with her teacher and a counselor. I would also possibly have her speak to a therapist. That may seem overkill but this is something that will haunt her all through school.
Does she have an IEP?
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Post by roberta on May 1, 2019 11:59:57 GMT
This breaks my heart! Your DD deserves so much better. Seems like it is time to talk to the sub and whatever counselor/education advisor is appropriate at the school. Can you request to see her work? Are there scheduled teacher/parent meetings? If you don’t get a satisfactory response from the sub perhaps the principal?
Hugs to you and your dd!
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Post by Merge on May 1, 2019 12:02:29 GMT
Oh my. This is terrible. Honestly I'd set up a meeting with the sub and the principal to go over your daughter's different needs. No child should lose recess to do make up work unless they were playing around and didn't bother to do the work, but that is not the case here.
I think this sub needs some better guidance on teaching children with different needs.
I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through this.
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Post by liya on May 1, 2019 12:11:18 GMT
I am so sorry; my heart is breaking too. I also think it is time to chat with the substitute. The teaching style of this person is not right for your DD. (PS I am not an educator.) I would let the substitute know that you are in process of getting IEP (or SPED) for DD and until that is in place there are certain expectations you have for DD that will need to be met. If things do not change in the classroom immediately after discussion time to move to the principal. Good luck to you and your precious DD.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on May 1, 2019 12:33:51 GMT
I’m so sorry for your dd but it’s good that you saw this letter or you wouldn’t know what was going on.
Does your dd have an IEP? Is the substitute aware of her LD and any accommodations that are necessary? Perhaps no one has briefed the substitute. I think at this point you need to advocate for your dd and have a meeting with the substitute and whoever is in charge of IEPs (school psych or counsellor) and perhaps an administrator who oversees the IEPs at school so that everyone can be on the same program / direction for your dd.
My dd (10) is on an IEP. Not all of her teachers are aware of it which is frustrating. The school told some teachers but not all. And the ones who do know don’t always follow the accommodations. It’s a frustrating process.
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Post by threegirls on May 1, 2019 13:06:47 GMT
I am so sorry for you and your daughter. Teachers should never make their students feel stupid! I have two kids with IEPs and one of them was definitely made to feel stupid by several different teachers. Yes, several, even by the intervention specialist who was supposed to be helping her! Grrr. Definitely talk to the teacher and I would go ahead and involve the principal. You want to nip this in the bud now. Also, you should be seeing her papers and especially her tests. Request them - all of them. You asked "..what to do when it is the teacher that makes your child feel unworthy?" My answer would be to monitor, monitor, monitor. Go ahead and be the squeaky wheel. Research your child's disability. Learn everything you can. If you have a local children's hospital you might want to check with them to see if they have any seminars (for parents) that discuss learning disabilities. The more educated you are, the more confident you will be when dealing with teachers and administrators. When your daughter gets an IEP make sure the teacher and school follows it. Sometimes they will do great in the beginning but then let things slide. Monitor the accommodations. Talk to a school psychologist and find out what accommodations are available to you daughter. Have you talked with your daughter about her learning disabilities? I got so fed up with our last school that I pulled my girls from there and sent them to a private school that is for children with learning disabilites (specifically dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia). The school is very honest and open with the kids. The kids can learn, they just learn differently and that's ok. They use a program called The Mind That's Mine The Mind That's MineThe school also teaches children to be their own advocates. It's difficult and a long process but kids do need to learn to speak up for themselves. Your daughter is still pretty young but now is the time to start talking to her about advocating for herself. The more she knows and understands her learning disability the better she will be at advocating. Little conversations here and there with her can go a long way! Good luck. I'm very passionate about this subject! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 13:11:33 GMT
Oh it's heartbreaking that she feels that way, but wonderful that she can express what she is feeling! And she is a very good artist!  I would certainly reach out to the school counselor or even the principal (so you can make them aware or get input on the teaching style of the sub) and with it being so close to the end of the school year, I would tend to push it a bit, so you have some answers now and don't get pushed off to the next school year. If I had awareness of my DD's struggles when she was the same age as yours, I definitely would have hired a tutor or enrolled her in a program over the summer to work on basic skills. If you are able to, I would definitely encourage that. We had looked into it off and on and she did summer school one summer but unfortunately she didn't get the diagnosis she needed at that time. Then when she hit puberty, I think the academic problems really manifested itself into her self-esteem. We had a rough couple years and she seems to be almost fully past it now, but I have a lot of guilt over not doing more back then. Not saying that would be what you would experience at all, but just sharing what we went through. |
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Post by pierkiss on May 1, 2019 13:28:04 GMT
You need to have a face to face meeting with this sub. I would bet he/she has no idea what is going on with your child medically. Do you have an IEP/504 in place? If you do, maybe make a copy, take it along and share it with her teacher. It needs to be followed by everyone, even subs.
Also, see if the teacher can just start sending home the work that needs to be redone. Keeping her in and forcing her to redo the work during recess is going to cause way more harm. She’s being made into an example in front of her peers, she’s being socially isolated due to academic reasons that are beyond her control. If this teacher is not willing to listen to you, escalate it to the principal. There is no reason she can’t redo the work at home. At Our school the teacher sends home all the tests and class work. If she wants it redone or worked more on, she writes C&R (correct and return) on top, and we take care of it after school. It’s a great system because this way the kids don’t spend all day long working on the same things, and we get to see what they need more help with.
If my son had this teacher and his/her policy, he would never make it outside. We have at least 1 C&R every day. It’s really not a big deal, and he’s never been made to feel stupid because of it.
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seaexplore
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Post by seaexplore on May 1, 2019 13:35:29 GMT
Can you go to class with her a few random times? See what’s actually going on in class, talk with the sub. How much longer will the sub be there? How much time is left in the school year?
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on May 1, 2019 13:41:22 GMT
I want to reiterate having the teacher send work home.
My dd is 10 and was told not to take any work home. I took dd into the class after school one day and asked the teacher if dd could bring her work home whenever she gets it. Teacher said ‘of course she can when ever she wants!’ Dd told me the teacher lied and had told them never to take work home 🤪. Why are teachers so adverse to kids bringing completed work home?
Your dd should be able to correct her work at home.
Maybe you can get a teacher who checks her work before she hands it in so that she learns to check and correct it before it is handed in.
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Post by mikklynn on May 1, 2019 14:21:45 GMT
OMG. I want to weep.
It's time to go Pea-livid. I'd take the note to the principal. The sub needs to GO. What a bitch.
I've posted before about how much help my granddaughter has received from Huntington Learning center. I am NOT affiliated with them. I am just grateful my sweet granddaughter, who needs a little extra time and has a social anxiety disorder, went from failing to honor roll. She did receive some extra help in her school, but they were not able to give her the one-on-one time she needed.
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Post by Skellinton on May 1, 2019 14:23:17 GMT
Oh, my heart breaks for your daughter too. Adding the pictures she drew to show the teacher she is a good artist in order to please her brought tears to my eyes.
You need to meet with the sub, a school counselor (if you have one) and the spec Ed teacher right away.
Tell your daughter he pictures are beautiful, she has wonderful handwriting and her spelling is great! She is smart, caring and clearly doing her best which is what REALLY matters. Then please give her a hug from me.
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Post by librarylady on May 1, 2019 14:27:22 GMT
Run, don't walk, to that school and have a meeting with the principal and that sub.
Defend your daughter and demand that the sub change her/his ways. I could go on, but you probably know everything I would say.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 14:30:04 GMT
Oh, that baby  Give her a big big big hug from all her pea-aunties who think she's brilliant and wonderful. And go GET that sub.OMG  |
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 1, 2019 14:50:53 GMT
On hell no!!!!! 😠
I am so glad that you have a meeting set up.
How dare that sub emotionally harm your precious dd!
If I were in that situation, I would have the school counselor present. I would also have letters from our pediatrician and any medical specialists stating the effects of emotional degradation from an adult in authority to a young child.
I would also write a letter, specifically to the sub, to let them know the harm they have personally caused and your disappointment in their lack of ability and skill in teaching young children with developmental challenges.
Will you also have the principal there?
I would not want the sub teaching my dd any longer.
(((Hugs))) to your dd.
And please tell her that her struggles with one academic subject or another do not define her brilliance. She will find a niche and ability in life that she is extraordinary at, and she will shine.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 1, 2019 14:51:59 GMT
At first when I read your post, I was dumbstruck.  Then I was tearing up.  Now I’m just spitting angry for both your DD and for you.  This is absolutely unacceptable in today’s world! I have a kid the same age as yours and if she came home from school feeling that way because of something a teacher said or did, I would be Pea Livid and the gloves would be coming off. I’d go straight to the school and demand a meeting with the principal and the teacher and I would show them the note. I wouldn’t leave until they had come up with a solution that was acceptable to me, although I’m not exactly sure what that would be since IMO the damage that has been done will be difficult (if not impossible) to undo with my poor kid’s self esteem. No child should be made to feel stupid by ANYONE, period, but especially not a teacher. That sub has no business teaching kids at all, but especially not elementary aged kids who are still developing their sense of self worth. You tell your sweet girl that her artwork is amazing and that her writing is very nice and clear. And give her an extra huge hug from all of her Pea Aunties, we think she’s truly awesome. (And a hug for you too, this parenting stuff isn’t for the faint of heart.) |
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by peabrain on May 1, 2019 15:25:17 GMT
she has wonderful handwriting and her spelling is great That's what I was going to say!!! What a cute drawing too. My high schooler's handwriting is awful but we're all different aren't we? |
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Post by scrapmaven on May 1, 2019 15:30:33 GMT
Your dd needs an IEP so that she can get what she needs. Having it in writing doesn't mean that the teacher will honor it, but it gives your dd clout and gives you some leverage when you're arranging services and getting your dd what she needs. Also, a 504 or IEP follows your student to college and can help her get services at that time, as well. One thing that she may need is extra time on tests. As she gets into middle/high school she'll need some extra things, too.
The sub is clearly not equipped to deal w/learning disabilities and special needs. Her treatment of your dd is abusive. She is being made to feel stupid and she's not stupid, but she is learning disabled. That sub is not equipped to take care of children, let alone special needs kids. I would fight to get her removed from that class. Is there a better school that will meet her needs, in the area?
For years I was told that I was stupid and was even told that I was intellectually disabled. In my day they used the "R" word. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my IQ was higher than average and that I wasn't stupid. However, I do have a learning disability and will always need special services when I am in a class. So, as a young adult in college I was retested and told that I am smart, but need some accommodations.
Time to arrange a STAT meeting w/her principal and get your dd removed from that classroom, placed w/a teacher who understands and has compassion for her needs, get an IEP and give your dd lots of encouragement. If there is a program at a local school for LD students I highly recommend getting her moved. I wish I could hug your dd and tell her that having a learning disability makes you strong, not stupid!
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Post by workingclassdog on May 1, 2019 15:32:18 GMT
Oh my gosh this just made me cry... Bless her heart. Wow I just want to hug her!!
This no way compares but my youngest DD who is 10 struggles with math. She is like me. Just doesn't 'get' it all the time. She gets very frustrated. She loves to draw and do art like your DD.
I hope your DD Kinder teacher can put the love back into learning for her. Hang in there mamma...
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 15:48:42 GMT
Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am more heart broken than mad.
I am not going to let this die at her school. If I could I would have every person at the school in a room and let them pass around my daughter’s letter to let them truly see the impact they can have on a child.
I would also tell them of the letter she STILL write about her very first teacher in kindergarten of how much she loves and misses her. It is because of her first teacher that my DD wrote an apology rather than a hateful letter. She shaped my daughter into the person she is when in school. First experiences are lasting ones.
Her first teacher showed so much compassion and understanding that at the end of the school yr we gifted her a new kitchen aid mixer.
You see my Dd was not even a yr out from the surgery that allowed her to regain her hearing. She could not talk full sentences and her kinder teacher was a first yr teacher. My daughter went from not knowing any abc’s reading or writing her name to achieving complete sentences and reading by the end of the yr at grade level without any 504 or special ED.
I became close friends with her and she confided in me many times she Cried over my daughter wondering how she was going to teach her.
That teacher went way above what was expected because she cared and my DD is that one student that she will never forget and also in the process showed her that she was capable of doing what she thought was an impossible task.
I don’t want to get mad, I want this to be a lesson for the teachers at her school to see how important they are in their students lives. They make or break a student their first yr of school.
Our son experienced the exact opposite. He had a first yr teacher who the following yr was working at Walmart. His first experience with school was a horrid one.
A teacher with no patience. Our son unknowingly had dyslexia so he struggled severely. Instead of compassion he was met with criticism and made to feel stupid. Many days of crying in class because he just could not “get” it but the schools policy was they would not test till 3rd grade for dyslexia.
Imagine struggling for three yrs before getting help being labeled as emotionally disturbed because he cried and got frustrated.
We are FINALLY seeing improvements this yr in his behavior and ability to learn but his “ record” and view on school is negative.
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Post by gillyp on May 1, 2019 15:48:53 GMT
Oh your poor, poor munchkin!! I can’t bear it when children are made to feel unworthy and incapable. We all have different strengths - look how very mature she was in taking the initiative and trying to explain in a lovely letter! It takes a very special child to feel able to do that.
Tell her there are lots of cuddles coming from the other side of the world! You’ve already got lots of good advice from those who know how your systems work.
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inkedup
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Post by inkedup on May 1, 2019 15:59:04 GMT
Your poor, sweet daughter. I'm sorry that she has been made to feel this way.
I'm glad that you spoke with the administration and hope you can come to a positive resolution for your daughter. I would send copies of that letter to the superintendent and others in the district.
My hugs to you, too, mom. It hurts when your kids are hurting.
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Post by tentoes on May 1, 2019 16:06:55 GMT
So sorry for your DD, and for you trying to help her navigate the school system. Happy she had a great teacher to remember. Hopefully, the memories of this sub won't stay with her. I have a sister that was dyslexic before dyslexic was a "thing" that people knew about. She was told she was dumb because she couldn't read until 6th grade. She said the letters kept moving, nobody believed her. She is currently 75 years old. She didn't know anything about dyslexia until she had a son that was diagnosed as dyslexic many years after she was finished with school. He told her the letters moved, and she thought that was "normal." When he was diagnosed, she studied up on it and figured out it was what she had coped with her whole life. She STILL has the impression she is dumb. So yes, those people around little people really need to watch their words so they don't stick!! My sister is one of the most caring people in the world, and despite her saying she to herself she is dumb, she is far from dumb!! Give your dd a hug from me please, and just remind her she is a special little girl, and that she has more capabilities than she even knows about!! ((HUGS)) to you too Mama!!
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Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2019 16:09:41 GMT
In addition to what you choose to do with her school, please get her some art classes or build up her confidence in her love af drawing. Lots os kids struggle in school. A lot. Some find everything hard and some find a subject hard. I had a lot of students who felt like they were stupid. It takes years of building up kids to get them to a place where they are confident again. We did a lot of public speaking in my room and kids who struggled academically would shine in plays and speeches. Find that happy place for your daughter. Since she qualifies for SPED, the school will be much better equipped to work with her. Find out who her teacher will before school gets out and talk to her next year's teacher. Ask her what you can do at home this summer to encourage and help her.
If students in my school had to retake a test (to show they did learn the objectives) they had to do it during recess usually. I know kids hated it, but when you are in academics all day long, there really isn't time to take out of other subjects. Maybe get her to see that she is improving rather than worrying about missing recess. Keep a list of successes on the fridge.
I'd also ask for all homework to be sent home. I am surprised that isn't happening in elementary school.
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Post by tentoes on May 1, 2019 16:11:41 GMT
oh my, while I didn't see your post about your son with dyslexia when I wrote my post about my sister. Yes, school and her interaction scared her for life. I was under the impression this didn't take place anymore!! I didn't know they couldn't be tested until third grade!! What unnecessary heartache for a child going through the misery of trying to learn!!! By the time they are diagnosed, they already have that feeling they are dumb. Poor kid.
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Post by jenr on May 1, 2019 16:21:26 GMT
I am so sorry My heart breaks for her. |
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Post by bc2ca on May 1, 2019 16:47:52 GMT
My sweet little girl used to stay up hours past her bedtime thinking about how she could be "more good" in first grade after her teacher told her she needed to try harder. Long story short, she was finally diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder and ADHD. Given your DD's fluid issues, I'd be surprised if she didn't have an APD.
We finally went outside the school system and did private testing with an Audiologist that put us on the right track to give her the tools she needed. Her confidence was so heartbreakingly low that I homeschooled for a couple years while still working closely with the district SLP. The good news is she moved back into full time school and is a confident and happy adult.
I love the idea of encouraging her artwork and taking art classes.
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2019 17:43:52 GMT
OMG. I want to weep. It's time to go Pea-livid. I'd take the note to the principal. The sub needs to GO. What a bitch. I've posted before about how much help my granddaughter has received from Huntington Learning center. I am NOT affiliated with them. I am just grateful my sweet granddaughter, who needs a little extra time and has a social anxiety disorder, went from failing to honor roll. She did receive some extra help in her school, but they were not able to give her the one-on-one time she needed. Yes this exactly. Tears came to my eyes when I read that. Good for you for meeting with an old teacher who can represent positive education. "The sub needs to GO. What a bitch." Why are so many subs so mean?? My DS had a sub this year who was awful. She was super cranky and told them all they were a bunch of smart mouthed brats. RISE UP and be the hover mother or whatever it is they call it these days. Your kiddo needs you. |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 1, 2019 18:00:39 GMT
Oh, my heart breaks for your daughter too. Adding the pictures she drew to show the teacher she is a good artist in order to please her brought tears to my eyes. You need to meet with the sub, a school counselor (if you have one) and the spec Ed teacher right away. Tell your daughter he pictures are beautiful, she has wonderful handwriting and her spelling is great! She is smart, caring and clearly doing her best which is what REALLY matters. Then please give her a hug from me. This!! @littleblueberry your post really hit me hard. You are right to nip this now. No waiting.. Your DD's note is heartbreaking, but so very well written. She has inherited your creative talents though!! |
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Give her a big big big hug from all her pea-aunties who think she's brilliant and wonderful. 
Then I was tearing up. 
Now I’m just spitting angry for both your DD and for you. 
