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Post by fredfreddy44 on Jun 1, 2019 1:14:56 GMT
My "kids" are no longer kids and will be 27, 20, and 17 this summer. I enjoy lots of free time and love that they have their own lives or are pretty self sufficient (they all have their licenses and their own cars).
I have forgotten the utter time consuming task of wrangling 3 kids. I found this old 4 page long "to do" list written in 2007 (kids were 15, 8, and 5) for my mom for the 2.5 days she watched them while dh and I enjoyed a short 9th anniversary trip. I am also guessing it is shorter than normal because I did a lot of work before and after so my mom didn't have to do it. Plus my mom would only watch them mid-week, when they all had a bit of school.
While my dh did run his own company that paid all the bills, I am guessing for this trip all he had to do was pack a suitcase. It is an interesting trip down memory lane. (A few things are changed for privacy).
How is your mental workload these days?
Tuesday the 9th
• Sara starts school at 8:20 and may leave the house by 6:50
• Alex starts school at 8:15-8:30, bring his school bag and jacket
• Calvin starts school at 9:00, his homework is due today and already in his bag, he needs to turn in his reading book every day
• Don’t send Calvin to school with a jacket unless it is freezing.
• Alex finishes school at 11:15 – 11:30, be sure to bring your ID when you pick him up
• Alex will eat almost anything for lunch
• Calvin finishes school at 2:15, pick him up by the door
• Sara can take the bus home, she gets out at 3:05 and needs to be home by 5:05
• Soccer practice is at XXX Park – directions attached
• 3:20 to 4:05 for Alex and 4:05 to 5:05 for Calvin
• Bring water, shin guards, chair for you, Winnie Pooh blanket, snack (bag sitting in entry way)
• The boys need to wear shorts and tennis shoes.
• If it looks rainy call 1-800-XXXXXX for cancellations. They will identify the group by the park name.
• Ask Sara every night how homework is going and if she is keeping up
• Calvin needs to do 2 pages of homework. A new packet came home today. Do not do the spelling.
• Calvin brought home the white envelope too. Empty it out and put the papers upstairs on my desk. The envelope for pictures will be in there. You need it. Keep it until tomorrow. Put the white envelope back in his backpack.
• Alex in bed at 8 pm.
• Calvin in bed at 8:30 pm.
• His medicine is on the top shelf by the glasses. Give him half a pill in yogurt. The pills are in the pill splitter. He and Alex can both have a vitamin. Make sure they brush their teeth afterwards.
• Sara in bed at 9:30 pm.
Wednesday the 10th
• Sara starts school at 8:20 and may leave the house by 6:50
• Alex starts school at 8:15-8:30, bring his school bag and jacket
• Calvin starts school at 8:00, he needs to turn in his reading book every day
• Don’t send Calvin to school with a jacket unless it is freezing.
• Calvin’s picture day is today.
o I have picked the package I want.
o The notice and the check are pinned to the bulletin board.
o Fill out the envelope you received yesterday and put the check inside.
o Fill out the last part of the check.
o Make sure Calvin takes this envelope to school.
• Alex finishes school at 11:15 – 11:30, be sure to bring your ID when you pick him up
• Calvin finishes school at 1:30, pick him up by the door
• Sara gets out at 2:24, you need to decide if you are picking her up after school
• Ask Sara every night how homework is going and if she is keeping up
• Calvin needs to do 2 pages of homework. Do not do the spelling.
• Calvin needs to take out all the trashes and recycling to the main trash.
• The trash cans need to go out to the street tonight.
• Religious Study:
o You will meet in the church, 5 – 6:15 pm.
o You need to stay.
o Bring home any papers and put them on my desk upstairs.
• Cub Scouts
o Judy will pick Calvin up at 6:45.
o He can wear his uniform (shirt, belt, neckerchief and slide, NO hat) to religious study.
o She should have him back by 8:30 pm.
• Alex in bed at 8 pm.
• Calvin in bed at 8:30 pm.
• His medicine is on the top shelf by the glasses. Give him half a pill in yogurt. The pills are in the pill splitter. He and Alex can both have a vitamin. Make sure they brush their teeth afterwards.
• Sara in bed at 9:30 pm.
Thursday the 11th
• Sara starts school at 8:20 and may leave the house by 6:50
• Alex starts school at 8:15-8:30, bring his school bag and jacket
• Calvin starts school at 8:00, he needs to turn in his reading book every day
• Don’t send Calvin to school with a jacket unless it is freezing.
• Alex finishes school at 11:15 – 11:30, be sure to bring your ID when you pick him up
• Calvin finishes school at 1:30, pick him up by the door, Kyle B will come home with you today. Judy will pick him up at our house around 2:15, her phone number is XXXXXX
• Sara gets out at 2:24, you need to decide if you are picking her up after school
• Ask Sara every night how homework is going and if she is keeping up
• Calvin needs to do 2 pages of homework. Do not do the spelling.
• Alex in bed at 8 pm.
• Calvin in bed at 8:30 pm.
• His medicine is on the top shelf by the glasses. Give him half a pill in yogurt. The pills are in the pill splitter. He and Alex can both have a vitamin. Make sure they brush their teeth afterwards.
• Sara in bed at 9:30 pm.
General Stuff
• Calvin can have hot lunch one day - $2.25 (money is pinned to the bulletin board)
• Calvin can have a regular lunch the other two days: sandwich, fruit, snack, 35 cents for milk (money is above the stove)
• Sara has all her money for the week.
• Calvin can play on the computer for one hour per day.
• Sara can have her phone upstairs.
• Flight out: 8:45 am, flight XXXX Southwest
• Flight home: 7:10 pm, flight XXXX
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jun 1, 2019 1:28:25 GMT
Sounds about right. You probably also made notes of where to find the vacuum, bandaids, extra tissues, etc (ya know that stuff that has been stored in the same place for the last 10 years yet only you know where they are 🙄) plus what they like to eat and how they like their food not touching and all those other tidbits of information that only moms know.
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305 
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jun 1, 2019 1:49:03 GMT
Want to really do a deep dive on this topic? Read "Fed Up - Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward".
I tell you, I read that book, my blood pressure went through the roof. So much, just SO MUCH was exactly what I had been thinking/feeling/suffering for years and years. It was the topic of many good discussions between me and my friends, and me and my husband.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 1, 2019 3:03:05 GMT
LOL. That brings back memories. My parents stayed with the kids for a week in 2009, so they would have been 11 and 9. Two schools, a parade of after school activities, and all that goes with it. I left a 3 ring binder with a daily schedule complete with activity start times, when they had to leave the house, clothes/uniforms needed (and packed in bags), and every phone number I could think of. And they actually used the optometrist! DD lost a screw from her glasses and needed them fixed.
DH and I still say to each other, “what other stuff?” as our inside joke. It was a Baby Blues cartoon years ago about birthday parties, bring a present, packing the diaper bag, etc. The dad gets asked if he had done all the other stuff to get ready for the day and he asked, “What other stuff.”
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 1, 2019 3:17:05 GMT
My husband was the one who got the kids up in the morning and off to daycare. He didn't work until 10 am. It was so nice to wake up and just take care of me in the mornings. Now I had after work and weekend duties, but I think moms everywhere just think it is easier to do it themselves. I think women put this on themselves instead of requesting/asking demanding (cases do vary) that their spouse gets involved and does the hard work too.
I never had a list like this because we never had anyone watch our kids. All of our relatives who had dropped their kids off with us for weeks somehow disappeared when we had kids.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 18:55:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 3:20:56 GMT
Well take a normal day with kids - packing lunches, breakfast, school, home, cooking, cleaning, errands, ect and add in on any given day:
Private speech therapy for both kids
Private PT for dd
Doctors appointments
MRIs
Specialty appointments
Insurance calls
Calls to doctors
Keeping up with IEP goals
Addendum meetings if needed
Emails to teachers
Getting paperwork together for IVIG
Setting up apppintments
In home therapy to work on goals and life skills
Teaching life skills
Dealing with spd, apd, autism, anxiety, panic attacks
Dealing with seizures
Dealing with pots/dysautonomia/hEDS/Dysautonomia
Dealing with short bowel syndrome issues
Making medical formula sippy cups
Helping dd with pt exercises
Horse therapy
Caring for 2 therapy dogs
Meds, doses, timing them
Refilling meds
Refilling formula
Making sure dr's are putting in referrals and follow ups on that
I am sure there is more but that is all I can remember...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 18:55:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2019 3:22:17 GMT
Oh yeah and add in IVIG and cardiac monitoring too
Oh and AFOs and cleaning them, adjusting them
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
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Post by peaname on Jun 1, 2019 10:28:54 GMT
I’ve made similar lists and looking back wonder how hard my in laws or mother must have rolled their eyes over how complicated raising kids had become. When my sister and I were in elementary school we walked ourselves to and from school and ate hot lunch and our only activity was Girl Scouts.
How will the pendulum swing in the next generation? If life gets harder I’m not watching my grandchildren unless Alexa will be able to guide my every move!
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
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Post by iowgirl on Jun 1, 2019 12:14:17 GMT
Wow. You forget how busy life can be with kids, once they are grown. I think I lived a much simpler life though. That list sounds exhausting. My kids all rode the same bus to school and got on it in our driveway at 7 am, and got off at 4 pm, until they turned 14, then they drove themselves to school (starting Freshman year of high school). We did some sports when they were younger, but I tried to reign it in quite a bit. One team sport in the summer and not too much during the school year, until middle school. Then they could participate in any school sport. I see so many going to a big tournament or dance competition every weekend, when the kids are really young. When do kids just get to chill? I don't miss the days of a full calendar with kids events, that is for sure!  |
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 1, 2019 12:33:14 GMT
I needed DH to take one of the kids to the doctor once. He asked "where is it?" I knew then he had to do more.
DH doesn't have a clue. I always say he thinks Christmas (and other big events) just happen.
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Post by monklady123 on Jun 1, 2019 12:36:38 GMT
Lol... I remember a friend of mine went away for a weekend women's retreat from her church. She left her two boys...one a toddler and the other in kindergarten... with her husband. He was a good guy (still is), helpful, great dad, etc. But, he worked full time out of the house and my friend was a SAHM. She left a HUGE list of instructions... things like "Sam must have a red sippy cup for lunch" and "Sam will only nap if he has the bunny blanket" and "Joey will ask if Bobby can come home from school with him to play on Friday....do not allow it unless you are willing to supervise them EVERY SECOND of the visit"... etc. lolol. Of course Sam would have survived not drinking from the red sippy cup but it would have been a melt down and my friend was just trying to spare her husband any drama.
When my kids were little I didn't work so by default I was in charge of most of the day-to-day stuff. But what I noticed when I went back to school and work was the same thing my friends who had worked full time from the beginning of their kids... The men go to work and their to-do list says things like "finalize AR budget" and "meet with new ambassador to Congo" and "bring undersecretary up to speed on xyz" [just to take a few things from dh's normal list, lol] -- Whereas the mom, working the same type of job, might have a list that said: "finalize xyz project budget" and "take ds for new basketball shoes before Friday" and "meeting with new ambassadors" and "doctor's appt for both kids for boosters" and... etc.
Yeah, I know that's a generalization...but in my experience it was true. It was always the mothers who knew that the kid needed new shoes or a booster shot. My dh would have gladly taken ds for the new shoes if I asked, but I was the one who had to think of it and keep track of it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 1, 2019 12:52:21 GMT
Wow. You forget how busy life can be with kids, once they are grown. I think I lived a much simpler life though. That list sounds exhausting. My kids all rode the same bus to school and got on it in our driveway at 7 am, and got off at 4 pm, until they turned 14, then they drove themselves to school (starting Freshman year of high school). We did some sports when they were younger, but I tried to reign it in quite a bit. One team sport in the summer and not too much during the school year, until middle school. Then they could participate in any school sport. I see so many going to a big tournament or dance competition every weekend, when the kids are really young. When do kids just get to chill? I don't miss the days of a full calendar with kids events, that is for sure!  This is what I notice with DD’s friends too. Her one friend was over this week to play and I was asking about summer plans. Oh, I’m going to karate camp one week and church camp for two weeks and that one’s sleepaway, going to swimming lessons at the new swim school, etc. etc. etc.  Something going on all summer long for all three kids in that family. As a kid I remember getting up in the morning, having cereal for breakfast and being turned loose into the out until lunch or dinner depending on what we could find to do or who to play with. My kid is going to an art camp for a week of half days and it’s $200. Supplies will probably set me back another $60. Her friend has two siblings who also have a similarly packed schedule all year round with swimming lessons, dance class, karate, soccer I can’t keep track of it all.  How do people afford all that year upon year? ETA: It makes me tired just thinking about shuttling three kids to all that stuff! |
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 1, 2019 12:53:48 GMT
I've concluded that men are good at reactionary situations and super long term planning. So my DH would jump in without me saying anything and take care of the kids if they got hurt or change clothes/bedding when they had accidents in the middle of the night. His latest project is planning for our retirement. Aside from his job, his room, and the lawn, I take care of most everything else.
I find that a lot with dads, they think they are doing 50% of the kid work but really, they are only doing 50% of the day to day, hands one, RIGHT NOW kid work. Many, many dads I know have no clue what time schools let in or out, who their kids' doctors or dentists are, what size clothes their kids are in, when to register for schools/summer camps, have never clipped their kids' fingernails or hair, etc. I know a few dads who actually do not get any emails or anything from schools to know what is going on!
That is a whole lotta left over for moms to carry because they won't let their kids suffer. But lord help us if we don't praise dads to high heaven for their "50%" contribution despite knowing how small a percentage it really is in reality.
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Post by yodutchess on Jun 1, 2019 12:56:42 GMT
How I remember what it was like to get ready for church. I had to shower the night before. Morning of, I had to get 3 kids breakfast and dressed, and argue with 2 girls over their outfits, let the dog out, dress myself, find the check book and envelopes. DH would take a shower and get dressed and emerge and wonder why why we were not ready to go. OMG.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 1, 2019 13:01:45 GMT
Many, many dads I know have no clue what time schools let in or out, who their kids' doctors or dentists are, what size clothes their kids are in, when to register for schools/summer camps, have never clipped their kids' fingernails or hair, etc. I know a few dads who actually do not get any emails or anything from schools to know what is going on! The ex gave the hospital the wrong birth date for one of our children during an admission. He was off by two days. When I looked at son's armband, I informed them and they had to reprint the band and all his admission papers. |
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Post by bigbundt on Jun 1, 2019 13:16:23 GMT
How I remember what it was like to get ready for church. I had to shower the night before. Morning of, I had to get 3 kids breakfast and dressed, and argue with 2 girls over their outfits, let the dog out, dress myself, find the check book and envelopes. DH would take a shower and get dressed and emerge and wonder why why we were not ready to go. OMG. I was just coming to post something similar as a micro example! We go out together? I have to get everything ready for the sitter, get the kids situated (sometimes bathed and in jammies), get dressed myself while dealing with the kids (their demands, fights, questions). He takes a shower and sits in his room until it is time to go. I go out, kids with him? Decide I need some time out, can't do it for a few days because of kids and schedules. Before I commit to anyone else I make sure he doesn't have plans and remind him that he will have the kids on his own x night. Don't do as much as I do for a sitter but I do try to get the kids bathed and in jammies because it is something he will not do. I may not make dinner for them but I will make sure our pantry is stocked with what they will eat. I get dressed while dealing with the kids while he sits in his room watching TV. He goes out? Decides he wants to go for a beer or run to the store, takes a shower and leaves. Literally never thinks about the kids, can go from "Huh, I'd like to get out" to out the door in 20 minutes. But yeah, *I* take too long getting ready. |
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AmandaA
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,502
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Post by AmandaA on Jun 1, 2019 13:16:43 GMT
Many, many dads I know have no clue what time schools let in or out, who their kids' doctors or dentists are, what size clothes their kids are in, when to register for schools/summer camps, have never clipped their kids' fingernails or hair, etc. I know a few dads who actually do not get any emails or anything from schools to know what is going on! The ex gave the hospital the wrong birth date for one of our children during an admission. He was off by two days. When I looked at son's armband, I informed them and they had to reprint the band and all his admission papers. When DD was born on DS’s birthday my DH was lamenting for DS to have to share his day.... to which I replied you are welcome 🤷🏻♀️ if only it had been my birthday and our anniversary too. Dates are not his strong suit either. |
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Post by mrssmith on Jun 1, 2019 13:17:13 GMT
Wow. You forget how busy life can be with kids, once they are grown. I think I lived a much simpler life though. That list sounds exhausting. My kids all rode the same bus to school and got on it in our driveway at 7 am, and got off at 4 pm, until they turned 14, then they drove themselves to school (starting Freshman year of high school). We did some sports when they were younger, but I tried to reign it in quite a bit. One team sport in the summer and not too much during the school year, until middle school. Then they could participate in any school sport. I see so many going to a big tournament or dance competition every weekend, when the kids are really young. When do kids just get to chill? I don't miss the days of a full calendar with kids events, that is for sure! This is what I notice with DD’s friends too. Her one friend was over this week to play and I was asking about summer plans. Oh, I’m going to karate camp one week and church camp for two weeks and that one’s sleepaway, going to swimming lessons at the new swim school, etc. etc. etc. Something going on all summer long for all three kids in that family. As a kid I remember getting up in the morning, having cereal for breakfast and being turned loose into the out until lunch or dinner depending on what we could find to do or who to play with. My kid is going to an art camp for a week of half days and it’s $200. Supplies will probably set me back another $60. Her friend has two siblings who also have a similarly packed schedule all year round with swimming lessons, dance class, karate, soccer I can’t keep track of it all. How do people afford all that year upon year? ETA: It makes me tired just thinking about shuttling three kids to all that stuff! My kids love to chill. They are very anti-activity. I'm glad I'm not driving all around town all weekend long! The bummer is that a lot of their friends are in activities. However, I do have to send them to camp all summer. I work full time, so I would love to turn them loose outside every day, but that would mean every day they would be without adult supervision (or maybe under neighbor supervision if they're around). They're 10 and 8. Turning them loose all afternoon also requires that you are in a safe area where that is possible. Not everyone is. |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Jun 1, 2019 13:36:29 GMT
see so many going to a big tournament or dance competition every weekend, when the kids are really young. When do kids just get to chill? But how do kids chill nowadays? It's not the same as when we were kids and you just ran off with your friends and were home by dinner. I'm "mean" and require my kids to do an activity/sport at least 2 seasons (so like fall soccer and spring baseball). Yeah, it's a lot sometimes....like today we're leaving soon for an all day baseball tournament for ds8 and tomorrow we have an all day basketball tournament for ds17, that's very rare that they're back to back like that. Baseball only has one tournament a year, the rest of the time they have 2 games (or practices) a week, so basically Mondays and Wednesdays for April & May we come home from school, do homework, have dinner, go to baseball 5:30-8:30 then come home get cleaned up and head to bed. What would he do if we weren't doing that? Play video games probably. The nextdoor neighbors moved a couple months ago so now he doesn't have any friends nearby; the couple of kids that are close to his age he's not friends with (and I don't want him to be). This summer the city/school/library is hosting a summer daycamp (they do it every year) and he's signed up. For 6 weeks (not consecutive) it's 3 days a week from 9-3, he's not thrilled about it (but his friends are going so he'll have fun once he's there). I need those days to get work done so we can do fun stuff on the other days or chill in the pool. He's also doing a week of basketball camp, it's just the mornings, which he is excited about. So, *for us*, some activity is necessary. If we didn't force it he'd (and his older brother when he was this age) be a lazy lump. That's the reality of having an only child (no, they're not only children, but basically they're raised as such due to the age gap). The benefit of the age gap is that rarely do activities overlap; even on weekends we almost always have one full free day plus a few nights a week 'off'. |
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Post by hop2 on Jun 1, 2019 13:59:04 GMT
To this day Ex only packs for himself.
To this day even though the kids are 22&20 *I* get yelled at if ‘necessities’ like sunscreen aren’t packed.
But he would complain if I didn’t care to pick where to go to dinner on vacation. Dude, I packed 3 people plus family necessities, got the laundry done for packing, I held the mail, made sure the dog was cared for Etc etc. I do not care where we eat dinner as long as it’s edible.
When the kids were teens I was also responsible to make sure they packed what they needed to. I remember a trip Ex took the kids on without me ( I had a brand new job ) both kids were in high school but I still got a text for Ex about what I forgot too make sure they packed.
Dude, I’m at work, your there, your the parent, parent your teens.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
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Post by iowgirl on Jun 1, 2019 14:46:52 GMT
But how do kids chill nowadays? It's not the same as when we were kids and you just ran off with your friends and were home by dinner. It's sad how that isn't a 'thing' anymore. We live out in the country. So it is just a different lifestyle for us, even today. My kids could just go run off and play. They would jump on a horse and go ride down to the creek (man it is hard to spell creek, and not 'crick' .. lol) and fish or just poke around. I wouldn't let them do that alone until the oldest was 12 or 13.. she was the responsible one. lol They also had to work. Summer meant picking up rocks in the bean fields before the beans got too big. They had to cut weeds in pastures and fix fence. Hearing stories now about it - they managed to have a lot of fun doing that. Oh my god. I'm glad I didn't know what they were up to at the time. I also took them to town A LOT to swim. Once they all knew how to swim and were old enough to be left alone (again - big sister there to narc on them) I just dropped them off and came back at 5. If they wanted to come home earlier - it had to be a unanimous decision amongst them. I was only coming to town once. We also pretty much said no video games. They were very limited here, as one kid had a major problem with not being able to get away from them, so we just got rid of them. This wasn't that long ago. My youngest is 21. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 1, 2019 18:12:19 GMT
Want to really do a deep dive on this topic? Read "Fed Up - Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward". I tell you, I read that book, my blood pressure went through the roof. So much, just SO MUCH was exactly what I had been thinking/feeling/suffering for years and years. It was the topic of many good discussions between me and my friends, and me and my husband. I'm kind of scared to read it to tell the truth. I've been at the maximum saturation point for worry and control for such a long time that I had a moment a few weeks ago where I decided I have to let some stuff go. my family is not adapting well. Just this morning Jeremy said, I need to tear down the shed and rebuild it. We both knew this was coming. Our shed is in terrible shape and we don't have a garage. And he said to me, when I tear down the shed what should I do with all the pieces. I just looked at him and, my brain is overworked with other things right now, you will have to lead this project yourself. And I could tell he was stunned. |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Jun 1, 2019 19:12:48 GMT
Want to really do a deep dive on this topic? Read "Fed Up - Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward". I tell you, I read that book, my blood pressure went through the roof. So much, just SO MUCH was exactly what I had been thinking/feeling/suffering for years and years. It was the topic of many good discussions between me and my friends, and me and my husband. I'm kind of scared to read it to tell the truth. I've been at the maximum saturation point for worry and control for such a long time that I had a moment a few weeks ago where I decided I have to let some stuff go. my family is not adapting well. Just this morning Jeremy said, I need to tear down the shed and rebuild it. We both knew this was coming. Our shed is in terrible shape and we don't have a garage. And he said to me, when I tear down the shed what should I do with all the pieces. I just looked at him and, my brain is overworked with other things right now, you will have to lead this project yourself. And I could tell he was stunned. I was so at max saturation last year that I took myself out of state for a month. It was that or check myself in somewhere. I was so so so overwhelmed and over-involved and over-functioning and everyone around me was happy to let me because then they could relax. I bailed. I do not want to get to that state again. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 1, 2019 19:34:05 GMT
I'm kind of scared to read it to tell the truth. I've been at the maximum saturation point for worry and control for such a long time that I had a moment a few weeks ago where I decided I have to let some stuff go. my family is not adapting well. Just this morning Jeremy said, I need to tear down the shed and rebuild it. We both knew this was coming. Our shed is in terrible shape and we don't have a garage. And he said to me, when I tear down the shed what should I do with all the pieces. I just looked at him and, my brain is overworked with other things right now, you will have to lead this project yourself. And I could tell he was stunned. I was so at max saturation last year that I took myself out of state for a month. It was that or check myself in somewhere. I was so so so overwhelmed and over-involved and over-functioning and everyone around me was happy to let me because then they could relax. I bailed. I do not want to get to that state again. I'm sorry you went through that. The last two visits I've had with my psychiatrist she has suggested a two week day program at the hospital. They do medication evaluation and group and individual therapies. My job is the only reason I have said no. I am trying everything I can to catch my breath. I am learning to say no when I am in over my head. |
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Post by refugeepea on Jun 1, 2019 20:00:02 GMT
My son is basically a toddler but a tall 10 year old who does not understand danger. I don't have a typical day or routine because he doesn't sleep much. My daughters issues are more mentally exhausting. My other son is technically an adult but not making the best choices. I know my mental work load will never change. It's hard to be positive about life.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jun 1, 2019 20:47:24 GMT
My son is basically a toddler but a tall 10 year old who does not understand danger. I don't have a typical day or routine because he doesn't sleep much. My daughters issues are more mentally exhausting. My other son is technically an adult but not making the best choices. I know my mental work load will never change. It's hard to be positive about life.
Is there any way you can get some respite care? Even if you had someone just a couple hours a day then maybe that might offer you some relief. Hugs. I'm sorry it's so hard. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 2, 2019 1:51:36 GMT
This is what I notice with DD’s friends too. Her one friend was over this week to play and I was asking about summer plans. Oh, I’m going to karate camp one week and church camp for two weeks and that one’s sleepaway, going to swimming lessons at the new swim school, etc. etc. etc. Something going on all summer long for all three kids in that family. As a kid I remember getting up in the morning, having cereal for breakfast and being turned loose into the out until lunch or dinner depending on what we could find to do or who to play with. My kid is going to an art camp for a week of half days and it’s $200. Supplies will probably set me back another $60. Her friend has two siblings who also have a similarly packed schedule all year round with swimming lessons, dance class, karate, soccer I can’t keep track of it all. How do people afford all that year upon year? ETA: It makes me tired just thinking about shuttling three kids to all that stuff! My kids love to chill. They are very anti-activity. I'm glad I'm not driving all around town all weekend long! The bummer is that a lot of their friends are in activities. However, I do have to send them to camp all summer. I work full time, so I would love to turn them loose outside every day, but that would mean every day they would be without adult supervision (or maybe under neighbor supervision if they're around). They're 10 and 8. Turning them loose all afternoon also requires that you are in a safe area where that is possible. Not everyone is. Oh, I know exactly what you mean. My DD is 9 and I wouldn’t let her loose to do whatever she wanted either like we were allowed, er, made to do, LOL. When you know better, you do better. I don’t think it was actually any safer 40 years ago when I was a kid but people were much more trusting and naive back then and there were more moms around in general to keep an eye out on the kids running the block too. I’m lucky that I work part time from home so I’m around, but even so this is the first year since preschool that DD hasn’t gone to the flexible summer care program at school 3x a week for ten weeks in the summer. We have a family vacation coming up, family visiting from out of state for a week, we usually go to our lake cabin for a week around the 4th and the art camp she wanted to go to so it really didn’t make sense to send her for only half the time (the cost per day to go goes up when the number of days attended goes down). I agree with you completely that many kids today are never really allowed very much down time to explore things on their own anymore. I remember going to the library and reading a LOT of books, doing my own crafts and sewing projects and just hanging out with my siblings in the summer. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jun 2, 2019 2:14:28 GMT
I’m tired of deciding what everyone is eating 3 times a day, 7 days a week.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 2, 2019 2:19:00 GMT
see so many going to a big tournament or dance competition every weekend, when the kids are really young. When do kids just get to chill? But how do kids chill nowadays? It's not the same as when we were kids and you just ran off with your friends and were home by dinner. My kid is an only and she doesn’t have a lot of friends that live close enough to walk or bike over to play together. She likes to watch drawing and craft videos or science videos on YouTube and then try the crafts herself. We do let her play some video games since some of her BFFs in school that we don’t live close to also play the same games she does so she can connect with them that way. She reads (mostly art and drawing books, or books about astronomy). She’s not great at most sports (no surprise there, DH and I aren’t/weren’t either) so she prefers doing her art or science experiments or baking with me. She does like swimming but we do that at the lake cabin all summer. |
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Post by Zee on Jun 2, 2019 2:21:45 GMT
Many, many dads I know have no clue what time schools let in or out, who their kids' doctors or dentists are, what size clothes their kids are in, when to register for schools/summer camps, have never clipped their kids' fingernails or hair, etc. I know a few dads who actually do not get any emails or anything from schools to know what is going on! The ex gave the hospital the wrong birth date for one of our children during an admission. He was off by two days. When I looked at son's armband, I informed them and they had to reprint the band and all his admission papers. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 |
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